saturday!

Nvr been sooo happy that its the weekend! Im getting better so dont worry. Next friday is the show and its very surreal. Cant believe that a year has gone by sooo fast adn the show is finally here! So many things I know I wanna pursue after the musical....

So many frens Ive made and so many whom have previously been my frens but our frenship has gone stronger....

Even through this whole experience.... Ive seen alot more people and learnt how different people can be...Ive seent eh irritating and people whom make me amazed at how they tick...and Ive found people whom impress the socks out of me....etc

Jimmy...He's a genius, a talent....I love him to bits for his character...so charismatic and so....I cant even find words for it!

Cast A....Im not saying all...a handful....drive me to my grave because of their lack of discipline and love for chitter chatter...it amazes me how they can just forget that silence is needed and continue on with their jabber! yet...they can be evry nice people! Its a love and hate situation for me....

Cast B...the truly nice and sweet! Ive found many good and caring frens whom I never hesitate to go for when in need of hugs! They are people whom I can talk to and whom I truly care for and sayang....

Crew....the stressed but loving bunch...I love them to bits too because of how they care for us and look after us!

Band...the music rocks!dont nkow them much except for ian but they are the music makers

Staff...Anna especially hahahah a girl in an adults shoes....She is a rarity to find because she can relate to us and I havnt found a formula to that...

Aside from all this...
For the past weeks, Ive made a fren whom never seizes to amaze me....He has an amzing ability to be caring and considerate to all the girls that he meets...He is a born protector and even born leader and quite honestly...the way he treats all the girls...including me...makes me wish I was in a reltationship. Dont get the wrong idea....He's too young for me and I know my boundaries...once bitten twice shy remember? The scars of the 1st bite is still there.
In fact...its making me rememer my 1st bite even more. Im trying my best not to get into a similar situation as before...which is why I keep reminding myself of the 1st bite...
I see the signs of trouble ahead...similar signs to the 1st time and Im praying that I wont fall again...because if I do....it will be harder...

As for my ex and I....ever since the last conversation we had. we havnt spoken since and much as I hope that we can talk again...even online....I know somehow that he isnt gonna contact me...which hurts..because of the frenship I still wanna have that will waiver even more now...Im never regretting what I said the last time...but...I wish I didnt have to say all that...
I still get small things happening that remind me of him, aside from this new found fren...which Ive managed to persuade myself that they are all meaningless....

Hate to say this...but I even wish someone else wud come and get me out of this predicament! That maybe I wudnt have to go through all this...But so far, God hasnt given me anyone. Maybe there are some out there who used to like me or who knows...even now! But I know they arent the ones...cause I havnt heard anything from God. The chemistry isnt there.... I know the feelings I had when I got to know my ex and if it came to me again...I would never mistake them...because they are one in a million. Hopefully as many as the population in Spore goes, I cud actually find another one in a million? Somehow I know how my Father works...He will geiv me the right one at the right time and right place. By then, time, age, race, religion, nationality might not even be able to stop things...or maybe God will provide a person whom doesnt even require me to worry about all that...coz the person could be a well brought up chinese christian guy is born in spore and abt my age!

Haiz...I know I have to snap out of all this longing shit. You know what....despite all this im sooo glad i have God. I dont know why but when I call his name...I know He's heard it. :) So no matter how many times I tear or get upset or sulk or get angry. I know He's there! Voila!

Hope tog et baptised tomorrow!

God Bless!

cough! phlegm! cough!

cough cough cough...close to vomit...cough cough cough...phlegm...relief...cough cough cough...close to vomit... cough cough cough

Stayed overnight at school....hoping o get more sleep but my frens were so energetic that they only slept at 4...irritating shit! Im pissed that I couldnt sleep earlier....shud have slept in a seperate room....

somethngs happen that made me miss the good old times...i shudnt exactly be missing these days....just that when it happens it happens and i dont wanna feel that way again...at least not in this context...fight fight fight hAHA

BTW....please go for the musical I'll be in. Im not the lead (disclaimer) but I do hope more people come and watch coz its very funny... 6 or 7 oct, NUS UCC. PLEASE get tickets from me or sistic...

