My strength is drained..think it started from school reopen...tomorrow is sentosa outing and I was very excited...but now...Im just plain tired....feel like lying in the sand and sleeping....im abit ablivious to consequence of waking up red as a lobstor...
I have been too busy and stressed. naturally...this isnt healthy but God seems to have me in alot of things..of is it just me? Do I put my foot into sooo many things that I strangle myself? Maybe...but my passion for them...cant be subsided...
I admit that the paper work in any educational institute is mt everest high and I think that if I have any complaints in work..it would be that the paper work is stifling my motivation... :/ Im still trying very hard to get used to all the papers...honestly my table has never been neat since I moved in hahahahha
I guess for a fw weeks Ive been asking myself whether I would be working long term in SP...whether I wud change dept...but the truth is..I would rather be in SAA than any other dept because its got more involvement with students than any other dept... But would I stay in SP for long...lets just say that I wud miss all the students I work with..good or bad...I wud miss working my clubs t their very best..I wud miss that...
If I cud have my way, Id have a job in SP with only involvement with students and student activities...I wud not bother about the meticulous levels of authority I need to work through...
Speaking of clubs...I had a firing session or talk with the comperes...I told them about my expectations in them and told them that if they would stick with the club and gel with everyone in the club and put in the effort to come for training and sharing..they will be better comperes.
Alvin, Yani, Snowlin tried to make me laugh, hoping that it would dissipate the anger I had when I saw how uncommitted the club members were and how disrespectful of time they were. They knew I had alot alot alot of expectations I had of them. I admit its true but I feel that these expectations can be met and if met...will make the club better...I believe I can train them to be alot better comperes than how they are now and eventually...be freelance comperes..if my dream doesnt work, then those who have the same dream..will be able to make it...
Seriously..it has crossed my mind that if I were to leave SP, I would be a deejay...why not? But I know whats stopping me now...the students..the clubs...I want to bring them up to their best...
Its hard for me knowing I have 2 portfolios to run..Moberly and Student services...Its tough....but I think so far, God has given me stength to persist and Him always reminding me that I have Him to lean on... Amen
I met up with a close fren few nights ago and we discussed about christianity...it was a very interesting discussion and what I remember most is how when I described my love for God to be like a father and child thing...and how if I wanted to love Him, i would do all I could think to show Him....
Daddy I love you....I am in abit of trouble these days and I felt like crying just now...but after shedding a fw tears and knowing you are around and you love me and dont want me to be sad...Im better now... Daddy..give me the strength to do my best please..I dont know how forgiving this place is with mistakes but I must say that Ive been fortunate to have received the softer end of the stick...Im not saying that you spare me from the rod..but Im praying for your wisdom Daddy...wisdom that will help me to excel above the troubled waters...
Daddy..lastly..please give me the peace beyond understanding..please teach me to cast my worries to you and sit still. Sit still ruth...
Daddy I worship you for your everlasting presence I feel around me. :) that it gives me the things i lack to teach my students. I have no words to write a song about you because no song seems appropriate enough to worship you...nothing that feels like its overflowing from my heart...but I believe that one day I will be able to write a song for you Daddy...a song that will glorify your name and touch the hearts of those who have not felt your love...
God Bless
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