hmm

Heres something that got me thinking the whole day....how one draws the line between a fren n his/her bf or gf. Everyone of us has had a relationship before and Im pretty sure majority of us have had that prob. I know this junior I had who had her hp checked every other day by her bf. I know a guy fren who wanted to know what a girl he liked was doing every other hour. Its soo easy to term them as posessive partners but really most of the time, they are just scared of losing the one they love. Im not saying all of them are reasonable. A few of them go over the top and can get quite bad that their partners leave them or they quarrel. But I know most of them have this fear because theres a reason to fear...or maybe not...let me explain...
The relationship I went through gave me a little understanding...Even now that I think of it, I guess I really have to apologize to my ex. He had more hell than I did...to be very honest. But trust me when I say that I never meant to hurt anyone..esp him when all this happened. When I got intot he relationship, the most impt thing to me was and still is, communication. To me, there can be no lies or secrets kept from my other half...simply to show how much I loved him. And things like these come naturally when ur in love. When you love someone, you have the additional urge to tell the person everything that happened in ur life, ur day ...ur everything! Simply cause you love the person. It comes to a point where...you'd tell ur other half everything even before he/she can ask...simply cause you love them. And me being that way, told him everything. From past to present. Every single crush, every single feeling, dissappointment, happy, sad memory. I guess I wanted to share what I had with him...even memories...sounds mushy n ridiculous but trust me that when ur in love, you'll find it a pleasure to do that. Telling him or her where u are every morning or night or afternoon isnt an order from him, isnt a chore....its something U wish u could do every second of the day. Why I say posessiveness and fear come in is because of what I told him. I told him abt my past interests in certain pple. classmates...church frens...etc etc etc...Which makes sense why he'd get scared. He knows how I felt abt these pple (pple whom i still keep in contact with) he knew how unsure I was with our relationship (us being inter racial) and he saw how i treated my frens and him. Even now, I try to keep tabs on how I treat my frens. Not for him..but for the future. Its a thing we have to learn...to differentiate btwn our frens and our bf/gfs. No matter how we know that we feel different w our frens and our partners, we have to show it. Show them that they are loved. Which sorta leads me to feel that sometimes, being honest...doesnt pay. Somethign are best left untold because much as we dont want to lie to the one we love, tellng them will give them another reason to worry abt losing us. I guess I got lucky...to have had a bf who knew where to draw the line and not check my hp. I dont know how id take it if he did. It might have become and insult to me. But the more I think abt all this, the more I realized that just cause someone checks ur hp, doesnt mean that they dont trust you...they just dont trustt he guy you were talking to.
Truth be told, men can be soft int he heart as well...they have emotions too when ur other half (guy or girl) is overcomed by fear...you just need to be there...to assure...to hold...to hug...to reassure...to love. Posessiveness isnt soemthing that can be turned off witht he switch of a button. Nor can it be reasoned with easily. I term it as "not registering" Much as ur other knows that u love him/her, alot of facts just dont register coz...its the heart we're dealing with here. The heart doesnt reason...it feels. It takes time to believe or realize the facts point otherwise.
Try bringing ur other to meet ur frens and show him/her that he or she is different from ur frens. That much as there are frens around, that you dont forget him or her.
More importantly, I feel it takes both sides to make things work. Patience and understanding from both ends.
You know..this really seems like a hypocritical situation for me..now that im single n stuff...I cant really say things went well int eh end (not that it ended coz of this) And I can not guarantee every situation is the same...but I do know that communication helps...talking to each other and reassuring each other works....if it doesnt and ur other is still being overly posessive and even agressive..I think its time u did something more serious abt it. But my stand stays true....communication is the most impt thing.
I also believe one thing.....posessiveness is a relative term. When u feelt hat ur other is posessive is all dependent on how comfortable u are with him. You can feel uncomfortable abt hp checks and hourly calls or daily calls...or you can be comfortable even to call him every half hour to say hi and you can willingly show him ur msgs etc..it depends on how comfortable you are (maybe u value having personal space or u just want to fill ur personal space with him/her ). I for one love my sis and love to tell her my day but would never let her read my diaries or look over my shoulder as I type my stuff.
This is what I thought of today...i know its still all those love stuff but seriously...the only thing good abt life has to do with love. Without love, how can we enjoy life? dont some of us love food, love the sea, love travelling etc? :)
Hahahaha I know too many of my frens go through this shit.....IO can onyl hope and pray that they all get over this hurdle. I for one, am glad that out of all the emotional turmoil my relationship was doused in....we both came out stronger and maybe I came out learngin a thing or two (he was always the smarter one) hahahahaha
Love you guys loads yah. Take care of urself...I'll be praying for all of you. And if ur other half bully u, let me know hahaha I bully them back hahahaha :P

LOVE