Truly..Nothing is Impossible

I fought with myself for such a long time and finally I dont have to fight anymore...
Yesterday's gathering was a blast but also a heartbreaker and if my ex reads this, he'll once again think Im an idiot. Anyway I guess..so long as I dont find someone who can take over htat position...the feelings will still be there....so..nothing is impossible...including erasing the feelings for the 1st one to break your heart.

I didnt cry or I didnt tear but I am....numb...not numb in a good way..numb in a...slightly paralysed way....spoke to one of my sistas abt it and Im sooo glad I cud talk to her....she knows exactly how I feel...

To be honest, I must say that my head goes, " Im not surprised that he could bounce back." my heart goes, "maybe I wasnt important enough" Sigh...well watever it is..both of the parts of my anatomy agree that....they have to let go. My heart can only hang its head low, keep mum and continue walking...my head...thinks of how to make myself happy.

I do think all this is good news. Im not happy abt it but it is good news. Today I came across a whole line of boats and containers and int he past, Id look at them and wonder what it wud be like working there....and how important they cud be to someone..my ex..i mean...
Now, Id be able to heartlessly say...its a bunch of metal boxes. Yes CSI and criminal chases cud end up there...but till then...its a bunch of metal boxes...a giants toy set.

My sistas told me that I shud change myself..from being the sister I was to everybody..to being a...person...someon not related....coz obviously you wudnt wanna be in a relationship w your own sibling. But...I dont know...thats all I was before and I might see a need for change..but how? Stop being caring? Hahahha to me..its quite impossible...

Im also contemplating on keeping my indian music and sad songs for awhile hahahah Damn it! Seems like Im going through a break up all over again... But this time..no tears. Alot of people ask me to get over it...I can move on..but getting over requires a space filler..esp when the one that left, dug a HUGE hole. All I can say is if you've had a relationship that made you miss the person 1hr before you guys parted and 1 hr before you meet, you've an uncontrollable smile on your face? and you cant stop talking abt the person....then you have a BIG hole in you...and it gets bigger.

So I never wanted to be understood abt how I felt..no point...and I honestly believe that I wud keep this slight agony to myself.

As my sista says..I shud care less abt how others are..and care more abt myself....all I know is to care and I honestly think that I care more abt myself htan anybody...the perfect oxymoron.

But eventually..I know my God is here and he will show me the way soon....Nothing Is Impossible....if Simon Peter could walk on water at the request. I will be able to find the one Ive always been looking for..and this time..he stays.

God Bless