this week has been an excruciating PITA.nBefore u read anything else...I know Im perpetually depressed but I dont need counselling. I just need to vent.
I feel like shit now for various reasons. 1 of which is SP Star. The event went quite okay..but by my expectations...not well enough.
I dont know how to explain. or rather that I do know but...Ive killed too many spirits that Ive lost mine...
Since tuesday, my mood has been in the dumps. I sorta feel abit like when I broke up w someone and I get into occassional tearing spells. Just today, during rehearsal..I decided that I really cudnt take it..I excused myself abruptly and went off tot he toilet...The moment I let myself think abt it..Id tear..which is such a loser thing because Im not crying for a person...Im crying for a club.
Im lost at what to do...Im really at my wits end and Im ready to throw in the towel....Im actually contemplating on giving up Comperes...Nobody realizes that while students have these occassional motivations to quit a club...so does an officer. And I believe that Id rather quit looking after this club...then see it suffer. I mean who knows, it could work a whole lot better without me! It wouldnt have to be run the way it was run. They can do what they want...and if thye sink..it wouldnt be my problem....but Id still tear..
Im not saying this because I know at least 1 of my students reads this...but because the spirit of the club is already as such and I cant bear to see it spiralling down...
I dont want it to end on my watch but...I dont want to see it fall at all. if It has to fall, Id rather not be in it and part of it....
As it is..everything I have done for and in the club...was for the club's good. I think I didnt do it in the right way though and the right time...
As for SP Star, it did okay. The reviews was okay. I wasnt tooo happy abt it coz I know what was went wrong. I know I might be abit to harsh to my students, demanding that we dont just do it "okay" but we do it well and to the best we can...and thats why I wasnt smiling..nor was I looking at anyone's faces as I left...
After what happened on tuesday, I was not emotionally ready for this event. We had slipshot rehearsals, rehearsals that not all 3 of us were concentrating on. Thats why I had to walk out...coz I cudnt take the nonsense anymore.
Things we cud have done better....lucky draw, announcing of judges, front entry item...
I dont know....Im hoping that I cud take a break from all this since comperes isnt doing much training after this.
God Bless
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
yes its that student who reads your blog :) its hard for you and you've done what you can and what should have been done. There is nothing else you can do. We have all made mistakes so we have to learn from it we cant keep thinking about the mistakes we have made. Take a break. Let me try to do something here. I want to see the club bonding and thats what i'm going to try to do. But dont give up just yet. Sorry if im asking too much from you.
No Jas, Im sorry I asked too much of you guys. If its anything, Id be the cause that you and the rest fo the main comm has to alienated by the rest of them. that was not my intention.
I really am contemplating changing my tactics next time... get really good ones so that all you guys need to focus on is bonding...
I owe the main comm too much to even know what to say and the more I see pple like Mad losing the flame, the more I feel like I;ve lost it.
I know some of you have passion in compereing when u came in..but maybe teh culture has changed so much that forced discipline isnt gonna work anymore.
To be honest, I wasnt very happy w SP Star...Dave and Mad still have an issue because alot of things on stage are impromptu and Dave is the 1st one to respond.
Plus Mad just kept playing w her phone during rehearsals and she had her phone w her during the event. Which ticks me off.
Not to mention on the day itself, mad wasnt even mentally prepared during rehearsals to take cues.
That was the last straw..I put down the mic, ecused myself to the ladies, sat on the toilet seat and teared.
I wasnt perfect too..But I didnt start on the right mood either.
Its just another event that I will have to let go then....
Post a Comment