I now know how it feels like to be rejected for a part...for months Ive been psyching myself from not getting upset with not being able to be a lead....Im almost there...but recently some of the cast has been mumbling abt this as well...much as I tell them that they should look on the bright side...I do think about the dissappointment one time or other and I guess I shud really be glad God even put me in this...

At this point of time...Im just trying to hack out as much phlegm as I can and thankfully...the colour has always been yellow or slighgt greenish. I havnt seen brown yet...

Is it bad to say this....that I miss God? Hahahahaha He should be around me all the time and He is...so I shudnt be missing Him. Guess its coz I havnt really been talking to Him. Havnt gone to bible study classes for a long time! When I went to church last sunday...I felt like Id gone home hahahah "Father, Im home"

Cant wait for tomorrow to come...that way I can get my rest....very tired man....gotta start planning my day tomorrow and sunday...

Father....please let me fulfill my baptism this sunday...please give my cast and crwe and band all the rest they need, let us not be sick at all next week Father. I believe that calling on you is the most affective way to get rid of phlegm and every form of disease. Thank you Father!

I promise to catch up with all of you soon! I promise to have a gathering at SPGG soon..

God Bless

Namaste!

SP Dinner n Dance Pic

Ive coughed till my abs are painful.

God Bless

Ba Hump Bug!

Was coughing and sneezing all the way on the taxi that I think the taxi driver decided to drive faster. Lets just also say that while I was coughing, my stomach was also threatening to spew vomit...I could feel my tummy tighen so hard that I could get a severe cramp....or vomit my heart out n the process...

Im in an uncomfortable state..

Now that the new term is in...my new headache is in too... God is my stength so Im assured..even my cough seems to lessen from his name.

anyway....Im still alive....

Thanks for all frens who remember my name and pray for me in their own way....thanks for remembering me and calling on me even when im such a bad and forgetful fren.

God Bless

weird dreams

firstly, my thigh muscles are aching from the "hop step steps" hahhaa thanks to jimmy...

Had a weird dream that Babes was a super hero.......

What weird dreams!

Got sore throat...or rather loads of phlegm....

I cant wait for sat and sunday to come coz then I can relax for 2 days! plans? emmm sleep? or go out and eat...or go watch a show...etc...ohhh heaven!

Quite honestly..dont know whether to say that I cant wait for the musical to end coz then I can focus on mobely.....that would be great and I can once again show people that i can do better....

I know I have to focus on God, today and the past few days, Ive felt that God hasnt been on my side....far from the truth...Ive been doing everything with my own strength for the past few days instead of looking to God.

Anyway..here goes another day! God bless me!

Ning

zzzzzzzzzz

went to 7-11 today and the counter auntie said I slept late last night and woke up so early today...asked whether i got enough sleep.....

Couldtn rememeber seeing ehr last night at 7-11 but then I was sleep walking....I was soooo dead byt he time I got back that I couldnt walk straight....sigh

my legs are sore and Im half alive...

Yet somehow out of all of this...whatever Im given...at least I know God is there to keep me going....I know I havnt been a really good and effective worker...if I did, maybe I wouldnt b as frustrated...But I'll try my very best next time...I will make it..by God's grace

God Bless

im in shit...up to my neck

ive been misunderstood and overused...and my being a slight procrastinator...does not help the issue. Thanks to my musical and work...squeezing the breathe out of me...Ive been alot slower and inefficient.

I know im startnig to regret taking on anything other than work...yet i know that eventually i wont regret it coz even the musical is a once in a lifetime thing....

my 2nd boss spoke to me today and gave me advice. from what i gather...i know some people have been talking about me...not in a good way.. ..so i think my name is tarnished....sigh

None fo them know that Im back int he office on sunday and saturday....

I guess the prb w me is that Im not detailed...enough...

Its a bad thing to feel useless or condemned...emmm I have to keep knowing that God is my father and that by his strength, Im able to go to work every day and not fall sick..and do my work...Thank you Father...you are all I need.

God Bless

emmm okay..im tired and bored

Just took a break from rehearsal..am blogging from the pc downstairs....

