New Year Resolutions/Goals

- learn swimming
- learn cycling
- less bitchy, more patient
- better time management
- pick up that guitar again
- sign language
- write songs again
- eventually start jamming more seriously
- get a camera
- take out the clutter so I can see clearer the way ahead
- sing

Theres more but this is it for now... :) This year, the master aim of it is to make full use of my time!!!! In ways that are worthwhile.

God Bless

New year is coming soon...

Time has flown yet not. Feels like more than a year that I had left Sydney but thats not the case…
Ive adapted to my work and whilst all that, had the chance to catch up with family, family, friends, ex students etc..
Ive caught up with old friends who make me laugh out loud, some who make me quietly reminisce about the good old days and some who make me sing out loud. :)

Maybe its the returning that has made me slightly emotional…anyway here are a few thoughts that I might put into songs some time
- its safer to fall in love with songs than a human
- we are all stuck on this road of not being able to find the right one
- Cut too deep, fear of sharp objects

Hahahah emo much. Meh. its 1.30am. Im allowed hahaha

Ning

Dont really want this Christmas to end...

The party is over and everyone has gone back home. Tomorrow is a working day so everyone has gone home early…

Quite frankly, I wished Christmas didn't end. Yes it's a childish thought but the family warmth felt during Christmas has been missed for 3 years that you can't really judge me for wanting more.

While the older generation sit and chat at the table, us younger uncles and aunties sit down on the living room floor, playing with the children.
We play and laugh and laugh and play. Topple, Bingo, etc Like old times.
In fact, while we were taking up living room space, amidst toys and presents, it looked like we were kids again except older and bigger. More space taken up but ever joyful.

One thing has changed..
My grandparents have passed away, no Christmas tree, not many presents and no christmas music playing…BUT… the time spent with my cousins and the kids was what kept the Christmas warmth alive.

We went down to try out my nephew, Max's new remote control car. Allan, Bryan, Ally, Max, Luke and I. While Allan flew his little plane, Bryan watched over baby Luke, Max drove his car an Ally and I played on the swings.

Then all of us sat on a 2 by 2 seater see saw that creaked upon the combined weight but still managed to excite the small ones. While the see saw moved under our weight, their little bums flew off their seats and we imagined we were galloping around the track, jumping over hurdles and racing other horses. Such heartfelt child-like laughter.

Its the laughter that keeps the older generation alive, that keeps them acting silly. And nobody is feeling embarrassed.

Ally was given an airbrush tattoo set. She gave me, Bryan, Andrew, Yvonne, her mum, Uncle Albert a tattoo each. Mine is a cat. Its not the neatest looking cat but I won't be embarrassed about it at work tomorrow. To me, that and the time I had with my family, were the best presents this year.

Personally I thank God for a wonderfully big family with a tight knitted gang of cousins who don't lose their child-like ways after so long. It is a blessing to still have all of that.

Heres wishing all of you a Christmas of love, regardless of religion.

God Bless

Back

So I'm back...
Anyway despite being back for a month, I'm still feeling like a tourist. :)
Im meeting up with family and friends as much as I can. :/ Afterall thats really what I've been missing.
Yes I have started work and funnily enough, my office is still the corner office :) which is (in my opinion) the best part of the office :P

Since being back, Ive noticed a greater difference in my character. At times I'm more vocal, bitchier, more forthcoming, stricter and more talkative...It might be a new year goal to cut down on some of that hahahaha

Anyway, its obviously Christmas Eve and something about Christmas makes me thing back on the past, everything that has happened this year etc.

I cant believe that earlier this year, I was still doing secondments in Australia, specifically Syd Fest.In this year itself, I got to know more good friends than in the last 2 years combined. I have to be thankful for all the secondment opportunities I was given this year.
To my Aussie friends and family, its been such fun playing/working with you guys. I will come back to visit soon :)

To all my friends in other countries, Merry Christmas, stay safe, keep in touch. :)

God Bless

Last week..

