what a day!

Went for a National Youth Leaders Day Seminar today and I hate to admit it but I did buy into allt he leadership stuff. I miss having camps and all and having to lead people...not too sure if Im a good leader but I want to be a gd leader...But Jocelyn Yeo is right...If I can even gao dim my own stuff, how do I lead others? Sorta makes me wanna clear up teh stink hole I have...as a room...

Makes me wanna straighten my self...sometimes I feel as if I dont know myself..nor do I know what I want...or how far I feel I can go. And hoenstly..I envy those that do understand themselves! Need alot of time to think thigns through....

Was having lunch today and my juniors and I sat outside the foodcourt eating..we saw this whole flock of birds swoop down from the roof..onto a fresh untouched plate of rice. The word to describe..."savagely" alike to vultures...the owner fot he rice came back and quite pitifully chaesd the brids away...he didnt mope over spilt and scattered rice..but drank some soup and left...this owner was a pri sch kid....SHIT!...

went to Man Of Letters Musical at night...It was fantastic...the sets were magically made that made changin sets so fluent and discreet! I loved the stiry line and it sorta reminds me of one of my fren's love stories..set in 1960's etc.. the songs were damn cool (written by Dick Lee) but I guess allt he actors and actresses were nervous or soemthing...they were quite out of tune....

Im worried that I would be like that too...I can imagine someoen as judgemental as Simon Cowell or Dick Lee sitting in the crowd, serious look, shaking head and thinking, "she sucks! Atrocious! So Karaoke! Utter rubbish!" Or flinching when I go out of tune...like how I did when one of the chracters started singing....What Will I do?!?!?!?

My aches and pains are over....musical training and aikido...maybe I'll start getting packs! Maybe I shud start running!...on the track i mean..mon?hmm...

K seriously...I need to thank God for today and every other day... He knows what I love and has helped me to better understand myself today...some things I know abt myself....I love to lead coz of the dependency of pple on me...I love to go on stage...I love to learn new stuff that I feel is useful for me...but my ego is my downfall...My ego is the size of Mt Everest and bigger.....my temper is shorter than the diameter of a strain of hair. Ego plays no part in success.. My pride, emotions and temper have made me a mean old witch! And the more i work in SAA,t he moer I fear that I wud end up as rigid as a bamboo stick and not be able to think out of the box....I will try my best and change the system...or parts of the service.

K time to go. yc!