all the confusion on God's day?

All the goodness int eh day probabaly ended in a less happier way...

Today's sermon was on wisdom. something I learnt to understand and appreciate and want...of all the things King David could ask of God, he asked for wisdom. I lack that and I pray for God to give me all the wisdom I need. Thanks Father! :)

The sad thing occurs after church. Is it me who gives people the wrong imperssion? I think so....Im once again stuck in a position where being too nice just doesnt help me...it just makes things worse...A friendship could be at stack...that is soemthign I dont want. As it is, Ive lost my bestest best bro....I have the urge to be a loner for awhile...so to re-establish a line of "Im sorry...its not gonna work...or it wont work bro" But I know that this plan doesnt work...coz as a bro, I value his company...as a bro...

Fort eh one who will eventually come into my life (yah rite) that person hasnt appeared...abit hard to say it out for now...but its true..something in me has trusted in God to give things up...coz who else knows wats good for me but Him. I believe that God would tell me who it is when He comes. All i know is...that He would be a christian. I hate to sound racist...but I'm not praying for an indian guy or something like my ex..or a malay...Im praying for a chinese guy hahahaha why? Coz Ive seen and felt the pain and that once is enough. Whether it be from my side fo the family...or the guy's side...its enough. I know I used to say I could fight the battle and show people around that inter-racial isnt a sin...but what do you know! My partner gave up on me! hahahaha so its fighting a losing battle..esp when I fight it on my own. My mistake...shouldnt have forsaken God. I know God follows me and takes care of me even when I sin and walk the wrong way...but what if I keep walking deeper and deeper? what if God sees me walking to a dead end? How far will He let me go before He turns me back to Him? as far as it takes me to learn my lesson?...sigh..God dont let em stray too far...
So tha battle I had is lost. I only dwell in the happiness of having brothers & sisters from different races. One more thing...I pray that whoever this guy is...he would accept my family, frens, my enronment and I as they are. I guess Im a person who would never wanna leave my family and my country...Im not patriotic.
Come to think of it...thats whats wrong w my ex...God knew it...He saw it coming....If anythign else did happen....I would have to leave my family...and frens...God steady my heart...I love the guy to death...but...God forsees the trouble behind it..and Has brought me to safer ground..so even though it hurts to be at the end....I will draw courage and strength from God's approval and favour and look tot he road that is lit up and yellow...(yellow brick road)..nah..its yellow coz its golden...the city of gold and honey and happiness. Steady my heart Father...steady my heart.

K so the weekend is over....tom is monday..im getting fatter..sigh...missing my frens...missing time...interview tom afternoon. So little time to meet up with frens that Iw ished I cud meet all of them att he same time! Was hoping for this blog to be a way to tell everyone how Im doing...I do know that not all read my blog anyway but that should be a good thing for me...alot of things written here..are often not to be said...something I cud never tell people in their faces...I hope I dont offend my frens and they dont get angry w me for bringing up sensitive topics.....but I feelt hat I wanna say something and so I do...prying that no one takes it as an anti-them thingy....MOst of the times..I say int he moment and at the end of the day...I still love all of them. God be my witness that I do...

K end of this...gonna post an entry on frenster.

Love you all!

God Bless!