I Am Legend...I Am On A Roll

Went to watch I am Legend yesterday w colleagues and students. Or rather..its helmut and the students...

For starters, Sis was home and so I was more comfortable staying at home...watched loads of tv and went to Mac Donalds with sis for lunch. The super rare moments we can spend together..nonetheless not one of it is precious to me. :)

Stayed at home and worked on my songs...its been such awhile since I last wrote songs..but I think this time..Im slowly getting back on track..of course..for now..my songs more or less sound the same...but having seenw hat Ive done throught he years...I must say that Ive gotten better...I think...Would anyone wanna hear them? I think they would...just that Id be to shy to sing it...they mean alot to me..from personal experince..from dreamss..from peoples experience...but mstly mine. I must admit that given the recent incident w my ex....Id spurred me to write more...no matter how things are..he is still my inspiration hahahahah

Well..Im sure I can find other inspirations next time...:)

I think Im getting better today!

Yesterday...while packing my room, I stumbled unto some things that I shudnt stumble on..much less open it up to see...I know I didnt cry since Christmas..but I think yesterday I did...
Old postcards, poems, letters etc from my ex. :/ *shrugs* What to do...let time heal lor.
I believe that many years later..Id be able to take them out again and laugh at them.

OH! received a request yesterday...to perform at loyang point tonight! Heheheh Singing I mean. 2 english songs! Havnt chosen them (Im in deep shit)....yeah..just checked where loyang point is and its damn far from home. Nonetheless..I think I still wanna go coz I miss singing on stage...
So if you happent o read this...you can come down. 6.30pm loyang point. :)

K gotta go...gotta search for my songs now..

God Bless

Truly..Nothing is Impossible

I fought with myself for such a long time and finally I dont have to fight anymore...
Yesterday's gathering was a blast but also a heartbreaker and if my ex reads this, he'll once again think Im an idiot. Anyway I guess..so long as I dont find someone who can take over htat position...the feelings will still be there....so..nothing is impossible...including erasing the feelings for the 1st one to break your heart.

I didnt cry or I didnt tear but I am....numb...not numb in a good way..numb in a...slightly paralysed way....spoke to one of my sistas abt it and Im sooo glad I cud talk to her....she knows exactly how I feel...

To be honest, I must say that my head goes, " Im not surprised that he could bounce back." my heart goes, "maybe I wasnt important enough" Sigh...well watever it is..both of the parts of my anatomy agree that....they have to let go. My heart can only hang its head low, keep mum and continue walking...my head...thinks of how to make myself happy.

I do think all this is good news. Im not happy abt it but it is good news. Today I came across a whole line of boats and containers and int he past, Id look at them and wonder what it wud be like working there....and how important they cud be to someone..my ex..i mean...
Now, Id be able to heartlessly say...its a bunch of metal boxes. Yes CSI and criminal chases cud end up there...but till then...its a bunch of metal boxes...a giants toy set.

My sistas told me that I shud change myself..from being the sister I was to everybody..to being a...person...someon not related....coz obviously you wudnt wanna be in a relationship w your own sibling. But...I dont know...thats all I was before and I might see a need for change..but how? Stop being caring? Hahahha to me..its quite impossible...

Im also contemplating on keeping my indian music and sad songs for awhile hahahah Damn it! Seems like Im going through a break up all over again... But this time..no tears. Alot of people ask me to get over it...I can move on..but getting over requires a space filler..esp when the one that left, dug a HUGE hole. All I can say is if you've had a relationship that made you miss the person 1hr before you guys parted and 1 hr before you meet, you've an uncontrollable smile on your face? and you cant stop talking abt the person....then you have a BIG hole in you...and it gets bigger.

So I never wanted to be understood abt how I felt..no point...and I honestly believe that I wud keep this slight agony to myself.

As my sista says..I shud care less abt how others are..and care more abt myself....all I know is to care and I honestly think that I care more abt myself htan anybody...the perfect oxymoron.

But eventually..I know my God is here and he will show me the way soon....Nothing Is Impossible....if Simon Peter could walk on water at the request. I will be able to find the one Ive always been looking for..and this time..he stays.