Handing in my work..packing up my work desk and corner space... reality is kicking in.

Also thinking about pacing my stuff at home. Can't wait to head down to melbourne next week to say my goodbyes to family and friends in melbourne.

This place has been some what or a home to me for the past 3 years..yet I know for sure that this place means as much to me as the people I love in it.

From my birthday (that just ended) I learnt that there is alot lesser things to miss than I thought...or or rather that there are lesser people here taht would miss me thatn expected. It was dissappointing but it makes it easier for me to leave.

considering how Im budget packing (cant bring everything home) I'm automatically compartmentalizing everything into importance...Cant bring alot of things home. It also made me compartmentalize my emotions and feelings of this place and the people here...

Many lists...

Lists of poeple I will miss
List of people I'd wanna keep in touch with
List of things Im leaving behind
List of places in Aus Id visit again...

GOd Bless

1 more month

Time flies. I know I've said this many times but it's true!
I have exactly 1 more month before I head back to Singapore.
And I'm heading back for good.
I know it isn't true but after this month, my life in Australia would start to seem like it was a figment of my imagination.

I knew that I would never stay in Australia for good. I knew that I would always be heading back to Singapore because there is where family and most of my friends are.
Yet on this month before departure, I do still want to reminisce the fun times I've had in Sydney.

Admittedly I'm sure I would have had a crazier time if I'd let myself go. But in my head was always gonna be the conservative, asian, introverted, overly matured me.

Like all things I do to make sense of my life, I do want to come up with a list of fun times I've had in Australia. In my next entry.

Now, I'm watching my last season of NIDA productions. The graduating productions.

We made it all the way to Year 3. :)
I dont think my grades are exceptional BUT I know I've learnt a lot!

God Bless

Stressed...

As usual right...I'm trying not to let things stress me out so easily..

Audio is however something I want to pursue and so it's frustrating when I just keep making silly mistakes in front of my supervisor...

I guess I need to keep reminding myself that it's the process and not the end results. Even if I barely pass, I should not be discouraged by my results but make sure that I make mistakes and learn from them...

God Bless

the last weekend before things get abit hectic

Gonna have abit of fun this weekend to wind down before the real hectic schedule starts...
I've had a few small wins this week and it's given me confidence. :)
My director loves the sound design Ive done so far...
Also I managed to repair 2 of my damaged earphones :) With abit of soldering magic and patience I did it! :)
Next up I will start doing my minijack to TS jacks :)
Weirdly enough, there is much satisfaction to be gained from all this soldering. Reminds em of how I tried to take apart and put together my clock when I was a kid. :) love it!

That aside, I've booked my tickets back to SG. 18 november.
Can't wait but at the same time I wonder how Id feel on the week before I leave...would I miss this place more than expected? Hmm

God Bless

Okay come on! Let's finish this up well!

Into my last term. Doing sound design and that is exciting but nerve wrecking... :/ I know I willg et through this and as well as I can. I will not let laziness get me down!

I can do this!

Like the little train engine who thought he coudl and thought he could and thought he could and DID. :)

Ning

August

Been in STC doing lighting. before that, CODA.
All is going pretty well.
Part of me is itching tog et home and start applying what ive learnt. Apparently the new audi is done with new sound and lx desk. Can't wait. made lists!
its my last 3 months here...
Had numerous dreams of being back in SP with students.
Can't believe that time has flown so fast!

I still dont know if i will miss sydney... i know I will miss some people here...

through these few weeks, ive awoken to a realization as well that there is soo much that i havnt done in life. dreams that Ive let slip away... and Im gonna set myself goals to not give up on them..slowly I will fulfill them...hopefully within the coming 2 years.. coz tie is of hte essence and its running away from me...

its time...

Had fun the past 2 days exploring Sydney city.. today I walked into JB hifi and saw a 5 channel mixer and some mice...somewhere a new urge to record and sing etc came up. I think it might be time to write songs again... and this time..maybe do my own tune.. cause what i realized is that its abit hard to convey exactly what one wants in the tune to someone else..when teh only one hearing the tune is u...

