hmmm

K the topic of my ex came out again...one of my bros asked and quite honestly..its a bit hard to explain. since my bro reads this..might as well xplain it here...

I dont hate my ex. In fact honestly speaking..there will always be a soft spot inme for him. But...I find it an absolute pity that its all over...Plus Ive heard sooo much abt how he is now (true or not) that sorta of changes my opinion of him. And loving him not only as an ex...but more imptly..a bestest best bro...it really hurts to think that these things might even be true. Yet..it is not my place to question and ask him abt whether it is anymore. In fact..if it is...it will hurt more. So thats why I leave things as that. All in all I value him as my bestest best bro..still do and will always..justt hat..with allt hat has happened..I have to "freeze" this much missed and much valued sibling bond" for myself to get on my own feet...to see him as a BBB again. I want to be able to talk to him again mind you...I really do! I want to be able to tell him everything again...like how I used to in our BBBuds days..after all he knows my family and knows my life the most...yet..if I keep talking to him now and we keep bumping into sensitive pasts...I just cant do it. I dont wanna see my BBB now..nor talk to him much because i know myself..too emotional...and I dont wanna be seen as a lingering ex gf who cant let go or wateva shit..I dont want that.

My aim..in 20 ears time (to be ont he safe side)..is to be able to one day call him up and we cud rattle on and on abt life like he was my bro again...without having to hangup and feel a small sadness that we cud have had more. In fact. if I were more ambitious..I wud love to one day go up to his mum and be able to chat w her like a fren...to one day prove to her..that we chinese girls are not all unstable creatures. Thats my goal. One day... For now...Id rather stay away...till that older part of me dies off...

Sooo I mayeb be abit anti-ex now...but deep inside (if he reads this) I still value him very very much as a bro and hope that if allt he things I hear are true...that he will change his ways. He's a very nice boy..really.

So there..explanation over...Thanks for ur concern...Im alot alot alot better than when it 1st happened.

love