I couldnt wait for sunday.....I really couldnt wait! The whole morning I was fidgetty and impatient...I wanted soo muich to leave the house and be there super early...
The ISC gang was meeting up for Christmas and alumni including Raj was gonna be there.... I think thats one fot he reasons why I was fidgetty....
We met at 12.30pm and went to marina to bowl....my team: Helmut, Kah Fei, Chooi Mei & I. It was really fun..Even though I am aching like crazy now...my left hip hurts and my wrist hurt yesterday night. Narong came super early so I tried the level best to accompany him coz he was the only alumni. We watched National Treasure (awesome movie btw) and commented abt it throughout the movie.
Then we rushed over to the steamboat place. Alot of them were waiting at the MRT already and Raj wasnt there. While I wanted to wait for all of them to come, I decided that Id save myself the akwardness and go to the restaurant 1st. Sat in the inner corner of the room and made myself invisible the moment the rest came. Was I nervous? Yes...Very...this friend I hadnt seen in years.....might not be the same friend I had in mind...too many things have happened. I decided (in the morning) that this gathering would be for ISC and for him. Meaning...I wud have fun w my ISC members..while he has his gathering with the alumni....I didnt want to disturb him....it was his gathering....
Alot of my students (esp those who knew abt us during their school years) told me not to hide..or to go over to talk to him. But how can I? Not in front of everyone else...it would start a BIG discussion....I just didnt want to put him in a spot...Sadly..he was sitting facing me...I think he was able to see me from where he was sitting and I tried my best to take cover. But you know....seeing him happy.....was the happiest thing. I cant be a part of it anymore but it still had that effect on me. Likwise for the butterflies and pits etc...
Finally...I was called over...the alumni was asking if allt he money for this gathering came from the ISC fund. NO WAY JOSE!!! SAA will KILL ME! Raj asked me how SAA was and how ISC was...I said, "If you wanna ask how ISC was, turn to the 2 rows of juniors and ask them" It was evident that they were all having alot of fun. Aung asked Raj for his opinion, "Emm after these years, Ning is still as pretty right" Raj did the "emm yah you're right" gestures....its at that point that I had to move away....Dont know why Aung did that and I know the good intention...but it was the wrong person and wrong time. :)
All in all...I think we all enjoyed ourselves..even me. Id cry if it was years ago but last night it was 1 or 2 tears...evidently my heart still beats harder for that guy...Im thankful that seeing him doesnt conjure up memories in my head. It only conjures feelings.
Yesterday night, before I slept, I wanted soo much to hear my God's voice...to tell me why things had to flow this way...I wanted to hear his consolation and his promise to me that this feeling of sadness and lack of hope to love....would go away soon. But i guess my silent outcry was too loud that it muffled everything God was saying to me....
Gotta go..be back in a few mins
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