Today is Sat...and this is how I spent it...
Woke up at 7:30am.....literally jumped out of bed because I was supposed to be AT Raffles MRT area AT...NOW! Changed and stuff and literally ran to the nearest main road. JUMPED into the cab. Contemplated calling my colleagues....I did call coz I know that not calling wud get me in deeper trouble than calling if I dont get to the food over on time...YET...I am one who wants to solve my troubles on my own...because I just feelt hat...if you create trouble..you shud be the one to fix it. No matter how big, you have to try. But i knew and rememebered what my boss said...and what ironically, I said in my speech (if it wasnt my boss who said that again, I wudnt have remembered)..that...no man is an island...
Nonetheless, I found it bad to be calling my colleague and saying that I have a prob...I knew then that...my motivation to want to be meticulous...had failed...
To be honest, Ive been dissappointed with myself the whole week...every little mistake that I made had a rippling effect on me. Thats probably why i became more silent n kept to myself. I know its bad...Im trying to speak up!
My dad n mum have asked me a thousand times why I chose to do temp in SSO, instead of finding a real job. Well, Im not regretting it! I now know whats wrong w me! Like my boss said, its either i accept my flaws or I dont. And If I dont, I have to change it..if its too hard to change..then work around it. This is where the confusing thing comes in. I am someone who doesnt pay attention to fine print...but I can not accept when this manner gets in the way of my work performance and my frenship w pple. A huge part of me wants to relax...but I know I cant let myself relax....sigh...because of this, theres always small mistakes here n there. Small things that are not serious..not yet..but are solid proof that I am not meticulous enough. And I hate it!
I told my dad that I wud rather learn all this in a temp job, than learn it in a perm job and face bigger and harder n longer consequences. Coz the fact is...its more probable that I wont be staying in this company for long. Plus... I always used to know that I liked events managment coz I loved the thrill of it...but planning everything is another type of tea altogether. I now know that Im not as fitted for this cup of tea..as I thought I was. Its a cup of tea that i still like..but have to work hard to fit in...in comes the determination... :/
My lessons learnt today are big..likewise for the past few days...and the fear of me doing the same mistakes again...is so frightening that it can leave me w butterflies in my stomach (no kidding) Its the fear of forgetting what you dont want to forget....its paranoia...
I know its very easy to give up and say that I suck at events management and move on to somethign different...but I dont want to...I know I wont survive in advertising n PR..or writing...I dont want to give up... :(
love
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