Sooo

Btw..dont know if I mentoined this...saw an old man yesterday in the middle of 2 roads...the divider...He's a feeble man with 2 canes. He has trouble even stepping off teh divider ontot he road and as I stood at the bus stop waiting for my bus for 10mins...there he was...trying to cross yet too scared to because of the cars. Nobody helepd him. nobody noticed I guess...but personally, if I see an old man like that trying to cross the road illegally....it would defintiely catch my eye. 1stly: Why in the world is such an old man on his own? Where are his family members? 2ndly: Why is he crossing the road? 3rdly: How is he gonna cross the road? Was I the only one who thought that? Or did everyone else see it too but thought of it as "pre-arrival of bus" entertainment?

After waiting to see if this man was actually able to do it...I wentover. I crossed over to the divider and went up to him. I asked to help him and held his hand. I stepped of the road 1st and gave him my support. I could tell he was nervous beause he was holding on to my hand tightly...maybe it was also because he needed the support. Thankfully, the vehicles slowed down for us to cross and I got him over.

I left him to walk home..something I regret doing now that I think of it....should have helped him to his block..to make sure he knew where he was going..and not someone with alzheimer or etc..But at that time...I didnt...I did pray though...as he walked off, i prayed for him.

Speaking of prayer..I teared at church today. Before I go on, let me clarify that tearing is different from crying or sobbing...different levels on intensity...I teared. Why? Because of what I learnt at church. Let me share with you about a piece of my history. It seems small but it hit me hard. When i was in sec 3, one of my exam essays was commended by my english teacher. She made me read abit of it out to the class because I had a poem in it. I was a very honorable and memorable thing for me..Honestly..I cant rememeber where I put that essay. Hope I still have it...Why does it linked to church? Coz I got inspiration from King David... it mademe realize that everytime I spread God's name, He blesses me... He blessed me everytime i went back to Him.
I also realized that...even when I have inferiority complex....it stretched over to my religious beliefs as well...that I saw myself as a sinner that would never be redeemed...That God would deem me too filthy to accept me into heaven. When actually...He has already accepted me...my name is already written in His books through God's blood! I cried realizing that its time I stopped thinking myself as a useless sinner and a new person who is clean in God's eyes. That whe I dot hat, my ways willl change and I would be a more confident person. I realized that my prob can not be solved completely with my own powers...but by God's. As is everything!

As we prayed..I felt soemthing..I felt a warm on my head and on me that was flowing into me...and I felt soo compelled to raise my hands and scoop all of it into me. God had filled my heart. I made a few promises to God...
1) Say grace
2) Wake up to His word and sleep with His word...
3) Give Him praise as I go into Spore Idol.
4) Write songs for Him
5) Be aware of Him
6) Accept His trials and strive to overcome them
7) Help the needy
8) Devote my sunday blog to God

Let me clarify things..I did not decide to praise God because of Singpore Idol. its something I want to do to show people that He is with me and hopefully to spread the message to everybody that God is a good and righteous and powerful God...that none of my capabilties are from myself..but from God....Not because I'm using Him to achieve Singapore Idol.

Im also considering following my sister and donating my weekly offerings to World Vision. Nott hat I dont trust the church...but I feel that that is what I want to do.

Now I know that some of my flaws...are impatience, procrastination and inferiority complex and I know I have to change that. I know tht God will held me. Even now, he is constantly testing my patience and I got soo frustrated with certain things today that...I knew my ugly head was coming out...I tried to keep my cool and I prayed for forgiveness and strength eyt at the same time...I told Him, " God dont let my trials stop....let them continue...because I know you love me". Because its only then that i know you care for me and love me enough to cast trials onto me to mould me into a better person.

Heres the prob...I know some of you will be asking, " If I am already considered righteous to God, why do I even need to be tried and tortured to be a better christian?" Im explaining this from how I see it...God wants us to educate others around us about Him and bring them to God. If we ourselves are not proper, how do we expect others to believe in Him? If we do not practice what we preach...how to we expect others to follow Him? How do we expect them to see Godliness in us? Its also through trials that we learn how to handle tough situations which inturn help us for the better....God is teaching us important lessons we need to learn to live in the world.

From now on, I want to hold God in my heart...He will take away the sorrows I experienced and fill the empty grooves with love.

I know God loves me...I know He loves me soo much. he gave me my talents, my wisdom, my knowledge...He pampers me...

LOVE