I know ur gonna laugh at me but u need to know Im only human.

My previous entry  was on multi-racial stuff and i think i did that less than 2 days ago....funny thing is...it happened again today.

Served in choir for the entire afternoon till evening and while walking back to cityhall mrt, I felt like walking from the outdoor route. Also coz the sunset was nice and I hadnt had a chance to gaze at the sky and really appreciate it..for a long time. Which led me to wonder if I was getting too adult...so bogged  down by things that dont matter...and neglect the things that do.

So as i walked by the war memorial, I thought abt how the lights arnd it were meant to shine on it and ....keep it visible in our sight..reminding us abt how things wud nt be this way if not for the war etc...then I saw many couples sitting around that area..private moments of course..and how ironic it is to have a memorial smack in town..with couples sitting around it..lovey dovey...guess our memorial isnt just a memorial for war..but for other things. And pple go there for purposes other than to pay respects and reminisce on our spore history (said in a noble fashion)

So anyway...was thinking of someone recently....sucks because I know things wont happen..and Im sorta scared of meeting this person again coz it sucks me into the void that ive tried sooo hard to get out of for the past few years. So I had my heart set on forgetting my liking to this person before it turns into something uncontrollable and huge.

Loh and behold...as I walked by macdonald's..from a distance I saw 2 familar faces. loh and behold...1 of them was him. SHIT! I didnt run...but I brisk walked hahahahah. I wasnt petrified..I was just shocked at how a mere spur of hte moment decision to walk via the outdoor route to the mrt....would led me to find what I didnt want myself to see. hahaha I got to braddell b4 I smsed the guy that I saw them.

So i know you're laughing babe. And it doesnt come easy saying all this on the blog but Im human just like u. Seems we both have the same symptoms. :)

So my stand on this is....I know how my heart works and I know very well that not all feelings are dependable. spoken w experience to back it up. I'm capable of putting my feeligns in place and not going overboard by taking things lightly and thats what I'll do. :)

Besides if I went w my feelings..half my friends wudnt be my friends coz I like them too. Acordance w the definition of "like" that teens nowadays use. I know which lines to step and which not to.

Why I say all this? Coz while I need to download onto something...I also dnt know if whoever i mentioned is gonna be sticking his nose into my blog. If so...I definitely dnt wanna make akward feelings and I dont like to lose friends. :)

So bro, Im cool hahaha!

Todays service was good. :) I feel blessed and enriched by it! Feel like this week will be a gd week. :)

God bless!

multi-racial stuff again

Had a chat w 1 of my students abt inter racial relationships and etc.

Funny thing is the previous sunday, I found it very very odd that I wud see so many inter-racial couples in a day. Maybe its me but I cud have sworn that i really wasnt looking out for them. Not anymore at least.

So we talked and she wanted to do organize blind dates for me lah. Over my dead body!!

Hahahha Ive come to a point where Im really gonna commit this to God. Yah of course it doesnt mean that I dont make new friends or go out etc and just wait for a guy to swing by my window. It means no matter how I feel towards people, Im gonna let nature take its own course and see what God will show me.

Im not gonna fight for a person..not gonna go out of my way to see a person no matter how my heart can flutter because even the heart can be foolish. Of course Ive established the fact that the bigger reason why Id feel for anyone is most probably because of the lack of love to start with. Like they say, its harder to quit when you;ve already tasted what something is like.

Ya some may say its a foolish thing to do..but I know my God is bringing him in anytime soon.

And besides I know Im blessed w other things like my Bros and sistas. Ian, stephen, franceen, deb, james, peiyan, yq, etc

I took a bit of time to see the pics I had in my office and it made me smile. Esp the one w Cal, neetz, pravin and darren. :) How young we were then. How much fun we had as a team! And how close my bbbro and I were. :) Im blessed to have these friendships. or had..for some cases.

And all my performances at ucc, esplanade, auditorium, convention centre.... :) truly God has been good.

