I Am Legend...I Am On A Roll

Went to watch I am Legend yesterday w colleagues and students. Or rather..its helmut and the students...

For starters, Sis was home and so I was more comfortable staying at home...watched loads of tv and went to Mac Donalds with sis for lunch. The super rare moments we can spend together..nonetheless not one of it is precious to me. :)

Stayed at home and worked on my songs...its been such awhile since I last wrote songs..but I think this time..Im slowly getting back on track..of course..for now..my songs more or less sound the same...but having seenw hat Ive done throught he years...I must say that Ive gotten better...I think...Would anyone wanna hear them? I think they would...just that Id be to shy to sing it...they mean alot to me..from personal experince..from dreamss..from peoples experience...but mstly mine. I must admit that given the recent incident w my ex....Id spurred me to write more...no matter how things are..he is still my inspiration hahahahah

Well..Im sure I can find other inspirations next time...:)

I think Im getting better today!

Yesterday...while packing my room, I stumbled unto some things that I shudnt stumble on..much less open it up to see...I know I didnt cry since Christmas..but I think yesterday I did...
Old postcards, poems, letters etc from my ex. :/ *shrugs* What to do...let time heal lor.
I believe that many years later..Id be able to take them out again and laugh at them.

OH! received a request yesterday...to perform at loyang point tonight! Heheheh Singing I mean. 2 english songs! Havnt chosen them (Im in deep shit)....yeah..just checked where loyang point is and its damn far from home. Nonetheless..I think I still wanna go coz I miss singing on stage...
So if you happent o read this...you can come down. 6.30pm loyang point. :)

K gotta go...gotta search for my songs now..

God Bless

Truly..Nothing is Impossible

I fought with myself for such a long time and finally I dont have to fight anymore...
Yesterday's gathering was a blast but also a heartbreaker and if my ex reads this, he'll once again think Im an idiot. Anyway I guess..so long as I dont find someone who can take over htat position...the feelings will still be there....so..nothing is impossible...including erasing the feelings for the 1st one to break your heart.

I didnt cry or I didnt tear but I am....numb...not numb in a good way..numb in a...slightly paralysed way....spoke to one of my sistas abt it and Im sooo glad I cud talk to her....she knows exactly how I feel...

To be honest, I must say that my head goes, " Im not surprised that he could bounce back." my heart goes, "maybe I wasnt important enough" Sigh...well watever it is..both of the parts of my anatomy agree that....they have to let go. My heart can only hang its head low, keep mum and continue walking...my head...thinks of how to make myself happy.

I do think all this is good news. Im not happy abt it but it is good news. Today I came across a whole line of boats and containers and int he past, Id look at them and wonder what it wud be like working there....and how important they cud be to someone..my ex..i mean...
Now, Id be able to heartlessly say...its a bunch of metal boxes. Yes CSI and criminal chases cud end up there...but till then...its a bunch of metal boxes...a giants toy set.

My sistas told me that I shud change myself..from being the sister I was to everybody..to being a...person...someon not related....coz obviously you wudnt wanna be in a relationship w your own sibling. But...I dont know...thats all I was before and I might see a need for change..but how? Stop being caring? Hahahha to me..its quite impossible...

Im also contemplating on keeping my indian music and sad songs for awhile hahahah Damn it! Seems like Im going through a break up all over again... But this time..no tears. Alot of people ask me to get over it...I can move on..but getting over requires a space filler..esp when the one that left, dug a HUGE hole. All I can say is if you've had a relationship that made you miss the person 1hr before you guys parted and 1 hr before you meet, you've an uncontrollable smile on your face? and you cant stop talking abt the person....then you have a BIG hole in you...and it gets bigger.

So I never wanted to be understood abt how I felt..no point...and I honestly believe that I wud keep this slight agony to myself.

As my sista says..I shud care less abt how others are..and care more abt myself....all I know is to care and I honestly think that I care more abt myself htan anybody...the perfect oxymoron.

But eventually..I know my God is here and he will show me the way soon....Nothing Is Impossible....if Simon Peter could walk on water at the request. I will be able to find the one Ive always been looking for..and this time..he stays.

God Bless

Christmas went off into the sunset...

Christmas Eve sucked because of the morning work...then I met up w Helmut and Lii Kai and Ee Wen before heading home.

Went to auntie Hing's place in the evening and we sang carols and had good food for dinner! Turkey, ham, mango salad etc....Cousin & I stayed in the room after that, to sing carols..Did that cause we were bored :/ But we sang and sang...

Not much presents this year coz no mood to buy....

Then Christmas morning was okay..slacked abit...then afternoon went to Madarin Gardens to celebrate Christmas with Maternal extended family. Eveyrone was there including cousins!

We got bored afterawhile and the cousins (al, me, bryan & my sis) went down to Marine Parade to walk. We forced Allan intot he changing room t try on new shirts and had loads of fun seeing the outcome. Of course the fun of it is seeing him pick out shirts that dont suit him and are 2 sizes too small. Wahahaha

Hanging w cousins and sis proved to be the highlight for this christmas...

I cant believe my relationship w my cousins and my sis can be this close. Love them loads!

God Bless

Allan & Bryan (Left to right)

Allan & I

Bryan & I

Its around this time that I also breathe in and exclaim in the loudest possible voice, " Why have they grown up sooo quickly!!!" Something about them and their carefree nature and ready smiles, makes me love htem even more. My cousins!

God Bless once again!

Christmas Bear!

Christmas Bear:

Hello to everyone who reads this blog! I am Ning's Christmas Bear! On behalf of Ning and her family and all us stuff toys in Ning's house, we wish you a very very Merry Christmas!!! Due to forseen but uncontrollable circumstances, we will not be giving anyone presents this year...Ning is broke...

However if you would still like to give Ning a present, do consider donating to the "Help Ning Get New Handphone Fund" All donations are very very much appreciated!

Disclaimer: None of the words above has been scripted by Ning herself...

God Bless!

How is ISC? Waddya Think?!?! They ROCK!

Forgot to add that at yesterday's christmas steamboat gathering, ISC made a new record of having 5 generations of presidents in one picture!! WOHOOO! Aung, Raj, Juwy, Alvin, Liting!!

AND we had a total of 7 generations in the restaurant! Aung's, Raj's, Juwy's, Alvin's, Liting's, Year 2's and Year1's! Im sooo damn proud of them!

I would dare say that in 2 years time, we'd have a 9 generation team of 60 ISC members in 1 place and we'd book the whole restaurant and celebrate!

We had gift exchange at the end and I got a present from 1 of my students, he wrapped the present with 2 layers of wrappers and the gift came in a box...specifically...campbell soup box...hmmmm Shud have taken a pic of it lah! But his actual present was a bracelet...nice native bracelet. :) I like. Thanks ah!

K enough for now...Im gearing up for lunch and family dinner tonight. Tomorrow is Christmas day! Will be back in the office on 26 Dec and that night will be our Sparc & Comperes gathering and I will end up seeing by bestest best bro. God help me w that!

God Bless

Cont...

This morning I woke up and felt the pinch of working on christmas eve...sucks

This year's Chrsitmas spirit isnt working....It hasnt filled me up...

Im in the office now, the christmas carols filling the office area..Josh Groban. Something abt carols makes me appreciate Jesus more and makes me wanna sing and smile....It softens the inner me who was trying to defend for the best months....

Once again I celebrate my saviour's birth...the child born of a virgin mum, brought up by a loving family and went out on his own in his young years to preach the Good News...the Good news that everyone on earth is saved from sin, from death, from hell if we just believe in Him.

My saviour Jesus Christ died for my sins..he came down from his throne to become a human and took all my sins upon himself. He who is uncontaminated..took all our sins to make himself sinful..then willingly let himself be prosecuted by the world and whipped and scorched and burnt and nailed and hung on the cross...He who knows no sin...took our sins....He who could summon the entire battalion of angels to defend his name..chose to stay mum and let his body be tortured and let his blood flow for us.

He washed away the need for all humans to keep to the 10 commandaments, just to be righteous na dgo to heaven..instead..he having risen again...is now our advocate to God and so long as we believe in Jesus Christ...we are born again..and we are christians...

My saviour is that good...dont ask me how he could love me soo much to sacrifice himself..dont ask me how I believe He is real..I just do...cause I see Him in every good thing I do. I feel his gentle nudge for me to do things..I feel the love in me and the inner something saying, "Yes He loves you and He is alive and smiling down on you"

My God..my righteous and patient and gracious God.

As I walked to school today..I thought once again of Raj and inside..something ached...someone said, "just cause it cant happen now...doesnt mean that it wont happen again next time.." Ive heard my heart say that many times....Today I heard the phrase again, "nothing is impossible" Kenneth E Hagin Jr...

Daddy God...I will try my best to look to you..to wait on you...Im sorry that I havnt been able to stay focused.....God, I cast this pain unto you..because I know you know how I feel....

God Bless

Christmas time is near....very near..

I couldnt wait for sunday.....I really couldnt wait! The whole morning I was fidgetty and impatient...I wanted soo muich to leave the house and be there super early...

The ISC gang was meeting up for Christmas and alumni including Raj was gonna be there.... I think thats one fot he reasons why I was fidgetty....