Time is short...need to write songs quickly...

finally

Production is over and tomorrow is my last day..
while waiting for some things to be signed off and done..my thoughts started exploring and reflecting.

i found myself crying over my auntie again... the short day i had to grieve for her before bump in wasnt enough i guess... especially after looking at her watsapp accnt and Facebook...

All in all, Im tired...

Bye...

My auntie passed away yesterday...

Got the news during lunch time and I thought I could hold my tears..until I saw that my last facebook status, "the biggest failure in life is not being able to say "i love you" face to face to those you love, especially family members... She liked the facebook status that morning...
It may seem like a trivial thing but her liking that comment broke me down like a ton of bricks....

Some of you dont understand that my family has a knack for holding grudges and not expressing their love and appreciation outrightly. Saying " I Love You" almost seems like something we say when we have to say goodbye.... That should never be the case.

Thanks Gu for being my auntie, my strict tutor, my Godma (The one I looked the most alike), my gentle reproofing voice that I actually heeded when both my parents couldnt get to me, thanks for being the one who brought classical music into my life even though I never learnt piano from you. Even now, hearing the piano playing classical music gives me peace.... Thanks for looking after Mama even though you werent very comfortable with it, thanks for keeping the family together or even continually trying... Thanks for being the "mum" us cousins always had..even though you never had your own kids...You looked after every single one of us cousins. Thanks for being you...

I will always remember you and your strength... I Love You...

Revelation

Only recently did I realize just how important it is to have a partner of the same faith and of the same ideology of the faith. Especially for a faith like mine and my beliefs in the powers that we as Children of God have or should have.

In a situation where I do need someone to talk to about this and yet not have someone to do it with....it's building up in me. In fact, other than Jesus, there is no one else I can talk to now...

In fact alot of those I know would call me idealistic, unrealistic, blinded..too into the Jesus thing...
And everythingelse at this point, pales in comparison... Truly it is times like that that make me feel like I truly do not belong to this world...and that what I truly wanna do right now is read my bible and figure out exactly how a Child of God is meant to live and conquer the world.

Even other Christians would beg to differ on some views I have...

I believe my God is the one true God. I believe that He is the Creator of everything. I believe he has a Son, Jesus, who came down to be a human, to live our lives, show us what Our Father God is like by acting and doing everything His Father says. He is a living example of our God.
I believe that Jesus died for our sins, conquered the cross and death and rose again.
In doing so, He made us clean by switching his righteousness with our sins.

In cleaning us of our sins, we are no longer under Satan's jurisdiction anymore. Because all our crimes have been put on Jesus. Satan is barking up the wrong tree as far as we are concerned.
But he does it anyway because he wants us to believe that we deserve our punishment.

Now that Jesus lives by our Father God's side, the Holy Spirit is in us. The Holy Spirit teaches us about everything, about God and His love for us and about us as Children of God. With a piece of God in us, all the more Satan cant touch us! he sure cant be in us because you cant have good and bad in you at the same time.

If Jesus lived the example of His Father and healed everybody who came to Him and God never changes...then 2000 years later, what would be the reason that miracles dont happen?
God hasnt changed, Jesus still lives, Satan has no hold on us because the Holy Spirit is in us.
if anything at all that has changed, is that Jesus isnt bound by space anymore. He is in every Child of God. God still wants to heal and like before, he never asked people if they have sinned before they were healed...

Holding on to faith

It truly is hard...

I cant imagine how those of that age could hold so fast onto what they heard and believe in miracles and healing..to the point that they would travel the distance to seek Jesus out.

And knowing that it would have been impossible to know where Jesus and the disciples were and when, it would most probably have been a common issue to have reached a place and realized that they just left yesterday morning...

Maybe for alot of them, seeking Jesus for his healing would have been the last resort? because all other medications or methods didnt help? Or somehow, some of them heard so much that they had a GUT feeling that Jesus was the answer.

And when I say "was" I should be saying.. "is"

For a world that has the internet and TV footage, youtube, etc..yet our world has so little faith and so much scepticism on miracles.

Yet so many of us are still desperate for "healing" or the "answer" to our problems...

Why cant we believe?

My faith in God is small like a mustard seed. And these few days, my inner self battles against the common world saying miracles dont happen... But in my I know God doesnt change.

And given the comment, "you should be more realistic" My common self may have the tendency to want to agree but...what is reality?

Isnt reality what we know to be real? Isnt it then a relative term? defined by popularity?

What is real? Is it what can be proven? Then how are miracles not reality? If they do happen?

If time was any less long or short..would that make a miracle less probable?

What is truth and what is fact. Isnt even fact a relative thing due to popular belief? Until proven wrong?

Wasnt it a fact long ago that the world was flat?

I believe my God, my Heavenly Father. I believe Jesus Christ took my sins away via His death and Resurrection.

While I cant explain it in words and while my mind may choose to wonder and go "what if' "what if", I choose to stand strong and repeat my belief because that is my last choice.

GOd Bless

BIG ASS CURVE BALL

So while managing the production, got a curve ball and i have 1 less week to get the show up.

Its a drastic change and that got me abit stressed and just abit too vocal about it..

Thanks to classmates, destressed with chinese food and yoghurberry. Cheered me up a lot.

Lastly had a bad dream last night...dreamt that my grandma passed away.

Dreamt that we went shopping somewhere and suddenly we were at a church and before i know it, she was down on the floor and i had to shove through crowds to get to her. Cried in my sleep....

Bad night...

Hope this day will unfold peacefully and productively...

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

God Bless

it's hard...no seriously it's hard

Back in school and into my first week of productions as a production manager...it's hard.
Dont get me wrong, I will keep at it. I dont give up. But it's really hard for me...

In the past 2 days, Ive come home with a glazed look, hunchbacked, aching shoulders and honestly, in need of a drink. (not that i actually drink)

Im constantly worrying about forgetting something :/

Honestly, being a Christian/Child of God, I know I can do better than this. I know I have the physical strength and mental strength to go through trials..because my strength and wisdom and positivity comes from God. Just that as a human, it's so hard to not depend on my own strength and depend on Him...
And its precisely because in my own strength I keep failing..resulting in me being dissappointed in myself...

sigh...

Just feel the need to sit in church now and have some quiet time with Him...

God Bless

so many things happening in this world

So Im back in Sydney. It was great to catch up with old friends in Perth. Many of them have established families there. While for me, I'd still rather live in Singapore than in Australia. That said, I do wanna travel more in Australia.

Now that I'm back and in NIDA, realization of my production and it's complexities is setting in. It is a fun set and I would be glad to see it in its complete state but till then, Im scared...

Anyway, the realisation of me returning back to SG this year is becoming bigger. Only thing I will feel sad from leaving Sydney, is the people I've come to love, the festivals and road trips. other than taht, i really can't wait to get back to SG. I miss family and friends and more so than before, I have a stronger urge to bring my family together. Not just immediate family but extended.

Ive lists of things I wanna do when I get back. how I'd improve my room and the house, my extended family album, spending time with my niece and nephews and my cousins. etc

Need to also look at learning how to cycle, swim and maybe drive. especially if I want to drive during road trips...

Living alone has only showed me how much I dont know...

Aside from all these domestic thoughts, there so many things happening around the world like the Boston Marathon Bombing, North Korea threatening to bomb South Korea, Pakistani misuse of the Blasphemy islam law, Africa's constant battles..it all leads me to wonder if the end is near...

It also brings to mind that just because the aussie skies here are bright, blue, shining and warm, doesnt mean that Afghanistan isnt covered with dust clouds conjured by bomb blasts or that death looms on the doors of some pakistanis...or that somewhere in Africa, a dozen have not just died from Aids...

We live in such a baby blue glass bowl.... even if we dont have a big wall around us that stops us from seeing the outside..doesnt mean it isnt mentally or psychologically there...

days of rest

So since being back Ive been itching for meet ups.

Been getting to know people who have been pretty cheeky with me. Guys in fact.
So I've got my guard up against these guys..hmmm
I feel like ive been honest and made it clear that being cheeky with me doesnt really work. *shrugs* some guys just function that way.

Had a really interesting chat with one of them. About looking serious and smiling.
Despite how everything is, it's always good to smile and sound cheerful and positive.

Ive booked my tixs to Perth. Owe many people the trip and so it shall be done. its for a short few days but enough to meet up with everyone.
After all it's not like I will get the same chance to do that once I get back to SG.

Cleaning up my room today...freeing myself from paper hell and hopefully in doing so, minimising the amount of stuff I need to bring back to SG. Gonna scan most of it I guess...

Yes I am thinking ahead. Its only freaking march and Im already thinking about November. Can't help it when people are asking when i will be back.

God Bless

Adelaide to Sydney

Just writing down the experiences ive had in the past 2 months

Starting with all the 1st times
- sleeping in a backpackers lodge
- going to a place entirely alone (no distant relatives and no family and friends accompanying me)
- doing womadelaide
- homestay in a wonderful house
- roadtrip from adelaide to sydney
- driving a golf buggy
- seeing the sunrise in an unfamilar country
- living in a car and campervan
- seeing a dead wombat
- watched animal farm

I feel like I might have grown up abit more during this trip.. maybe understood myself alot more.
In fact throughout this secondment, I have grown up a fair bit...

Missing Singapore now. Every time someone from Singapore comes to visit, I will need a day after to get myself back into Sydney mood.

Gotta wait for a good internet source to upload my pictures. :) it will be fab! But not as good as my friends camera I guess...DSLR... my little camera is dying..plans to save up for a new camera is in place.

had a long watsapp chat with Sonal today..miss her because she would have been the person Id get home to and have long chats with. She's definitely a sister from another Motherland. Had to update her abt all the interesting things that have happened in my life.
- pakistani and nepalese security guards chatting me up during Syd fest
- thai guy from the cleaning service wanting to be more than friends
- bar manager jokingly asking me to sleep w him. LOL!
- my friend experiencing a full porn show in teh backpackers place
- a friends allergic reaction to bed bugs
- endless roads with black skies and wildlife by the road

I know the moment I do up a list, my brain will get back into perspective but a part of me doesnt want to...

the past 2 months have felt like a dream...
dreams that I only have a written record (this) and pictures to prove that it all happened.

God Bless

Adelaide to Melbourne

In lieu of my friend coming to Adelaide for holiday and me promising to accompany him from there to Melbourne and then to Sydney, we hired a vehicle to do so. Dropping by at the Great Ocean Road.

The journey has been fun, full of wonderful scenery, silly foolish moments of sleeping in the cold car, night driving to watch sunsets and the race against time to see family and friends in Melbourne.

Admitedly, from this trip, I discover more about myself. The similarities between Mum and I. Not that I never knew where she was coming from but that I realize that if I was put in the same situation, I would react teh same way. Anal retentive, always worried about rushing against time, always thinking beforehand about what others would need and getting easily irritated.

Maybe its the need to have control...

Albeit, if i was 1 of a group and I didnt have to worry about others, i would be alot more chilled. But in this case, I felt like I had a responsibility to look after my friend. And i find myself getting easily irritated.

Im not blaming him. Its as much a challange for me to control my temper and find out the roots of my feelings as well as it is for h to constant be ehind hte wheel and get us across the states.

While I know I may not be a happy camper to chase after him and make sure he's okay, I realize that I do because e needs to concentrate on the wheel...And while we are rushing against time, I need to relax that rule because we cant afford the driver to be tired behind the wheel.