And so back to multi-racial, yes alot have said that I look like the type that'll have a non chinese bf haiz..and I'll say that Ive been there and done that..and while it was good, ti didnt last. Not that Id refuse if it came again...but this time..it has to be w God's approval.

How do I know? His religion.

No offence to all I know who of another religion. :) You know I still love you too. You are my bros and sistas..but "the one" has a higher criteria to fill. hahaha

K done. Gonna be heading to Chinatown now..take pics. walk...
Then ISC's ADD is on tonight. Its gonna be an awesome time!

God Bless!

"The time has come," the walrus said,"to talk of many things"

Had ISC AGM last week...

Was looking at the pictures of all my graduating bunch and somehow...the graduating bunch..no matter which club they are from...always seem like they've grown up sooo much!

It really doesnt matter how much you've done for the club. Its just got to do with whether you're heart was in the club.

Im proud of them for having gone through their 3 yrs. Im proud of them for having done so much for the club.
Im rpoud of them for having lead their juniors till now.

Im proud of them for who they are.

I see so much confidence in their eyes..in their walk...in their body language..the way they speak...

And because of all this..Im proud of them.

Maybe this is a only abit of how a mother would feel when they suddenly realize how much their children have grown..Im not claiming to be their mother k..more like a big sister. :) When ur eyes suddenly open up and you see in front of you...the same bunch of pple..yet they are so different from when you 1st saw them.

Thanks for the memories guys. My little bros & sisters.

When youve graduated...then shall we talk of other things..aside from just ISC... :)

Time to be creative and expand my boundaries

Been in a creative mood these days...need an outlet to express my thoughts.

Met up w Peili (student/friend) had dinner, talked abt the weirdest things..cant imagine myself actually telling her wat Ive told her.

Anyway...Ive a growing feeling that its time I really put God's blessings to use. Time to start my songwriting again...time to put the words and tunes to real life...

Also went to watch Jimmy's SMU musical, Just So last sat. Apparently, a friend I got to know when I auditioned for Spore Idol looonnnggg ago....was 1 of the actors in it.

Cant wait for another chance to perform really...Id take anything right now!

Also cant wait when Peili sets up her fitness business and I'll train with her. :P YEAH!!!

Also plan to save up for Israel! And US!!!

Random I know but needed to voice out. :)

Ning

Giving God his praise...

Today's midweek service was really good. :) It said that God doesnt do plan Bs. everything that happens..devil induced or human induced...its all part of his plan. He doesnt shortchange us from our destiny just coz Satan made us do something bad or we did something wrong. :)

Anyway...I was serving today for choir and the more i served the more I felt impressed to express my thanks to God. Esp after all that has happened this year itself.

I had a chance to sing w my students, I had a chance to do a solo at esplanade!

I can only credit this to God for his provision and his strength and blessing to do it well too. All my performing opportunities have been given by God because without Him, no one would rememebr me to start with! I wouldnt have this voice to start with.

So many things! Good or bad, have worked out to be good for me. After today's sermon...Im more convinced! Think about it...flunking A Levels, coming to Poly....truly is the best thing that has happened to me. It was the start of many dreams fulfilled! Including doing the musical etc

So I truly believe God deserves the praise. He is soo wise and if you just take time to call His name and speak out what u really feel...at the end of the day...there is a peace that passeth understanding..

In fact...Im quite surprised that I was quite calm during the event. Esp teh singing bit. Normally Id be shivering all over! Even during Open House when I sang, I was shaking all over and I was mentally & physically drained! common sense would say that Id be half cold out since its esplanade and Im doing a solo of Andrew lloyd Webbers pieces! But God helped me.

In fact, I was blessed to have a co-host who was new but crazy and funny and that helped too. It was amazing how we could talk during the lunch porridge buffet. ahahah and of all topics..religion. What a weird casual conversation...

I know its God who has provided so many wonderful opportunities for me and made them come my way...

Today as i served..I had the warmth in my heart and the grtitude for all He has given to us. id tell you more stories abt how I wudnt be here if not for Him...esp when I was so young I wasnt even clear who God was then...yet He looked out for me.

I know I am God's beloved..and I believe that everyone who believes in Him is His child.

