I wonder how much i write on this blog is a taboo...maybe all....
Went to church today...knowing and expecting to be healed of my troubles from yesterday and this morning...Im right..I did...Im in a better shape now.
Today, the pastor talks about Jesus as a shepherd...Psalm 23. Jesus being our shepherd is such a comforting and assuring thing..that no matter when we get lost...He will always come and find us. Its never us finding Him...its always Him finding us. I know a few years ago...I strayed from God...and much as I knew that He was there for me. He was omni-present...I didnt want to face him coz I felt as if I had done something wrong and dont deserve be in His attention..or simply coz I was too ashamed. But...no matter how you hide, God just knows where you are. He doesnt need to search for you, He knows! And He doesnt come, grab your hand and pull you back..or punishes you...He simple makes your road come back to Him. How assuring is it that...as a shepherd, He never leaves his sheep in the lurch? Not a single one. If he had 100 sheeps and lost 1, He'd leave the 99 and look for the missing 1 sheep.
It really shows how much Jesus loves us...Im sooo happy that wherever I go, Jesus is with me...doesnt matter if I take the wrong way...He will still be there to protect me. How loving is He? Praise God...
Ive been thinking of whats happened these days and everytime something reminds me of my ex..I ask God, "why?" I wish I cud meet Him and talk to Him and find out why He is giving me so many things like that. I believe that theres no such thing as coincidence...I believe that dreams are sometimes his way of communicating with us. I believe that He knows how I feel...
I believe that if Iw asnt so scared to face Jesus, I would be able to hear his voice. And now, all I need is His one word...and all my confusions and doubts will be dispelled...
It is so beautiful to think that God knows my name..that Jesus knows His sheep by name. But tis so scary to think that Satan is also trying to call me and Im scared of acknowledging the wrong owner. I fear praying for blessings coz I fear that by receiving these things...I would risk losing God...
I can imagine myself running into the wilderness and Jesus chasing after me...looking for me. Why do I want to run away when Jesus provides me with all my needs..when I have blessings overflowing?
Lord, lead me into green pastures... I will follow you Lord...I will follow your feet, ur footsteps...I will eat where you ask me to..I will lie down by your side and never want to leave your side..for fear that I might be taken away by thieves and robbers...I know htta you will always be before us, guiding and protecting us...I know that you would fight the wolves and lions for me and you have done so. I know...
As for my ex...I will not say anything to him. Not coz I dont want to...but Im scared and I am throwing down this wish to God. I believe that God will help me pass the message to Pravin y other means than myself. If God's will is to let my ex and I be back together some day...my ex will hear about my feelings or what I feel...by the end of this month. And if so, it would mean that we will be together again int he future. If not...if He doesnt know about my ordeal by end this month...I will count it that God's will would be that nothing ever happens again. And whatever thing that reminds me of my ex there after...will be more of a test of my faithfulness in God and beilef in God...than a sign that my prayers would every be answered.
Sounds absurd....but I believe its true. I believe that God has His means and ways. I believe that God knows what Im thinking now and how serious I am. It may seem impossible. But even if I told all my frens to not mention anything to my ex about all this...God will still let him know. Even if it means a pigeon or dove comes and passes him a leaf with writings on it..etc...I believe that God will answer this prayer. Thank you God. Dont let Satan corrupt my mind...I truly believe!
LOVE
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