God Bless

Christmas went off into the sunset...

Christmas Eve sucked because of the morning work...then I met up w Helmut and Lii Kai and Ee Wen before heading home.

Went to auntie Hing's place in the evening and we sang carols and had good food for dinner! Turkey, ham, mango salad etc....Cousin & I stayed in the room after that, to sing carols..Did that cause we were bored :/ But we sang and sang...

Not much presents this year coz no mood to buy....

Then Christmas morning was okay..slacked abit...then afternoon went to Madarin Gardens to celebrate Christmas with Maternal extended family. Eveyrone was there including cousins!

We got bored afterawhile and the cousins (al, me, bryan & my sis) went down to Marine Parade to walk. We forced Allan intot he changing room t try on new shirts and had loads of fun seeing the outcome. Of course the fun of it is seeing him pick out shirts that dont suit him and are 2 sizes too small. Wahahaha

Hanging w cousins and sis proved to be the highlight for this christmas...

I cant believe my relationship w my cousins and my sis can be this close. Love them loads!

God Bless

Allan & Bryan (Left to right)

Allan & I

Bryan & I

Its around this time that I also breathe in and exclaim in the loudest possible voice, " Why have they grown up sooo quickly!!!" Something about them and their carefree nature and ready smiles, makes me love htem even more. My cousins!

God Bless once again!

Christmas Bear!

Christmas Bear:

Hello to everyone who reads this blog! I am Ning's Christmas Bear! On behalf of Ning and her family and all us stuff toys in Ning's house, we wish you a very very Merry Christmas!!! Due to forseen but uncontrollable circumstances, we will not be giving anyone presents this year...Ning is broke...

However if you would still like to give Ning a present, do consider donating to the "Help Ning Get New Handphone Fund" All donations are very very much appreciated!

Disclaimer: None of the words above has been scripted by Ning herself...

God Bless!

How is ISC? Waddya Think?!?! They ROCK!

Forgot to add that at yesterday's christmas steamboat gathering, ISC made a new record of having 5 generations of presidents in one picture!! WOHOOO! Aung, Raj, Juwy, Alvin, Liting!!

AND we had a total of 7 generations in the restaurant! Aung's, Raj's, Juwy's, Alvin's, Liting's, Year 2's and Year1's! Im sooo damn proud of them!

I would dare say that in 2 years time, we'd have a 9 generation team of 60 ISC members in 1 place and we'd book the whole restaurant and celebrate!

We had gift exchange at the end and I got a present from 1 of my students, he wrapped the present with 2 layers of wrappers and the gift came in a box...specifically...campbell soup box...hmmmm Shud have taken a pic of it lah! But his actual present was a bracelet...nice native bracelet. :) I like. Thanks ah!

K enough for now...Im gearing up for lunch and family dinner tonight. Tomorrow is Christmas day! Will be back in the office on 26 Dec and that night will be our Sparc & Comperes gathering and I will end up seeing by bestest best bro. God help me w that!

God Bless

Cont...

This morning I woke up and felt the pinch of working on christmas eve...sucks

This year's Chrsitmas spirit isnt working....It hasnt filled me up...

Im in the office now, the christmas carols filling the office area..Josh Groban. Something abt carols makes me appreciate Jesus more and makes me wanna sing and smile....It softens the inner me who was trying to defend for the best months....

Once again I celebrate my saviour's birth...the child born of a virgin mum, brought up by a loving family and went out on his own in his young years to preach the Good News...the Good news that everyone on earth is saved from sin, from death, from hell if we just believe in Him.

My saviour Jesus Christ died for my sins..he came down from his throne to become a human and took all my sins upon himself. He who is uncontaminated..took all our sins to make himself sinful..then willingly let himself be prosecuted by the world and whipped and scorched and burnt and nailed and hung on the cross...He who knows no sin...took our sins....He who could summon the entire battalion of angels to defend his name..chose to stay mum and let his body be tortured and let his blood flow for us.

