im a nagger...barking up teh skin of my grens about wats right. like a mum...like a grandma...trying to tell everyone what i tot was rite...guess i only tot of it as being a sis...
emmm..just found out that one of my bros is smoking...seems like alot of my bros smoke...I cudnt help but feel dissappointed..or shocked. Like my bro said...my whole world crashed down. I cudnt help it...I tried to stop myself from saying anything...I tried to hold my tongue...but I cant.
3 of us walked along the road n he was talking to another bro fo mine abt how we have our own lives and the right to live it as we please. If we wanna die earlier, we shud be able to. Better to die young than die old...
Yeah what he said si rite! w ehave our own rights to live our lives as we please. But how abt those around us that love us or that we love? How wud they feel to see us suffer or even die? I rememebr the time i felt that...felt pain because i was causing someone pain by mistreating myself. How wud they feel?
Me being a sis...the person who loevs my bros n sistas sooo much that my heart wud burst if I saw any of them die younger than me. I dont want to live to 70 and go to a funeral once a month for my frens who pass away...it sounds extreme rite. But its true. by 70, the no of birthdays n weddings i attend can be added up and still not be as many as the funerals Id be need to attend. It wud be even heart breaking if I had to bury my own children for it.
So. I can accept any one who says its their lives n they can smoke if they want to. Coz once upon a time..i used to think that abt love...having full rights on ur life is close to impossible and if not...extremely hard to live. because no matter how u try to exclude pple out of it...u will still affect ur frens, family's or even acquainances hearts.
I can stand the thought of letting my bros take their lievs slowly..thats like telling me to kill my own bro. Thats like letting ur child slowly put his hand tot he flame and see his fingers get burnt and red n sore n cry..yet...not doing anythign abt it. You fail n u learn rite. But for alot...byt he time they realize what smoking has done, its too late. in fact the moment you start...even a week...you have done enuogh damage to ur body that will cause you alot of probs int eh later years. if you dont die young. you live ur last years w a sackful of probs that you wud rather have died. I fear to see my loved ones in hospitals 90% of the time..Id fear to see my loved ones w arthritis, eye prob, kidney prob, diebetes, pneumonia, cancer... How can i stand and let the ones i love slowly kill themselves? Extreme but true.
I thought abt alot of stuff ont he way home. How I wud never allow my children to smoke. How i wud never want my future spouse to smoke or drink heavily. Because id rather die 1stt hen see any of them die. if thats the case, i shud just take up smoking no right? and ensure i die bfore anyone of them. I thot abt how my ex never smoked or drunk..a rare thing nowadays. maybe the next guy that comes into my life wud be wise enuff to do that as well...
Anyway..im abit lethargic now..coz of this discovery...abit...tired. Mainly coz im close to giving up on convincing or persuading or nagging...i shud just let my frens choose the wayt hey want to die. And cherish them while they still live rite. :/ Im sorry. Im just not made that way. If i care, I care. If I dont...I dont. I wudnt bother abt any tom dick or harry who smokes...only those that I care for. And another thing...its not whether ur addicted or not. The point is..you have the chemicals in ur body and they are gonna kill you. its like how it doesn matter how you take poison..it is still poison n it will kill you.
I dont know who reads my blogs..i know some of my frens do...but maybe those that i refer to most of the time..dont read it. Which is sad..alot of things i just can tellt hem to their faces...coz i cant bring myself to. But i say it all here...
Bros...believe me that i still regard you as a bro n fren (even if you dont) and it really breaks my heart to see you guys hurt yourselves do it n imagine that I can only sit by and watch you walk right into a hole. in fact some of you merrily skip towards it n jump in. Smoking has made it so you have a piece of board or paper over the hole that says, "smoking causes heart prob" or rather in this context..."dont step on this" and you happily step on it. I love you guys coz you guys are wat make me realize who I am. You brighten up my day and care abt me when im down.
I had a great night today other than the discovery...had a wonderful performance by prana which was even better watching w frens. :) I value that...that bond... lost all motivation to talk abt it coz I can only come up w a one word description of it...great..
love
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