Which brings me to the thought that I wish I knew how to drive...

Ive bcome the mum of the trip.

I guess hte moral of the story is that if I go on a trip with another person, its either that we both do things the same way and have the same mindset or I dont travel with a single person but in a bigger group...

On our way to sydney now....

God Bless

Post festival

Feeling abit sad. feel like I dissappointed others and myself.

I know I could have done better for this...I just wasnt on my A game. I was ill prepared...

Yet I love this festival. But how can I prove it if I did not give my all in this festival? :/

I let it sleep...and I feel disgusted with myself...

What is done is done... I cant rewind time....

I cant keep blaming myself like what Stephen said...and so I have to be my worst critic...

I hope this wont be the last time I do this festival...

God bless

Come on! Buck up!

The entire day, i had a little person by my ear going, whispering "why are you working so slowly?
it made me wanna dig a big hole and sink in"
In essence, my day was baaddd

Had a good chat with Juz. In fact to be honest, seems like Juz and a very minute hand full of people are the ones i can chat abt these things with... No matter how introverted someone is, he/she still needs to have someone like that. :)
These are the ones I will really miss when I leave...

As Juz said," Tomorrow is a new day.'

Gotta keep telling myself that every day is a new chance to fight.

God Bless

:)

Feeling better now.

Every day I try to remind myself and chat with God to build my faith in Him.
I can do nothing. He can.

every day I fight my reservations... remind myself to trust my gut feel. Maybe the better word to use isnt gut feel but the Holy Spirit in me.

I cant explain this..And not every christians much less a non christian, would believe me..but God does give us the ability to experience peace. And this peace is the evidence that somethings will or will not work out. Not to be mixed with doubt. or fear.

Anyway, just finished watching a cantonese drama... dang it..

I know ive always been a very serious or standoffish person to certain emotions...
Or just seemingly very calm..

But watching love stories, reading love stories etc...the side effect of it is that I sometimes ask myself why...

As for love songs..they're just really sappy..just saying..

But honestly... I wonder why my life isnt as romantic or dramatic.

And then I remember what I went through...lol! That in itself was a Bollywood movie! Short of running around the tree, I admit that I did enjoy being in the rain hahahahahaha

I wonder if my story was a canto drama, whether old flames will resurface hahaha That would be a proper canto drama... Oh and comedy needs to be had. :)

Dont get me wrong...I dont know if I still love him. what I do know is that I like any human, get lonely. And I like any human, will want to hold on to happy memories and have back those happy memories.
For all we know, while I may feel like the person has to be the same, it might not actually be so... hmm

Im not writing this with a serious longing hahaha Im just analysing.

Having seen a few of my friends gone through breakups, I realize just how valiable this experience that I had is to helping console them.

The many times that I tried so hard to find words to express my inner troubled feelings and sadness, have given me a vocabulary to describe what they sometimes can't...

Yes..okay Im not making sense...SIGH..

Anyway just felt like writing something... :)

Maybe God's peace of mind is giving me this objectivity hahaha

God Bless

Not giving up...

So family updates were negative this time round and some of my relatives are sick.
As were the last 4 departed in my family, I tried to fight for the miracle.
Likewise this time.
Also why I didnt tell people what the family condition is because I didnt want to hear the negativity. I didnt want people to bring down my already small faith. I didnt want the negative thoughts around this situation to grow.
My entry today is to voice out what I believe is the outcome of this situation.

MY RELATIVES WILL BE HEALED!

Many people out there would reiterate the fact but I know believe in the Truth.
I believe that Truth would set those I love free from their diseases.
It is Done!

Jesus went about healing those who were sick and came to Him. Nowhere in the bible does it say that He rejected any of them. Also he didnt just heal the Jews, but the Gentiles, the ones who didnt know about the Law, who probably didn't even know the religion. Maybe they went to Him because they heard of His healing powers and believed that he would heal them.
Compare that to us Christians who are not Jews, who never followed the Law in our lives. Are we not like those Gentiles who got saved? In fact what we now have that they never had is the Holy Spirit who lives in us! which means we dont even need to travel high and low in search for Jesus Christ himself but look to him through our own hearts.

