the truth of the matter is..our family isnt perfect.

In my dad's family...there are issues between siblings. I dont know if its small petty squabbles or big unforgiving ones but there is. Even at the wake.

For my mum's side family, at my granny's wake..same. Only Im hoping they're more forgiving..

You'd think that when someone has passed away, that hte family would be more condoing of each toher but maybe when emotions are high, you just cant take the usual nonsense your siblng gives you on a normal basis.

Maybe thats even how it is in a big ass family. It hit me one day that when my dad or mum die..that the number of people who come down would be alot lesser. I choose to think that my parents have their own friends and not just colleagues. And so when they pass away, they'd have friends who come and see them. And not just the friends of my sister and I...

I know Im quite morbid now but Ive only started. And its not that Im depressed. Im perfectly fine. Im only thinking of what might happen in the future. Or rather...what will happen eventually.

Of course when everybody's emotions are high...we just have a higher tendency of being offended by others....

I know my family has an issue with appreciating each other and saying thank you and giving hugs etc...And this lack has built up into every other prob we have that we now have 4 housemates. Each for his own concerns...

Anyway, my granny's wake was 5 days long. every day my grandpa cried, every day my aunties cried. I was to write and say the eulogy but tat only led me to realize how much I didnt know about her. I tried hard not to cry at the podium but at the last word I couldnt say it..tears had broken through.

While walking to the viewing gallery at Mandai, my dad did the worst thing and that was to comment that my pronunciation needed improvement. WTH! U think its compereing ah!!!
I cant say, " thanks! I'll try that again later." At an emotionally charged moment when Im internally grieving for my graandma and you come and tell em that my pronunciation was bad!
Thats the last gift I can give her and you tell me that my last gift was good enough?!!?
If its not good, dont tell me! What kind of a twisted sense of humour is that?!?!

I also wanted to kill the 3 small birds that were in my aunties place. my sis and I were on night duty and the lsat i needed after the shift..was a noisy house to keep me up. I slept in the hall but I cudnt get enough sleep because the bloody birds were making alot of noise! I could kill them lah!

In fact from my observations, my aunties are like the birds..noisy and never listening to each other. Abit like how my family is right now...

SIGH,,,,