Been damn stressed by everything...working and all. I get the idea that my colleagues now know what Im heavily burdened...work and rehearsal..its draining me dry but Im glad God is giving me enough energy to carry on. My legs have become soft and my knees are getting bigger and harder to bend hahahah Im old.

Anyone wanna go for the musical? hehehehhe

I feel mean to sya that I hope this musical thing ends fast...but i know that by the time it does end, I wouldnt be as relieved. Im just glad that I get to do this..regardless of its heavy time consumption.

K i better go. before I get a scolding or shelling from Babes (trainer of Spore Idols) teheheheh

God Bless

night life

at the office..staying over in school for the camp...

Im sooo happy Ive made so many new bros in this camp....tim, yq, jasper, ian..etc..and sisters, esther, charis....

Thank you father for giving me frens whom i acn depend on and vent my frustration to....

I once again feel like I have loads to say but I cant think of anything now...maybe I just feel like blogging... :P Just to satisfy frens whom are scolding me for being inactive....sigh

K gotta go. Love yah all. God Bless!

Seems like Im back to my JC days

I know ie always been very positive on my trials..complain complain but eventually...I keep saying to everyone that I dont need help and that I can do it....

Maybe its time to stop that..truth is I do need help but nobody can help me...because its smething only I must handle...ts something...only I know what to do....ust that I dont have the energy to do so....

The consolation once again...this time Im trying very hard to convince myself....is thT God is there to carry me. And if He does carry...this s the time Im already in his arms....

Father...I hold you in all esteem...I look to you during all my trials and during all my happiness...Father I will not let this be an exception. Even though Im zombified and slghtly misunderstood...I will prevail....coz you are there....

God Bless

part 2

so Im at cityhall now, blogging at MIX. Cool Shit! Im loving this place!

Went to church this morning, went to jalan, went to St Andrews Cathedral to pick red seeds (whatchama call em) Bumped into my ex neighbours and my bro bumped into his "old fren"
Fact while I blog, they're chatting Hahahah I know my limits to stay away whiule they talk. Give them quality time man!
God, you are soooooo good! Master of Time Management!

Want to talk about part 2 of my recent weeks....fear that I wont be able to finish leh...how?!?!?!

Anyway..yah I just finished another performance last night for my school's staff DnD. Our performance was good! I can feel it when we did good. :P
Dressed up as an indian for the DnD..the theme of our table and with my little subtle indian stuff, I became Afghan girl. Had I had eyeliner, I would have done a better job.

Jimmy, our musical director was especially suave that day and I was in awe of him. In fact I am constantly in awe of him! If he was alot younger, I wud have a huge crush on him hahahahha but as when I was in pri sch, He was already working. Thats how old he is. I salute Jimmy!!! You Go Man!!

The other huge events in my life...finally spoke to my ex. We havnt spoken since the last confrontation. By speaking..I mean..really speaking...heart to heart...
Im very amazed at myself that I didnt cry....
He's lefdt for UK and Im happy for him...Im happy that we couldnt be in different countries to not get entangled with each other..no more bumping into him in parties...but I also miss his company. How do I even explain this?!?!?! have you had this kind of feeling?
The amazing thing abt the 2 of us is that regardless of the time gap and the difficulties between each other, we could still talk if we wanted to. The prob with us was that we had things we wanted to say but couldnt tell each other. And that blocked us from saying anythingelse...or rather..maybe thats only me. But Im glad I got to chat with him for a record time of 1hr...serious, no mincing words talk..talk fromt he bottom of the heart up, talk that includes all sensitive material that I shouldnt have told him...I poured out everything without pouring out any tears...I cant tell you much as I wanted to ..on what I said. You'd have to dig into my brain. Not that I dont want to tell you...I just dont know how to. Maybe if I made a movie....
At the end of it all, I told him something that I have kept in me for the longest time...something I really wanted him to know......that no matter what happened and what will happen, I still loved him. Not that Ive never tried to forget him and call me weak if you want to coz I dont care...Everytime I try to forget him, God has plans otherwise.
For the past few days, Ive had very funny incidents around me......My bro meeting his old fren, right here waiting playing everywhere, even on my boss's hp (its a guy who normally has James Bond theme as his ringtone, so why would he have right here waiting?!?!) My ex's tamil show playing on Vasantham, The Guru theme song playing at DnD (the song we danced to in our Dimsum Masala play), The sermon today.....