Every time someone in the Bible asked to be healed, Jesus's response was I AM WILLING. There would be people who didnt get healed but thats because they didnt approach Him. Maybe they watched Him heal others but for some reason, they didnt approach Him? Maybe they were scared that Jesus would say No..maybe they were scared that Jesus couldnt heal their particular disease?

But the Bible says that Jesus healed EVERY disease... And theres no saying No. Which disease is greater than Death? Even that Jesus not only healed but conquered.

In fact maybe those who asked Jesus "will you be willing to heal me?" Had doubt..but had enough faith to go up to Him. Thats isnt even being fully confident that Jesus would heal. yet Jesus did heal!

Then why do we still question whether God will heal now? Whats the difference now?
Woudl it be any different now that Jesus isnt physically in front of us? Does that mean His power is lesser than before? if anyting at all, he is sitting at the right hand of our Father. in Heaven.
The Holy Spirit is in us even. What we receive is direct from God through the Holy Spirit!

Are we too sinful to not be able to receive? In God's eyes everyone would have been sinful when Jesus was a human. Nobody would have been able to call themselves righteous because Jesus had not died for our sins yet... even the Pharisses were sinful. And since one sin was enough to make us as sinful as the next, all of us would have been as sinful as the people of those ages.

Does having the medical advancement now become a double edged sword. It heals us in many advanced ways but also gives us the most advanced medical facts that we are now unable to believe in God...

Has fact become so widely known that Truth cant be believed because nobody agrees to it?
Like how the most widely spread rumour is the truth because everyone believes it is so?
Is that why the truth that My God loves me and would never bring harm unto me is unbelieved? Is that Why My God can and WILL heal isnt believed as well?

I believe that God CAN HEAL and has healed. I await His goodness to show Result!

The disease in my relatives body has been expelled or eaten away or shrivelled from the lack of condemnation.

The Lammin Cell in their bodies will regenerate through the Holy Spirit.

I await the Good news that My relatives will be in the pink of health! Praise The Lord My Saviour Jesus Christ! The One True King Who is TRUTH and LIFE! Who IS the Fruit of the TREE OF LIFE!
The Knower of MY HEART! THE SON of the FATHER who knew me before I was made..who loved me before my ancestors were born! Before I was a neutron! Who THOUGHT of me!
PRAISE HIM!

God Bless!

Adelaide

So my 2nd day in Adelaide and 1st day at work. Office is a wonderful white building and its cosy inside with people working in every corner.

Cant believe Im here alone and doing a festival Id always wanted to do!

Coming down to Adelaide was a thrill and staying in a backpackers hostel in an 8 share bedroom is quite the experience.

Albeit there are somethings which im still living in luxury with. Ie: eating out etc for now...

But living in a backpackers hostel is a challenge because of all the different nationalities involved..maybe im just not comfortable with other nationalities yet. especially non asians.

I wonder why...

Anyway its been fun exploring Adelaide for now. Now that the work load is slowly seeping in. I gotta plan my time and get my head into work mode more. I guess being in a new state/country makes you feel like ur on a holiday and you can have alot of fun. Fun YES. Alot of it NO.

Planning to watch alot of shows here. in fact planning to stay till the end of Adelaide Festival. :)

There is just soo much happening here that I had to sit down during breakfast and mull over what to watch. money vs entertainment. Maybe the short break I wanted to have after Womad, wouldnt happen because hte money Id wanna use for that, would have been spent on shows.

Also missing people in Sydney whom I love. 

My goal here is not only to have fun doing this festival, and learning all that I can, but to explore Adelaide! it shall be done!

Miss home, miss my room, miss family, miss farmily, miss heaps of people. 

