Mon blues

Sun night I was turning and tossing in bed...somehow after watching Lust.Caution, I felt disturbed. Not by the fact that it was an NC16 movie..for blatant reasons...but its meaning..

How far do you go for your own ends or for the country..that you would sacrifice a friend? How far would you as teh friend...go for you? Why? because of country too? or because of you?

When you're in too deep..which side do you take? The cold ruthless good side? Or the loving evil side?

In life.. we always have to take sides...in this movie..the lead was the slave of both sides...so when u have evil on both sides? take the lesser evil.

Been fighting w faith and satan these few days...i feel liek i need to take control of my life when i know I need to leave things to god at times because worrying adds nothing to our stature...

Plus my faith still doesnt seem to work...my prayers even and i dont know why... I know this journey probably seems easier than it feels so maybe im not getting it...when i get there..i know that when i look back..id know how easy it is...

Anyway..every beginning of the year..Is et goals for myself butt hey never work coz i always forget them...trying man! trying!

I guess these days i still feel like I havnt gotten my life straightened out....I feel liek in my life I have soo much clutter that its getting hard to find my way or my aim...
I bet Im not the only one who thinks that but alot of them can still afford to buy time and stall and hide that fact. Alot of us even dont do what we want and end up in jobs we mumble about all day.. as if someone took to us w a knife and made us sign up for it.

Im lost now..feeling quite lost.. feel like wanna take 2-3 days off to think through..

In fact been thinking abt my past soo oftnet hat im getting demoralised by it hahaha bad ning! bad bad ning!