Christmas time is coming soon

I know the chrismassy spirit is not in me yet...but I know God's love is in me and while Im playing a carol now..I am moved...

Have a few wishes for this christmas
- To find my God ever strong in my heart
- To learn how to hear his voice
- To rediscover myself..the happiest me..to find back the sparkle & fire of my eyes
- To see everyone around me happy
- To find the love I miss
- To see my family saved
- To celebrate my saviours birthday the way it is meant to be celebrated...with praise

Cant wait for this sun...Christmas gathering w ISC..and next wed nite..Christmas/Alumni gathering w SPARC & Comperes!!! 2 gatherings!

Best part of it, my bestest best bro is back from Spore! I must admit that since graduation, our relationship hasnt been going well...and now that he's back, I want soo much to meet up w him and chat and joke and laugh and etc...but the changes have put such a strain on our siblinghood that I dont know if i have the right to do that anymore...Whether the special bond we had..wud still exist.

Thought to myself abt how precious this bro of mine is and how the strain could cause me to lose my best fren...damn that hurts...

Im wondering how our reactions to each other wud be now...when we meet during the reunion.

Anyway wed nite, met Helmut, Benny and Zeeson for dinner and we had a long chat abt history..each others history...I think they forced me to think back abt my ex and I. Since my ex is also coming back this time...I must admit that my meeting up w him cud be a hard issue to get through...Im trying to push down what memories have resurfaced and pretend that I hadnt remembered.

I was with my sista's sister and we talked at her place for a long time..abt work, about what I want to do. As I walked home...I felt a renewed desire to do everything that makes me happy....
- Play volleyball & basketball, bowling
- Making paper
- Rollerblading & ice skating
- Singing & writing songs
- Dancing
- Being w my best friends, sistas & bruddas
- Compereing
Just thinking abt it made me sing! If I cud live life contented with all these happy things...

I feel like Ive never lived man...I feel like somewhere along the way of finding the career route to go, I lost everything I was...Ive lost time to feel happy, to go overseas and to just chill at a beach....Emmm this is serious...quite dramatic I might say...

Maybe this christmas just wont feel like christmas at all...regardless of gatherings...Feel like doing christmas caroling....Hmmm

K anyway...back to work...Ever more int his festive season that I want to praise my dear Jesus for his saving grace. I may not know alot fo things..and I may not say alot of things to people...but God..My God knows everything! He knows everything I feel!

Jesus, your birthday is coming!

God Bless