Father..Im feeling lousy..

had a good sermon yesterday..wish all of you were there...It was awakening...a revelation...
It made me think about what God wants me to do.... The age old queston Ive been avoiding now has to be answered...I haveto take action...thinking of this task...my hands shake...Im lost for words... I figure that before I start wth this task...I have to pray... Because God has to work in me to make it work.....It made my mood change yesterday...I became very solemn... was planning what to say...but words dont wrk...Im too scared to do it...My fren was asking if was writing my will coz I was very serious and quiet...Well technically....its my will...

Im too scared to say what I wanna stay coz it will affect someone again and I will feel very bad....I mean very very bad...dont ask me why this hasnt been solved already...Ive been trying to solve it...but God keeps reminding me. Do I have to get rid of this person from my life before I can get this prob solved?

Father, is it you? Do you mean to have this prob contantly resurfacing? Why father? does this mean that you dont want me to run? Why not Father? why cant I run away from this? Its gnna hurt both of us if I just stood and fought...and Ive fought so many times..Im full of battle wounds...

God seemed to be saying yesterday, that all I have to do is believe that it will be done...All I have to do is look to God. How abt that Father?

Father wsh I cud hear your voice. Maybe I am..but I cant recognise you...

Cried in church for no apparent reason hahahaha a few tears thats all..but they are happy ones. as they did the communion...my fren looked at me bright eyed and said, "one more month to go!" he's right! One more month to go!

Father...I have decided to face the light..Ive decided to say what I was too scared to say..I dont know how Father, but I will coz I feel that is what you want me to do, you seem to stir my heart and compel me to do it....I will rest in your arms while you lead me to what you want me to see. I will say and let you work your will... Father, deep inside I know things but I dont know if your intentions are so after all it is by my human eyes and heart that I interpret your intentions...if so Father I thank you...if not, I thank you as well because whichever way..it s the best way.

All that there is now...is to wait...it s to wait for the battle to start.

Thanks Father...

God Bless