Maybe this is why Im me...

Went home late last night...b4 12 and I got a nagging from my mum and my sis. I know Im guilty so I didnt say anything... But it got me wondering...

Im so quiet about the things I do that my parents shud be worried. But nvr have I done something that was bad or harmful..no smoking, no drinking, no taking drugs, no tattoos, no piercings, no hanging with gangs, no unknown clubbing or pubbing sprees..etc..Im a good kid.
But since Im reasonably tame, why is it im not fond of the idea of telling my family all the things Im doing? Like the Musical, the MTV, the performances, the emcee events, the Idol contests?

Was thinking about that....

I remember the reason why Im still fighting to be close to my sis is because Ive always held close the memory of my sis asking me if Im okay when I was crying under my covers in Primary sch. Did badly in my test and was hiding from my mum hahahaha

That would probably be the 1st time my immediate family asked me if I was okay. Amazingly..my family members never ask each other how they are. No doubt they somtimes want to...but they withhold it. how withdrawn are we? I used to think that my family memebers ddnt care about me. Like I was an alien. Like Mathilda by Roald Dahl. Like I was different...My sis was the brainy one and I was just plain...Ning.

I also remember how my mum would always scold me for being untidy and all and that my hair was messy. And what infuriated me...was when she did it on the streets...As we walked, she nagged. That is why I walk faster..or am trained to walk faster...to get away from her nagging to give her no time to nag after me. I didnt need all passerbys know. But with all that nagging, after awhile, it became water that rolls off a ducks back. All the nagging backfired. Not only did not respond to any of it, I walked faster, drowned out the nagging and as and when it did get into my ears...it had reverse psychological effects on me.

So I guess thats why I look very calm and composed when things happen..why I look cool as a cucumber...or cold. Coz Im trained in not showing my expressions or feelings..since day 1. And so if anyone asks if Im doing okay, Ive learnt to say, "Im fine" Not that I dont want to say more...but that I've learnt to deal with things on my own...Im comfortable with not telling people how I feel..it doesnt bother me. Its just..how I am.

If I have a prob, I try all means to solve it myself and I dont talk abt these probs with my family. If I have exciting new stuff Im doing, I dont tell them until the last min. Why? Is it coz Im ashamed? Im af

So Ive become alot like my father...hypocritical, stubborn, secluded, introverted, perpetually looking calm or angry, opinion imposing... Most of these are what I never wanted from him but I got it anyway... what I inherited from my mum, is my capabilties to talk crap and nag.

Soo...I thought about all this and realized that I shouldnt be sad about it...coz God is with me.

Had a fren who was financially troubled but minutes after he told me about this problem, his fren called and offered him a very much legal opp to earn more than enough to settle his financial troubles. Just a snippet of how troubled he is...His mum cant work anymore coz she has a back problem soo bad that she has to go for an opp...costing a few Ks. We both thanked God for this....I just couldnt believe that God had answered his prayer and problems sooo swiftly and surely...I know I promised not to say this but I cant help but feel that I need to show people what God does....

The past 2 weeks have been horrible for me. work was climbing all over be..instead of the other way round. I was up to my neck...yet..whatever I had to do, he made it fast and sweet and smooth. I cant help but to say, "Thank you Father" Everytime I realize how smooth he's made my work.

Btw, Ive been helping my fren do backup vocals for malay songs and Im thankful for such a chance...esp when I now know that my voice isnt good... God has blessed me with a group of colleagues that make my day and I in turn try to make their day too...

Thank you God for all your blessings, thank you for making me a better person and wanting to be a better person. I love you!

God Bless

But back to the basic qn, Whhy is it my family is so quiet?

My school musical is showng on Oct 6 & 7. anyway who wants to buy tx for that show can go to sistic.