I know that Im an idiot thinking that all these things are signs...even my ex doesnt believe it....although....He used to.....maybe both of us have just decided to disregard God's signs and think of em as coincidences or accidents....then why do they all happen at the same time? Why?
Im not torturing myself by thinking like this again...thats why Im glad that He's gone and that Ive told him all I wanted to say...

I did tell him clearly...that I believe that God has plans for us....and some day...we will get back together...our existing strong bond is proof. Whoelse do I know can I talk to like that? Someone whom I never sensor my feelings...never keep things in me? Ive always had discussions with him and not arguements....Thats why I believe that we still have hope and I wanted him to know that I believe that. And Im waiting not coz I want to...but God wants me to...It may sound stupid to even the strongest believers....but I know and I believe...If God be with me, who can be against me?

For the split second that I subconsciously called him, "B", he still answered......

I cried coz I felt like a fool believeing in something that I cant show to any1...I feel silly thinking that it will work and feel embarassed that my sheer belief is not trusted by others...I know I come across as a silly girl again....and thats why I keep all this to myself... the only one I can speak to abt this...is him and God.

"I dont know why Im not giving up on us...I just dont know...all I know is that God has never given up on reminding me that we had something and seems to show me that We will have something. He is making me wait. If eventually nothing happens then Im int he wrong for misinterpretating His signs...but till then....I will still wait. Not coz I want to...but coz He wants me to. And its not up to you to tell me whether to wait or give up...coz its His."

Father....I can wait coz you let me...coz you make me wait and you provide me witht he energy and courage to wait. if it isnt for ur support, id be waiting in tears but Im not. Father...thank you sooo much for letting me pluck up courage to say everything...Ive held it in me tooo long...Thank you for letting me let go of all my thoughts inside.....thanks also for letting my bro meet his old fren again.

B, Im happy you're gone...it gives us both time to think of our own lives....but I still believe that we have something...I still do...the confidence in us that I never had....is now ironically stronger than ever. I believe for us, in us. no matter how..even if things dont work...you are my best best best bro...I still sayang u as a bro.....but till the time you find someoneelse and get married...I will still have hope if God makes me. Yet....REGARDLESS of all, I still love you B.

God Bless....

woooohhhhh

last update: 2 sept
today: 9 sept
.....1 WEEK!!!!

WOOOOOHHHHHHH

Kk I have sooo much to talk about I fear Id burst if I dont say it all at one shot! #^&*)FR@HJCF%ESAOUFVSHJCVS(^SGLSV..there you go. (Its not vulgar)
Verbal diahorea..

Nah! I'll say it slow.

Life has been very eventful but stressful and often dissappointing and strength draining and yet...out of all that God still provides me wth strength to do everything I have to do. How wonderful is that! Why have I not fainted with exhaution yet? Simple! God!

3 weeks ago, I sprained my ankle and despite all that, I trained for my mediacorp show. My foot swelled and the other leg had a swollen knee coz of all the additional weight I apply to it. Check teh SP Website for the broadcast or watcht he repeat telecast of presidents star charity. Anyway..my foot is still abit swollen but ive gone to see the chinese doc. She did acupuncture on me and passed electrif current around my foot. Im electrified Wohooo! Im fine now. Foot can be painful if I dance too long.

Fr the past 2 week, Ive been in school from 8am to 11am, Ive had not had a day with 3 straight proper meals...I get stomaches often and my fart stinks hahahah Haiz Im ont he verge of getting sick but you know what...I dont think I can get sick! Im protected.

Ive been sooo blessed by God for the past weeks. he has made all our musical hurdles smooth sailing. We've prayed for his help and trength and guidance every time we need to give a performance..and He has never failed us! We've always topped the performance...Thank you Father!

Today is another one of those performances. We're not prepared..but I know what to doa nd he will still bring us together to top it off again.

Gotta go now! 75% of my story isnt over. Will egt back to you tomorrow of somethign. Love you all!

For those I love to death...I still love you to death. I pray God keeps you safe and For those of you whom Ive missed their birthdays...Im sorry...

God Bless