God Bless!

Dream come true!

Got back from Esplanade. Never thought Id be able to perform in Esplanade Concert Hall but I did. :)

I guess as a compere, to get that chance is like striking a thousand bucks...possible a once in a lifetime..although I choose not to believe so coz God gave me this chance and it would be a glimpse of whats to come next time. Amen!

So glad to have people I know there as moral support. :)
Thanks everyone who came to support me...:) Thanks if you liked my performance...thanks if you just came anyway...

So Im sorta feeling abit regretfult hat I didnt get a chance to fully enjoy the facilities here. The stuff there is superb and the rooms have their own toilet equipped w toiletries etc. Towels too!!
Very nice table lights for makeup, wavy sidebeds...nice comfy seats..:) The life!

The concert hall was excellent. Got to go in to have a look and stood at the sweet spot..the acoustics...the huge-ass organ in the hall, the choir gallery w nice seats, the BIG backstage! I mean...wow!

Till now...I cant believe I sang and hosted there! Wow!!!

If I could, Id do it again and again and again! :)

Haiz....Hate ot say this but it didnt feel like I was at teh Esplanade Concert Hall at all...byt he time we started to host...it felt like any venue and our focus was on compereing. Event eh singing...it didnt hit me that we were singing at the Esplanade until I was done!

Why ah?

Anyway..before Mitchel and I left, we went to the sweet spot again...and looked at the entire stage..and said bye to it..we were carrying our stuff and holding on to the flowers etc and it sorta looked like we were paying respects to the stage...

:) This wont be the last time! :)

Once again, thanks for supporting yah. I felt that this role was too small for me to get people to come or rally supporters...even posting it on facebook seemed like a lousy idea int eh end....but Im still glad u came. :P
To be honest, I didnt feel like I did a very good job..I know I went out of tune...I guess I was glad that the choir coach said i was good. I hhope he means it coz I appreciate it...Didnt tell him that I was in church choir. Soo ya...

Had dinner w Mitchell and friends and Jonadab, Ian & Stephen and YQ...good company..after this..it felt good to hang w them again. :)

Now I have to sleep so tht I can work tomorrow....zzzzz

God Bless

I may have gone overboard...

Too much posting on facebook...Gonna stop.

I sorta feel like i shudnt have made the Esplanade thing such a big thing...its not like it was my concert...

Haiz Condemnation is trying to psycho me into feeling lousy again...

Sorry for blowing my horn...

God Bless

The Starbucks Incident - Coffee Overload

time to explain wha happened haha

YQ & I went for dinner and coffee. Ended up at city hall starbucks and ordered 1honey orange mocha per person. We requested for cold ones but it came out hot. Which eventually was fine by us because we had teh time to sit and drink it.

Loh and behold, 5 mins into our mochas, the crew gives us another 2 cups of teh same mocha on the house. For the few seconds we were like, "uuhhh..uhmm but we already have our coffee..haha" The kind barista of course said, "its okay.nvm u can have it" hahahahha

K Im not usually a coffee person yah. Coffee makes me want to lao sai (aka shit) but this was 2 CUPS!!!

The both of us were so tickled by the situation, we went on facebook to ask for emergency assistance to come down and help us in finishing the extra coffee! Alas...no help came...

So we resorted to laughing off the caffeine (maybe it was due to teh caffeine)...we had such a good laugh abt silly, non-funny things that I ended up tearing (must be the caffeine)...

We left starbucks high on caffeine, laughing and giggling to ourselves...in stitches...and I for one...vowed not to touch coffee for the next 1 month...or 2...esp not starbucks hahahah

Geez!!!......Im still burping coffee lah!

And the moment I got home, I made a Bee-line to the toilet! Nothing violent happened k..just a smooth and quick download. LOL hahahahhaha something tells me Id be going for another round of downloads but there would most prob be another story for another time hahahah

And you know how people drink alcohol and literally feel the their faces warm up because of blood flow...then the whole red face syndrome etc...I feel exactly the same way....all caffeinated...

