I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you, You want her, you need her, and I could never be her...

This song resonates with me. In my current situation. Only that the "her" is an unknown person right now.

This little conundrum and emotional storm within me...has grown into a tornado in the last few months and I may at points, be close to tears.

Which I guess would be a good thing..because this forces me, emotionally, to get back on my feet. Of course, that also means that I am slowly building this wall again. This little fortress of mine.

Slowly getting my heart straight again...

Coz I am quite tired of letting this heart of mine sit the rollercoaster anymore...

I am tired... I really am...Im tired of uncontrollably thinking abt him first thing in the morning...

It seems like the only way I got myself fully out of this conundrum, was to leave SG. Yet now that I am back..its come back in full force...

I need to stop thinking of this person, I need to stop letting his words play in my mind...I need to stop......

I need to block him out of my heart.... Almost feels like a breakup haha


I need to go back to God for that emotional stability..... I'm sorry Lord. I have forsaken you for a mortal man...