He washed away the need for all humans to keep to the 10 commandaments, just to be righteous na dgo to heaven..instead..he having risen again...is now our advocate to God and so long as we believe in Jesus Christ...we are born again..and we are christians...

My saviour is that good...dont ask me how he could love me soo much to sacrifice himself..dont ask me how I believe He is real..I just do...cause I see Him in every good thing I do. I feel his gentle nudge for me to do things..I feel the love in me and the inner something saying, "Yes He loves you and He is alive and smiling down on you"

My God..my righteous and patient and gracious God.

As I walked to school today..I thought once again of Raj and inside..something ached...someone said, "just cause it cant happen now...doesnt mean that it wont happen again next time.." Ive heard my heart say that many times....Today I heard the phrase again, "nothing is impossible" Kenneth E Hagin Jr...

Daddy God...I will try my best to look to you..to wait on you...Im sorry that I havnt been able to stay focused.....God, I cast this pain unto you..because I know you know how I feel....

God Bless

Christmas time is near....very near..

I couldnt wait for sunday.....I really couldnt wait! The whole morning I was fidgetty and impatient...I wanted soo muich to leave the house and be there super early...

The ISC gang was meeting up for Christmas and alumni including Raj was gonna be there.... I think thats one fot he reasons why I was fidgetty....

We met at 12.30pm and went to marina to bowl....my team: Helmut, Kah Fei, Chooi Mei & I. It was really fun..Even though I am aching like crazy now...my left hip hurts and my wrist hurt yesterday night. Narong came super early so I tried the level best to accompany him coz he was the only alumni. We watched National Treasure (awesome movie btw) and commented abt it throughout the movie.

Then we rushed over to the steamboat place. Alot of them were waiting at the MRT already and Raj wasnt there. While I wanted to wait for all of them to come, I decided that Id save myself the akwardness and go to the restaurant 1st. Sat in the inner corner of the room and made myself invisible the moment the rest came. Was I nervous? Yes...Very...this friend I hadnt seen in years.....might not be the same friend I had in mind...too many things have happened. I decided (in the morning) that this gathering would be for ISC and for him. Meaning...I wud have fun w my ISC members..while he has his gathering with the alumni....I didnt want to disturb him....it was his gathering....

Alot of my students (esp those who knew abt us during their school years) told me not to hide..or to go over to talk to him. But how can I? Not in front of everyone else...it would start a BIG discussion....I just didnt want to put him in a spot...Sadly..he was sitting facing me...I think he was able to see me from where he was sitting and I tried my best to take cover. But you know....seeing him happy.....was the happiest thing. I cant be a part of it anymore but it still had that effect on me. Likwise for the butterflies and pits etc...

Finally...I was called over...the alumni was asking if allt he money for this gathering came from the ISC fund. NO WAY JOSE!!! SAA will KILL ME! Raj asked me how SAA was and how ISC was...I said, "If you wanna ask how ISC was, turn to the 2 rows of juniors and ask them" It was evident that they were all having alot of fun. Aung asked Raj for his opinion, "Emm after these years, Ning is still as pretty right" Raj did the "emm yah you're right" gestures....its at that point that I had to move away....Dont know why Aung did that and I know the good intention...but it was the wrong person and wrong time. :)

All in all...I think we all enjoyed ourselves..even me. Id cry if it was years ago but last night it was 1 or 2 tears...evidently my heart still beats harder for that guy...Im thankful that seeing him doesnt conjure up memories in my head. It only conjures feelings.
Yesterday night, before I slept, I wanted soo much to hear my God's voice...to tell me why things had to flow this way...I wanted to hear his consolation and his promise to me that this feeling of sadness and lack of hope to love....would go away soon. But i guess my silent outcry was too loud that it muffled everything God was saying to me....

Gotta go..be back in a few mins

Christmas time is coming soon

I know the chrismassy spirit is not in me yet...but I know God's love is in me and while Im playing a carol now..I am moved...