God Bless

festival moments so far

1) guy in a wedding gown tied up w cable ties
2) dance floor covered with bottles and alcohol
3) a guy who asked if he could grab me
4) a guy who said to me "you! me! My bed! now!"
5) security guards asking my age
6) lead guitarists/vocalists stripping down to his birthday suit, posing in all glory and spitting at the audience, then falling over on stage
7) knowing so many wonderful people (venue staff/security guards/technical people/CODA people/ Syd fest organisers)

secondment so far

So after Castor & Pollux, Ive found myself in another baroque music opera but this time it include a fashion show. Thankfully , like the last one, Ive had the privilage of working with nice people.
I cant express how small the industry is! Alot of them I end up working with more than once.

Eg: Had to hire double basses and ended up calling the double bassist in Castor & Pollux. After numerous attempts to find luthiers and hiring companies!

And then the tuner of hte harpsichord and organ of the fashion show opera was hte same tuner of Castor & Pollux. I also had to ask him for a luther's number who could repair a baroque cello bow in a matter of hours.

And some of the mechs that worked in Castor & Pollux have worked in Castor & Pollux too.

Also had the privilage of working with Sonya and Ruth who are amazing people in their own rights. I have learnt so much. Not just what they do but how they do it (attitude, drive etc)

From Semele Walk (baroque opera fashion show) to Paradiso. All is going well so far :)

Im working hard but happy and loving working with these people. :) Soooo much respect for them!

TOday is my day off and I intend to let my body rest as much as it can.. :/

ALso..lost my ipod touch :( feeling very sad...

Thank you Daddy God for the people Ive worked with so far. :)

God Bless

Its been a long time...

Woke up at 8am today. Damn the body clock!
Finally get to rest a day and Im lost for stuff to do!

Went to Chinatown to get some canto movies and a chinese book to read.
I liked mandarin and cantonese its just that I wasnt fluent in them because i dont speak it enough. And i dont read mandarin stuff. Now I will try..

Anyway I fell like I may have offended Silma and I hope not but I feel bad...

In fact, I really feel like Im changing..my temperament has changed.
I feel like I've become more impatient...I also feel like I've become more snide...
It makes me wonder if this education or living alone has made me this way.

Especially when I go back to SG, Ive had to ration my time and Im sure many would say that I dont need to meet everyone..just the more impt ones. I guess the "important" is the key word.
To me, i feel like there are alot of people that I care for...and enjoy being with..
Because of that..I never have enough time for all and trying to ration out my time means I never feel like theres enough and I rush from one to another...

And this lack of time has sometimes made me easily irritated when I get stood up or when people come late etc. Or when something makes me change my plans...

It made me question how much I mean or meant to them. It made me relook at my friendship with them...

I guess I had that coming..seeing as how I have lost some of my best friends to negligence...

It irritates me that I can be so easily irritated! And how my remarks can change to sarcasm or be snide so easily... I feel like its a me that I dont want...

I also feel like Im being more self-centred...casting alot of "I..." comments.

Almost makes me wanna shut myself up!

I might slowly become a bitch! :(

It leads me to think about why Ive become so self centred..do I feel the need to constantly say I?
To keep talking about how I feel? If I do where does it come from?
Do I feel like I havnt been heard? Do i feel like I don't have anyone to talk too and hence when I do get a chance, I immediately express MY opinion?
If so, is it because Im mostly alone? And dont socialise much?

If so...then other people I know whom have this same problem or who dont get the chance to socialize too...is that why they are how they are?

Reminds me of my parents as well. They dont speak to each other and to others.

While chatting with my sis, Ive come to a conclusion that I do need to help my parents become better selves. They have sacrificed enough for my sis and I and need their own lives and because they have lived too long with the identitiy of a parent, they dont see themselves as anything other than that. Not even as themselves.

My gut feel is that like someone who has just come out from a relationship and needs time to regain their own identity, they need to gain their own identity too..

God Bless