...

Didnt go for aikido and my dad thinks Im not okay. See what I told you? My dad's like an oversensitive meter. The moment I come home extra early..he thinks I have a prob. I dont know whats going on in his head but I have a feeling he thinks Im in a relationships prob, depressed, mixing w bad people..watever lah. Truth is, Im absolutely fine! Just abit lazy to go for class. Why must make such a big fuss? Haiz...I am not sick or not feeling well! My temperature is 37'c! haiyoh! And best part about it..the part that gets me the most frustrated is that no matter how i say Im okay, he doesnt believe it! Hahahahah i cud laughing and he'd still think Im sick! believe me! If that goes on any longer, I WILL be sick! MENTALLY! As it is im laughing at the absurdness of the issue..the way he just wont believe! Hahahah U now know where my stubborness came from.

Anyway..I just finished watching a documentary on Chernobyl. The description of the explosion and stuff had my hair on its ends. I just cudnt help but think to myself, "God, I am scared!" "Thank you so much that it didnt spread over to Singapore" "God, why? Why did Satan have to do such a terrible thing?" Its terrifying! Can you imagine sitting int he hall watching TV and the next second, you're puking and ur skin is melting or peeling? The explosion raised the number of cancer cases worldwide! for now, 1 out of 4 people get cancer... You bet Im scared!

How do I get ride of a feeling Ive had for so many years? The fact that I dream of it numerous times...has to mean something right? How do I get rid of an emotion when Ive done all i can or know to do? When it seems that God has plans for me to remember for a long time? Maybe Im fighting against God? A battle I definitely can't win...But I cant stop fighting...sigh...All i nkow is that..God will provide me with morphine to mask those things for awhile hahahaha

getting worried for my bro lah. That bro of mine is starting to get dependent on me and honestly speaking its going to freak me out if it continues. I rememebr how in sec sch, I was giving a classmate the cold shoulder because he was pestering me, following my footsteps...I was cruel and cold-hearted and rude to him (He was and still is a nice guy and fren) and I honestly dont want to turn a bro into my next enemy because once a person gets ont eh wrong side of me...he/she would never want to be near me again. To put it simple..I dont want the past to reoccur....my "dislike" mode can be easily switched on...yet VERY hard to switch off. My flaw...

Anyway..gonna go back to reading...God keep my steps firm...God take care of all of you...

God Bless