Munching on a piece of tim tam. Dark chocolate. classic dark. Never fails to make me happier.
Just finished watching another NIDA production and it brought confusion in me hahaha. I dont know if I like it or not...
My mood now is apprehensive. I know I'll survive this entire production period and I know I will get better. I just wished that I could stop making mistakes altogether.
I think Ive slowly gone back into a hermit hole. I remember how I used to be this sour face who didnt take jokes and my cousins would tease me and call me names. And how alot of people think I look serious when Im not smiling. I dont wanna be that way again...
I think the way I got out is through having confidence...but my confidence has been waining abit these days.
And I cant help but think about past times that I had sunk that low.
As I was walking home from school last night, I sorta wanted to tear and in me a small person actually blamed my upbringing that made me feel so conscious and small.
Thinking back about it, its not fair to think this way anymore. no parents are perfect and nobody can be blamed anymore than my own mentality.
Im gonna have to keep telling myself that Im stronger than I feel. I will do this! I will!
I guess we in this industry are destined to go through all this and in the process of reaching there, we build nerves of steel and become bolder and more in control.
In all this, I know Im gonna look to God for all my strength. I know Im stronger than allt ehr est because I have Him. He will be my peace in the storm. The peace and strength that keeps me int eh stronghold when I start to feel like my confidence is under attack again.
And this forcefield of strength will get stronger.
GOd Bless
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Be who you are and what u wanna be, trust god for the blessing to get you through... No one is to be blamed if u don't change whatever that u don't like. And also u can't change the past. Alls well ends well
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