K amazingly..Im still sleepy....shoot...havnt finished my script for SP Symphonic Band....

Tomorrow must run..tomorrow must run...


God Bless..

The sun will come out...tomorrow..betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow...

K so here's a conscious effort to change the tone of my entries haha Doubt it wil last long (there i go again...) but no harm trying hahaha

Been thinking about minor goals that I set myself..
1) Further studying research
2) Audio training
3) Vocal training
4) Esplanade training
5) Songwriting improvements
6) ...

More to come...

Ive changed...

i read through random blog entries from 2006 till now and I realize how the tone of my entries have changed. I used to be funnier....now Im less cheerful. Just look at the start of this entry! Almost every entry now is heavy hearted...

Alot of things that I wrote on my blog,,,have been forgotten...the fine details especially....And that sorta of made m think " did that really happen? Did i really say that?!?!" while reading.

I guess reality has made me a different person. Of course I still find a happy side to life...but Im not easily amused anymore..
Maybe its these recent years that made me realize that Im quite jaded...

BTW..rehearsal was terrible..I sang like a crow...if Jimmy were there...he'd give me THE FACE...

I was sooo dissappointed w myself! Cud have hung myself in audi..and become the phantom of the audi lah! I know I sorta still have the part....but it was horrendous that I pretty much had no face to say anything!!!

Need to focus on God and think abt this being a blessing from Him...

The highlight of the day is me shooting 3 3pters at the basketball court..consecutively! And getting a total of 8 3 ptrs during my lunch break! :)

Now my arms hurt frm basketball... n my back hurts from OH....

God Bless

Esplanade here I come!

It came as an sms from my colleague...she wanted YQ & I to host for the SP Symphonic Band. I immediately thought, " Yes!" The plus point, its at the Esplanade. :)

How many comperes in Spore get a chance to compere in Esplanade?  Very few! And Mitchell is lucky he can do it too!

I went for the rehearsal yesterday and turns out Estelle has an emergency that she might not be able to perform for them. Im not cursing of gloating etc but I was quite glad that I as offered a chance to try for that missing slot. Meaning...I might get a chance to sing at Esplanade even!

If all goes well...by wed, Id know how far I can take this. I will know how much to celebrate. :)

But even thinking abt hosting at Esplanade gets me excited! I want to make this event mine! I want to show mitchell what it feels to give an event ur all!!!

Pity YQ cant do coz we've been emceeing partners twice and we always had a good time hehehe

I thank God for giving me this chance. He has blessed me so much since the start of this year that its so amazing! :) I know wed isnt here yet and confirmations are not up but Im gonna hold on to my hopes and practice. If it so happens that I cant do the singing...then I'll still be fine w it because I know God's plan is always good for me. :)

K from Open House..its a big leap to Esplanade! Amen!

God Bless

Monday Blues....

Slow day in the office....

God was good to me...he cleared my 4K fear...now I can relax abit more and get it cleared without begging for money. :) Thanks God!

Sounds funny but I miss doing the Open House..beats the 9-5 deskjob anytime man! And the more I watch the sound guys do their thang, the more I wished I knew all that shit too. :/
I wanna further study but I really dont know what I want to further study in..and wats worse, I dont know if I can handle studying and working at the same time! Damn...

Its interesting even..on how the Open House could make me feel sooo lost about life....

Seems everybody knows where to go but me...

I know what I love though...singing, dancing, basketball (not that I can play it), writing songs....alot fo these things have been shelved because of time....I havnt played basketball in months! I havnt ran in months!, I havnt even bladed or swam in months! I havnt touched my guitar for years! And of course, havnt learnt dancing for abt a year...And if I think about it..what do I have left?
My life is as plain as a no-fat kracker....

Tsk...

Think its time for me to go back to things I loved to do....like songwriting....and singing..Wished I knew alot of languages..that way..my repertoire would be bigger. :P yah its weird to sing indian songs but it was fun. :P

I was looking through my facebook pics..doing housekeeping..and listening to PeterPan...they fit. Sorta makes me feel nostalgic. :) Thanks all for he happy memories..need to do more housekeeping. Need to upload more pics. :)

My goodness! :) If there is anything Im proud of...its knowing those that I know man....