We met at 12.30pm and went to marina to bowl....my team: Helmut, Kah Fei, Chooi Mei & I. It was really fun..Even though I am aching like crazy now...my left hip hurts and my wrist hurt yesterday night. Narong came super early so I tried the level best to accompany him coz he was the only alumni. We watched National Treasure (awesome movie btw) and commented abt it throughout the movie.

Then we rushed over to the steamboat place. Alot of them were waiting at the MRT already and Raj wasnt there. While I wanted to wait for all of them to come, I decided that Id save myself the akwardness and go to the restaurant 1st. Sat in the inner corner of the room and made myself invisible the moment the rest came. Was I nervous? Yes...Very...this friend I hadnt seen in years.....might not be the same friend I had in mind...too many things have happened. I decided (in the morning) that this gathering would be for ISC and for him. Meaning...I wud have fun w my ISC members..while he has his gathering with the alumni....I didnt want to disturb him....it was his gathering....

Alot of my students (esp those who knew abt us during their school years) told me not to hide..or to go over to talk to him. But how can I? Not in front of everyone else...it would start a BIG discussion....I just didnt want to put him in a spot...Sadly..he was sitting facing me...I think he was able to see me from where he was sitting and I tried my best to take cover. But you know....seeing him happy.....was the happiest thing. I cant be a part of it anymore but it still had that effect on me. Likwise for the butterflies and pits etc...

Finally...I was called over...the alumni was asking if allt he money for this gathering came from the ISC fund. NO WAY JOSE!!! SAA will KILL ME! Raj asked me how SAA was and how ISC was...I said, "If you wanna ask how ISC was, turn to the 2 rows of juniors and ask them" It was evident that they were all having alot of fun. Aung asked Raj for his opinion, "Emm after these years, Ning is still as pretty right" Raj did the "emm yah you're right" gestures....its at that point that I had to move away....Dont know why Aung did that and I know the good intention...but it was the wrong person and wrong time. :)

All in all...I think we all enjoyed ourselves..even me. Id cry if it was years ago but last night it was 1 or 2 tears...evidently my heart still beats harder for that guy...Im thankful that seeing him doesnt conjure up memories in my head. It only conjures feelings.
Yesterday night, before I slept, I wanted soo much to hear my God's voice...to tell me why things had to flow this way...I wanted to hear his consolation and his promise to me that this feeling of sadness and lack of hope to love....would go away soon. But i guess my silent outcry was too loud that it muffled everything God was saying to me....

Gotta go..be back in a few mins

Christmas time is coming soon

I know the chrismassy spirit is not in me yet...but I know God's love is in me and while Im playing a carol now..I am moved...

Have a few wishes for this christmas
- To find my God ever strong in my heart
- To learn how to hear his voice
- To rediscover myself..the happiest me..to find back the sparkle & fire of my eyes
- To see everyone around me happy
- To find the love I miss
- To see my family saved
- To celebrate my saviours birthday the way it is meant to be celebrated...with praise

Cant wait for this sun...Christmas gathering w ISC..and next wed nite..Christmas/Alumni gathering w SPARC & Comperes!!! 2 gatherings!

Best part of it, my bestest best bro is back from Spore! I must admit that since graduation, our relationship hasnt been going well...and now that he's back, I want soo much to meet up w him and chat and joke and laugh and etc...but the changes have put such a strain on our siblinghood that I dont know if i have the right to do that anymore...Whether the special bond we had..wud still exist.

Thought to myself abt how precious this bro of mine is and how the strain could cause me to lose my best fren...damn that hurts...

Im wondering how our reactions to each other wud be now...when we meet during the reunion.

Anyway wed nite, met Helmut, Benny and Zeeson for dinner and we had a long chat abt history..each others history...I think they forced me to think back abt my ex and I. Since my ex is also coming back this time...I must admit that my meeting up w him cud be a hard issue to get through...Im trying to push down what memories have resurfaced and pretend that I hadnt remembered.

I was with my sista's sister and we talked at her place for a long time..abt work, about what I want to do. As I walked home...I felt a renewed desire to do everything that makes me happy....
- Play volleyball & basketball, bowling
- Making paper
- Rollerblading & ice skating
- Singing & writing songs
- Dancing
- Being w my best friends, sistas & bruddas
- Compereing
Just thinking abt it made me sing! If I cud live life contented with all these happy things...

I feel like Ive never lived man...I feel like somewhere along the way of finding the career route to go, I lost everything I was...Ive lost time to feel happy, to go overseas and to just chill at a beach....Emmm this is serious...quite dramatic I might say...

Maybe this christmas just wont feel like christmas at all...regardless of gatherings...Feel like doing christmas caroling....Hmmm

K anyway...back to work...Ever more int his festive season that I want to praise my dear Jesus for his saving grace. I may not know alot fo things..and I may not say alot of things to people...but God..My God knows everything! He knows everything I feel!

Jesus, your birthday is coming!

God Bless

Music

I dont thikn Ive spoken abt music for a LONG time!

Did I mention that Hady Mirza is now the Asian Idol? Hahahaha! Wohoo! Im shocked but Im glad..:)

Anyway...since knowing so many international students....I think my music sense has gone another level...lets see....

Fanaa - Mere Hahta Mein India
Dhoom - Dhoom India
Fanaa - Chand Sifarish India
Rivermaya - You'll be safe here, Balisong, my favourite song Philipines
Peterpan - Tak Bisakah & Bintang Di Surga Indonesia
la caution - the a la menthe (Oceans 12) France
Reshmonu - Pirivu, walk away, all! Malaysia
Idan Raichel - All! Esp mimmaamakim Israel

Amen to music..Amen to the universal language!

God Bless

Im sick....

For the past fwe days..Ive had the flu...You'd think a flu lasts only for a day, after a good night's sleep. Well thats just it! I didnt have a good nite's sleep. not for the past few nites...

Comperes camp is finally over and I think I can safely give them duties...Im really really proud of them actually... Im proud that they are willing to take the plunge... Their scripts are okay..their compereing is okay too...they just need a big boost of confidence.
Im glad that is over really...coz Im dead tired....I packed the notes for them and hope that they really go and read it and use it...in fact...its probably more comprehensive than the notes I got in my time....than again, we had our seniors with us all the way last time...

*rustling, creek, bang, creek, rustling*

Ehmm back!

Tried to go to clementi to settle the plane ticks issue w batam side and Ive quite given up. This sorta means that Ive wasted 2K for no good reason whatsoever.
I think when I took that out, I thought to myself htat I wud get it back and its for a good cause...but now...I think Ive lost abit of hope and Im kicking myself for being such an ass.
So I really think 2K is gone...

I cant blame the parents who are so narrowminded as to refuse their kids to go and I cant blame the students for telling them last min...because If Id ask them to fill int eh indemnity form asap...I wudnt be having this problem....so I do wanna kick myself hard enough to do a somersault...

I thought to myself on how my bank only has less than 1K now and how i wanted to save $ for furthur studies and I sorta teared. Yeah..I teared...
Then I thought to myself on how It always rained everytime I try to settle Medan stuff and I teared....
Then I thought to myself that Im God's child and his fortune is my fortune....and if that is so...then what is 2K? What is 2K to a heiress of richer things?
Tats what made me stop tearing.

I guess is my perspective. Sounds silly but I have that much faith in God! So much as I feel abit cheated by this incident....I guess I can live with it. God provides for me whereever I go.

I also learnt something this time...that to me...Time is way more important than money. I can have enough money to cure the world but no time to do it...

Well....My God is still an awesome God who leads me to peaceful places to rest...all I gotta learn to do now..is rest

Comperes

Camp starts tomorrow...today we have rock climbing w the help of the rock climbers

Got alot fo ideas for this year's camp...wanna spice it up...if I cud, Id spice things up so bad that they get over their stage fright...

Can wait for fri evening coz its where the fun starts ...but my training materials arent even done yet...How ah...last minute work? Not really..been planning and reading for awhile already?!?!

Hmmm

Also think Im getting sick. Got soo much gas in me and my tummy hurts and my throat hurts etc... :0 emmm..yes getting sick soon.

God Bless

Had a dream...

Well. dreams dont really help nowadays...

Had an evening with Saad. Dinner at Lau Pat Sat...hmm that place has changed! Looks better but still unmistaking the old frilly pillers and roof... :) Nice

Got a chance to walk around abit..around city hall area because I havnt done so in awhile and having Saad to walk and talk to is good company! He's a really really good bro of mine! The odd brother I shud say...very odd..but I guess some of that runs in the family. Stopped outside Timbre at the Art House I tink? And they had this live band! We sat nearby guessing the songs they played and telling jokes! Now they were lame jokes...BUT the idea of saying lame jokes...is lamer than the action. Soo yeah..1 legged issues...

Not to mention that this bro of mine teased me abt my bestest best bro coming back and how Im gonna handle it. Bah! Handle it like any sweetest sweet sis would I guess. The initial idea was to push the getogether till 26 because I was going medan. But now that my trip is cancelled, I wud love to meet up earlier w my best bro...but...I decided to leave it as that...maybe its better that way. :)

Went home and developed a sore throat (sounds intentional) sleeped with a sore throat and woke up with a bigger one. So Im just waiting for it to develop so that I cud grab an excuse o take medical leave. *Chuckle*

And abt my dream...well..my personal issues haunt me again and this time...its probably helped me! Its amazing how just one thought is able to get you back on the path of mental stability. And if you dont know what Im talking abt...GOOD! :) So Im good! No more "emo" I hope hahahah
I believe I was quite emo at a recent camp...because it brought back a few memories and and not to mention the headache to accompany. Oh well...Im cured!