Have a few wishes for this christmas
- To find my God ever strong in my heart
- To learn how to hear his voice
- To rediscover myself..the happiest me..to find back the sparkle & fire of my eyes
- To see everyone around me happy
- To find the love I miss
- To see my family saved
- To celebrate my saviours birthday the way it is meant to be celebrated...with praise

Cant wait for this sun...Christmas gathering w ISC..and next wed nite..Christmas/Alumni gathering w SPARC & Comperes!!! 2 gatherings!

Best part of it, my bestest best bro is back from Spore! I must admit that since graduation, our relationship hasnt been going well...and now that he's back, I want soo much to meet up w him and chat and joke and laugh and etc...but the changes have put such a strain on our siblinghood that I dont know if i have the right to do that anymore...Whether the special bond we had..wud still exist.

Thought to myself abt how precious this bro of mine is and how the strain could cause me to lose my best fren...damn that hurts...

Im wondering how our reactions to each other wud be now...when we meet during the reunion.

Anyway wed nite, met Helmut, Benny and Zeeson for dinner and we had a long chat abt history..each others history...I think they forced me to think back abt my ex and I. Since my ex is also coming back this time...I must admit that my meeting up w him cud be a hard issue to get through...Im trying to push down what memories have resurfaced and pretend that I hadnt remembered.

I was with my sista's sister and we talked at her place for a long time..abt work, about what I want to do. As I walked home...I felt a renewed desire to do everything that makes me happy....
- Play volleyball & basketball, bowling
- Making paper
- Rollerblading & ice skating
- Singing & writing songs
- Dancing
- Being w my best friends, sistas & bruddas
- Compereing
Just thinking abt it made me sing! If I cud live life contented with all these happy things...

I feel like Ive never lived man...I feel like somewhere along the way of finding the career route to go, I lost everything I was...Ive lost time to feel happy, to go overseas and to just chill at a beach....Emmm this is serious...quite dramatic I might say...

Maybe this christmas just wont feel like christmas at all...regardless of gatherings...Feel like doing christmas caroling....Hmmm

K anyway...back to work...Ever more int his festive season that I want to praise my dear Jesus for his saving grace. I may not know alot fo things..and I may not say alot of things to people...but God..My God knows everything! He knows everything I feel!

Jesus, your birthday is coming!

God Bless

Music

I dont thikn Ive spoken abt music for a LONG time!

Did I mention that Hady Mirza is now the Asian Idol? Hahahaha! Wohoo! Im shocked but Im glad..:)

Anyway...since knowing so many international students....I think my music sense has gone another level...lets see....

Fanaa - Mere Hahta Mein India
Dhoom - Dhoom India
Fanaa - Chand Sifarish India
Rivermaya - You'll be safe here, Balisong, my favourite song Philipines
Peterpan - Tak Bisakah & Bintang Di Surga Indonesia
la caution - the a la menthe (Oceans 12) France
Reshmonu - Pirivu, walk away, all! Malaysia
Idan Raichel - All! Esp mimmaamakim Israel

Amen to music..Amen to the universal language!

God Bless

Im sick....

For the past fwe days..Ive had the flu...You'd think a flu lasts only for a day, after a good night's sleep. Well thats just it! I didnt have a good nite's sleep. not for the past few nites...

Comperes camp is finally over and I think I can safely give them duties...Im really really proud of them actually... Im proud that they are willing to take the plunge... Their scripts are okay..their compereing is okay too...they just need a big boost of confidence.
Im glad that is over really...coz Im dead tired....I packed the notes for them and hope that they really go and read it and use it...in fact...its probably more comprehensive than the notes I got in my time....than again, we had our seniors with us all the way last time...

*rustling, creek, bang, creek, rustling*

Ehmm back!

Tried to go to clementi to settle the plane ticks issue w batam side and Ive quite given up. This sorta means that Ive wasted 2K for no good reason whatsoever.
I think when I took that out, I thought to myself htat I wud get it back and its for a good cause...but now...I think Ive lost abit of hope and Im kicking myself for being such an ass.
So I really think 2K is gone...