God Bless!

Tattoo Exhibition

So YQ & I went down to see tattoos.

The tattoos are (on the overall) very interesting. Alot of dragon, water, fish motifs and alot of portraits of famous people etc.

I guess the only 2 issues I have w tattoos is that.....it has to be something that means alot to you..for life....and it has to be an original design...not taken from a scrapbook etc.

Not that I wud be doing one..but if I did, I wouldnt wanna go down town 1 day to seee someoneelse have the same tattoo as me. That would be major bummer! And I also dont wanna have some ex bf's name on me and have to laser it off when the ass breaks up w me.

Lastly...I dont wanna do one when Im young...only to have the entire image sag and go unproportionate when Im old, wrinkly and my skin lacks elasticity...very ...very bad move.

And of course hte christian religion says our body is His temple..which is maybe why some christians may think tattoos are a very bad idea. I guess they cud be right..but looking it in another way...if I ever do get one, Id get 1 of a cross etc...to remind myself...

Dont get me wrong..I dont despise people w tattoos. Contrary...makes me wanna ask them abt their lives.
Some people have songs to mark the milestones of their lives. Others have tattoos.

Ive have at least 5 close friends who have tattoos and each of them did it as remembrance to something.


K well...sunday is ending too soon....I havnt even started resting....Sobsss....I want time to stop...(having a fit)....*kicking*...*screaming*....RRROOOAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Peace of Mind..and a bunch of tattoos

Note how weirdly unfitting the title fo this entry is...

Woke up super early and got ready for church. Yah I wasnt physically ready for it but I know I had to do it. Not right to abandon my choir service just coz my sat was burnt for the school. And besides serving did me alot of good. It helped me clear my mind.

Been feeling abit out of track these 3 days. Mostly due to the event. lets say that it made me abit more emo, abit sadder, abit regretful...abit or alot of things...and it got me thinking of alot of 'what ifs".
Yah its all personal and its something I can really mention so Im just digesting all this for hte past 3 days...and church brought me back to what I always thought was most imnpt.

Im back to my peaceful self...knowing that there will always be a pillar of strength for me to go to (God) when Im feeling abit lost and emo hahahahahahahah

So Im down at Expo now...waiting at Subway for friends...going to see the Tattoo Exhibition.

NOOO LAH!! I dont wanna get a tattoo! but I do wanna see whats in there hahahaha There is a reason why so many people wanna get one and I sorta understand why...Its also about art. Tattooing is to be honored as a form of art if done nicely and Im interested to see what kind of art is there.

Lets take it as an art exhibition k. :)

PLUS: You all know Im not good at tolerating pain hahahaha :)


For the past 3 days...I really felt the need to tell those I know and love...in the face....that I love them. :) And that I miss them...so...to all I know...I love you guys yah...and I miss you too. :)


God Bless

Day 3. Its over!!!!

Sat was spent on this event and it was fun but very tiring.

Feel bad to add pressure on my students.... Im sorry...

Damn tired now but didnt wanna go homee yet...so had dinner and coffee at cityhall.

Didnt get a chance to thank the sound crew so might as well do it here. Thanks, Ice, Wan-D, E-kin, Ziz? Hahahaha without this bunch of fun-loving dudes...come to thiink of it ...Wan is the biggest clown... But without them...I wudnt be as relaxed abt things.

Alvin, Zaid, Alia, YQ all came down and it was sooo good to see alumni come back! :) Sounds crazy but I do miss em. :)

So I must say that I had alot of fun handling e performances....Im not very savvy w l;ights and sound though...

Anyway i also learnt another thing abt myself today...Im not comfortable w chivalry towards me. Hahahaha Its sorta crazy but when pple  are nice to me...I get a mental alarm going off in my head. Esp when its a guy around my age...Haiz...hence I know that Im not too good around guys. Hahahahaha

Also..I think Ive gone in contact w teenagers too long that my mentality and language is abit like them....

