Condemnation...

I have to write because if I dont write, I cant work....

I'm overcome by my lack of promptness to my students request for appraisal that I missed it and she's probably seething somewhere and cursing abt my lack of appraisal...affecting the application to NUS and here I am discovering that Im too late..overcome by worry and condemnation and sadness and dissappointment in myself for myself and more for my student...Oh my God how I wished I cud turn time...

And I blog now...trying hard to overcome it and work on, instead of being paralysed with self inflicted stress and dissappointment...Im soo sorry....

Church teaches the idea of not letting stress and condemnation get to you...coz stress and condemnation is the root of evil..the evil dude around our shoulder blaming us for every single thing we did wrong...big or small...And right now, he's saying, " You fool! What have you done! You've singlehandedly ruined a bright future! How could you! They trusted you!"
And I feel like I deserve the scolding...I feel like Im nodding to every single thing this little devil is saying by my ear...

But if it is true of not letting condemnation take 1st place and accepting scoldings and feeling bad but not letting it affect yourself....how do they do it? How do they admit and move on? How do they? My God....what have I done? How am I a good christian if I cant look after my students? How am I a good christian..if I cant....watch my thoughts?

How am I a good person/officer if I cant look after those around me?

Why is it now when I try to tell myself that God still loves me and I am righteous by his blood...it doesnt seem to ring true...I feel like everything I learnt in church is now thrown through the window...

My Daddy God...Satan seems so powerful in paralysing me with guilt...I keep feeling like I cant shrug him off my shoulder or out of my head... I could have this issue spinning in my head for the whole day...How do I convince myself that Im worthy of all your blessings if I cant even manage my own life? Then Wouldnt I be looking at my own works...

Despite all this...I know...My God is great...And I praise him even in the storm...

God Bless