I cant blame the parents who are so narrowminded as to refuse their kids to go and I cant blame the students for telling them last min...because If Id ask them to fill int eh indemnity form asap...I wudnt be having this problem....so I do wanna kick myself hard enough to do a somersault...

I thought to myself on how my bank only has less than 1K now and how i wanted to save $ for furthur studies and I sorta teared. Yeah..I teared...
Then I thought to myself on how It always rained everytime I try to settle Medan stuff and I teared....
Then I thought to myself that Im God's child and his fortune is my fortune....and if that is so...then what is 2K? What is 2K to a heiress of richer things?
Tats what made me stop tearing.

I guess is my perspective. Sounds silly but I have that much faith in God! So much as I feel abit cheated by this incident....I guess I can live with it. God provides for me whereever I go.

I also learnt something this time...that to me...Time is way more important than money. I can have enough money to cure the world but no time to do it...

Well....My God is still an awesome God who leads me to peaceful places to rest...all I gotta learn to do now..is rest

Comperes

Camp starts tomorrow...today we have rock climbing w the help of the rock climbers

Got alot fo ideas for this year's camp...wanna spice it up...if I cud, Id spice things up so bad that they get over their stage fright...

Can wait for fri evening coz its where the fun starts ...but my training materials arent even done yet...How ah...last minute work? Not really..been planning and reading for awhile already?!?!

Hmmm

Also think Im getting sick. Got soo much gas in me and my tummy hurts and my throat hurts etc... :0 emmm..yes getting sick soon.

God Bless

Had a dream...

Well. dreams dont really help nowadays...

Had an evening with Saad. Dinner at Lau Pat Sat...hmm that place has changed! Looks better but still unmistaking the old frilly pillers and roof... :) Nice

Got a chance to walk around abit..around city hall area because I havnt done so in awhile and having Saad to walk and talk to is good company! He's a really really good bro of mine! The odd brother I shud say...very odd..but I guess some of that runs in the family. Stopped outside Timbre at the Art House I tink? And they had this live band! We sat nearby guessing the songs they played and telling jokes! Now they were lame jokes...BUT the idea of saying lame jokes...is lamer than the action. Soo yeah..1 legged issues...

Not to mention that this bro of mine teased me abt my bestest best bro coming back and how Im gonna handle it. Bah! Handle it like any sweetest sweet sis would I guess. The initial idea was to push the getogether till 26 because I was going medan. But now that my trip is cancelled, I wud love to meet up earlier w my best bro...but...I decided to leave it as that...maybe its better that way. :)

Went home and developed a sore throat (sounds intentional) sleeped with a sore throat and woke up with a bigger one. So Im just waiting for it to develop so that I cud grab an excuse o take medical leave. *Chuckle*

And abt my dream...well..my personal issues haunt me again and this time...its probably helped me! Its amazing how just one thought is able to get you back on the path of mental stability. And if you dont know what Im talking abt...GOOD! :) So Im good! No more "emo" I hope hahahah
I believe I was quite emo at a recent camp...because it brought back a few memories and and not to mention the headache to accompany. Oh well...Im cured!

I also realize that I have time to meet up w my sista and her sister for christmas! hahah :) Wohoo!

God Bless

Deepavali! Watched Sivakasi with Cal, Neetz & Parti

Waiter: Here you are madam, a glass of calls & smses...

Christmas's first lights

Took this pic by the beach..night sky...thought I saw Jesus Crucified...

The ticks are the result of my hand jolting...

God blesses every boy & girl....He loves every single person no matter what!

Nothing is Imposible...Luke 18:27 part 2

Wow... once again I saw Luke 18:27. :) My God has a way of showing me his love...nothing is impossible...

Seems my OCS trip is cancelled...I dont know whether to be happy or sad..sad coz of the effort I put in..chasing students and all..and happy that I can have more time to be w family n frens...Maybe God wants me to be w my students...I never thought that staff n students need to have a line between them that will prevent them from being frens...but being a staff, sometimes its abit akward for me to step in and act like a fren...