Ive also recently been very aware of how emo Ive become and how willingly I want to be emo hahaha Haiz..maybe coz this period of time is also a time that makes me think of my past abit and so reminds me of how much Ive missed out. And adding all this together...makes things look like emo-ing is a good idea. Haizzz

K end of entry. Back to normal schedule...

God Bless

Day2

K so im done w day2 of the programme. dont wanna be caught on the sp blog finder thingamajig so Im gonna be discreet. :)

Day 1 was sooo tiring, I just shut down entirely..the moment I landed on my bed.

Today it was more relaxing. ;)

Im damn thankful for a nice grp of sound guys to help w the audio yah. Wan-D & gang. Sad to say the 2 others, Ryan & Isk werent there. Haiz. Wud have been fun having them around too. Hahaha

In fact, Ive come to like their style hajahha ya I feel bad making them climb up n down to settle the setup and they sometimes give me the deadpan look and pout just to make me feel bad haha...but their pretty okay guys! oh...yah...they smoke..haizz

So kudos to the crew. :) U learn that with them, if u respect them, treat them reasonably etc..they will help u.
In fact for any1 who does stuff in the entertainment industry....they get immediately cheezed off my arrogance. Hmm life lesson.

few interesting things happened. :) All good!

1) SP Makeup Artists gave their 1st fashion show w their own makeup and their own costumes and their own models (some were makeup artists) Im soo happy for them because they finally got a try at it!
Shan & Ros from Perfect 10 came down and hosted abit of the show. They introed SP Makeup Artists for their fashion show and because of the 2 of them, we had excellent audience!!!

2) Wan-D was being funny by trying to chat me up and sorts haha which is amusing coz we'd be serious one moment and totally off track another. And as it is Im not good w guys so..when he goes into his "yes dear/anythign u want darling" mood...I just go " yah right Wan" mode hahaha yah well having Wan as the main man on the audio makes me feel secure coz at least he's done it before.. its the same feeling I get when YQ or Jonadab or Ian or Stephen are there. I trust them. Sooo looks like I'll have a new bro soon hahhah
Wan-D: We knoe each other for a year already. Time to take things up tot he next level *grin*
Ning: Yah! We're friends!
Hahahaha amusing lah We even wrapped Jonadab up! Awww!

3) Comperes got contacts from an external company for compereing stints!!! WWOHHHOOOOOO!!!! Comperes ticket out of SP!!!!!!!!

Yep..after all this...I know I like to do shows...but I also know that its also coz of the people around..that makes me love to do shows!

4) I sang for SP Guitarists. Sang Zombie and Sweet Child of Mine. Almost killed the drummer today because he was almost late. Its such an addiction to sing on stage that I was soo tired yesterday..by it. But...right after doing my songs...I missed it. Damn!


K sooo tomorrow is day 3. last day of the programme! :)

Tired man..nights...

God Bless

1st post of the year

It didnt end well and it didnt start good.

I admit I havnt been a good leader in this aspect but I know I want to change and its not gonna be easy since its mostly gonna look like nobody will be responding.

Maybe people will call me crazy but Im casting Comperes to God. It doesnt mean that I wont be bothering abt them  It means that I consider my actions and check them with God 1st before acting.

I started church with a not sooo happy mood and I cried when I sang praises to Him but the moe I sang, the happier and the more peaceful I got. I know God doesnt want any of His children to be stressed and He has seen my life in its entirety and He will be my help in this time of need.

I left the church feeling at ease.

If not for Him, my 1st blog would have been a horrendous, eruption of vulgarities and upset even people who dont deserve to be upset.
After alot of thinking and putting off writing that entry...God gave me the peace to not post it. Instead..I wronte an email that was (in my opinion) so much more subdued than I wanted initially. Yet I know I made myself very clear. If the receiver of hte email doesnt learn her lesson...I will still need God's wisdom to do this...

All I know is this...I will not be discouraged by a mere group of youth. :)
My God is mightier than any human.. Amen!

God Bless