I almost lost it....:)

Before I go on...let me forwarn you that this entry will be th elongest ive ever written. :) Its abt the graduation....So unless uve got a half and hour break to spare..dont bother hahahahaha..nah just joking. :P
Btw, heres the link to my grad speech (its way at the end of the ceremony)
http://www.sp.edu.sg/graduation2005/webcast.htm (session 2)

Here goes:(26 July)
I woke up w a sudden realization that today was the end of my 3 years in SP. maybe its mix feelings....leaving what i so came to love..yet leaving to pursue other things that I have a passion for...reminscing..i can only say that my life esp in SP, has been full of ironies....:) Some things id want to forget..something i cant forget..some things i dont want to forget....all of them..almost enuff to bring me to tears....I went super early to sch coz i wanted to monkey arnd sch for the last time...I even thought abt what to wear! Like hell im gonna wear my blazer n skirt to sch! I wore jeans and my comperes shirt instead...for a reason..to salute to comperes..as respect..in appreciation...afterall everything i had gone through in my 3 years...sprouted out from one thing..comperes...:) I wore it with pride!
The 1st place i wanted to go when i reached sch..was the graduation tentage outside the convention centre..why? Coz my compere juniors were there! ive missed them sooo much ever since i left sch! I wanted to sit around with them...crack stupid jokes...take stupid pics..do stuff we used to do!
We sat down, laughed, talked abt graduation..abt work..abt sch..abt the club....
Then time drew nearer and i felt like every seconda that came closer to my graduation...was making my heart beat faster...exponentially...
I went to the clubhouse....a place where i cud mantally calm myself down...sorta like my home....for the past 3 years....even as i walked upt eh stairs to the clubhouse..i cudnt help but slow down...as if every step was like reliving the past...or more like...making full use of that seconds of climbing..to feel it..to feel the feeling of climbign that stairs..opening the door and standing in front of the clubhouse...see it again...firstly without the lights on..then..as i turn ont he lights..everything int ehre seemed to great me..."welcome home"....all this wud be gone the moment i finish my speech and walk out fo the convention centre in les than an hours time.
in the clubhouse..i found the serenity i needed...the place that i was surrounded with heaps of memories that kept my heart from jumping out of its position..kept me warm...
When i went downt o the convention centre...one thign was on my mind...frens...I got crazy when i saw one of them! any of them! I didnt go over to say hi! I skipped and jumped and ran over to say hi!!! I was high!! :P All of them were like pieces of treasure that ive so longed to meet up with again! I gave all fo them a hug!! A BIG HUG! and for those who were soooo dear to my heart...even a kiss on the cheek! ...No im not lesbian!
Byt eh time the diploma receiveing time came, I parked myself att he end of the 1st row, just NEXT to the receipients who are waiting for the turn. Everyone of them I knew, I said hi and congrats ..beieve me when I say that I cud not keep the grin off my face!
Many of them were wondering why I was sitting in the 1st row. When everybodyelse was sitting on top! I cud only say 1 thing, "you'll find out later"
I know some of them knew...but its okay.. :) I still wanted it to be a surprise for them.
I admit! my speech turned out horrendous in the end! Coz i fumbled alot! Im dissappointed as a compere...to see myself online...Im dissappointed by myself... to make silly mistakes..mistakes that i wudnt have made during my training..sadly..my nerves got the better of me. Another thing that affected me....was everybody int eh room. Not that there were soo many pple there...but that...alot fo them were my frens...alot of them..knew what i was saying..because they've been through my 3 years with me. And being able to say all this...I felt like I was saying a thank you tot hem...for being there when i was at my worst and at my best....There are soo many things id wanted to say..aside from what was in my speech...but to be politically correct, I had to cut out alot of what i wanted to say.... :( Even that which iw anted to say to my sister...
What i thought wud never happen (the emotions) came to me..even before I started the speech...Im sorry to my dear trainers who haev worked so hard..only to see me fumble...
I guess the only part im proud of, is when i sang..its was for everyone i loved...:)
I heard pple whistling at my singing...after singing..they all clapped for me....the clapped that made allt he difference for me on that day. I wanted to sing it for my fren, nuu as well. I wanted the whole speech to be for the both of us.
It was an honor to be at the VIP room after the whole session..it was an honor to introduce my parents to my principal and director...in a way..it was like saying to my dad once again..that "this is what ive done..Im not a stupid girl who will hang with bad company and start drinking or smoking the moment i was offered a cigarette or drink" "i've grown up" "its time you knew that"
My director was asking him how i got my talents...my dad said in this teary eyes..that he finally knew why i was so stubborn....to me...it might have hurt alittle...in fact it does hurt alittle...only to do this much and be awarded by a sarcastic comment...but knowing my dad...he was never able to compliment....he was never able to come up with a proper "you did well, gd for you..Im proud of you" I used to hate it...hate having such a sarcastic dad..one who never knew enuff....now....i only dislike it..but try not to let it get to me...
I guess if i wasnt trying to be polititcally corect...i wud have remarked in that conversation, "well lets say i grew up in stubborness" or " I learnt fromt he best"...instead..i said, "well heres where all my talent came from"
Much as the VIP was grand..i didnt get food to eat..nor was i keen on staying there for long..coz. I had more impt pple to attend to. MY FRENS!
Its a pity that I cudnt show my dad who my best frens were (mostly indians)
I wanted him to see that event he best pple are indians...and that i have chinese frens as well.... Another kick i had was when we were all in the convention centre and they were showing videos of selected students and their experiences...one fo those selected..was an indian..my ex bf...For the few minutes...not only was i saddened ( alittle) abt how things cud have turned out another way....but also happy that my dad was finally able to see that my ex bf wasnt some hooligan or playboy. He was a smart boy! A guy with the looks and charm, the bod and best of all, the brains...
I guess (to be honest) this was a time i wante dto show my dad that iwa snt his small girl anymore.. that i had grown up.. that i wasn capable of being someone as well....sadly..i realize that being someoen can only be substantial if it was done int eh real world....i was only proud of myself...only
I went crazy when I went downstairs, to meet all my frens. We've never been to desperate to take pictures! We literally ran into each other with open arms! I felt.....I felt happy! I felt like...I was the most fortunate person int his world!
Like a family reunion! :D
In the end..i never got a chance to touch the food. I hadnt eatent eh whole day...coz I wanetd to spend as much time as i cud w my frens! Esp my 2 sistas...my ah kah and my thungichi! :P When i ran into my sistas arms...I immidiately cried.....esp when she said she felt like i was directly talking to her while iw as doing the speech..like it was meant for her. I cudnt hold it anymore...I really cried...and i cudnt stop....tears went down my cheeks like a broken faucet...I hugged my sistas liekt here was no tommorrow...technically..there isnt...coz we'd all be doing our own stuff! :(

Today...was the best day ive had in a long time!
To all my fellow graduads...congratulations! Let us all keep in contact yah! Dont lose touch! I lvoe all of you!

LOVE!