I also realize that I have time to meet up w my sista and her sister for christmas! hahah :) Wohoo!

God Bless

Deepavali! Watched Sivakasi with Cal, Neetz & Parti

Waiter: Here you are madam, a glass of calls & smses...

Christmas's first lights

Took this pic by the beach..night sky...thought I saw Jesus Crucified...

The ticks are the result of my hand jolting...

God blesses every boy & girl....He loves every single person no matter what!

Nothing is Imposible...Luke 18:27 part 2

Wow... once again I saw Luke 18:27. :) My God has a way of showing me his love...nothing is impossible...

Seems my OCS trip is cancelled...I dont know whether to be happy or sad..sad coz of the effort I put in..chasing students and all..and happy that I can have more time to be w family n frens...Maybe God wants me to be w my students...I never thought that staff n students need to have a line between them that will prevent them from being frens...but being a staff, sometimes its abit akward for me to step in and act like a fren...

Yesterday one of my students smsed me and said that she felt sad that I was glummy and that she cudnt help...I apprecate that..just that sms..maybe this is my calling...being w students..maybe...I admit Im not good at it..but my heart is there...

Since the confirmation of cancellation..the Christmas spirit is slowly seeping in....my heart feels less pressed on and happiness is slowly seeping into the grooves of my heart...
Id almost forgot my Jesus's birthday is coming....

Just dropped a mail for to my ISC and was soo excited w the prospects of doing a video christmas email to all ISC members, wishing them Merry Christmas...

Jesus, how could I forget your birthday? How could I not celebrate your birth? How could I not?
My Jesus will fill the hearts of all men, with love this season..even those who dont believe.

God Bless!

ISC spirit 2 Comperes 2 Christmas

Took awhile for me to finish this...My blog entries make no sense anymore...been busy...been demotivated..even the christmas spirit isnt with me now....

Have been trying to straighten out the Overseas Comm Trip but nothing seems to be going right. In exasperation...I told my students, that I was going to cancel the trip. This Christmas actually is starting to mean nothing to me..because I feel like Im not celebrating it..It feels sooo far away...
I was really tired of planning an overseas comm trip..I admit i havent been able to plan things properly...and I guess with that comes trouble. Satan obviously wants to stop me from going...
So now my morale is low and Im actually contemplating abt how god it wud be to stay in Spore. I cud hangout w my students..I cud meet up w old frens...I could think abt how to make this christmas special by making my own presents, go christmas shopping...damn it...

thinking abt how Ive used 2K to pay for the tickets for OCS..hurts even more because it sorta means my efforts have been wasted..the $70 I used to go to batam to get tickets....haiz....

Anyway...i sorta feel...like christmas isnt coming..or at least not coming to me...Haizz....

Im in a dilemma too..my own personal stuff...Im stuck...between feelings and common sense....
I need to get out of the pit again....too many emotions flying around and I really really think that I need to calm myself down to differentiate...

God Bless

Comperes Camp...damn tired...damn headache..damn everything

Last day of camp....couldnt stay on fri....went to Batam on sat just to get Medan tickets...
Had an excrutiating headache last night that paralysed me...Every step i took, i could feel my brain pulsating...damn it!
Forced to take panadol and sleep it off..almost missed nightwalk if not for Rino...

Spent the whole rest of e night doing the notes for comperes...

Guess what..gotta head to Batam later again to pay the rest of the money...FISH!

My life wouldnt be in a mess now...eventhough the swearing could prove otherwise...nonetheless....its tolerable...Christmas is literally around the corner! How can I have a hard time during Christmas?!?!?!

Anyway..whatever probs I have, dont last long and dont affect me drastically...

I live life like every other folk in this world. If they can get through it..why cant I?

God Bless

Woohooo! My best event this year!

Taking the first few minutes of work to blog because its an itch Ive been unable to scratch for the past 4 days. Sorry boss.

Sat had an event at SP Convention Centre. This event was the Global Cultural Festival. My whole bunch of ISC members pulled members together to help w this event. I admit it was very very troublesome for my ISC members but I want them to see how other events are done.

Anyway. the event went very very very well man. YQ & I were the host and though it was frustrating at times to have our script edited and changed etc even on the last rehearsal, we just had to do it, even out the creases in the script.

We rented costumes from a costume shop and wore them. The SPARC wore SIA Stewardess costumes.

YQ & I had this crazy smooth flow and although we fumbled abit, we caught on to each other. :P And we laughed it out w pilot jokes. Alot of impromptu jokes made w the audience abt pilots and A380.

In fact Im quite amazed with the script. YQ & I initially wanted to fill it up w educational bits and intl greetings...but while working on it, it suddenly came to me that we could angle it as 2 pilots bringing their passengers on a trip around the world and it took off! The GOh was so happy he defied the usher and walked down to shake our hands, the directors were happy w us, the organisors were happy w us and we were happy!

I really cant describe much..coz its all "at the moment" stuff. If I have a recording of it, Id show you although you know Id probably cringe at every sec I hear my voice.

My love for compereing is never wavering!

God Bless!

Im feeling better...

Watched a movie w students yesterday night...jamie fox, american soldiers in Saudi etc...the movie was good..dont know how the cameraman does it really...alot of angles seem to be unachieveable w/o someone or the camera getting hurt.

After that, sat down w them for awhile and spoke to the alumni about the alumni nite..I guess I wanted to find out what they felt...
- lack of preparation
- programme has to be better catered to the alumni
- need to book more time to try out cables and all mics and projector...in the vanda room

And while talking, suddenly my ex's name comes out. Caught me by surprise but cant be help...all of us, alumni and I respect him for the leader he really is. Pity he cant turn up for the alumni nite. I know he'll have his comments....and him being my bro, Id be able to sit down and talk to him like frens as well....

After we seperated, I started thinking about how certain things wud have been better if I hadnt taken my sweet time to do it. So in fact...I was at fault...so many things abt leadership..that I need to learn...Suddenly felt quite bad..thinking of how good it wud be if I could meet a fren from the past to wiggle back into my old comfort zone..where I more or less know that nothing cud go wrong...and thought of my sisters..sec sch, poly, now...all the sisters Ive made.

I took out my hp and wrote this:
No matter how you feel or what situation you may be in now, just remember that someone is thinking of you. Take care of yourself because I cant be there to do so.

Got some replies back...

The funny thing is I did that whe I was feeling low myself and I rememebred those that I know and love who might be feeling low too...so I sent that out. But somehow I wondered if i did that as well...to get rid of my own low feelings...cud it be? Making people feel better makes me feel better?

The last song I heard on my mp3 player..was Praise you in the Storm.
The lyrics:
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you, raised me up again
My strength is almost gone,
how can I carry on if I cant find you
As the thunder roars, I barely hear you whisper through the rain
Im with you
As your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away...

Amen...

God Bless

SCREW EMAILS!! THEY DONT WORK!

hmm I think emails are an excuse for anyone to be lazy to call..ad they lie to themselves thinking that people do read emails every day and not 2 months later. Emmm Im stupid...

Im very dissappointed w myself in fact....very dissappointed for thinking that I cud contact one person and expect the world to know. How come it works for gossips but not for proper issues?

Anyway...Im thankful today is thur..Im thnakful I ahve God's strength and Im praying that Jesus grace will help me to find favour in my boss's eyes that this shortcoming and grave mistake will not be taken into account...that they will see how good ISC and the rest of my clubs can be. Mybae if I wasnt their officer..mabe if it was someone else more efficient...my clubs would get the recognition they deserve...Cause they deserve it at times..they deserve it if I had kept chasing them for answers...

Sorry for pushing you guys...anyway i dont have much strength left also lah.

God Bless

ISC Spirit

The New Blood that will take over next year. Never underestimate the power of their combined effort. They're not ISCians for nothing.

Me in my best green jacket w ISC Alumni/Fren/Colleague Helmut.

Seems he's never left school hahahahah

God Bless

Alumni Nite 2007

Before the event...Wan Jun and I never knew that we wouold be the one of those to be sabohed ALOT throughout the event. The Alumni Nite became our "Saboh Officer/Emcee/Alumni" Day

God Bless

dream

As usual, anything stuck in my mind before i sleep, appears in my dreams...well not everything...but some things tend to have that effect on me...

Yesterday I was slightly troubled...a single thing on my mind. It wasnt something good but it wasnt something terrible, yet it got me thinking so much because I obviously didnt want this to happen. In fact everytime this pops up, i try to step back from what I feel, and force myself to handle it as if nothing is wrong. Nonetheless, I dont understand why it is worse this time. I feel really bad for the ones who are implied in this. Trust me that this isnt what I wanted.

So I had a really long dream that wasnt as sci-fi as some of my dreams are (walking through walls from the lving room to a desert etc) It was made of people from the past, in the present and possible near future. Maybe the dream was based on hope...a hopeless hope that never seemed to go away...only to fade to grey.
I guess the best thing wud be the initial prob I had..is now covered over by the dream.
Hahahahaha

K well back to work. I believe what Ive felt for the past few days..is enough for me to write some songs...

God Bless

Emmm..today is not a good day..

Went through the day quite sadly...think I didnt get rest the whole weekend and this sat is global cultural fest so all the more I'll be drained. Thankfully...God never fails to carry me through. I may not have energy to do anything...but Im not drained to the point of sleeping or fainting etc...

Think Im in a state of having to constantly remind people stuff and the idea of calling everyone up..is draining...I know people coming over to remind me stuff..is draining as well....

this sucks...I sorta hoping someone reads this but also hoping that none of my studens read it..they dont really deserve to hear all this bitching...

Anyway...recently theres been an increase of happy beginnings..or maybe Im the last to know hahaha Well, whoever they are, I wish them all the happiness. :) Its good to see your frens, students and siblings get together hahahaha Never thought things wud come to this but Im inclined to say that Im happy so long as all the rest are happy. God gives what God gives and I know God gives. Just dont know who and how but God gives.

In fact Im starting to suspect that alot of those around me, are having probs confessing to whoever they like. Well watcha waiting for man! If the person dont like you, be smart and move on! But rememebr that at least you tried. :) Life is more than breakups yah..its got alot of other stuff like divorces and disasters and etc hahahahah JUST KIDDING! Life has more happy things than you think and if you concentrate on sadness or pain alone, life would end up meaning nothing. Thats where suicides come in.
If you look around, theres bound to be a happy thing somewhere thats ready to show itself to you. All that matters is whether you'd open you half blinded eyes to notice it.

December is around the corner...in fact..its this sat. This month will always be dedicated to Jesus. The christmasy feeling isnt in me yet coz Im still stuck w nov but alot of places have on their lights and started playing christmas songs...
Wanted to have a christmas party but looks like I cant.

K..nvm..Im still waiting for december....

God Bless

Maybe I did all this for you...hmmm..guess that is payback?

Alumni Nite 2007

for the past 2 weeks, Ive been emailing and posting msgs in frenster & calling alumni and hoping they'd come..alot fo them told met hatt hey were going overseas, they had exam and etc...

I admit..I am feeling guilty..if not for us shifting date and time etc and not being able to get our fav caterer...Nonetheless, Im now led to wonder if the event wud have been as good if we had stuck tot hat date..looking at the lack of decorations and lack of preparation and emmm

I know the current batch loved it...and maybe the juniors had fun...and the recent last 2 batches of alumni in ISC had fun...but...how about the other alumni? In fact the ones who enjoyed themselves, enjoyed because they knew each other.

And I guess that is the main problem in this club. We know each other so well and tend to organise that we ourselves would enjoy..without considering what others would enjoy. Sometimes we get it right because others are like us..sometimes it doesnt work.
And while I can say that they did try...Id honestly and (sadly) say that this isnt enough...

The club is thinking too small....

Or maybe its me..thinking to highly..thinking that everything can be done...

I know I kept giving ideas... and maybe its me expecting my expectations and ideas to be adopted..maybe its my selfishness...maybe thats wats making me dissappointed at this event...

Dunno lah...Im abit confused by this...I dont know if telling them would be tooo cruel or too lenient...I want them to learn and become better...not stay stagnant and blame the lack of money as an excuse to not make things better....

I getting very tired..very tired..very very tired....My mind is on constant reminder mode and multi-tasking was never my forte. And just remembering things and realizing alot of it is not done yet..I get very worried and stressed..and if my clubs cant help me to rememebr their own business..I really wont be able to take it anymore.. The suckiest part..is that I wished I cud be there more for my club...but I cant...
I never get tired out easily because my God has given me the strength...but my lack of motivation..feeling that I have to be there always....is making me feel bad and thus bringing my morale down..if I have no energy to bring these clubs up..then why bother staying?
I really regret letting them take the string and steering the show themselves...if this is how they are gonna be all the time...mediocre.

This is the tired and un-motivated and stressed Me talking....

Father, I pray for my students..that you will be able to make them think big and let them see that nothing is impossible....even if money is an issue...without creativity....money wont work

Ning

I wish the same for my comperes and sparc and makeup artiste

Frenship bands, interviews & a flu later

Exhausted today....

For the past few days, its been interview every evening till arnd 9pm. Im really glad the club can do this interview without me at times...although, they do need abit of practice in throwing interview questions

Had a flu on wed and went home 9pm with a perpetual leak in my nose. Thanks to God who gave me a very long sleep and I got to work yesterday, feeling all better. :) I know some of the ISC students feel that Im doing too much.I feel it too....but I guess I do this as an example...that it will motivate them to work as much. Of course their probs are not like mine so I cant really say...
As we slowly got the alumni list together, alot of memories of people I knew via my ex..came in. Dont know what id do facing them tomorrow...I might not have given them a good impression when we were all still in school. For starters, I would have been labelled as the one who stole their vp time and committement from the club hahahahah. Take it as me returning a favour? Hahahah Like I said, I never knew Id be the officer of this club hahahah I cud say that a thousand times and it would still seem amusing to me. Hahaha
Tomorrow's Alumni Nite is gonna be real good! The chance to consolidate a decade's worth of info and getting people connected again! 2 days ago, we had 40+ tickets that we havnt sold...tonight, by God's grace (something I prayed about and trusted in him for) we sold all our tickets and are expecting an overflow if people suddenly pop by to get tickets. AMEN
To someone: This is for you!

Am at Toa Payoh now with Poh Yan and Bee Ting. Scold me for using the laptop while they chat...have too much on my mind yah.

Cant wait for tomorrow.....Cant wait for the Alumni Nite! Its times like these that I know why I came back during my leave..to help them with the contacts and the frenship bands...If they can dream big and be more creative..I believe 2 years down the road, they would be the school's most disciplined and most smooth sailing club. :)

Gotta go...they scolding me again.

God Bless

Hmmpphhh time is ticking

Time till Medan is approaching...

2 big things to handle now....Medan Trip & Alumni Night...

Yesterday, i searched the whole database for names of ISC alumni...I know I shouldnt be doing this..it should be my students...but what to do..people exam and proj. Im only working...

Chat later..gotta run

Yeah! 2 bros coming back for CHristmas!

Wohoo! Just got an overseas call. Was thinking that it was a bro in US who called to chat, but when the person started talking, his questions and conversation wasnt like that USA bro of mine...Then hearing the indian accent...my heart almost jumped out when the thought that my bestest best bro is actually calling! Hahahha nonetheless its neither, but a bro in australia hahahahahahhaha.

I have sooo many bros that its hard to keep a straight face hahahah

There was a time that everyone in SPARC and comperes was my bro and sis. Hahahah then when I called, "Aye brudda!" a brunch of them turned! Hahahahahha Then they started complaining that I called everyone "brudda" until they cant differentiate who Im calling for hahahahahahah Classic moment!!!! Hahahahahha

In fact, the only reason I managed to foll my ex into thinking that I didnt like him to start with..is because I called him "brudda"! Hahahah and its true! he was my bestest best bro! And still is! Hahahha damn funny!

As I read throught eh previous entry..it occured to me that now that Ive put up a face of my indian bro, alot of you could mistaken this guy as my ex. WAHAHAHAHAH sooo entertaining! Nope! He is not! This guy is the "bala-cuda" that kept making fun of me, playing games w me and biting me when we were working together. Nonetheless, he is my 1st indian bro aka Ah Neh (phonetically translated w english from tamil) So my respects to him always and seeing him sooo happy, makes me smile too! Esp when Dhanyaa is such a cute gurl! *pinch cheeks*

Speaking of bros, back to the topic, my bestest best bro (uk bro) and Eka (aussie bro) are coming back the same time and Im sooooo hoping to meet up w them! Even if it means staying up till late! Wohooo!

I need to add in is a sudden self realization...that Ive changed sooo much that the lingo I used to use last time..is barely used now...only when the people I used it with, are with me. Like, "classic!", "Brudda" , "Lepak", "dudu", "mandee", "kai fun", "bloody mutton curry"
Hmm time does change things..and surroundings too...not using these words doesnt mean Im more mature...but that that time period has gone and my lingo is more subdued..others beg to differ on this point hahahah

Had a musical talk today. Brought back soo many memories! Made me think back abit about those days :) Let me sing my song soon. :)

God Bless

Babies!

My bro's newborn daughter! :) She's sooo cute and her lashes are super long! He holds her like he was holding a small stuff toy and talks to her in a high pitched voice that isnt shrill, but is still unnerving cause Ive never seen him like that. All in all, Im soo happy to see his new girl and my bro's happy family. :)

Another happy family! My cousin's daughter! She looks exactly like my cousin! Eyes and all.

Im not one to go gaga over babies. I like them when they're small and immobile and smiley..but hate them when they shit, pee, spew saliva and grow up. I for one will never carry a baby when its 1st born because it scares me! Esp Elley when she was born..she was sooo small that you could balance her on your palm.

Hahah both of them are cute but in terms of "big eye" factor, Dhanyaa takes my vote. :)

Kk enough baby stories! New life bringeth forth new happiness. My auntie status is now closer to home. cant wait for these 2 kids to grow up

God Bless

Lions for Lambs

Just watched a movie yesterday and to be honest, I wasnt looking forward to this movie..but seeing the cast...I gave it a shot. Turns out really well! Got me thinking!

- Lions for Lambs
Cast: Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, Tom Cruise
Storyline: A new development in war tactics in Iraq, has a seasoned reporter in the senator's office. The scoop is to inform the nation of the new war tactic and ensure that America will win this time. Thereby garnering votes and sacrificing more men
Its also got a bright yet uncommited student in his lecturers office discussing the meaning of political science and whether fighting (literally & figuritively) is better than scurrying by the sidelines
At the same moment, 2 army men, drop into the ice cold mountain range after an enemy ambush. Surrounded by Taliban forces....one is injured in the arm and leg and another is shot in the arm. To lie low and play dead till reinforcements come...or to stand up play hero and die

This movie talks about only 1 thing. A simple question that has been debated a thousand times by many different groups of people with different backgrounds. This movie is a big scale debate on its own from reporter to senator, from student to lecturer and it leaves you leaving the theatre thinking about who you side with and whether you would do the same.
And this wonderfully debatable movie takes place within 1 hour. The different debates on the same topic happen at the same time with different people, defending their positions with different reasons. Is the fight with IRAQ worth the loss of so many american men & women?
The last scene shows the Pentagon (now good as new) yet along that same road trip, is a long hillside of white tombstones..for the countless men & women who died for the past 6 years.

I believe this movie is soo controversial that they probably had a prob getting it out into the market. The possible reasons to it successfully being shown would be either due to the lack of sensitive info or providing only the info that is already known to the public. Either way..whether the statistics are real or not, it doesnt affect the question. Is this war worth fighting anymore?

This movie will get any debator's blood boiling

God Bless

Happy Deepavali!

The festival of Lights!

Went to frens place on thurs and had good homecooked indian food w briyani rice. We sat down, chatted until 4pm, then shifted to the living room to watch "Pokiri" staring Vijay. :)
Im a vijay fan if you havnt already guessed. a 3hr long show but it was good, the indian version of "Departed" staring Leonardo Di Caprio...sorta makes me wanna watch that movie.

Fri was supposed to be a free day for me but i had to go back to work for at least half the day to settle some stuff. Haiz...
Met frens int he evening for a cool round of "You must be an idiot!" at Settlers Cafe. :) The beauty of this game is being able to call everyone an idiot hahhahha In fact while the girl in the cafe tried to explain to us the game, she called us idiots unprohibitedly hahah causing a certain bro of mine to cringe at every sentence hahahaha
Girl says:
- everybody get s turn to be the genius and ask questions
- the goal of the idiot is to make sure he/she doesnt get discovered, if you dont get discovered, you get 3 points
- if you say that another member is an idiot and you're right, you get 2 points
- if you wrongly accuse another opponent to be an idiot, you lose a point and she/he gains one
- the idiot can not answer the trivia questions correctly, if he/she does, minus 1 point
- For every turn, you can make a guess on who the idiot is

The questions for thsi game were so american that we had to more or less skip the geographical questions and political questions. my bro and I were more english based while the other 3 girls were more chinese based hence alot more questions cudnt be asked hahaha think we all cheated in the game, By the end of our game time, we were shooting questions at the 2 remaining players without even playing w the board hahaha

Throughout that whole time, Ian & I were into our "real bro & sis" mode.
Ian: I'll tell mom when we get home
Ning: Go ahead! guess who she'll side with!
Ian: Of all the times you say you love me (while getting smacked by Ning)
Ning: The chinese say Hitting is doting you, and scolding is loving you
Ian: Yah well you hate me remember! You really really hate me!
Ning: Im also half indian. So I'll still hate you and hit you!

With a bro like that who needs enemies.....Haahahahah

As we took a bus home (Ian & I), we got a chance to catch up on other issues. He has his problems and i lend a listening ear. And while I listen to all my bros & sisters replationship probs...or happiness, 1 thing keeps popping into my mind, "No matter what happens, Im just glad htat everyone else around me is happy" :) And so far I thank God that its going that way. :)

Going to Bala's house today. Gonna see his baby girl and his wife too! Whoopee! Photos will come soon!

Happy Deepavali!

God Bless

FUNBUZZ 2007

Spent the saturday w my ISC students at Ngee Ann Poly, we were e rep team from SP ISC.
The team consists: Liting, Dodo, Ai Yun, Helmut, Jonathan L, Hainita and I
Think Im probably the only team w an officer in it and mind you, didnt let any of them mention that I was the officer...all the other officers were comfortably sitting under the shade while I was in the bloody hot sun, w face paint and sweating..I mean perspiring....

Even got such a good tan that the face paint I had on, caused a white mark on my right cheek (from ur view)...hence the number "20" is now on my cheek. My team number is 20.

We got through the 1st round of games and amazingly won 2. Which meant we had 2 rounds of semi-finals...Then we lost for both of it and amazingly, we still got 3rd prize! Hahahahahah

We whacked Kong Kong (dont ask me why they called themselves this) for dunking and got their member wet 2-3 times. Poor guy. we said sorry to him. Thanks to everyone for aiming accurately. I must say that when it was their turn to whack our Dodo ito the water, they did it fiercely and against the rules (in front of the line) Plus when Jon was blindfolded and had to follow our voices, they came in and 1 of them apparently pushed jonathan the other way. I must admit that we might have stepped over the line once or twice but we tried to be a sport and correct each other. At the end of every game, we said thank you to the teams. Thanks Dodo for sacrificing. BTW...we took a pic of Dodo w his abs hahaha soon to be on multiply.com *evil laugh*

We got thrashed by this Kong Kong team for dodgeball. They whacked poor jonathan and the rest soo hard and yet jonathan was soo sporting and small and springy that he managed to siam alot of the balls HAHAHAA very proud of him We lost for that but we didint want to win that anyway...

Wargh Games is a game of guns and soldiers and we were against this weird team which had all guys..so we sorta figured we'd lost already hahaha It was fun while it lasted though. :/ We got killed off quite quickly but Dodo was the last one to hold on and spent his last breathe shooting the enemy. *salute*

Then the relay race. We were last but it doesnt matter. We tried our best. The hardest was probabaly the gunny sack...Aiyun stumbled in that...thanks to having 2 big and 1 small guy..we had no prob balacing on 3 chairs hahahaha Jonathan was evil enough to catch and incoming water bomb and throwing it back at the thrower hahahahahaha

We won another round of Sumo and Jousting. Dodo, Hainita, Liting & I were jousting on a shaky inflated platform and we won our 1st opponents easily. The other smaller ones decided to be Sumos! So they wore the Sumo costumes that were heavy enough to bring them down without having anyone helping hahahah. The 2nd opposing team was from Africa and we sorta gave up the moment we saw them. Hahahahah well it was fun while it lasted.

All in all, we won and we lost w grace. :) Every match we had, we said our thanks to our opponents. Whether they deserved it or not I will not judge but while it lasted, at least we showed that we are not the team to hold grudges.

Anyway...this event also proves that Im getting old. Even today, I am aching...

I dont regret going for this..even though I had my reservations and hesitations. It sorta proves one thing....that you wont know until you try. We had a strategy for almost every game even if we didnt win it...least we tried.

This event got me thinking as well...at how they organise it. How different the club is from the ISCs from the other schools. Why is it they're so "on" about these things...while our club is sooo "off" where has the spirit gone to? One thing I know that resurfaced...was te "respect" sign that we gave each other. We lost it mid this year....we lost our vision mid this year too...

All in all...it was really fun..the event got us sweating and all but it was fun and insightful while it lasted.

God Bless

For every Christian I know...watch this...

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5&page=1&viewtype=&category=mv

I cried after watching this and it haunted me through the weekend. Thanks Stephen...
So many things we can reflect on in this video....
1) God's love for us and creating everything on earth for us, for our pleasure
2) God constantly looking down on us in concern even when we are in our darkest moments
3) God coming to our rescue the moment we want to go back to him. He gives us the strength to come back to Him and also protects us from our trials and evils as we once again come back to his safe haven and grow in his love.

Ning

Nothing is Imposible...Luke 18:27

The msg I got from God today....Luke 18: 27, Nothing is Impossible.

How do I know?

Was on the MRT and reading a christian magazine and there was an article of one of the pastors and he told of his scripture verse..a verse that he lives by or believe in...Luke 18:27

Normally Id shun it after the reading. Nto coz I want to...but because its my bad nature...but this time it hit home and Im living by this verse today....

When I got my brithday present from my colleagues...they gave me a clay tablet to place on the table....guess what it said..."nothing is impossible"

My talk w God in the morning as I walked to the mrt was somethign along the lines of, "I dont know how good I am at working" "Feel like I cant cope at times....what do I go God?"
God: Pray before you do anything Ning...

Likewise..this tablet had a pair of hands on it and "prayer" in golden. Below it, engraved into the tablet, "nothing is impossible"

I dont believe in coincidences, never did and never will...not that accidental meetins dont happen...but I believe it happens because God willed it so...

I found my bible verses notebook and casually flipped to a page that said," Or do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide me with more than twelve legions of angels." Matt 26:53

My day today was full of my own condemnation and as I read this and thought of God and His love for me, I felt my mood turned for the better. Thank you sooo much God. I actually feel that whatever I do now..will go smooth.

God Bless

In Loving Memory...

Birthday SLASH Halloween

Previous mail was before the Halloween party..thios is after...

The comperes did a horror trail in the room and put in mirrors and all with people scaring anyone who walks past. I wore the purple wool shawl and used it as a hood plus a black dress etc...used nail polish as blood and for nails etc...creepy that I freaked myself....

Reynold and Aaron were good on the mike and many of the year3s were there..they had tombstones and bats hanging off the ceiling etc....gajan as david beckham, snowlin as the devil and aaron as the hunchback of Notre Dame, Reynold as Freddy Kruger....

We had games, horror pageants, green jelly...

Lastly, they gave me a very very big birthday party...a big chocolate cake that had a bikini babe on it w HUGE boobs...SIgh....and they had candles that light up again...damn it!...then they had a row of candles that said, "we love you Ning"...Hahahahahahaha I was sooooo touched and thankfully I didnt cry... Got a necklace form the seniors w my name on it...got 2 books from the rest, got a paper mache head and a tombstone too..plus a BK paper crown w the comperes sticker on the front of it. All this is in my room now. :)

They asked me if Im happy... what can I say? What can I say? What can I say?

I never believed that a birthday pparty was to be planned on my own coz its self righteous crap and I never expect to get presents from them...

Im always amazed by the amnt of things they do for me..even if its just an sms.... :)

To Everyone who did all this, (from smses to well wishes on frenster, to blog comments, to emails and presents and long distance calls...)
Thanks sooo much. I dont say much because I dont wanna take away the magic by thinking of things to say to express my gratitude....Theres really alot alot more I feel :)

Even my bro gave my a long distance call and that means alot..even though by that time...my hp was close to dying...

Thanks sooo miuch all of you! Happy Halloween too!

God Bless!!!

My Day!

Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday To Me

Had a nice indian food dinner w 2 close frens yesterday nite (naan and stuff)
Got a CAMERA from them
Had a thousand sms from all of em, wishing me..I think only 1 of them said, Happy 24th Birthday. Damnit! You know who u r ah brother!
Got a long distance sms from my BBBro (Means a Bloody Big Deal) Which I replied and edited and edited to fit all i wanted to say in that sms. Didnt expect a reply but just needed him to know that I really appreciated it. Cud have been 12am his time when smsed it...And times like these, I really dont give two hoots abt what it costs to send a long distance sms back.:)
Got a long distance call from a bro's mum to wish me too

Now im in the office, stiffling a running nose that cud prove fatal. :/

Love to all the people who know me. I havnt been the best of a fren...havnt kept in contact, havnt wished alot of people happy birthday....my fault, my bad..my everything lah. Forgive yes?

Maybe its not soo much being happy abt it being my birthday...but being thankful that everyone whoc ares for me, loves me for who I am...Its not so much abt celebrating my birthday..but being able to spend time w everyone who cares for me..being able to say thank you?

Thanks all once again. God Bless everyone I know...and keep all of u safe and sound and happy and healthy.

Ning

Who Am I...

Nobuta Power! Enter!

Finished watching this jap drama I was watching w my sis. Its fun to watch w sis..even when she watching and playing PSP at the same time... :/ Nonetheless.

Anyway I watched Deathnote 1 & 2 during the weekend...and it wasnt fantastic but the way the killer plans his kills...they're exceptionally coordinated and brutal. But it makes you think of what wud happen to the world if killing were as easy and as untraceable as writing a name into a notebook....and the inital intention was to kill criminals in this world...the good effect of this is that the crime rate is reduced and criminals get their just punishment...but...is it ethical? Makes you contemplate the theory..."the end justifies the means" While the police and the detective, L tries to catch the criminal, he is forced to sacrifice some of his people....and the reason is, "sometimes sacrifices need to be made"... coincidentally...thats exactly what the killer says when he's asked on why he can kill innocent people who try to stop him from reaching the "criminal free world"....(sometimes sacrifices must be made)
Soo it leads me to wonder...who is rite. Is killing criminals a crime? if its wrong..then isnt euthanasia wrong too? euthanasia = capital punishment

And this jap drama I watched made me think abt how people can be manipulative and how people can be materialistic. The ability to mould someone's life as you wish, by methods that might not be ethical btw...how do you even knock that person to think straight again? What results in that idea?

Humans are scary...

K gotta go...

GoD Bless!

Zuo Ren = Be a human, be a reasonable, wellmannered, ethical person

Im starting to find it more an more difficult to "zuo ren"...

The ill effect of the school's "lack of budget" is not helping any club and the result of which is a "bitch fest". Im now stuck between 2 things..the belief of that I work for and the belief of that I work for. Note the difference? No rite? Both are the reason why I work..both are opposing each other....I dont know what to do and I frankly wanna get out of the way and watch them fight it out...why not? U know..if the head decides to increase funding, id be the happiest person in the world...

I spent time editing a proposal I dont even believe in. I dont believe in it because I know it will bounce abd yet I know I wud have to be cruel to stop it from bouncing...So do I send it in, pray it goes smoothly but say " I told you so" if it does bounce, or cut the budget knowing my boss will be fine and yet have my dear club curse at the unfairness? Which one is more impt to me? If work is more impt, then what is my purpose here? If the club is my importance...then maybe this isnt the right job....

Its seriously wrong to have pple come in for the wrong reason...or rather..keep coming in for the wrong reason..and I want to change that...but part of me is asking how and why.

I want to dosomething I believe in and not always have to fight between both...

Now I know how Jimmy feels....He scolds us and feel bad about it and cant sleep at night
well..Im sorry...Duai Bu Qi...Gomenasai...and in all other version that I dont even know...

Oh well....life is never fair....

God Bless

Im contemplating...

Seriously...contemplating on upgrading my blog...I think instead of me constantly smsing pple and emailing them abt events..I shud just update it in my blog and promote my blog instead...
The initial plan of getting my recreational & cultural officer to promote spore activities has flopped and I guess if its anyone who has to do it..its prob gonna be me. Maybe 5 years ago, I shud have joined ISC....

Damn tired man...DAMN TIRED AH> Mentally draining.....My medan looks like its flopping and guess what...its part of my performance measure..Hence if I dont do this....my perofrmance this year will be like SHIT! This sucks!!!!

Anyway here are the activites happening

25 Dec
Lunchbox concert at Esplanade
Christmas Musings

14-31 Dec 2007
New Year Activities at the Theatre By The Bay, Esplanade

5-7 Nov, 6pm every day
Moberly Movie Nites
Showing movies like, Water, Devdas, Monsoon Wedding

23-25 Nov
Deepavali Celebrations
Tribal Taal (indian music) 7.30,8.45, 10pm (fri & sat)

Maybe its just me that causes me to work hard for things I believe in....and if i see that its not working or not reciprocated..I withdraw all the way and give up

http://www.esplanade.com/SOPApp/espsop/portal_proxy?uri=nYIKgHOG4Wj!_MYOeyWB.V1UDzEr,lgRuNVfbaSf_D1Xskkk2bpRsJFM

As you can see, my heart is not in this to spruce it up into a fantabulous blog entry...Im actually quite stressed now and really wanna get out of the office for awhile...To destress...nonetheless, it aint as easy as it seems...

My entry ends here...Considering using my frenster blog as an events page for all my students and everyoneelse...if you have me as a frenster fren, then Its bound to bug you everytime u open ur email accnt.

God Bless

Musical...

Had to practice one of the musical songs again....performance...

It was tough because we havnt done it for a long time. Plus, we had less than half strength...

Yesterday was very very very packed...rehearsal, farewell lunch and exco meeting... Plus I wanted to attend a talk for OCU..think I found out quite abit about OCU and its payments etc..the only thing I need right now...is 25K..hence in all boredom and all hope, I redid a popular song to express my need for this money.....

All I want for Christmas is 25K,
25K
Please give me 25K
Chee if I could only have 25K
Then studying wouldnt be a problem
Dont you see how happy Id be
If I didnt have to work to get it
Having this big sum of money
I could study without worry

All I want for Christmas is 25K
25K
Can I have 25K
Oh If I could only have 25K
Then studying wouldnt be a problem

...... :) Inspiration comes in many forms

God Bless

My Prayer...

Father,

I have too many things I could pray about and I know I cant put all of it in words and thats why Im soo thankful that you are in my heart and you read everything I feel as it is..in my heart.

You know how I really am as a person God. I am thankful that nothing I feel escapes you..even if its something I feel even reluctant to share with others. I revel in the fact that I know you know everything....You know why I act the way I do...why I say the things I do..even if they may often be wrong.

My father, Im thankful that you gave me Jesus as my mediator, as my brother, as my saviour...I'm blessed...

I believe I am not always right, I believe I can be terribly wrong..I believe I can be nasty...I believe that you have forgiven me and if you can forgive me for the accumulated sin that I have and the harm Ive cause Jesus...what more the rest of the world? If you are with me, who can be against me?

I pray for eveyrone I know God, whoever it is Ive been in touch with. I may have hurt them, angered them, pissed them off, made them laugh, made them cry, made them worry...I pray for their peace, their safety, may the blessings I have received from you, be shared with them..no matter how far they are from me....

Give me wisdom God, and peace and strength. All this I need that I may lead the ones under me like how you lead me...to success.

Father, Jesus, Holy Ghost...Thank You.

Amen

...feedback

got feedback from my SP colleague who said that their events emcee wasnt very good. One was okay but the other was not very good.."my student helpers can do better"

Not the 1st time..really...I might often try and defend them but...I even have close frens telling me so. But I guess something in me wants to do the seemingly impossible... It sucks more that I am stuck w other things...than train them.

I'm at a loss.....Really...

Father God, let me not lead this young bunch of students to nothingness...let me help them live their dream...I know some of them are abit hard to convince but why do I need to convince God? If they dont have the drive..what can I do? I feel bad that Elsa & Yanxiang didnt want to be in the club anymore...I dont know how many people bitch abt me behind me...and I really do not wish for this anger...

Father, I cast my worries in comperes and everything else for you.
I smile at your all knowingness. :)

God Bless

sorry for stressing you guys out

my poor clubs are soo stressed because of me. Sorry for all the trouble....Im sorry if I push things to u guys...thing is...i doubt I can do anything w/o u guys to help me...nor can I take over the reign because doing so would mean u guys are dependent on me...sorry lah...

:(

God Bless

My pictures!

My whiteboard

My white board 2

My comperes!!! Damn it! They're cute! Hte it when they're cute!

www.Ning.youaremighty.com Click it! I dare you!

PS: not my doing ...

God Bless

Deepavali

Anybody free for Deepavali performances? I wanna go watch! Let me know yah.

Anyway...alot of things still need to be done...

*ohm* I know I can do it..I know I can do it! *ohm*

Ohhhh dyedi dyedi dyedi dyedi dyedi dyedi dai!!!
*self induced clapping*

God Bless

Rain Rain go away..come again when I take off day

Damn it! Stupid rain makes me wanna sleep in!

Got loads to do so I'll make this brief...

Went to the career fair this weekend...everyone who knew me and bumped into me, asked me if Iw as loking for a new job.....Cant I check out my options for fun? It sorta gives you motivation to live on and aim higher when u leave u know. Unfortunately, the fair was sooo small there was virtually nothing to see! Nothing that interest me at least....

Did alot of dvd watching this weekend too...Watched Kaante, Dus, Gullivers Travels etc. :) So here are my ratings....
Kaante sucks..even the stellar cast cudnt save them. 2 brownie points (max 10)

Dus is better..likewise the stellar cast but with abishek instead of abithe bachan (forgive my spelling) These 2 movies lead me to come to 1 conclusion....suniel shetty always plays the "emotionally unstable, constantly punching because of personal prob" guy...poor him. I applaud the cinematography though..abit cheesy but still okay. Wonder if htey had an ang moh guy to help them w shooting. The deceiving storyline helped though. Nicely done (7 brownie points)

GUllivers travels was good! cant compare between the other 2 because of genre but this movie was a movie Iw anted to watch for a long time. Classic story but the way htye bounce him from reality to insanity..was good. I loved the different lands gulliver went to and how idealistic they are compare to the real world...like horses being the civilized race while humans are just the next most violent animal (yahoos to be exact) Hence the reason why alot of people (for real) actually call the "stupid and nonsensical and crazy" people, yahoos! The many comparisions of the different countries to the country Gulliver lives in...forces the english government to look down at their governing..in shame (Note: all the mentioned governing ways were according to the past) The government now is notably better.

Im still in love w fanaa....as I was and am in love w The Red Violin and Lagaan.

The fanna soundtrack is still playing in my head, Mere Haata Mein, Chad Sifarish etc

Father God, thank you for your assurance. I know that I need to hold on to your words and promises and wait on you..to become a better me. I await your blessings and know that as they come in...I would be able to handle them, because of your trainings...

God Bless

My God is an awesome God who knows everything...

Still recovering from fanaa...I love the songs man!

Anyway, Im trying to tune myself back to reality. As the lead actress said...I only believe in love. Think Im like that too. Everything I do is driven by love.

My Lord too...My Jesus too....I know today is a good day because He is there to make my day rock. Ive got this new habit..the "rock on" sign everytime I sense a victory in the air, everytime I feel God working a small something in my life.

Thank you God for your grace and loving kindness

God Bless

Hear not, but Hark instead

I was soo pissed!!! I was soo dissappointed that I walked into my colleagues office to vent my frustration...I am stuck in the middle and it sucks...both dont see eye to eye and both are unwilling to accept each others views....All I know is I agree with MOE.

Had a really crowded meeting with my ISC members crowding in my office....tired...

No more energy to talk....

God Bless

Fanaa-Aftermath

Fanaa = Anihilation, Destroyed, etc

Watched it last night and as I suspected, Kajol & Aamir were fantastic!!!
Cant tell the ending coz it wud take away the fun of watching it but all I can asy is that this is one of hte reasons why I dont like to dwell in love stories anymore.

Last night I was stuck w this movie and even after the movie..my head was playing the soundtrack...kept replaying bits of the movie......

Sounds pathetic but Im still recovering from this movie hehehehe

K gotta go back to work. Sorry if I dont write more at times.

God bless

....do they not understand?

U know the funny thing abt me is that i may be fierce looking, im incredibly soft-hearted...

If I cant even convince my comperes that they need to wear the Comperes blazer...and not be able to control them...then..Im not a good leader....Im too soft.

Im sorry guys for being such a sucky officer in charge..Haiz..esp to the alumni ...

God BLess

Fanaa-My Next Love

Me thinks me would once again be obsessed with something again....not good

Fanaa is an indian film that Im currently loving. Something abt Amir Khan that makes me love him and his acting. This guy is older than the much loved Hrithik Roshan/Sunil Shetty/John Abraham etc but his acting is superb...Every movie that I ever saw of his..has been one I love. His charm....Hmmm...damn it this is a bad sign...indian, hindi and alot older...well..least I got the gender rite...rite? Hahaha

Anyway..Fanaa is the latest film staring the charismatic and beautiful/handsome, Kajol and Amir Khan. It starts with Kajol being blind and yet taking life to its fullest. She performs and sings etc and her gang of performers get invited to perform at a big event, somewhere away from home. Amir is the tour guide that is incharge of making their short stay in that "somewhere away from home" a comfortable one. Amir is taken aback and attracted by Kajol's blindness yet inspiring way of looking at life and they fall in love (as do all love stories)
The twist comes after Amir finds that love does matter to him and they get married. Kajol goes for an op to fix her eyes but the 1st thing she sees is her husband's reminence...his burnt clothes from an explotion (Nope he's not dead)
Years later, someone knocks on Kajol's doors....a terrorist...wounded terrorist. No points for who this terrorist is...She doesnt recognise him coz she never saw him but as time goes, and his wounds heal...she finds him familiar and realizes who he is. But she still doesnt know that he's a terrorist.
At the very end...it boils dwn to whether Amir would stay for her or leave her again to fight for something he believes in...or would Kajol do something to stop him from going...ohh maybe shoot him?
I love the songs and knowing the storyline..makes me love the songs even more. The singer? Sonu Nigam. Voice of Gold. See in indian films, the actors dont always sing the songs they seem to sing. Hahahaha Yep...

Anyway...sorta feeling bad for Ian & Stephen for going through all the "low pay" shit with me. Sorry guys. I guess if you really cant take it..then quit. I cant help it that you guys feel this way and something tells me that alot of us cant help it. Hmm

Anyway..enough time spent. Work

God Bless

Tues

Eyes..feeling...heavy..cant..keep em...open.........ZZZzzzz

After lunch is a hassle...feeling sleepy but still need to work. damn it!

TIRED!!!

Cant wait for weekend to watch Fanaa. Teheee! Amir Khan rocks my socks off! He's the equivalant of...Denzel Washington & Harry Connick Junior..I think

Anyway..back to work!

God Bless

LOVE

hmm profound this word is....hmm....dont really know how to disect that word really....dont think anyone can..hmmm

Sat nite, decided to walk from little india station to farrer park station. Seems trivial to most but not when you're one of the few chinese walking around. All the rest are indian...maybe not even singaporean indians... Yah can be scary in ways. But I wanted to try something different so I did......Hung my waist pouch in front of me instead of behind...hugging it.

Then was standing at the video section...I mean indian movie section.... Hindi & tamil movies, Finally bought Water, Fanaa & Dus n a vcd of hindi music videos heheheh

Sun...went to grandma's place and saw my dear niece...:P soo cute and her eyes are bright!

Monday..as usual..a chore to wake up and go for work. I know I need to find my bearings often...if I dont I will drift into the abyss....

Father God, keep me in your arms of peace and rest and faith....

Got some pics from my students and I know this is why I love my job...the students...

God Bless

Wish List...how it works

My birthday month! My sisters and my mum's birthday month. We're all Octobabies!
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Ehmm...pardon my enthusiasm...Im not my usual self hahah

Anyway was looking through stuff and realized that I wanted a few things for this birthday. :P

The birthday wish list works in a way where the birthday person (Me) lists down thigns she wants for her birthday and hopes and prays that her frens get the hint and get it for her. Wahahaha Well..it wud work well if the birthday girl (Me) hinted on who she wanted to get what coz if you think about it..every body who reads this...might get her the same gift! So who wants a dozen copies of the red violin?!??! So wudnt hinting be just wonderful! Of course you could tell everyone that your getting this for her already but thats no fun!

So I believe that the most skilful wishlist writers..are those who hide clues in their requests and provides clues as to who gives what. How cool! soo eg
I analysed musky toiletries and cant forget "melon scent" and the red bottle in the shape of a violin.
Ans: Ian must get me the red violin

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kk enough jokes. Ian & Stephan pick your eyes up before it goes out the window!

K i admit I had a tad too much chocolate (dark chocolate) in the morning.

I can only say that I am blessed as it is and having so many frens to call frens and siblings...as my bro wud call me, " The sister of the world" Damn it! Im not Mother Theresa okay!

Okay..gotta go..take care & GOD BLESS!

Sonship,Adoption,My father

Care group was good yesterday. Of course every newcomer is very timid and shy and quiet. Im a human and so I am the same (no arguments)

We talked about our sonship w God (sonship is a unisexual term)
we started on questions for everyone
- What is your relationship w your earthly dad like
- What was the one thing that your dad did that dissappointed you
- What was the one thing that your dad did that impressed you
- What are the characteristics of a good father
- Do you feel that you are God's child?

Many stories were shared...

What is my answer? Hmmm
I know I can name alot fo things that I was dissappointed in but in other ways..I know there are alot fo things I can impressed in...everyone has their good and bad points..sometimes we see more of the bad because we are driven by emotions to see the negative. But if we keep the objectiveness, we can see many good things.

The characteristics of a good father is a father who has God's wisdom to be hard and soft at hte same time...as all christians need to be, gentle as a dove but wise as a serpent.
Especially men who feel that they have to be tough and all..not true.

I thank God for this new group of people who are in my lives to share thoughts w. Maybe I'll be able to open up.

Lastly..the one good thing God did for me yesterday...would be to give me the motivation to join this group.

God Bless

Damn it!

Tuesday! Today there is care group. Should I go?..just sent an sms to the care group guy and hope that today I cud go.

Since yesterday night's entry..I kept telling myself that God knows everything...thats all i need to know.

Today I was walking to the mrt and on the way, I turned around and saw that this indian neighbour (another block) was walking behind me. I kept wondering if this was the same guy who asked me (a long time ago) if I was his burmese fren in NP. Hmmm Anyway something inside me told me to walk faster...alot faster. Got to the train and lost sight of him. :) No im not racist...just cautious...he reminded me of someone else. All of these matters must be away from me for now. My God knows everything. Im sorry if that guy feels like I was running away from him hahaha.

Anyway tonight's care group is gonna be in braddell view. VERY VERY VERY convenient for me :P. few minutes walk will do.

I praise God for all his providence!

For all who read my blog...I wonder why...Hmmm...but nonetheless, thanks. Im not one to count how many read this..but its nice to have audience when you rant or rattle. And if anything I say is offensive to any of you. Please note that I say what I feel or think..and that may cause abit of misconception of me esp if I rattle abt something Im not familiar w. Hehehe sorry ah. All said, I can only defend myself and say that I mean no ill-intention.

Lotsa love! God Bless

past

Damn it! Got reminded again! Had to search through the old files for my students to organise their alumni nite...they had to ask...

Seems one of their seniors highlighted him and said that he was a good leader. Maybe its biasness or real..he was a good leader. Im glad to know him. really! at times I feel like he is someone I knew...and its not that far away because I dont see him often..sorta feels like our frenship is slowly drifting away and even if its not..still seems like we dont talk or email or msn often too....slowly yah...

So my junior actually checked him out. hahaha

As we figured out the generations of ISC, we weight the ranks and words like, "your alvin" came out. Hhahah I immeidately shot back, "im sorry theres no such thing as my alvin hor!" hahahah "no my alvin, my pravin hor! At least not any more hahahaha

Yep...God says to wait. Not because God doesnt want me to have anyone..but because He knows that I cant take having one now. I can have many pple whom I admire and like but never one whom I love for now. He wants me to be trained so that when the one comes...that I would be able to handle this relationship better than the previous. And that it wouldnt affect my relationship w God. The previous one was in a mess in terms of my walk w God. It was also a mess w pravin & I...but...he was kind enough to understand. Not everyone would be that good a guy.
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As I write all this..a look from the outside of my thoughts and actions...I do know that I am talking too much abt a relationship that was over...4-3 years ago. Damn it! I think Im the only fool who places soo much value on memories and emotions...regular scorpio.
Every other fren who knews me for soo long...would have told me to shut up between the 1st and 2nd sentence hahahaha

Dont get me wrong...I do walk forward..I do go forward...took me 2years to do so but I finally did. I do go forward but I guess I turn around once inawhile to see if someone is behind hahahaha and if its not, I move on. Has it ever occured to you that the one Im waiting for is way in front of me? My bro tells me to find someone...well yeah sure, get me the street directory, point to me where the tree of men is and I'll find my way there hahahah or let me know the next time it rains men. I'll try to be there. Hahahahahah Even if there was a tree..do you not need to wait for the fruit to ripen and fall before picking it? K sounds wrong..but you get what I mean!

Rest assured all! The Ning is fine! The Ning knows one thing..that God knows everything! AMEN! including when would be the best time! I praise my God even in the toughest times because I know He is the overseer of my life. Im under the fan of his care under his watchful eye. There is nothing he doesnt know about me and all I need to know..is that He knows everything. You know how sweet that sounds...I only need to know one thing in this world...that He knows everything..and the sweetness of it is that..He is on my side!

I wondered how people can get caught up in so much shit at times and I realized how most of them who get into all that..dont remember God's love for them..or dont have a clear vision of htat when the trouble comes. Even I had that experience before...or maybe its not about remembering it..but about feeling it or believeing in it. Same concept as having seen a miracle but not registering it as a miracle...hmmm analogies.

God bless all hearts!

Outbursts

Well..last week was a super duper bad week... Thankfully I have Ian, Stephan & Francine to hang w for awhile. It was good.

Couldnt wait to go to church on sunday....somehow being there makes me feel more at peace w myself...This time, had Ganesh w us and I prayed that he would feel God's presence in this church and continue in this church.

Anyway as I wanted to say, yesterday's message was something I needed alot. I always felt the messages applied to all of us but sometimes it seems applicable to others more, but yesterday, I felt like God was speaking right to me.

I guess for the past 2 weeks, I had confusion abt december gatherings...its really just me..not to mention feeling the heat in work...the message told me to wait on the Lord..to rest in his peace as He take on the task of redeeming me from the troubles I have. Note that He is doing the redeeming. God also said that I shouldnt be disheartened by the loss of opportunities because God wants to prepare me 1st, for the blessings that he will be giving me. He is training me to be able to handle those blessings as it should be handled when I get them.

My auntie & uncle in america came down to visit and we talked about my cousins. Miss them alot. If I had money to fly to america and visit them....

My sisters birthday was yesterday and we had a sashimi feast! :P my sisters bf was here too and Im really really happy for her. :P This guy was her JC classmate and if you count the years, they've known each other for.....15 years!!! How fantastic is it to love your best fren?!?! Im happy for them! The sashimi was excellent and fresh..we had ice cream and cake after that too.
Happy Birthday sis! Only had 1 candle on the cake because its no point having so many hahahahahah But! Still love you! Hope you like the wedgehead!

Before I go....

Father God, I cast my worries and sadness onto you. I know its slight depression and lack of confidence and none of these things can be gotten rid of easily. Let me never think of you as a last resort to happiness..but as a 1st resort. Let me be like Ruth, who rested, knowing that Boaz would help her get over her problems. I claim the favour I have with my colleagues and everyone, that you have given me God. I claim the blessings you've given Abraham and his seed (aka all of us who believe in you)

God Bless

Christmas celebration...

Was thinking of a christmas celebration...but where?.....where would be a place that is fun enough to accomodate everyone? By everyone, I mean comperes & ISC at least...Since Im only gonna be back by 24 Dec..gotta start planning soon...SPGG?

Just read my bro's email and heard abt how he and his ex are again. All I can say is...WTF do you think the 2 of you are doing?!?!?!? Why are you pushing each other back and forth?!?!?! If you dont Fing love him, say the hell so! And stop asking if He's GD okay! If you want him to stay away from you, dont blame him from doing so!!! You caused it! You are taking away your own happiness! Dont blame him for his immaturity when any tom, dick and harry will leave you for your lack of decision making! Things like these hurt and you cant do anything abt it! Nows not the time to dig into the wound and make the hole bigger!!!! Just do the best way possible to get rid of the pain! Damn it! With the both of you, who needs enemies!?!?!

So many people upset over a broken relationship, so many pple cant be w the ones they love, so many pple cant even find someone and the 2 of u have to be the ones who cant get over the previous pains and make up! If thsta the case, everyone should just be happy single right!?!?!
Get over yourself man!

The times I see things like that, Im sicken by the fact that people can use love to play others. Its a waste of emotions... I always said that I wud slap any woman who plays w my bro's hearts but how can I slap the face of one whom I care for too. All i can say is....MOVE ON! Someone who doesnt care about how you feel....doesnt deserve you stressing over her. no matter how much you love her. Because the truth is...the ultimate truth is...if she doesnt love you or refuse to believe she loves you....she is not worth your attention.She is not worth your effort...MOVE ON!
Its hard...but its necessary in life. it is absolutely necessary....

Ive had enough of this shit... If I could, Id shout at both of htem to wake up their idea...but..no point

God Bless