Time check: 2.00am
I was turning in my bed for the past 3 hours..simply cant sleep…Im worried…very worried about my clubs…
The new acad year is starting, new things to do, new goals to set, new difficulties to overcome and Im now shaking in fear or worry…
I hate to say this but yes I was affected by comments from my ISC alumni…the standard of the ISFO is dropping….I wanna keep it up but money seems to be the biggest issue…If we only had more money…this is in fact something the club has never been able to overcome…finding sponsors…
Tonight…I had so many things going around in my head..that I cant sleep…I simply cant sleep…I would say that soo far..its the worst night in a long time…
I wonder…if Ive been too soft to the clubs I have…I wonder if I shud be mean at times instead of go to them with open arms….Daddy…I need your wisdom…
Wrote down all the things that need to be done in the club and it fills up the whole A4 size paper…do I have too many dreams and expectations of this club?
How do I feel now….terrible..guilty...worried…scared…sad…
I must however say….that…all this has nothing to do with me not wanting to work for the club…I want to…but I sometimes…most of the times..feel that I have no time and energy and no money…
I asked myself today and a few days before…on whether I can handle all 3 clubs now..all of whom are connected to me in some way or another…
I was scared that given the tight schedule that ive got..whether I would be too exhausted to handle all 3 clubs…
But while I think of that…I think of how these clubs are connected to me…and I regain strength….sad to say…comperes is my former club, sparc is my former sister club, also the club of my sistas and bruddas…and last but not least…ISC was my ex bf’s club…and believe it or not…I still believe that God has plans that I bring ISC to greater heights…how? I dunno leh and judging from the passion I have for each club and the connection they have to me…I don’t see how I can give up any of them….
*tear* I need help…
Satan is casting all possible worries into my head and behind all that…images of Moberly are swiftly passing by like some fastforwarding movie clip…
I need a really big big big meeting…I need it so bad I wished I cud have that now…in my house..2.00am…
Jesus….I feel like Im gonna paralyse up soon….I feel like Im stepping into the rushing waves…I wanna walk on water Lord…please help…
Given my current condition…I doubt I can sleep…so I might as well…do some thinking…
God Bless
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