how much can you say when u like w a racist?

I dont know whether to cry or to swear...maybe I'll just do both...

Told my dad in the morning, that I aws going to the Womad concert with my dad...one of the 1st questions he asked me...was whether the frens I was going with, were all indians. He didnt ask who they were..he just asked if they were indians. No, I am not going out with a gang leader, with a robber, with a thief, with the Prime Minister, with and Al Qaeda activist....but of course..whether I do or not..doesnt really matter does it...just as long as they're not indian!.....Im sorry for my sarcasm....Thats just how I feel. Is hanging with indians really that bad? Is it soo impt that I dont hang out with them?
I told my dad that the frens I'll be going with..are not all indians. But what if it was? Whats wrong with that?!?! My dad said that he didnt want me to hang around with indians. Why?!?! I managed to say and ask all this in the least harsh way...not sounding offensive..coz I know that its no good fighting fire with fire. It wud only prove one thing...that Im backing indians up against my own race..or that hanging w indians has changed me for the worse (in my dad's point of view) Again...Why? A few seconds of silence as my dad tries to think of something to say when all he can come up with wud be..."I just think you shudnt hangout with indians"
In a wave of courage n anger and pain...yet having no strength to argue fiercely, I said, "Pa, I dont think there is a prob w hanging w indians, in fact I think that the comment you just gave was racist. And honestly, I dont like that comment at all!" I finally said it....

Also told him that I was gonna stay overnight for the Womad. He said..once again, "I dont think you should stay overnight" Why? ( I had to ask for a reason twice) "Coz you're too young"
" pa, Im 22. If I was 18 or 17, Id feelt he same and I wudnt go for this concert even if I wanted to." I told him I wudnt drink or smoke because I dont even like it and my frens dont drink or smoke. At least those who went with me. Even if my frens do drink or smoke....Id be too old to happily join in the fun. He made me promise not to hanky panky... Well. if it makes him happy, I promise. But it never occured to be do so int he 1st place. Guess he doesnt understand that my purpose there is to catch up with my frens and enjoy the performances. Not filrt around, get drunk, smoke my lungs off and end up pregnant...to put in a crude way.

Byt eh time I left my dad's room (or the office as I shud put it) I was dissappointed and weak from that mental struggle. For years Ive fought to hold my tongue against saying allt he thigns i believed...the fact that I did say it today...was draining. But it was good.
Yet..when i went into my room, I had to break down n cry... for the simple reason that me being an anti-racist...shud have my father be the opposite. I wud love to show the world how much I love to learn things of other races, other cultures etc n in turn, hope that they'd do the same...yet come home to something or someone who makes all my efforts feel like...dust...blown away by the wind...My own father... For a moment, I cried for the cruelty and discrimination of him, I cried for the pitiful state of pple and the pitiful state of lovers who ahve to go through the same shit I went through. For a moment...I felt as if I was back in the tormenting tears I shed when my ex and I still fought for what we believed in...unfortunately...the fight was lost...
Maybe inside I thought my dad wud be wise enough to see the light...to see that indians are not all the same...guess not. I thought after soo long..that my dad would learn from us, that race doesnt matter...I guess not.

They say that we shud all look at issues from our opponents point of view...unfortunately..I cant see anythingelse from there...than racism and needless fear. Maybe the ones we shud fear more..are our own race..who tarnish the whole race's reputation, whom we trust more yet whom always seem to be the ones who lie to us more...the fact that we unconsciously believe in our own race more than others. I know my dad's worried...worry is fine..but we have to worry with reasonability. If he understood me...he would probably worry less. He wud know that Im not someone who talks to pple easily...that Im against smoking or drinking..that I nkow whats good and whats plain stupid...

I just wish pple wud just think more...

love