Yesterday one of my students smsed me and said that she felt sad that I was glummy and that she cudnt help...I apprecate that..just that sms..maybe this is my calling...being w students..maybe...I admit Im not good at it..but my heart is there...

Since the confirmation of cancellation..the Christmas spirit is slowly seeping in....my heart feels less pressed on and happiness is slowly seeping into the grooves of my heart...
Id almost forgot my Jesus's birthday is coming....

Just dropped a mail for to my ISC and was soo excited w the prospects of doing a video christmas email to all ISC members, wishing them Merry Christmas...

Jesus, how could I forget your birthday? How could I not celebrate your birth? How could I not?
My Jesus will fill the hearts of all men, with love this season..even those who dont believe.

God Bless!

ISC spirit 2 Comperes 2 Christmas

Took awhile for me to finish this...My blog entries make no sense anymore...been busy...been demotivated..even the christmas spirit isnt with me now....

Have been trying to straighten out the Overseas Comm Trip but nothing seems to be going right. In exasperation...I told my students, that I was going to cancel the trip. This Christmas actually is starting to mean nothing to me..because I feel like Im not celebrating it..It feels sooo far away...
I was really tired of planning an overseas comm trip..I admit i havent been able to plan things properly...and I guess with that comes trouble. Satan obviously wants to stop me from going...
So now my morale is low and Im actually contemplating abt how god it wud be to stay in Spore. I cud hangout w my students..I cud meet up w old frens...I could think abt how to make this christmas special by making my own presents, go christmas shopping...damn it...

thinking abt how Ive used 2K to pay for the tickets for OCS..hurts even more because it sorta means my efforts have been wasted..the $70 I used to go to batam to get tickets....haiz....

Anyway...i sorta feel...like christmas isnt coming..or at least not coming to me...Haizz....

Im in a dilemma too..my own personal stuff...Im stuck...between feelings and common sense....
I need to get out of the pit again....too many emotions flying around and I really really think that I need to calm myself down to differentiate...

God Bless

Comperes Camp...damn tired...damn headache..damn everything

Last day of camp....couldnt stay on fri....went to Batam on sat just to get Medan tickets...
Had an excrutiating headache last night that paralysed me...Every step i took, i could feel my brain pulsating...damn it!
Forced to take panadol and sleep it off..almost missed nightwalk if not for Rino...

Spent the whole rest of e night doing the notes for comperes...

Guess what..gotta head to Batam later again to pay the rest of the money...FISH!

My life wouldnt be in a mess now...eventhough the swearing could prove otherwise...nonetheless....its tolerable...Christmas is literally around the corner! How can I have a hard time during Christmas?!?!?!

Anyway..whatever probs I have, dont last long and dont affect me drastically...

I live life like every other folk in this world. If they can get through it..why cant I?

God Bless

Woohooo! My best event this year!

Taking the first few minutes of work to blog because its an itch Ive been unable to scratch for the past 4 days. Sorry boss.

Sat had an event at SP Convention Centre. This event was the Global Cultural Festival. My whole bunch of ISC members pulled members together to help w this event. I admit it was very very troublesome for my ISC members but I want them to see how other events are done.

Anyway. the event went very very very well man. YQ & I were the host and though it was frustrating at times to have our script edited and changed etc even on the last rehearsal, we just had to do it, even out the creases in the script.

We rented costumes from a costume shop and wore them. The SPARC wore SIA Stewardess costumes.

YQ & I had this crazy smooth flow and although we fumbled abit, we caught on to each other. :P And we laughed it out w pilot jokes. Alot of impromptu jokes made w the audience abt pilots and A380.

In fact Im quite amazed with the script. YQ & I initially wanted to fill it up w educational bits and intl greetings...but while working on it, it suddenly came to me that we could angle it as 2 pilots bringing their passengers on a trip around the world and it took off! The GOh was so happy he defied the usher and walked down to shake our hands, the directors were happy w us, the organisors were happy w us and we were happy!

I really cant describe much..coz its all "at the moment" stuff. If I have a recording of it, Id show you although you know Id probably cringe at every sec I hear my voice.

My love for compereing is never wavering!

God Bless!