Saturday, June 18, 2005

whats wrong w me ah?

I killed a snail...unintentionally!....stepped on it.... :(...Im sorry
Today was a long day.....but a good one... :) had alot of fun w my sistas. We went to East Coast to roller blade n ehmm try to cycle. hahaha I dont know how to cycle mah. *PEACE* I felt like kid again. :) Being w the sistas whom ..well...we literally grew up together! Since sec one. Im blessed to have these frens!
I guess we sorts know each toehr inside out hahaha each tohers gd n bad points? LIke how one of them is always late hahahaha much as we forgive her everytime, doesnt mean we forget abt it :P today wasnt the exception..sigh..but we still love her lah. all in all, today is a great day! Except that I had to leave early coz of a stupid curfew.....sucks man......spoke to my big sista abt it and honestly, I wish I cud be courageous enuff to stand up to him sometimes...:( unfortunately.....
The reason why i wrote the title in this way, is because....I found myself swearing too much. Every single bad thing that happened........was awarded w a F&*^ today...its become sooo common that I can only catch myself say it halfway. When I told my big sista abt my dad n my family in general....I cant even begin to count the number of F words I used! My temper has become soo short! but what my sis said is right.....knowing it is one thing....doing soemthing abt it is another!. Another thing that Im wondering abt ...is whether I give pple the wrong impression abt me....whether I appear fierce or ignorant etc on 1st impression. I tend to look angry when Im thinking abt something...I dont what that....serious yes but not pissed or unapproachable. If u think I look angry, let me know k? There are alot of times where I probably wudnt know how I look to pple.
I think its also coz Im dead tired........I was rude to my mom today....I regret it...she actually didnt say anythign abt it but I know she feels sad. She did mention to me once and its true..I ahve been snappier....i apologize....I dont even know what came over me.....one hunch..is....after my relationship....I know its been a year n stuff n I shud have gotten over it. but things arent that easy. In matter of fact, it was only 2 months ago that I finally got everything settled....Im not pissed or angry abt it anymore...in matter of fact, I just gone...F it! so maybe thats it....saying everything I wanted to say...made a clear passage way for me to want to fully express myself now. Even if it means more Fs.
Anyway, im trying to kick the habit. :) Im just glad Ive found myself again.
k gonna go. sleep.... may tomorrow be better...a life I want to live....

You i wish I cud hold
you I wish u could hold
me till my legs give way
me I wish i cud just fall
you i wish you cud just fall
in love w me some day

i can walk, i can talk
i'll be myself each day
but in moonlight
when everyone sleeps tight
I find another me awake

(just a little mumble..dont think too much)

love

No comments: