K last minutes to the new Year so better pen down something before starting 06.
1stly, Alot of "forgive me"s and "thank you"s to those whom know me. Ive set a new list of resolutions which Ive chosen to keep to myself BECAUSE I dont want pple to chase after me and ask me abt them hehehehe Let's just say..I wanna be abetter girl Wahahahaha
Got many goals I wanna fulfill, frens I wanna rekindle relatio ships with..:) Gonna get busy. Im glad to say my family is safe, granparents still alive n happy. And God is closer to me than along time ago. :) Thanks God!
Hmm now I remember! Wanted to include a personal achievement! Visited one of my demons today. Went to a place that I havnt visited in a long while..due to ..ehmm personal reasons. Guess I always found it abit painful to go there. Well, today I did and Iw as right! It was painful but not as painful as I thought. It was a rush of blood and speeding up of heartbeat..sorta scary. Seriously cant explain why actually but Im glad I got there. To be honest... it used to be a place that I wud go alone..to feel the breeze..to clear my head and to talk with God. But since my previous relationship..it didnt make it a private place with God anymore..Id ruined it. And as I satt here today..thinking abt the past, I just felt bad that I had destroyed a place that I thought..was like a secret meeting place with God. I felt so much in need of God to flusht he whole place out with..oh maybe a thunderstorm..or hurricane? yeah ...Somewhere along that lines. Byt he end of that visit...I felt better...I felt lighter...like id reconnected with my past and gone on. Crushed one of my demons and got to be a better person. :) Im quite glad!
Soo its 11.28pm by my auntie's PC and my cousins just came over for a drinking fest...Ive had the heaviest dinner that has offset the benefits of a good morning exercise att he gym and a healthy veg salad (french dressing)..sigh...gotta kill those pounds someday..I hope. :P But dont blame me for celebrating yah! Coz Im sure you're doing the same thing while you read this! Hahaha
To let you guys on the secret New Years Resolution...to find my confidence again and to find the job I can work best with..and to keep my footsteps along God's..not to mention..not looking at indian guys anymore Wahahahahahaa
LOVE!! And Auld Lang Syne Folks!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
Bags or necklaces for anyone?
Here's my fren's auction webpage. If ur interested here it is..
http://pageuser.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/show/auctions?userID=qsc84
Its due in 17hours time...
love
http://pageuser.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/show/auctions?userID=qsc84
Its due in 17hours time...
love
Sooo..irony
Okay the topic for today...Miao miao having an identity crisis!
FYI: Miao miao is now A.K.A Miao-ster and if you dont know what she looks like....
There you go! She's a darling (said in perfect victorian age british accent) And those would be my feet and hands! But she's camera shy so cud only get her side profile. Or maybe its her better side! Wahaha crap!
Anyway..the whole thing abt her identity crisis isnt that she's taken to calling like another animal..its more that some sweet n kind cat lover has given her a dog collar! No scratch that! A puppy collar. The pattern on her brand new collar reads, "Puppy Love"
SERIOUS Problems Man! Wahahahah She's a Dot, or Cog..or Dat...you know what I mean hahaha
I also think she's got some new kittens! Married with kids hahahahaha The kittens have taken to sleeping at my old sch, byt he drain. :) Nothing like her actually..their quite brownish..probabaly taking on the dad. :/
ON my way home, saw her and fed her some nutritious but highly indigestable cereal. She likes it! Left some of that for her before I left. Because of this delay in ging home, I bumped into a neighbour. Not the neighbour..more like the 24th storey neighbour aka the nerd. Try as i might, i cudnt egt a way from him and got caught in the same lift w him. oh well...
OKay well enough of the entry for today. dead tired...need sleep...must..crawl..to...bed......zzzzz
love
FYI: Miao miao is now A.K.A Miao-ster and if you dont know what she looks like....
There you go! She's a darling (said in perfect victorian age british accent) And those would be my feet and hands! But she's camera shy so cud only get her side profile. Or maybe its her better side! Wahaha crap!Anyway..the whole thing abt her identity crisis isnt that she's taken to calling like another animal..its more that some sweet n kind cat lover has given her a dog collar! No scratch that! A puppy collar. The pattern on her brand new collar reads, "Puppy Love"
SERIOUS Problems Man! Wahahahah She's a Dot, or Cog..or Dat...you know what I mean hahaha
I also think she's got some new kittens! Married with kids hahahahaha The kittens have taken to sleeping at my old sch, byt he drain. :) Nothing like her actually..their quite brownish..probabaly taking on the dad. :/
ON my way home, saw her and fed her some nutritious but highly indigestable cereal. She likes it! Left some of that for her before I left. Because of this delay in ging home, I bumped into a neighbour. Not the neighbour..more like the 24th storey neighbour aka the nerd. Try as i might, i cudnt egt a way from him and got caught in the same lift w him. oh well...
OKay well enough of the entry for today. dead tired...need sleep...must..crawl..to...bed......zzzzz
love
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
My auntie's ashes
My mum took a day off today..she went with my other aunties to bring my auntie's ashes to the....the place where they store the urns. The slot is ready for her.
Now that she's gone, the ritual in my grandparents house is to greet my auntie's picture as well..when I go and visit. Not to mention saying goodbye to her when we leave. i guess to them is natural...she is still with them. But Im thinking that it can be painful for my grandparents to wake up and go to the dining table and see her face. My heart goes out ot my grandparents and to me...going to them is the 1st thing I do when I go there..to let them know Im here, to give them a hug and say Hi. In fact..my grandpa and I have a deal...Im to save as much $ as possible to pay for my trip to China w him. :) He offered to pay for me but Id much rather do things on my own. :) Thats the deal!
My grandpa, I shall start calling him Lao Wan Gu hahaha coz he's starting to gamble again. He's gambling on my cousin's bf's race horse hahaha The last I met him, I told him (My grnadpa), "Dont gamble so much ah." "Be good ah" Hahaha He's grown up to be a kid again.
I think my mum is right in a way...from what I see, my relatives from my dad's side are often angry with each other. Not all of them..just some...but on my mum's side..every trip there is like a small party...as long as the sisters are together and the cousins are together. I hate to say this...most of my cousins on my dad's side have not visited for a long time..only once or twice a year do I really get to see them. One of which Ive never seen since...sec sch? Its that bad. Im starting to wonder if my dad's side family would disperse if my grandma dies. A really sad thought but its reality...my granny wont live till im 40...
As for my mum's Im sure the sisters will still meet even after my grandparents die...They'll meet and talk and us cousins will meet up as well...Im not too sure abt my dad's side cousins...not all of them.
But I know which cousins Im missing now...Im missing my american cousins :) One day, I'll save enough money for a trip to the US! The best part abt us 3..is that no matter how old we are...we'll still be like kids...sleeping together...making a fool out of each other, wrestling hahaha those were the days hahaha
k enough for now. New Year is around the corner. New year resolutions please!
LOVE
Now that she's gone, the ritual in my grandparents house is to greet my auntie's picture as well..when I go and visit. Not to mention saying goodbye to her when we leave. i guess to them is natural...she is still with them. But Im thinking that it can be painful for my grandparents to wake up and go to the dining table and see her face. My heart goes out ot my grandparents and to me...going to them is the 1st thing I do when I go there..to let them know Im here, to give them a hug and say Hi. In fact..my grandpa and I have a deal...Im to save as much $ as possible to pay for my trip to China w him. :) He offered to pay for me but Id much rather do things on my own. :) Thats the deal!
My grandpa, I shall start calling him Lao Wan Gu hahaha coz he's starting to gamble again. He's gambling on my cousin's bf's race horse hahaha The last I met him, I told him (My grnadpa), "Dont gamble so much ah." "Be good ah" Hahaha He's grown up to be a kid again.
I think my mum is right in a way...from what I see, my relatives from my dad's side are often angry with each other. Not all of them..just some...but on my mum's side..every trip there is like a small party...as long as the sisters are together and the cousins are together. I hate to say this...most of my cousins on my dad's side have not visited for a long time..only once or twice a year do I really get to see them. One of which Ive never seen since...sec sch? Its that bad. Im starting to wonder if my dad's side family would disperse if my grandma dies. A really sad thought but its reality...my granny wont live till im 40...
As for my mum's Im sure the sisters will still meet even after my grandparents die...They'll meet and talk and us cousins will meet up as well...Im not too sure abt my dad's side cousins...not all of them.
But I know which cousins Im missing now...Im missing my american cousins :) One day, I'll save enough money for a trip to the US! The best part abt us 3..is that no matter how old we are...we'll still be like kids...sleeping together...making a fool out of each other, wrestling hahaha those were the days hahaha
k enough for now. New Year is around the corner. New year resolutions please!
LOVE
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
And soo...
Turns out God didnt want me to watcht he concert either and so He cast rain clouds above the outdoor theatre and made it rain HEAVILY. So it is that not only did I not get a chance t watch narnia, but I also lost the chance to watch the concert..which was statring to sound quite good.
Ended up visiting my fren and having my dinner there.
As I walked home from my fren's place..Loh and Behold a familiar face appeared! None other than my friendly movie partner-neighbour-exschmate-exclassmate-bro-fren whom I presume went out w his buddies and was smoking outside mac. Wat was more dissappointing? That he cancelled the movie? Or that he was smoking? Well..the 1st thing I said when I saw him was, "smoke some more lor" And he gave me a sorry-salute fromt he moment he saw me, till the moment I walked off. His fren said, "now u can curse at him!" Hahahah I find it funny really hahaha but I didnt bother...didnt feel like it :/ Esp when my friendly neighbour gave me the goofy grin and the sorry-salute...YAH WATEVA!
So that completes my day! quite uneventful lah but unforseen circumstances come and sometimes..more often than others.
LOVE
Ended up visiting my fren and having my dinner there.
As I walked home from my fren's place..Loh and Behold a familiar face appeared! None other than my friendly movie partner-neighbour-exschmate-exclassmate-bro-fren whom I presume went out w his buddies and was smoking outside mac. Wat was more dissappointing? That he cancelled the movie? Or that he was smoking? Well..the 1st thing I said when I saw him was, "smoke some more lor" And he gave me a sorry-salute fromt he moment he saw me, till the moment I walked off. His fren said, "now u can curse at him!" Hahahah I find it funny really hahaha but I didnt bother...didnt feel like it :/ Esp when my friendly neighbour gave me the goofy grin and the sorry-salute...YAH WATEVA!
So that completes my day! quite uneventful lah but unforseen circumstances come and sometimes..more often than others.
LOVE
...99 bottles of beer on the wall...
K well..once again my movie partner has cancelled on our movie plans...sigh wat can I say but I sorta knew it was coming. Nvm lah worse comes to worse..I'll go watch it myself. I know he's sorry and stuff lah but haiz that guy really can get on my nerves sia...sorta makes me look up to heaven and go, "why!?!?!" My plans of seing Narnia is postphoned...
So when movie is out of the picture..the next best alternative is...music! Just the right time coz tonight theres gonna be some live gig at esplanade outdoor theatre and Im game for it! Let's see how it works.
Hmm 2 thinks Ive been thinking of..not coz its been bugging me..just coz its suddenly popped into my mind...somethings i read somewheres...
1stly..I was reading the Bible and read abt how Jesus called out to John n james to follow Him and they forsook (past of forsake) everything and followed. The 1st thought was..how much did they have to give up to follow God? How much is their "everything"? Seems easy coz they've got no car...no condo...not much riches for a fisherman...no mp3 player..no Hifi set..no rock..etc..how much can they give up? But if you think abt it...regardless of not having all these...they had their jobs and their families....I thought that they having so little will have less to give up but it might not be true...maybe because of the simplicity of life..they valued things more...they valued their family more...maybe without TV n MP3 player n shoppnig n disco etc...they are able to see that family is more impt than these materialistic things. Maybe to them..giving up their family is more unbearable. Not so sayt hat we dont value our family members. but when pple ask you what is the one thing you cant live without...guess we never think abt family huh. When there were no internet and no phone lines...going abroad is practically a "gone for good" thing... Soo...who sacrificed more? The people who lived then? or the people who live now? Hmmm So we who are submerged in technology...are we blessed? or damned? Coz the more riches we have..the more we cant bear to give up? Hmmm
Another thing I read..not n the Bible but its something I had to face last time...pple whom I try to help but who refuse to say anything but, " You wont understand" Theres a whole argument in my head abt this...not that Im pissed..but I am irritated when pple tell me this. It only means that they expect me to understand everything even before they say it. if I dont, Im deemed as someone who wont understand. Dont get what I mean? Simple! I'll explain! Analogy: wat if ur teacher came to class, new topic, new term...He comes in and the 1st thing he writes is the math equation and thent eh answer. He puts down the chalk or marker (depending on what generation ur in) and calls u up to explain. No refering to TxtBk yah. Obviously..youd be the most bewildered student int he class! You have no idea what he wants you to explain coz he never said anything abt it! he then gets annoyed at ur seconds of dumbfounded silence and orders you to sit down. fair? Nope. Dont think so. Simply put...if you want someone to understand ur situation...at least explain to him ur situation...dont just keep going, "you wont understand" More often than not...the reason why U say this..is coz you're not planning to tell him or her int he 1st place. if thats the case...just say, " I cant tell you! Its soemthing I have to deal myself." Dont make it sound liek its their fault that you cant tell them! In fact...its quite hurting! Esp if its someone they care alot for!
I have lots more to say abt this but times run short and its time to catch the live gig. So tata!
LOVE
So when movie is out of the picture..the next best alternative is...music! Just the right time coz tonight theres gonna be some live gig at esplanade outdoor theatre and Im game for it! Let's see how it works.
Hmm 2 thinks Ive been thinking of..not coz its been bugging me..just coz its suddenly popped into my mind...somethings i read somewheres...
1stly..I was reading the Bible and read abt how Jesus called out to John n james to follow Him and they forsook (past of forsake) everything and followed. The 1st thought was..how much did they have to give up to follow God? How much is their "everything"? Seems easy coz they've got no car...no condo...not much riches for a fisherman...no mp3 player..no Hifi set..no rock..etc..how much can they give up? But if you think abt it...regardless of not having all these...they had their jobs and their families....I thought that they having so little will have less to give up but it might not be true...maybe because of the simplicity of life..they valued things more...they valued their family more...maybe without TV n MP3 player n shoppnig n disco etc...they are able to see that family is more impt than these materialistic things. Maybe to them..giving up their family is more unbearable. Not so sayt hat we dont value our family members. but when pple ask you what is the one thing you cant live without...guess we never think abt family huh. When there were no internet and no phone lines...going abroad is practically a "gone for good" thing... Soo...who sacrificed more? The people who lived then? or the people who live now? Hmmm So we who are submerged in technology...are we blessed? or damned? Coz the more riches we have..the more we cant bear to give up? Hmmm
Another thing I read..not n the Bible but its something I had to face last time...pple whom I try to help but who refuse to say anything but, " You wont understand" Theres a whole argument in my head abt this...not that Im pissed..but I am irritated when pple tell me this. It only means that they expect me to understand everything even before they say it. if I dont, Im deemed as someone who wont understand. Dont get what I mean? Simple! I'll explain! Analogy: wat if ur teacher came to class, new topic, new term...He comes in and the 1st thing he writes is the math equation and thent eh answer. He puts down the chalk or marker (depending on what generation ur in) and calls u up to explain. No refering to TxtBk yah. Obviously..youd be the most bewildered student int he class! You have no idea what he wants you to explain coz he never said anything abt it! he then gets annoyed at ur seconds of dumbfounded silence and orders you to sit down. fair? Nope. Dont think so. Simply put...if you want someone to understand ur situation...at least explain to him ur situation...dont just keep going, "you wont understand" More often than not...the reason why U say this..is coz you're not planning to tell him or her int he 1st place. if thats the case...just say, " I cant tell you! Its soemthing I have to deal myself." Dont make it sound liek its their fault that you cant tell them! In fact...its quite hurting! Esp if its someone they care alot for!
I have lots more to say abt this but times run short and its time to catch the live gig. So tata!
LOVE
...99 bottles of beer on the wall...
K well..once again my movie partner has cancelled on our movie plans...sigh wat can I say but I sorta knew it was coming. Nvm lah worse comes to worse..I'll go watch it myself. I know he's sorry and stuff lah but haiz that guy really can get on my nerves sia...sorta makes me look up to heaven and go, "why!?!?!" My plans of seing Narnia is postphoned...
So when movie is out of the picture..the next best alternative is...music! Just the right time coz tonight theres gonna be some live gig at esplanade outdoor theatre and Im game for it! Let's see how it works.
Hmm 2 thinks Ive been thinking of..not coz its been bugging me..just coz its suddenly popped into my mind...somethings i read somewheres...
1stly..I was reading the Bible and read abt how Jesus called out to John n james to follow Him and they forsook (past of forsake) everything and followed. The 1st thought was..how much did they have to give up to follow God? How much is their "everything"? Seems easy coz they've got no car...no condo...not much riches for a fisherman...no mp3 player..no Hifi set..no rock..etc..how much can they give up? But if you think abt it...regardless of not having all these...they had their jobs and their families....I thought that they having so little will have less to give up but it might not be true...maybe because of the simplicity of life..they valued things more...they valued their family more...maybe without TV n MP3 player n shoppnig n disco etc...they are able to see that family is more impt than these materialistic things. Maybe to them..giving up their family is more unbearable. Not so sayt hat we dont value our family members. but when pple ask you what is the one thing you cant live without...guess we never think abt family huh. When there were no internet and no phone lines...going abroad is practically a "gone for good" thing... Soo...who sacrificed more? The people who lived then? or the people who live now? Hmmm So we who are submerged in technology...are we blessed? or damned? Coz the more riches we have..the more we cant bear to give up? Hmmm
Another thing I read..not n the Bible but its something I had to face last time...pple whom I try to help but who refuse to say anything but, " You wont understand" Theres a whole argument in my head abt this...not that Im pissed..but I am irritated when pple tell me this. It only means that they expect me to understand everything even before they say it. if I dont, Im deemed as someone who wont understand. Dont get what I mean? Simple! I'll explain! Analogy: wat if ur teacher came to class, new topic, new term...He comes in and the 1st thing he writes is the math equation and thent eh answer. He puts down the chalk or marker (depending on what generation ur in) and calls u up to explain. No refering to TxtBk yah. Obviously..youd be the most bewildered student int he class! You have no idea what he wants you to explain coz he never said anything abt it! he then gets annoyed at ur seconds of dumbfounded silence and orders you to sit down. fair? Nope. Dont think so. Simply put...if you want someone to understand ur situation...at least explain to him ur situation...dont just keep going, "you wont understand" More often than not...the reason why U say this..is coz you're not planning to tell him or her int he 1st place. if thats the case...just say, " I cant tell you! Its soemthing I have to deal myself." Dont make it sound liek its their fault that you cant tell them! In fact...its quite hurting! Esp if its someone they care alot for!
I have lots more to say abt this but times run short and its time to catch the live gig. So tata!
LOVE
So when movie is out of the picture..the next best alternative is...music! Just the right time coz tonight theres gonna be some live gig at esplanade outdoor theatre and Im game for it! Let's see how it works.
Hmm 2 thinks Ive been thinking of..not coz its been bugging me..just coz its suddenly popped into my mind...somethings i read somewheres...
1stly..I was reading the Bible and read abt how Jesus called out to John n james to follow Him and they forsook (past of forsake) everything and followed. The 1st thought was..how much did they have to give up to follow God? How much is their "everything"? Seems easy coz they've got no car...no condo...not much riches for a fisherman...no mp3 player..no Hifi set..no rock..etc..how much can they give up? But if you think abt it...regardless of not having all these...they had their jobs and their families....I thought that they having so little will have less to give up but it might not be true...maybe because of the simplicity of life..they valued things more...they valued their family more...maybe without TV n MP3 player n shoppnig n disco etc...they are able to see that family is more impt than these materialistic things. Maybe to them..giving up their family is more unbearable. Not so sayt hat we dont value our family members. but when pple ask you what is the one thing you cant live without...guess we never think abt family huh. When there were no internet and no phone lines...going abroad is practically a "gone for good" thing... Soo...who sacrificed more? The people who lived then? or the people who live now? Hmmm So we who are submerged in technology...are we blessed? or damned? Coz the more riches we have..the more we cant bear to give up? Hmmm
Another thing I read..not n the Bible but its something I had to face last time...pple whom I try to help but who refuse to say anything but, " You wont understand" Theres a whole argument in my head abt this...not that Im pissed..but I am irritated when pple tell me this. It only means that they expect me to understand everything even before they say it. if I dont, Im deemed as someone who wont understand. Dont get what I mean? Simple! I'll explain! Analogy: wat if ur teacher came to class, new topic, new term...He comes in and the 1st thing he writes is the math equation and thent eh answer. He puts down the chalk or marker (depending on what generation ur in) and calls u up to explain. No refering to TxtBk yah. Obviously..youd be the most bewildered student int he class! You have no idea what he wants you to explain coz he never said anything abt it! he then gets annoyed at ur seconds of dumbfounded silence and orders you to sit down. fair? Nope. Dont think so. Simply put...if you want someone to understand ur situation...at least explain to him ur situation...dont just keep going, "you wont understand" More often than not...the reason why U say this..is coz you're not planning to tell him or her int he 1st place. if thats the case...just say, " I cant tell you! Its soemthing I have to deal myself." Dont make it sound liek its their fault that you cant tell them! In fact...its quite hurting! Esp if its someone they care alot for!
I have lots more to say abt this but times run short and its time to catch the live gig. So tata!
LOVE
Monday, December 26, 2005
Im soooo sick...
So much for christmas....Its been fun and scary and just plain dampening one after the other...let me explain...
Christmas eve morning was super fun :) Got to hang w sistas, tried the jacuzzi and steam room..etc I guess its coz of the freq change in temp from the pool to the steam room, to the jacuzzi..etc..that I caught a cold. cool huh?
Byt he time I got to my aunties house, I had a running nose that evidently stayed in touch w me till now. Another thing happened while at my aunties place...my mum n auntie were supposed to meet each other 1st before coming to my auntie's place. An event of miscommunication, led my to go into freak out mode. For a solid 1 hour...I tought my mum was either unconscious at home...knocked down by a vehicle...stuck in an mrt or bus....or just plain lost her way. Because she never called any of us at all. And knowing her, she stores all her phone numbers in her phone book. If she forgets her phone book...she cant call anyone at all. Nor does she know the way here..afterall the address is also in her phone book. Wat she could do is go home. But wat really scared me...is that she'd be unconscious at home...thats wat scared me the most...or that she was hurt and my mind was going on n on abt it while I was trying to have dinner. I got so paranoid that I even called my neighbour up (crossing my fingers that he'd pick up the phone) to go to my house and check if anyone's there..or that the lights are on or windows open...signs that my mum hasnt left the house...
Thank heavens..more like thank God...my auntie found my mum. She was waiting at the exact meeting place..while my other auntie she was to meet...was the one who was waiting at the wrong one...sigh...It runs int he family I guess hahaha my auntie was blur..while my mum was not smart enough to go tot he coffee shop next tot he bus stop, to call my auntie (she did have her phonebook w her) In fact, she had contemplated going to the mrt and calling but decided against it when she thought if she went away, mu auntie would miss ehr and go off...I still dont get it and quite honestly..i find it ridiculous but im glad my mum's safe.
Last but not least...Im just plain sick...the universal spirit dampener. bloody gd timing i shud say..sarcastically...at my grandparents place yesterday..I spent 60% of the time there sleeping and the 20% of the time hanging w relatives and visitng my godma who lives nearby..the remainder 10% int he toilet. In fact the only erason why I hadnt spent more time sleeping..is bcoz I had such a terrible stomachache that it woke me up...I guess I ate too much..you would too if you saw what food was instore and before I go on..I reques that you banish that thought that I had sinned (coz its already playing in my head) whipped potato, lamb, beef, ham, sushi, beehoon, rendang, chicken curry, kung bak bao w fatty pork n the works..yeah.. So that why i had gastric...
Today..my plans to watch Narnia are cancelled...coz my movie partner wasnt free...so I spent the whole day sleeping n recovering...in fact..not going for the movie cud have been a gd thing..coz then I wud have been too sick to enjoy myself..more like sleeping halfway coz my body wud shutdown to fight against watever virus I had. Not to mention the risk of spreading a fever or cold to my neighbour n other innocent victims. I carried a 37.8'c with my thru the day.Got phlegm, got sore throat and body is aching everywhere.
But you know wat? This christmas was the most meaningful...Its been a long time since I really tried my best to celebrate Jesus's birth...Its been awhile since Ive felt so close to God. Im happy!I dont need many presents..I dont need many ang baos...ive got the best present already.. Jesus...I know Im sounding more and more like a fired up christian and I really hope that coz of this, I do not scre away those I hold dear...yet att he same time..I dont want this hard earned again faith to dissipate again. A though balancing act..somethign that is harder than putting a camel through the eye of a needle?
Watever it is..Im loving u guys!
LOVE
Christmas eve morning was super fun :) Got to hang w sistas, tried the jacuzzi and steam room..etc I guess its coz of the freq change in temp from the pool to the steam room, to the jacuzzi..etc..that I caught a cold. cool huh?
Byt he time I got to my aunties house, I had a running nose that evidently stayed in touch w me till now. Another thing happened while at my aunties place...my mum n auntie were supposed to meet each other 1st before coming to my auntie's place. An event of miscommunication, led my to go into freak out mode. For a solid 1 hour...I tought my mum was either unconscious at home...knocked down by a vehicle...stuck in an mrt or bus....or just plain lost her way. Because she never called any of us at all. And knowing her, she stores all her phone numbers in her phone book. If she forgets her phone book...she cant call anyone at all. Nor does she know the way here..afterall the address is also in her phone book. Wat she could do is go home. But wat really scared me...is that she'd be unconscious at home...thats wat scared me the most...or that she was hurt and my mind was going on n on abt it while I was trying to have dinner. I got so paranoid that I even called my neighbour up (crossing my fingers that he'd pick up the phone) to go to my house and check if anyone's there..or that the lights are on or windows open...signs that my mum hasnt left the house...
Thank heavens..more like thank God...my auntie found my mum. She was waiting at the exact meeting place..while my other auntie she was to meet...was the one who was waiting at the wrong one...sigh...It runs int he family I guess hahaha my auntie was blur..while my mum was not smart enough to go tot he coffee shop next tot he bus stop, to call my auntie (she did have her phonebook w her) In fact, she had contemplated going to the mrt and calling but decided against it when she thought if she went away, mu auntie would miss ehr and go off...I still dont get it and quite honestly..i find it ridiculous but im glad my mum's safe.
Last but not least...Im just plain sick...the universal spirit dampener. bloody gd timing i shud say..sarcastically...at my grandparents place yesterday..I spent 60% of the time there sleeping and the 20% of the time hanging w relatives and visitng my godma who lives nearby..the remainder 10% int he toilet. In fact the only erason why I hadnt spent more time sleeping..is bcoz I had such a terrible stomachache that it woke me up...I guess I ate too much..you would too if you saw what food was instore and before I go on..I reques that you banish that thought that I had sinned (coz its already playing in my head) whipped potato, lamb, beef, ham, sushi, beehoon, rendang, chicken curry, kung bak bao w fatty pork n the works..yeah.. So that why i had gastric...
Today..my plans to watch Narnia are cancelled...coz my movie partner wasnt free...so I spent the whole day sleeping n recovering...in fact..not going for the movie cud have been a gd thing..coz then I wud have been too sick to enjoy myself..more like sleeping halfway coz my body wud shutdown to fight against watever virus I had. Not to mention the risk of spreading a fever or cold to my neighbour n other innocent victims. I carried a 37.8'c with my thru the day.Got phlegm, got sore throat and body is aching everywhere.
But you know wat? This christmas was the most meaningful...Its been a long time since I really tried my best to celebrate Jesus's birth...Its been awhile since Ive felt so close to God. Im happy!I dont need many presents..I dont need many ang baos...ive got the best present already.. Jesus...I know Im sounding more and more like a fired up christian and I really hope that coz of this, I do not scre away those I hold dear...yet att he same time..I dont want this hard earned again faith to dissipate again. A though balancing act..somethign that is harder than putting a camel through the eye of a needle?
Watever it is..Im loving u guys!
LOVE
Saturday, December 24, 2005
bloggidy blog blog!
Tis the season to be jolly lalalalalah lalah lalah!
What a truly eventful day! :)
Meet my sistas for a morning till afternoon fun at SPGG (SP Graduates Guild) We swam (I tried to swim), we spent fun time in the jaccuzi and had a heart to heart talk in the steam room. Unfortunately...one of my sistas cant come..sorta left me abit upset..coz I wanted sooo much to have all 4 of us together. But i guess...unforseen circumstances occur I just have to accept it. Just find it upsetting that I only know abt this last minute...abit not fair...But you know...no matter how I get irritated or upset or watever w these sistas....I never stay that way for long..not w them...not w anybody I know actually...but esp not w them. Coz inside...I love them too much.
Once in poly, was doing a proj w one of my poly sistas and I screwed the proj up BIG TIME...I felt sooo bad...like I let them down so deep that there was no repentance...but att he end of everything...one of them told me..."you know...watever happens...work is work and personal stuff is personal...I still love you as a sista..." That hit me soo ahrd I had to bite my lip just not to show it. Thats really how close we were...likewise for these 3 sistas ....I loev them loads regardless of how they are at times and because I love them sooo much, sometimes Ijust want to help them change the habit...but alas..from personal experience...we all have to 1st change ourselves or no one can help us.
My big sista is going overseas soon...in feb...that sorta made it more impt to celebrate this christmas...coz these will be the last 1n half months before she leaves. I know that Id try my best to meet her more. I guess out of all the sistas, she is the one who is most sensible and most mature...which is wyh i find it easy to talk to her..yet she has her kiddish side that I only see as endearing. I hate to say this...but I abit worried that after she leaves..our circle of friendship will slowly move apart...a thought enough to give me nightmares... :( Another sista of mine is the one who's the most kiddish hahah becuase of this...I feel normal when Im being my kiddish self w her hahah like we're back to our small sch girl days. She's alsot he hardest to contact..abit frustrating..but soemthing abt how close we are..makes me still wanna call her when i feel like talking...regardless of how many times she never gets my call...I guess I ask for it huh :)
The 3rd sista, is also kiddish at times (in fact..im sre uve realized that we are ALL kiddish) But I guess, she is the most like me....music lover, love singing, etc...
I know I have inferiority complex...highly sensitive...introvert etc at times...but Thanks to God that I dont have it when I hang w this group of sistas because theres nothing to hide! They love me for who I am! They know me inside out, left right centre, top to bottom!
I dont really know how to describe how I feel after our very happy outing...let me make an analogy...you know how when ur drunk..eveyrthing can seem funny? you do stupid things and laugh at urself and laugh at each other? The world seems like the jolliiest places? Thats how I felt...I felt like every second and minute spent w them...was perfect and funny and..plain joyful!
I dont know which of them reads this and I know Ive told them this alot of times but I'll repeat it again...
I love you guys alot k. You guys are the ones who know me and have seen me in my silliest and most serious moments...You have been there for me when I needed help or comforting or was just plain irritating or unreasonable...and for all this.. you make me love you guys even more...I hope that int he coming year..our sisterhood stays strong...coz its a time of testing as PL goes off to australia. May we last till we're haggard and grey and can still sit together at a kopitiam and laugh w toothless grins Hehehehe yet still be able to irritate each other w pinches and smacks..etc :) Thats what I hope we'll be. :) Once again...love you all loads. :)
PS: To all , A very Merry Christmas and blessed New Year!
What a truly eventful day! :)
Meet my sistas for a morning till afternoon fun at SPGG (SP Graduates Guild) We swam (I tried to swim), we spent fun time in the jaccuzi and had a heart to heart talk in the steam room. Unfortunately...one of my sistas cant come..sorta left me abit upset..coz I wanted sooo much to have all 4 of us together. But i guess...unforseen circumstances occur I just have to accept it. Just find it upsetting that I only know abt this last minute...abit not fair...But you know...no matter how I get irritated or upset or watever w these sistas....I never stay that way for long..not w them...not w anybody I know actually...but esp not w them. Coz inside...I love them too much.
Once in poly, was doing a proj w one of my poly sistas and I screwed the proj up BIG TIME...I felt sooo bad...like I let them down so deep that there was no repentance...but att he end of everything...one of them told me..."you know...watever happens...work is work and personal stuff is personal...I still love you as a sista..." That hit me soo ahrd I had to bite my lip just not to show it. Thats really how close we were...likewise for these 3 sistas ....I loev them loads regardless of how they are at times and because I love them sooo much, sometimes Ijust want to help them change the habit...but alas..from personal experience...we all have to 1st change ourselves or no one can help us.
My big sista is going overseas soon...in feb...that sorta made it more impt to celebrate this christmas...coz these will be the last 1n half months before she leaves. I know that Id try my best to meet her more. I guess out of all the sistas, she is the one who is most sensible and most mature...which is wyh i find it easy to talk to her..yet she has her kiddish side that I only see as endearing. I hate to say this...but I abit worried that after she leaves..our circle of friendship will slowly move apart...a thought enough to give me nightmares... :( Another sista of mine is the one who's the most kiddish hahah becuase of this...I feel normal when Im being my kiddish self w her hahah like we're back to our small sch girl days. She's alsot he hardest to contact..abit frustrating..but soemthing abt how close we are..makes me still wanna call her when i feel like talking...regardless of how many times she never gets my call...I guess I ask for it huh :)
The 3rd sista, is also kiddish at times (in fact..im sre uve realized that we are ALL kiddish) But I guess, she is the most like me....music lover, love singing, etc...
I know I have inferiority complex...highly sensitive...introvert etc at times...but Thanks to God that I dont have it when I hang w this group of sistas because theres nothing to hide! They love me for who I am! They know me inside out, left right centre, top to bottom!
I dont really know how to describe how I feel after our very happy outing...let me make an analogy...you know how when ur drunk..eveyrthing can seem funny? you do stupid things and laugh at urself and laugh at each other? The world seems like the jolliiest places? Thats how I felt...I felt like every second and minute spent w them...was perfect and funny and..plain joyful!
I dont know which of them reads this and I know Ive told them this alot of times but I'll repeat it again...
I love you guys alot k. You guys are the ones who know me and have seen me in my silliest and most serious moments...You have been there for me when I needed help or comforting or was just plain irritating or unreasonable...and for all this.. you make me love you guys even more...I hope that int he coming year..our sisterhood stays strong...coz its a time of testing as PL goes off to australia. May we last till we're haggard and grey and can still sit together at a kopitiam and laugh w toothless grins Hehehehe yet still be able to irritate each other w pinches and smacks..etc :) Thats what I hope we'll be. :) Once again...love you all loads. :)
Ning (Siao Mei)
LOVEPS: To all , A very Merry Christmas and blessed New Year!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
....
I really need to get this off my chest...because I cant tell it the people in person..Ive decided that I'll just voice it...
Last last christmas...I wanted sooo much to meet up w my sistas. Sistas whom I loved and adored terribly..we had the plan to mee tat Bishan J8 int he christmas morning and I even planned to get a cake. The night before, one of them calls me and says that she cant make it and the morning itself..another said that she's busy or somethign...byt he time the last one called, I simply said that we're cancelling it. I dont know how the rest felt...but I felt so sad...I really felt sad. that morning...I went to Bishan J8 and satt here....for the "fun" of it...since no one aws coming..I just stoned...
Byt he time my ex came...He could sense somethign was wrong when he saw my face. The moment I saw him...I just took my bag and went off...That was how I spent my christmas morning...
This year...Im crossing my fingers again hoping that nothing like that happens...I know I can be demanding...but I seldom see these guys...we seldom get to catch up and on such an occassion like christmas..I really hope that I cud spend the morning w them. Even if it means 2 or 1 hour...even if it means meeting at toa payoh mac for an ice-cream..allt hat matters is that we're all together...I guess now its gonna be harder...coz they've all got their own partners...Another reason why we shud meet up this christmas..is cuz one of my sistas is leaving in feb...I'll miss her alot and i dont nkow how long she'll be there....so this christmas has to be done...if not for Jesus..then at least for her...
love
Last last christmas...I wanted sooo much to meet up w my sistas. Sistas whom I loved and adored terribly..we had the plan to mee tat Bishan J8 int he christmas morning and I even planned to get a cake. The night before, one of them calls me and says that she cant make it and the morning itself..another said that she's busy or somethign...byt he time the last one called, I simply said that we're cancelling it. I dont know how the rest felt...but I felt so sad...I really felt sad. that morning...I went to Bishan J8 and satt here....for the "fun" of it...since no one aws coming..I just stoned...
Byt he time my ex came...He could sense somethign was wrong when he saw my face. The moment I saw him...I just took my bag and went off...That was how I spent my christmas morning...
This year...Im crossing my fingers again hoping that nothing like that happens...I know I can be demanding...but I seldom see these guys...we seldom get to catch up and on such an occassion like christmas..I really hope that I cud spend the morning w them. Even if it means 2 or 1 hour...even if it means meeting at toa payoh mac for an ice-cream..allt hat matters is that we're all together...I guess now its gonna be harder...coz they've all got their own partners...Another reason why we shud meet up this christmas..is cuz one of my sistas is leaving in feb...I'll miss her alot and i dont nkow how long she'll be there....so this christmas has to be done...if not for Jesus..then at least for her...
love
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
The bringer of great news!
:) One of my cousins is getting married next year :)
Im excited imagining her in a wedding gown or at ROM. Wooaaahhh :)
For the past year or so, Ive been disheartened that chinese still see indians as..lower down int he social status...disgusting...but Im glad my cousin is marrying the guy she loves...matthew..btw, half indian n abit of portugese. Kudos to her! Just thinking abt this, makes me remember how my other cousin (from my dads side) was sooo extermely happy that I broke up w my ex that she kept going, "Oh Thank God!" Cant really remember the exact downgrading phrases she used but it ended like, "You should kick him back to India!" Had i not been so respectful...I wud have just slammed the phone on her..or maybe even kick her back to China! In fact FYI, not all indians are from India. Most are from malaysia. And FYI again..my ex (regardless of his indian looks) isnt indian at all..more like ceylonese (decendants from Sri lanka) Anyway..I feel sick to my stomach to see indians being insulted that way...In fact, I wonder what wud happen if people like my cousin were to be stranded in India. I figure she'd scream her lungs out and go crazy...I know Im mean man...but look at it this way..gives her an idea abt how indians are made to live. If she cant come to her senses...Id rather not talk to her anymore...
Anyway...Im just happy for my mum's side cousin who's egtting married :) I wish her allt he best.
LOVE
Im excited imagining her in a wedding gown or at ROM. Wooaaahhh :)
For the past year or so, Ive been disheartened that chinese still see indians as..lower down int he social status...disgusting...but Im glad my cousin is marrying the guy she loves...matthew..btw, half indian n abit of portugese. Kudos to her! Just thinking abt this, makes me remember how my other cousin (from my dads side) was sooo extermely happy that I broke up w my ex that she kept going, "Oh Thank God!" Cant really remember the exact downgrading phrases she used but it ended like, "You should kick him back to India!" Had i not been so respectful...I wud have just slammed the phone on her..or maybe even kick her back to China! In fact FYI, not all indians are from India. Most are from malaysia. And FYI again..my ex (regardless of his indian looks) isnt indian at all..more like ceylonese (decendants from Sri lanka) Anyway..I feel sick to my stomach to see indians being insulted that way...In fact, I wonder what wud happen if people like my cousin were to be stranded in India. I figure she'd scream her lungs out and go crazy...I know Im mean man...but look at it this way..gives her an idea abt how indians are made to live. If she cant come to her senses...Id rather not talk to her anymore...
Anyway...Im just happy for my mum's side cousin who's egtting married :) I wish her allt he best.
LOVE
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Now I know how it feels like to be paralysed...
Omedeto! (Congrats in Jap) I just got my blue belt!!! :D Im no longer a white belter! Muahahaha I can hurt someone! Including myself....which I did :( I now know how it feels like to be paralysed one one side oft he body....I did a bad roll and my whole right side hurt...I mean my WHOLE right side! From the back to the feet. Not a gd feeling...had to lean on the wall....
NOW...everytime I run my fingers against that particular area...theres a sharp and immediate pain that is soo bad it makes me jerk...Im am in a bad situation. Sucky thing is that I just got my blue belt! :( quite interesting really..the ceremony of receving ur belt. They call ur name..you raise ur hand and bow...then you knee walk to the front of the sensei (mind you we're all kneeling ont he mats) Then you bow, then you receive the belt, then bow, then turn to face everyone else...then bow...then knee walk to your original place. Loads of bowing and knee walking man. In fact, after you knee walk alot..you legs and ankles n toes feel like they;re on fire and you have to tahan the pain until you can get up. Ouch!
So i offically warn you. WHOEVER touches me at the back...you better watch it! Coz if you touch that area and I feelt he pain...you are SOOOO gonna get it from me and I promise to give you a taste of how I feel! :)
BTW, also seems like there are gonna be newcomers and he's indian! Wahaha been seeing too many indian guys today hahaha but no worries. I will not take what God has not given me. I will keep to God's wishes...After one time..I dont think I wanna play with fire another time. H0onestly..I dont know if God really objected to my ex...I guess He did...But if thats the case..why make the relationship so strong? Why did He let us have such a strong connection? Maybe it was all meant for me to learn a lesson...or a few lessons...might not have anything to do with my ex..more of preparing my heart for better things...or giving me the drive to pursue my own thingsfater breaking up. Watever it is..I know I often think that it wasnt fair that God had to do tis...but I know that God has His ways and me with a broken relationship...is a good thing. Its hard to think of it that way but its the truth...Maybe one day..I'll be able to talk to my ex as per normal..like a BBB (bestest best bro) Besides the new indian guy seems nice :) Hahah reminds me of my ex...sadly...hahaha K enuff abt guys. Im supposed to abstain!
So aikido done n back sore...thurs make up aikido class is impossible...according to sensei..my muscle tear..need to let it heal naturally.. so no rolling for me until next year. Im hping I could do swimming this sat but we'll see hahaha Sensei calls me the Accident Collector!! Wat an eerie name! Muahahaha
LOVE
NOW...everytime I run my fingers against that particular area...theres a sharp and immediate pain that is soo bad it makes me jerk...Im am in a bad situation. Sucky thing is that I just got my blue belt! :( quite interesting really..the ceremony of receving ur belt. They call ur name..you raise ur hand and bow...then you knee walk to the front of the sensei (mind you we're all kneeling ont he mats) Then you bow, then you receive the belt, then bow, then turn to face everyone else...then bow...then knee walk to your original place. Loads of bowing and knee walking man. In fact, after you knee walk alot..you legs and ankles n toes feel like they;re on fire and you have to tahan the pain until you can get up. Ouch!
So i offically warn you. WHOEVER touches me at the back...you better watch it! Coz if you touch that area and I feelt he pain...you are SOOOO gonna get it from me and I promise to give you a taste of how I feel! :)
BTW, also seems like there are gonna be newcomers and he's indian! Wahaha been seeing too many indian guys today hahaha but no worries. I will not take what God has not given me. I will keep to God's wishes...After one time..I dont think I wanna play with fire another time. H0onestly..I dont know if God really objected to my ex...I guess He did...But if thats the case..why make the relationship so strong? Why did He let us have such a strong connection? Maybe it was all meant for me to learn a lesson...or a few lessons...might not have anything to do with my ex..more of preparing my heart for better things...or giving me the drive to pursue my own thingsfater breaking up. Watever it is..I know I often think that it wasnt fair that God had to do tis...but I know that God has His ways and me with a broken relationship...is a good thing. Its hard to think of it that way but its the truth...Maybe one day..I'll be able to talk to my ex as per normal..like a BBB (bestest best bro) Besides the new indian guy seems nice :) Hahah reminds me of my ex...sadly...hahaha K enuff abt guys. Im supposed to abstain!
So aikido done n back sore...thurs make up aikido class is impossible...according to sensei..my muscle tear..need to let it heal naturally.. so no rolling for me until next year. Im hping I could do swimming this sat but we'll see hahaha Sensei calls me the Accident Collector!! Wat an eerie name! Muahahaha
LOVE
another long day...
The office is snowing...thats how cold it is...
Just came back from lunch and my eyes are starting to abandon me...my colleagues have takent he lunch break to do last min shopping but I guess I dont have th emood to do anything..not even get presents...sigh...
While everyone has adopted the Christmas songs for their daily hearing...Im still inot my indian music. Reshmonu is the "in" thing hahaha but seriously..he's good. www.reshmonu.com
Got aikido later and I can safely sayt hat my fear and hesitance at the mention of aikido class ...is now non-existent. :) I know I'll pass my grading..just sad that I cudnt do as well... :/ maybe someday Id be able to perfect it... get a black belt n kick ass...
Anyway..seems like my bro's fren is asking for me to go down tom nite for an audition for their band. :) Cant make it coz my bro cant make it ( Im not brave enough to go see his frens alone) So gonna change it to end of dec. God protect me and grant me wisdom as to whether I should go into this at all... His fren is the same guy who is trying to do up my song...soo yeah
BTW, those of you who actually bebefitted from my 18 words/phrases of tamil last entry, good for you hahaha it was courtesy of my thambi, Parthiban hahaha
LOVE
Just came back from lunch and my eyes are starting to abandon me...my colleagues have takent he lunch break to do last min shopping but I guess I dont have th emood to do anything..not even get presents...sigh...
While everyone has adopted the Christmas songs for their daily hearing...Im still inot my indian music. Reshmonu is the "in" thing hahaha but seriously..he's good. www.reshmonu.com
Got aikido later and I can safely sayt hat my fear and hesitance at the mention of aikido class ...is now non-existent. :) I know I'll pass my grading..just sad that I cudnt do as well... :/ maybe someday Id be able to perfect it... get a black belt n kick ass...
Anyway..seems like my bro's fren is asking for me to go down tom nite for an audition for their band. :) Cant make it coz my bro cant make it ( Im not brave enough to go see his frens alone) So gonna change it to end of dec. God protect me and grant me wisdom as to whether I should go into this at all... His fren is the same guy who is trying to do up my song...soo yeah
BTW, those of you who actually bebefitted from my 18 words/phrases of tamil last entry, good for you hahaha it was courtesy of my thambi, Parthiban hahaha
LOVE
another long day...
The office is snowing...thats how cold it is...
Just came back from lunch and my eyes are starting to abandon me...my colleagues have takent he lunch break to do last min shopping but I guess I dont have th emood to do anything..not even get presents...sigh...
While everyone has adopted the Christmas songs for their daily hearing...Im still inot my indian music. Reshmonu is the "in" thing hahaha but seriously..he's good. www.reshmonu.com
Got aikido later and I can safely sayt hat my fear and hesitance at the mention of aikido class ...is now non-existent. :) I know I'll pass my grading..just sad that I cudnt do as well... :/ maybe someday Id be able to perfect it... get a black belt n kick ass...
Anyway..seems like my bro's fren is asking for me to go down tom nite for an audition for their band. :) Cant make it coz my bro cant make it ( Im not brave enough to go see his frens alone) So gonna change it to end of dec. God protect me and grant me wisdom as to whether I should go into this at all... His fren is the same guy who is trying to do up my song...soo yeah
BTW, those of you who actually bebefitted from my 18 words/phrases of tamil last entry, good for you hahaha it was courtesy of my thambi, Parthiban hahaha
LOVE
Just came back from lunch and my eyes are starting to abandon me...my colleagues have takent he lunch break to do last min shopping but I guess I dont have th emood to do anything..not even get presents...sigh...
While everyone has adopted the Christmas songs for their daily hearing...Im still inot my indian music. Reshmonu is the "in" thing hahaha but seriously..he's good. www.reshmonu.com
Got aikido later and I can safely sayt hat my fear and hesitance at the mention of aikido class ...is now non-existent. :) I know I'll pass my grading..just sad that I cudnt do as well... :/ maybe someday Id be able to perfect it... get a black belt n kick ass...
Anyway..seems like my bro's fren is asking for me to go down tom nite for an audition for their band. :) Cant make it coz my bro cant make it ( Im not brave enough to go see his frens alone) So gonna change it to end of dec. God protect me and grant me wisdom as to whether I should go into this at all... His fren is the same guy who is trying to do up my song...soo yeah
BTW, those of you who actually bebefitted from my 18 words/phrases of tamil last entry, good for you hahaha it was courtesy of my thambi, Parthiban hahaha
LOVE
Monday, December 19, 2005
...
K damn tired..doesnt feel like christmas is 6 days away...more like 6 months
Went around the world yesterday..aikido @ toa payoh, home @ braddell, church @ suntec, grandparents place @ mandarin garden...shwanked (courtesy of bestest best bros) Scolded my fren off for calling me "babe" Just didnt think it was appropriate. I dont do that to my gal frens but when it comes to guys...the yellow line isnt the same..slightly thicker n all. Quite honestly...Im no ones "babe" so Id appreciate if my guy frens stop it. No "babes" n no "my dears" please.
Been reading the bible abit more and my heart stopped just thinking abt what the world will be like when Jesus decides to come again at this very minute..stole my heart away. literally skipped a heartbeat man... wat wud u feel when the sky converged right in front of you? from all degrees,t eh winds flow into each other...or the earth trembled n towers fell like cards. God says that He will come at a time where we least expect it...so I know for sure that allt he prophetic n estimated time of the end of teh world will not be real. Nostradamus can predict the end of the world a thousand times but He wont get it because God will not come at a time where Man is expecting Him. But christians learn to keep their minds alert for God's signs that He is coming..but non-believers will not...and it worries me...
Anyway...tamil class No.1 (stop shaking ur head..I know wat ur thinking)
1) Dad - Appa
2) Mum - Amma
3) Big Sis - Akka
4) Big Bro - Anna (ah-ne)
5) Small Sis - Tankachi (tan-ka-chee)
6) Small Bro - Thambi (thum-bee)
7) How are you - Yeppadi Irrukai / Nee Appadi/ Yeppadi Irrutingai
8) Thank you - Nandri
9) Very *** - Rhomba ***
10) Food - Sapadeh
11) Shall we eat? - Sapadilama?
12) Have you eaten? - Sapadiya?
13) You talk to much - Nee rhomba lollu da
14) Naughty - Vallu
15) Shut up - Potu
16) Get lost - Poda/ Podi
17) I miss you - Naan unnai rhomba miss pannuraain
18) I love you - Naan unnai kadiliki raain
LOVE
Went around the world yesterday..aikido @ toa payoh, home @ braddell, church @ suntec, grandparents place @ mandarin garden...shwanked (courtesy of bestest best bros) Scolded my fren off for calling me "babe" Just didnt think it was appropriate. I dont do that to my gal frens but when it comes to guys...the yellow line isnt the same..slightly thicker n all. Quite honestly...Im no ones "babe" so Id appreciate if my guy frens stop it. No "babes" n no "my dears" please.
Been reading the bible abit more and my heart stopped just thinking abt what the world will be like when Jesus decides to come again at this very minute..stole my heart away. literally skipped a heartbeat man... wat wud u feel when the sky converged right in front of you? from all degrees,t eh winds flow into each other...or the earth trembled n towers fell like cards. God says that He will come at a time where we least expect it...so I know for sure that allt he prophetic n estimated time of the end of teh world will not be real. Nostradamus can predict the end of the world a thousand times but He wont get it because God will not come at a time where Man is expecting Him. But christians learn to keep their minds alert for God's signs that He is coming..but non-believers will not...and it worries me...
Anyway...tamil class No.1 (stop shaking ur head..I know wat ur thinking)
1) Dad - Appa
2) Mum - Amma
3) Big Sis - Akka
4) Big Bro - Anna (ah-ne)
5) Small Sis - Tankachi (tan-ka-chee)
6) Small Bro - Thambi (thum-bee)
7) How are you - Yeppadi Irrukai / Nee Appadi/ Yeppadi Irrutingai
8) Thank you - Nandri
9) Very *** - Rhomba ***
10) Food - Sapadeh
11) Shall we eat? - Sapadilama?
12) Have you eaten? - Sapadiya?
13) You talk to much - Nee rhomba lollu da
14) Naughty - Vallu
15) Shut up - Potu
16) Get lost - Poda/ Podi
17) I miss you - Naan unnai rhomba miss pannuraain
18) I love you - Naan unnai kadiliki raain
LOVE
Sunday, December 18, 2005
dead tired ....Hai Yah!
Went for aikido grading today. Much as I know I can pass, I know that I cud hve done better :( Anyway wats past is past. My sensei says that if I dun pass, I shud hang myself w my white belt heheh And if I dont do that, he'll hang me hahaha. My senior (assist instructor) says that if my frens and I fail, he'll treat us to dinner hahaha
So Im dead tired now, my back is busted again coz I rolled but dun worry, Im sure it'll heal. :)
Gonna be going to church later and then to grandma's place..Im quite sure that by 8pm, Id be soo tired that Id be dragging myself home...Oh well...gotta go see grandpa coz he's still recovering from the loss of my aunt. As for dad's side grandma, she's done her implant and so far..its okay. I hpe.
I wish I cud split myself into half..one to see one side oft he family while the other to see the other side. One to work, one to rest, one to meet up w frens and one to go home. :/ One to go tuition while another to go for singing lessons or to songwrite. My strength is depleting man...no joke...
love
So Im dead tired now, my back is busted again coz I rolled but dun worry, Im sure it'll heal. :)
Gonna be going to church later and then to grandma's place..Im quite sure that by 8pm, Id be soo tired that Id be dragging myself home...Oh well...gotta go see grandpa coz he's still recovering from the loss of my aunt. As for dad's side grandma, she's done her implant and so far..its okay. I hpe.
I wish I cud split myself into half..one to see one side oft he family while the other to see the other side. One to work, one to rest, one to meet up w frens and one to go home. :/ One to go tuition while another to go for singing lessons or to songwrite. My strength is depleting man...no joke...
love
Saturday, December 17, 2005
...
had a good day today :)
Went to play basketball in the morning and popped a few 3 pointers. :P
Had to go for a housewarming but had to kill time so Iw ent to my fren's house to lepak (hangout) Wanted to write some songs but...dont know man...much as I want to. I just dont ahve the inspiration at times. :( According to my fren, he said that his fren has taken the liberty to use my song as a mini proj. he's currently doing up an arrangement for my song! Im honored actually... to have someone working so hard on his own accord, to do up my song! I was quite taken aback when I found out abt it. I guess thinking abt this, gives me more motivation to write other songs :P And to train up my voice :P
Christmas is next week....fast...2 more weeks and I'll have to face next year with new New Year Resolutions..all fo which are planned out in previous entries hahaha
Anyway..time to start work..song writing :)
LOVE
Went to play basketball in the morning and popped a few 3 pointers. :P
Had to go for a housewarming but had to kill time so Iw ent to my fren's house to lepak (hangout) Wanted to write some songs but...dont know man...much as I want to. I just dont ahve the inspiration at times. :( According to my fren, he said that his fren has taken the liberty to use my song as a mini proj. he's currently doing up an arrangement for my song! Im honored actually... to have someone working so hard on his own accord, to do up my song! I was quite taken aback when I found out abt it. I guess thinking abt this, gives me more motivation to write other songs :P And to train up my voice :P
Christmas is next week....fast...2 more weeks and I'll have to face next year with new New Year Resolutions..all fo which are planned out in previous entries hahaha
Anyway..time to start work..song writing :)
LOVE
Friday, December 16, 2005
promise to myself...
Forgot to include this in but yes...
Have decided to abstain from the new song Ive been advertising abt..Pirivu. For obvious reasons. Its starting to affect me. so before it gets all over me..I have to cut it off. Even though I believe that it is a fabulous song! it applies to many broken hearts. :)
Also have decided to (for the upteenth time) place a few promises to myself:
- Write up my resume n send to 92.4fm
- Write my songs..get the loose recordings together
- clear table n room
- read the bible every morning etc
- Go to church constantly
I know God has given me alot of open doors and chances and so I have to take it with determination. :)
love
Have decided to abstain from the new song Ive been advertising abt..Pirivu. For obvious reasons. Its starting to affect me. so before it gets all over me..I have to cut it off. Even though I believe that it is a fabulous song! it applies to many broken hearts. :)
Also have decided to (for the upteenth time) place a few promises to myself:
- Write up my resume n send to 92.4fm
- Write my songs..get the loose recordings together
- clear table n room
- read the bible every morning etc
- Go to church constantly
I know God has given me alot of open doors and chances and so I have to take it with determination. :)
love
let me not move into temptation again...
Just came back from a show w my neighbour...a sec sch fren who never fears to irritate me but at times..can be quite a pal. We went to watch Pride & Prejudice. It was a fabulously funny and yet romantic show...so much so that it reminded me of certain things. I cant mention it coz it not worth mentioning now but yes...
Now I have come to a conclusion that...much as my frens are confident that Id find someone soon hahaha it wouldnt be so...coz it has taken me so hard to believe in God again...I know that me liking someone else would take me once again...from God and so...I cant. And so long as my faith is not strong, I dont think God would even want me to stray. So its quite clear that me finding anyone would not be anytime soon hahaha Quite honestly...much as I would like the idea to hae someone...I would rather pray to God and tell Him to delay it. Coz Im quite afraid tat if it happens again...Id lose God and myself again...feeling that once is enough...
Soo my dear frens...dont grin at my mention if a guy k. Or prophesize that I would find anyone coz Im hoping not to. :) I understand you care yah but if it comes..which I hope it doesnt...God will show me how to react. Maybe akin to Ms Elizabeth Bennet?
Anyway...I have to work hard to fulfill my dream. :)
God...preserve me ...that you may let me build my faith in you....help me to keep you in my heart and please dont let me fall in love..till my heatr is strong enough to withstand another person in it and you. Let me always put you 1st...coz I can live without another person but I cant live forever without you...
Some of you may think Ive gone whacked..but Im not...Im trying to protect myself from losing God and losing myself n my heart again.
LOVE
Now I have come to a conclusion that...much as my frens are confident that Id find someone soon hahaha it wouldnt be so...coz it has taken me so hard to believe in God again...I know that me liking someone else would take me once again...from God and so...I cant. And so long as my faith is not strong, I dont think God would even want me to stray. So its quite clear that me finding anyone would not be anytime soon hahaha Quite honestly...much as I would like the idea to hae someone...I would rather pray to God and tell Him to delay it. Coz Im quite afraid tat if it happens again...Id lose God and myself again...feeling that once is enough...
Soo my dear frens...dont grin at my mention if a guy k. Or prophesize that I would find anyone coz Im hoping not to. :) I understand you care yah but if it comes..which I hope it doesnt...God will show me how to react. Maybe akin to Ms Elizabeth Bennet?
Anyway...I have to work hard to fulfill my dream. :)
God...preserve me ...that you may let me build my faith in you....help me to keep you in my heart and please dont let me fall in love..till my heatr is strong enough to withstand another person in it and you. Let me always put you 1st...coz I can live without another person but I cant live forever without you...
Some of you may think Ive gone whacked..but Im not...Im trying to protect myself from losing God and losing myself n my heart again.
LOVE
messanger of indian music
Yep I can see some fo you shaking your heads again..WAIT! Dont tell me...you're thinking.."Ning is up to her indian crazy mode again" Hahaha
Yep I can only say that my indian crazy mode was never switched of. esp when it comes to music. Music is not controlled by geographical boundaries and by language..all u need is the tune n the rythmn.
The latest song Ive fallen in love with...Reshmonu's Pirivu.
A song abt leaving the one you love coz of exterior factors (1st reason why i love it), the song consists of a very beautiful piano as accompaniment, a slightly more traditional hindi singer, the drums..maybe tabla? the erhu, sitar and a gd singer who can pass off in the US as an R&B singer coz of his voice (2nd, 3rd, 4th n 5th reason why I love this song) a slow song at 1st w the singern the hindi singer n the piano..very serene ...then it evolves into a rap at the end that isnt overdone n ruins the song (6th reason why I love it) I cant tell u which part of the song I love most coz its just not possible. I love this song in its entirety.
Please go n search for Reshmonu and Pirivu. I guarantee that you'll love it if you only open ur ears n mind n heart.
Yesterday...my colleagues have decided to force me to join 92.4fm..just to gt my foot into the radio station door. They've forced me to hand my resume up for their "checking" by next monday. Hahaha After which, it will be vetted 3 times (like our newsletter) before it will be sent tot he radio station. Honestly...I am touched...that my colleagues would take the trouble to help me like that. That I wud end up being so close to them in the end of these 6mnths. God has guided me through sooo much. So thats it..I have to hand my resume in on monday and I will go tot he radio station for a voice test. :) I know Im gonna miss all of them. :)
Had a wonderful time w my sistas yesterday evening...we havnt met up in awhile and at my auntie's funeral, i wanted soo much to talk to them...but since I cdnt get them...I had to settle for this. Just being w these sistas of mine is like giving me a chance to go back in time to my sec sch days where cud still play a fool without feeling like a fool. They know me inside out man!
The only prob is that we never get to meet often. But nvrmind...as long as we still meet...its ok. Seems like my eldest sista is going to melbourne next feb. A bittersweet news and much as I'll miss her, guess its gd for her to go. Plans are to meet more often by next feb. :/
Anyway...byt he time last night ended...I felt lighter and more refreshed. :) Not coz I was drunk or wat...just coz beign able to unload my feelings or troubles to them...was...effectively stress-relieving! Hahaha
God...thank you for a new day. Every day you give us, represents your mercy to us. I pray that everyone I love n care for is taken care of God. That you will watch over them and have angels hold ontot hem least they fall and hurt themselves. I pray God that as I go along the day...that you would keep your words in my heart...that I would hold on fast to them and rememebr you.
LOVE
Yep I can only say that my indian crazy mode was never switched of. esp when it comes to music. Music is not controlled by geographical boundaries and by language..all u need is the tune n the rythmn.
The latest song Ive fallen in love with...Reshmonu's Pirivu.
A song abt leaving the one you love coz of exterior factors (1st reason why i love it), the song consists of a very beautiful piano as accompaniment, a slightly more traditional hindi singer, the drums..maybe tabla? the erhu, sitar and a gd singer who can pass off in the US as an R&B singer coz of his voice (2nd, 3rd, 4th n 5th reason why I love this song) a slow song at 1st w the singern the hindi singer n the piano..very serene ...then it evolves into a rap at the end that isnt overdone n ruins the song (6th reason why I love it) I cant tell u which part of the song I love most coz its just not possible. I love this song in its entirety.
Please go n search for Reshmonu and Pirivu. I guarantee that you'll love it if you only open ur ears n mind n heart.
Yesterday...my colleagues have decided to force me to join 92.4fm..just to gt my foot into the radio station door. They've forced me to hand my resume up for their "checking" by next monday. Hahaha After which, it will be vetted 3 times (like our newsletter) before it will be sent tot he radio station. Honestly...I am touched...that my colleagues would take the trouble to help me like that. That I wud end up being so close to them in the end of these 6mnths. God has guided me through sooo much. So thats it..I have to hand my resume in on monday and I will go tot he radio station for a voice test. :) I know Im gonna miss all of them. :)
Had a wonderful time w my sistas yesterday evening...we havnt met up in awhile and at my auntie's funeral, i wanted soo much to talk to them...but since I cdnt get them...I had to settle for this. Just being w these sistas of mine is like giving me a chance to go back in time to my sec sch days where cud still play a fool without feeling like a fool. They know me inside out man!
The only prob is that we never get to meet often. But nvrmind...as long as we still meet...its ok. Seems like my eldest sista is going to melbourne next feb. A bittersweet news and much as I'll miss her, guess its gd for her to go. Plans are to meet more often by next feb. :/
Anyway...byt he time last night ended...I felt lighter and more refreshed. :) Not coz I was drunk or wat...just coz beign able to unload my feelings or troubles to them...was...effectively stress-relieving! Hahaha
God...thank you for a new day. Every day you give us, represents your mercy to us. I pray that everyone I love n care for is taken care of God. That you will watch over them and have angels hold ontot hem least they fall and hurt themselves. I pray God that as I go along the day...that you would keep your words in my heart...that I would hold on fast to them and rememebr you.
LOVE
Thursday, December 15, 2005
God's blessings
Its so easy to wave from putting my trust in God with a truthful heart..and praying for the sake of getting more blessings. if I were to do the latter, I wud be making use of God...
Im trying my best to do the former coz human nature propells me to sway. I guess its coz I have too many blessings from God that it makes it unbelieveable for me. Thank you sooo much God for giving me all these blessings. :)
In fact..just got back from lunch w dept peeps n boss. The 1st thing he asked how long I have left w them. And the 2nd thing he said was that 92.4fm was looking for presenters (said as a general notice to everyone) I dont know abt you...but I cud feel a door opening... I literally felt as if a door was opening in front of me! Its weird but...there it was! My boss straight away pointed at me and told my obss that I wanted to do radio! Im...Im flabbergasted! Im...Im spoilt by God!
K well...reluctantly...time to go back to work. :)
Thank you God for giving me your blessings...
LOVE
Im trying my best to do the former coz human nature propells me to sway. I guess its coz I have too many blessings from God that it makes it unbelieveable for me. Thank you sooo much God for giving me all these blessings. :)
In fact..just got back from lunch w dept peeps n boss. The 1st thing he asked how long I have left w them. And the 2nd thing he said was that 92.4fm was looking for presenters (said as a general notice to everyone) I dont know abt you...but I cud feel a door opening... I literally felt as if a door was opening in front of me! Its weird but...there it was! My boss straight away pointed at me and told my obss that I wanted to do radio! Im...Im flabbergasted! Im...Im spoilt by God!
K well...reluctantly...time to go back to work. :)
Thank you God for giving me your blessings...
LOVE
A Good Day. everything is falling to place :)
Took half day from work, went back to sch for a short visit and went for my event. I know Im not getting paid but maybe..its the passion of talking n being on stage that overwrites the need for money at times.
as usual the names were daunting...indian names, malay names..I just hope I didnt offend any of them. :/
Made frens w the sound engineer and we bitched about the singers on stage haha really mean thing to do but apparently..thatw as wat made us click! hahahaha Sooo I got a contact fromt here...maybe next time I'll ahve more hosting opportunities? Maybe..I'll get chances to sing?
Dont know..but Im working on it haha
Anyway...once again...God has put chances onto my lap and given me things that Id thought of..but never begged for. I guess. when u beg, it just works in the opp way at times. *shrugs*
I know I'll get a thrashing if my frens knew that all this while..ive been procrastinating at getting jobs.. :( OKAY! I'll do it by end of this year! I'll send it out by end of this year!
Family-wise..my family is the same as ever...Maybe Ive just learnt how to go with the flow :)
My grandma went for an eye implant (fake eye) Hope she gets well soon. I know I have to visit her more n Im hoping to do so...but I also know my mums side, my grandpa is weak as well...both sides need a visit. Nvm...I'll do alternate.
Cant believe that its gonna be 2 weeks more and the new year is here. Next mon, Christmas is here! This years Christmas will be a more serious one...its time I really celebrated Christmas for the right reason. :/
Lastly...wanna say hi to my cousins n auntie n uncle in USA. :) Merry Christmas Teddy Bears!
LOVE
as usual the names were daunting...indian names, malay names..I just hope I didnt offend any of them. :/
Made frens w the sound engineer and we bitched about the singers on stage haha really mean thing to do but apparently..thatw as wat made us click! hahahaha Sooo I got a contact fromt here...maybe next time I'll ahve more hosting opportunities? Maybe..I'll get chances to sing?
Dont know..but Im working on it haha
Anyway...once again...God has put chances onto my lap and given me things that Id thought of..but never begged for. I guess. when u beg, it just works in the opp way at times. *shrugs*
I know I'll get a thrashing if my frens knew that all this while..ive been procrastinating at getting jobs.. :( OKAY! I'll do it by end of this year! I'll send it out by end of this year!
Family-wise..my family is the same as ever...Maybe Ive just learnt how to go with the flow :)
My grandma went for an eye implant (fake eye) Hope she gets well soon. I know I have to visit her more n Im hoping to do so...but I also know my mums side, my grandpa is weak as well...both sides need a visit. Nvm...I'll do alternate.
Cant believe that its gonna be 2 weeks more and the new year is here. Next mon, Christmas is here! This years Christmas will be a more serious one...its time I really celebrated Christmas for the right reason. :/
Lastly...wanna say hi to my cousins n auntie n uncle in USA. :) Merry Christmas Teddy Bears!
LOVE
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
smart casual attire..dead tired but seeing light...
I think God has been extremely kind to me...
For the past few days, ive sworn to read the bible every day on my way to work...its refreshing really... Been visitng a fwe of my frens churches and have prayed for God to keep my eyes open and mind sound...for fear of going to a church that He dislikes.
But this new committment to God came after visitng my frens church...City Harvest. Im not to keen on the service there but the message I heard on that day reminded me of something I used to do last time...I used to call God, Dad. I used to turn to him often, when Im in trouble, worried or just wanting to talk to Him. That pure trust in Him as if He was my own father. Technically...He is.
Because of this...I wanted to re-establish my faith...hence the bible reading. God's word is true..."Seek me 1st and all other things shall be given unto you" Ive found the peace that I havnt had in months... Another thing that God rewarded me...just be seeking Him...was that my fren's fren is interested in getting me in their band. A serious band hats been in that line for 8 years...with a wealth of talent n experience..etc...unbelieveable.
Not to mention me reestablishing past relations w old schmates...and being able to join in the SP musical...all this have been awarded to me.
Ive got an event tonight..gonna host...Im abit nervous..but now that I remember that God is always with me and would have his angels pick me up when I fall...I know I'll do fine tonight.
As for my singing...I can only thank God for giving me such a voice...needless to say...this voice will ahve to be used to praise His name...
LOVE
For the past few days, ive sworn to read the bible every day on my way to work...its refreshing really... Been visitng a fwe of my frens churches and have prayed for God to keep my eyes open and mind sound...for fear of going to a church that He dislikes.
But this new committment to God came after visitng my frens church...City Harvest. Im not to keen on the service there but the message I heard on that day reminded me of something I used to do last time...I used to call God, Dad. I used to turn to him often, when Im in trouble, worried or just wanting to talk to Him. That pure trust in Him as if He was my own father. Technically...He is.
Because of this...I wanted to re-establish my faith...hence the bible reading. God's word is true..."Seek me 1st and all other things shall be given unto you" Ive found the peace that I havnt had in months... Another thing that God rewarded me...just be seeking Him...was that my fren's fren is interested in getting me in their band. A serious band hats been in that line for 8 years...with a wealth of talent n experience..etc...unbelieveable.
Not to mention me reestablishing past relations w old schmates...and being able to join in the SP musical...all this have been awarded to me.
Ive got an event tonight..gonna host...Im abit nervous..but now that I remember that God is always with me and would have his angels pick me up when I fall...I know I'll do fine tonight.
As for my singing...I can only thank God for giving me such a voice...needless to say...this voice will ahve to be used to praise His name...
LOVE
hmmm
K the topic of my ex came out again...one of my bros asked and quite honestly..its a bit hard to explain. since my bro reads this..might as well xplain it here...
I dont hate my ex. In fact honestly speaking..there will always be a soft spot inme for him. But...I find it an absolute pity that its all over...Plus Ive heard sooo much abt how he is now (true or not) that sorta of changes my opinion of him. And loving him not only as an ex...but more imptly..a bestest best bro...it really hurts to think that these things might even be true. Yet..it is not my place to question and ask him abt whether it is anymore. In fact..if it is...it will hurt more. So thats why I leave things as that. All in all I value him as my bestest best bro..still do and will always..justt hat..with allt hat has happened..I have to "freeze" this much missed and much valued sibling bond" for myself to get on my own feet...to see him as a BBB again. I want to be able to talk to him again mind you...I really do! I want to be able to tell him everything again...like how I used to in our BBBuds days..after all he knows my family and knows my life the most...yet..if I keep talking to him now and we keep bumping into sensitive pasts...I just cant do it. I dont wanna see my BBB now..nor talk to him much because i know myself..too emotional...and I dont wanna be seen as a lingering ex gf who cant let go or wateva shit..I dont want that.
My aim..in 20 ears time (to be ont he safe side)..is to be able to one day call him up and we cud rattle on and on abt life like he was my bro again...without having to hangup and feel a small sadness that we cud have had more. In fact. if I were more ambitious..I wud love to one day go up to his mum and be able to chat w her like a fren...to one day prove to her..that we chinese girls are not all unstable creatures. Thats my goal. One day... For now...Id rather stay away...till that older part of me dies off...
Sooo I mayeb be abit anti-ex now...but deep inside (if he reads this) I still value him very very much as a bro and hope that if allt he things I hear are true...that he will change his ways. He's a very nice boy..really.
So there..explanation over...Thanks for ur concern...Im alot alot alot better than when it 1st happened.
love
I dont hate my ex. In fact honestly speaking..there will always be a soft spot inme for him. But...I find it an absolute pity that its all over...Plus Ive heard sooo much abt how he is now (true or not) that sorta of changes my opinion of him. And loving him not only as an ex...but more imptly..a bestest best bro...it really hurts to think that these things might even be true. Yet..it is not my place to question and ask him abt whether it is anymore. In fact..if it is...it will hurt more. So thats why I leave things as that. All in all I value him as my bestest best bro..still do and will always..justt hat..with allt hat has happened..I have to "freeze" this much missed and much valued sibling bond" for myself to get on my own feet...to see him as a BBB again. I want to be able to talk to him again mind you...I really do! I want to be able to tell him everything again...like how I used to in our BBBuds days..after all he knows my family and knows my life the most...yet..if I keep talking to him now and we keep bumping into sensitive pasts...I just cant do it. I dont wanna see my BBB now..nor talk to him much because i know myself..too emotional...and I dont wanna be seen as a lingering ex gf who cant let go or wateva shit..I dont want that.
My aim..in 20 ears time (to be ont he safe side)..is to be able to one day call him up and we cud rattle on and on abt life like he was my bro again...without having to hangup and feel a small sadness that we cud have had more. In fact. if I were more ambitious..I wud love to one day go up to his mum and be able to chat w her like a fren...to one day prove to her..that we chinese girls are not all unstable creatures. Thats my goal. One day... For now...Id rather stay away...till that older part of me dies off...
Sooo I mayeb be abit anti-ex now...but deep inside (if he reads this) I still value him very very much as a bro and hope that if allt he things I hear are true...that he will change his ways. He's a very nice boy..really.
So there..explanation over...Thanks for ur concern...Im alot alot alot better than when it 1st happened.
love
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
a thousand thoughts...
I think abt sooo many things n I keep telling myself to rememebr it and write it ont he blog...but only one or two things get remembered eventually hahah
Gonna go for aikido soon..time check..6.30pm.
got a pic here, taken after our christmas party and Babies Proms. I count it as a double celebration actually hehehee so thats why I was doubly happy :P Anyway here it is.
Happy aint I? Hahaha after a successful carolling and a few compliments, iwas over the moon really but I also know not to be proud of it coz..watever I can do w my voice..isnt polished and Im too tomboyish. Note the attire...
Im told that I dont put enuff pics on this blog which is true but it sort of isnt safe sint it? hahaha
Anyway...Im happy w how I am for now :) BTW, the balloons are now situated att he entrance of my office as a FRIENDLY welcome to anyone who enters!
Really hope for tom coz Im gonna go for a movie..something I ahvnt done since last last last last..emm last last last ...around there..month. yep! FINALLY!
K gonna go off now. take care peeps and be safe!
Gonna go for aikido soon..time check..6.30pm.
got a pic here, taken after our christmas party and Babies Proms. I count it as a double celebration actually hehehee so thats why I was doubly happy :P Anyway here it is.
Happy aint I? Hahaha after a successful carolling and a few compliments, iwas over the moon really but I also know not to be proud of it coz..watever I can do w my voice..isnt polished and Im too tomboyish. Note the attire...
Im told that I dont put enuff pics on this blog which is true but it sort of isnt safe sint it? hahaha
Anyway...Im happy w how I am for now :) BTW, the balloons are now situated att he entrance of my office as a FRIENDLY welcome to anyone who enters!
Really hope for tom coz Im gonna go for a movie..something I ahvnt done since last last last last..emm last last last ...around there..month. yep! FINALLY!
K gonna go off now. take care peeps and be safe!
Monday, December 12, 2005
reunions!
I dont know wats happening but I;ve been seeing soo many pple from my sec sch that its just amazing. Just last fri, I bumped into a sec sch mate whom I never spoke to in sec sch at all. But the moment we meet that day, we just started to talk, like catching up w old frens. we spoke like we knew each other for a long time! Really funny! In fact...meet up w him on the next day and we sat down for coffee. Only NOW do I know that I used to be known as the girl who walks across the field to go home (my home was behind my sch) he knew me as that...the girl whom walks acrosst he field every morning..to get to sch...sigh...Anyway..we've become quite good frens :)
Also bumped into alot of sec sch teachers etc.
Hmmm which makes it abit funny when I think of my neighbour (who's also my sec sch mate) whom has no fate watsoever w me hahaha meaning...we often calle ach other up to meet for lunch or dinner but we never seem tob e able to find a common time to meet! Hahahaha Either of us will always have somethign on man! Bloody funny! I can bump into everybodyelse..but not into the one who stays the closest to me! Hahahahaha Speaking of this fren of mine...I soooo want to show you his blog! No matter how irriating he used to be..and still is..I must admit that he has a certain amnt of talent. (stop gloating ah brother! Your head get to big, you'll start floating!) Not only can he write songs n poetry, he also plays the guitar and his blog entries are captivating. I even scolded him to do somethign abt it coz his writigns really have to be seen! Hmmm You know..I'll just let you see it for urself.
www.gothmemoirs.blogspot.com
I admit that Im not a frequent reader of blogs..not even my frens...I only read 2 or 3 occassionally..but his is one that I do read often coz its really interesting. In fact..Im considering of placing his blog as a link. So much I can do to promote his talent and to ge a gd sis hahahah
Just did a mini performance w my dept pple today for the company christmas concert. had gd feedback that my singign was gd and its given me more determination to get my voice trained next year. :) As for my image...emmm that will take a longer time hehehehe My boss shaked her head thinking abt how its a pity that I am how I am when my voice is so gd. Ie: Tomboyish...philipino looking hahaha...anti-heels...anti-makeup etc etc etc
Quite honestly...I admire her ability to be able to put stuff on her face confidently hahaha I try it and even when the brush tip is inches away from my face...my hands start to tremble...make-up phobia sia hahaha But really...thats just me! I know that if I wanna be an emcee or singer, I'll have to know how to put on make-up n trim my eyebrows (gasp!!) and allt he other hairy places (lets not go into that) sigh..the life of a woman...Again I wonder why women have to torture themselves sooo much just to be beautiful. In fact...wudnt beauty be a relative term?
Sooo will start my quest for a proper voice...in the year to come. int he mean time..let me be the me that has always been :)
Aikido this unday...grading...gasp gasp ..triple gasp
LOVE
Also bumped into alot of sec sch teachers etc.
Hmmm which makes it abit funny when I think of my neighbour (who's also my sec sch mate) whom has no fate watsoever w me hahaha meaning...we often calle ach other up to meet for lunch or dinner but we never seem tob e able to find a common time to meet! Hahahaha Either of us will always have somethign on man! Bloody funny! I can bump into everybodyelse..but not into the one who stays the closest to me! Hahahahaha Speaking of this fren of mine...I soooo want to show you his blog! No matter how irriating he used to be..and still is..I must admit that he has a certain amnt of talent. (stop gloating ah brother! Your head get to big, you'll start floating!) Not only can he write songs n poetry, he also plays the guitar and his blog entries are captivating. I even scolded him to do somethign abt it coz his writigns really have to be seen! Hmmm You know..I'll just let you see it for urself.
www.gothmemoirs.blogspot.com
I admit that Im not a frequent reader of blogs..not even my frens...I only read 2 or 3 occassionally..but his is one that I do read often coz its really interesting. In fact..Im considering of placing his blog as a link. So much I can do to promote his talent and to ge a gd sis hahahah
Just did a mini performance w my dept pple today for the company christmas concert. had gd feedback that my singign was gd and its given me more determination to get my voice trained next year. :) As for my image...emmm that will take a longer time hehehehe My boss shaked her head thinking abt how its a pity that I am how I am when my voice is so gd. Ie: Tomboyish...philipino looking hahaha...anti-heels...anti-makeup etc etc etc
Quite honestly...I admire her ability to be able to put stuff on her face confidently hahaha I try it and even when the brush tip is inches away from my face...my hands start to tremble...make-up phobia sia hahaha But really...thats just me! I know that if I wanna be an emcee or singer, I'll have to know how to put on make-up n trim my eyebrows (gasp!!) and allt he other hairy places (lets not go into that) sigh..the life of a woman...Again I wonder why women have to torture themselves sooo much just to be beautiful. In fact...wudnt beauty be a relative term?
Sooo will start my quest for a proper voice...in the year to come. int he mean time..let me be the me that has always been :)
Aikido this unday...grading...gasp gasp ..triple gasp
LOVE
Sunday, December 11, 2005
The weekends are here!
The past 2 weeks have been really tough for me...
Phlegm and all...
Since christmas is here, i need to start setting my goalsfor next year.!
BTW, just to let those of you who have been supporting me...Im chosen for the SP Musical. Miht be a very small thing coz its my scht hats organising..but I think of it as an honor to be able to work w pple to improve my acting n singing skills...Which means I need to get rid of my phlegm haha
...So there! I'm in!
Been going tot he gym and have been painfully but surely changing my dangerous indian food-loving diet hahah But my colleague who in a way sayangs me alot..keeps buying me fatty food! Nasi lemak, Muthabak, Prata! Waahhhh
Aikido has been okay...my sensei got a shock when he mistakenly heard that I was the one who died instead of my auntie. Skipped lesson for the wake. grading is next sat actually..so wish me LUCK! maybe next time..Id be able to defend myself properly. :P
Songwriting -wise..Ive been putting that on hold..coz I never had the time to really put anything together :( Yet I know I have ssooo many talented frens that i cud ask for help...Parti, Iskandar, Josh, Jess, Grace (hehehe ms violinist) But..eveyrthing has to be put on hold...coz I have no idea what to do w it hahaha
Nows also the time that i think abt all my relatives...my "relatives" aka bruddas, sistas, god-mas etc hahah haiz...so many relations man1 hahaha
To everyone who reads this..its time to think abt those you love...most imptly..those who love you...Your family..frens..and Jesus Christ who died for all our sins..Its his birthday and nobody's birthday shud be forgoten (although i often forget :( ) So pls remember God's birthday.
LOVE
Phlegm and all...
Since christmas is here, i need to start setting my goalsfor next year.!
BTW, just to let those of you who have been supporting me...Im chosen for the SP Musical. Miht be a very small thing coz its my scht hats organising..but I think of it as an honor to be able to work w pple to improve my acting n singing skills...Which means I need to get rid of my phlegm haha
...So there! I'm in!
Been going tot he gym and have been painfully but surely changing my dangerous indian food-loving diet hahah But my colleague who in a way sayangs me alot..keeps buying me fatty food! Nasi lemak, Muthabak, Prata! Waahhhh
Aikido has been okay...my sensei got a shock when he mistakenly heard that I was the one who died instead of my auntie. Skipped lesson for the wake. grading is next sat actually..so wish me LUCK! maybe next time..Id be able to defend myself properly. :P
Songwriting -wise..Ive been putting that on hold..coz I never had the time to really put anything together :( Yet I know I have ssooo many talented frens that i cud ask for help...Parti, Iskandar, Josh, Jess, Grace (hehehe ms violinist) But..eveyrthing has to be put on hold...coz I have no idea what to do w it hahaha
Nows also the time that i think abt all my relatives...my "relatives" aka bruddas, sistas, god-mas etc hahah haiz...so many relations man1 hahaha
To everyone who reads this..its time to think abt those you love...most imptly..those who love you...Your family..frens..and Jesus Christ who died for all our sins..Its his birthday and nobody's birthday shud be forgoten (although i often forget :( ) So pls remember God's birthday.
LOVE
Thursday, December 08, 2005
its sad..so sad..its a sad sad situation...
I cant begin to describe whatt he past few days were like...not coz I cant do it...but coz there was just too much emotion going around that...just cant man...
All i know now..is that my auntie is in heaven...her body was cremated yesterday int he pits of a blazing fire that cud be seen a mile away...as it slowly went into the furnace..the sobs I heard from my family..became louder and .....you get my drift. I for one, held on to my sis for dear life as I saw my auntie's body slowly pushed into the fire....I know this is psychotic but as the lights to the "burning" room turned on...it felt like a monstor was awaken...or the machine was turned on....I cried more playing in my head how my auntie always used to say "bye Ning" when we went home on sunday evening...the way she says it is sooo distinct that no one else can imitate. it played in my head as if she was saying bye as she died and as her body was burnt...and I...I could only say one thing, " Bye Ngoh yee"
The beautifully made coffin and her...were burnt together...in the end wats left and wats scooped into the urn...is the coffin and her body...her cancerous cells..her everything...
By the time everything was done....I was in a way relieved...coz its all over. She is finally free...we are finally free...free to not remember her as the ill auntie she was...but as the cheerful auntie and helthy auntie she used to be. No more wheelchairs, no more diapers, no more breathing apparatus..no more dreadful medical equipment that constantly reminded us abt how much she suffered...no more..she is now healthy n up there drinking wine w God.
We all went home to my grandparents place...as the hours went by, we became happier. we lived more int he memories...:) My grandparents were the ones who suffered most. As the chinese say..its not right for the white-haired to send the black-haired off. In other words, its not right for the older generation to see their younger generation die. My heart and everyone's heart ached n sank as my grandparents stood around her coffin during the wake. When they stood there, they cried. When they sat by it...they looked into thin air...My grandpa was frail..his usually suave hairdo (alike sean connery) was undone..messy and his eyes were perpetually red and sagged. My grandma was white...all white..pale to the bone.
My aunties were no better..but they tried to deal w it..by making sure everything was run smoothly.
The cousins...my cousins...cried. Both guys n girls...cried, red-eyed, some of us..to emotional to go near the coffin...to see her facee...I cried when I 1st saw it and when I saw her pic at the head of the coffin (the healthy one) id forgotten how she looked like when she was relatively healthy...On the last night...we cousins stayed by her coffin through the night...
Lastly...my auntie's husband...He was soo grieved that he was stoned. he cudnt function...he cudnt stand straight even. Through the 3 days...he stood hunched coz he diditn ahve enough eneergy to push his body up straight. He stood slumped...like my grandpa...My auntie was the love of his life...
I'll cotinue another day...too much for now...
love
All i know now..is that my auntie is in heaven...her body was cremated yesterday int he pits of a blazing fire that cud be seen a mile away...as it slowly went into the furnace..the sobs I heard from my family..became louder and .....you get my drift. I for one, held on to my sis for dear life as I saw my auntie's body slowly pushed into the fire....I know this is psychotic but as the lights to the "burning" room turned on...it felt like a monstor was awaken...or the machine was turned on....I cried more playing in my head how my auntie always used to say "bye Ning" when we went home on sunday evening...the way she says it is sooo distinct that no one else can imitate. it played in my head as if she was saying bye as she died and as her body was burnt...and I...I could only say one thing, " Bye Ngoh yee"
The beautifully made coffin and her...were burnt together...in the end wats left and wats scooped into the urn...is the coffin and her body...her cancerous cells..her everything...
By the time everything was done....I was in a way relieved...coz its all over. She is finally free...we are finally free...free to not remember her as the ill auntie she was...but as the cheerful auntie and helthy auntie she used to be. No more wheelchairs, no more diapers, no more breathing apparatus..no more dreadful medical equipment that constantly reminded us abt how much she suffered...no more..she is now healthy n up there drinking wine w God.
We all went home to my grandparents place...as the hours went by, we became happier. we lived more int he memories...:) My grandparents were the ones who suffered most. As the chinese say..its not right for the white-haired to send the black-haired off. In other words, its not right for the older generation to see their younger generation die. My heart and everyone's heart ached n sank as my grandparents stood around her coffin during the wake. When they stood there, they cried. When they sat by it...they looked into thin air...My grandpa was frail..his usually suave hairdo (alike sean connery) was undone..messy and his eyes were perpetually red and sagged. My grandma was white...all white..pale to the bone.
My aunties were no better..but they tried to deal w it..by making sure everything was run smoothly.
The cousins...my cousins...cried. Both guys n girls...cried, red-eyed, some of us..to emotional to go near the coffin...to see her facee...I cried when I 1st saw it and when I saw her pic at the head of the coffin (the healthy one) id forgotten how she looked like when she was relatively healthy...On the last night...we cousins stayed by her coffin through the night...
Lastly...my auntie's husband...He was soo grieved that he was stoned. he cudnt function...he cudnt stand straight even. Through the 3 days...he stood hunched coz he diditn ahve enough eneergy to push his body up straight. He stood slumped...like my grandpa...My auntie was the love of his life...
I'll cotinue another day...too much for now...
love
its sad..so sad..its a sad sad situation...
I cant begin to describe whatt he past few days were like...not coz I cant do it...but coz there was just too much emotion going around that...just cant man...
All i know now..is that my auntie is in heaven...her body was cremated yesterday int he pits of a blazing fire that cud be seen a mile away...as it slowly went into the furnace..the sobs I heard from my family..became louder and .....you get my drift. I for one, held on to my sis for dear life as I saw my auntie's body slowly pushed into the fire....I know this is psychotic but as the lights to the "burning" room turned on...it felt like a monstor was awaken...or the machine was turned on....I cried more playing in my head how my auntie always used to say "bye Ning" when we went home on sunday evening...the way she says it is sooo distinct that no one else can imitate. it played in my head as if she was saying bye as she died and as her body was burnt...and I...I could only say one thing, " Bye Ngoh yee"
The beautifully made coffin and her...were burnt together...in the end wats left and wats scooped into the urn...is the coffin and her body...her cancerous cells..her everything...
By the time everything was done....I was in a way relieved...coz its all over. She is finally free...we are finally free...free to not remember her as the ill auntie she was...but as the cheerful auntie and helthy auntie she used to be. No more wheelchairs, no more diapers, no more breathing apparatus..no more dreadful medical equipment that constantly reminded us abt how much she suffered...no more..she is now healthy n up there drinking wine w God.
We all went home to my grandparents place...as the hours went by, we became happier. we lived more int he memories...:) My grandparents were the ones who suffered most. As the chinese say..its not right for the white-haired to send the black-haired off. In other words, its not right for the older generation to see their younger generation die. My heart and everyone's heart ached n sank as my grandparents stood around her coffin during the wake. When they stood there, they cried. When they sat by it...they looked into thin air...My grandpa was frail..his usually suave hairdo (alike sean connery) was undone..messy and his eyes were perpetually red and sagged. My grandma was white...all white..pale to the bone.
My aunties were no better..but they tried to deal w it..by making sure everything was run smoothly.
The cousins...my cousins...cried. Both guys n girls...cried, red-eyed, some of us..to emotional to go near the coffin...to see her facee...I cried when I 1st saw it and when I saw her pic at the head of the coffin (the healthy one) id forgotten how she looked like when she was relatively healthy...On the last night...we cousins stayed by her coffin through the night...
Lastly...my auntie's husband...He was soo grieved that he was stoned. he cudnt function...he cudnt stand straight even. Through the 3 days...he stood hunched coz he diditn ahve enough eneergy to push his body up straight. He stood slumped...like my grandpa...My auntie was the love of his life...
I'll cotinue another day...too much for now...
love
All i know now..is that my auntie is in heaven...her body was cremated yesterday int he pits of a blazing fire that cud be seen a mile away...as it slowly went into the furnace..the sobs I heard from my family..became louder and .....you get my drift. I for one, held on to my sis for dear life as I saw my auntie's body slowly pushed into the fire....I know this is psychotic but as the lights to the "burning" room turned on...it felt like a monstor was awaken...or the machine was turned on....I cried more playing in my head how my auntie always used to say "bye Ning" when we went home on sunday evening...the way she says it is sooo distinct that no one else can imitate. it played in my head as if she was saying bye as she died and as her body was burnt...and I...I could only say one thing, " Bye Ngoh yee"
The beautifully made coffin and her...were burnt together...in the end wats left and wats scooped into the urn...is the coffin and her body...her cancerous cells..her everything...
By the time everything was done....I was in a way relieved...coz its all over. She is finally free...we are finally free...free to not remember her as the ill auntie she was...but as the cheerful auntie and helthy auntie she used to be. No more wheelchairs, no more diapers, no more breathing apparatus..no more dreadful medical equipment that constantly reminded us abt how much she suffered...no more..she is now healthy n up there drinking wine w God.
We all went home to my grandparents place...as the hours went by, we became happier. we lived more int he memories...:) My grandparents were the ones who suffered most. As the chinese say..its not right for the white-haired to send the black-haired off. In other words, its not right for the older generation to see their younger generation die. My heart and everyone's heart ached n sank as my grandparents stood around her coffin during the wake. When they stood there, they cried. When they sat by it...they looked into thin air...My grandpa was frail..his usually suave hairdo (alike sean connery) was undone..messy and his eyes were perpetually red and sagged. My grandma was white...all white..pale to the bone.
My aunties were no better..but they tried to deal w it..by making sure everything was run smoothly.
The cousins...my cousins...cried. Both guys n girls...cried, red-eyed, some of us..to emotional to go near the coffin...to see her facee...I cried when I 1st saw it and when I saw her pic at the head of the coffin (the healthy one) id forgotten how she looked like when she was relatively healthy...On the last night...we cousins stayed by her coffin through the night...
Lastly...my auntie's husband...He was soo grieved that he was stoned. he cudnt function...he cudnt stand straight even. Through the 3 days...he stood hunched coz he diditn ahve enough eneergy to push his body up straight. He stood slumped...like my grandpa...My auntie was the love of his life...
I'll cotinue another day...too much for now...
love
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Back in the office...
Today feels like a regular monday...Im back in the office trying to finish some work coz I wont be in on wednesday..its a really sticky situation coz this fri n sat are Babies Proms days.
Yesterday...I was in tears when I was talking to my sis about our auntie..how she's going Home for christmas...its true...for the 1st time in a long time, I felt like the smaller sister again...putting my head on her shoulder..Guess my sis is alays the reasonable one. She put it in a very gd way...that my auntie is celebrating christmas every day when she's in heaven...We talked and I agree when she said that if it was my grandma (dad's side) she wudnt be able to take it...neither would I. If it was my grandparents, my mum, my aunt...I wudnt be able to take it that easily...Maybe Id totally lose all the energy in my legs? I dont know and dont think I wanna imagine now. Truth is..when I was very young...Id cry..imagining that my grandma left us...
Anyway...today I'm skipping aikido...if my sensei does another push n pull on me..I might end up crying n not stopping...watever it is..I know that I have to go back for the wake. Wont even be going home tonight coz the service is tom, the cremation is tomorrow...I have to be there...
You know...As they did the service for her yesterday...how they are begging for mercy for her sins..etc...I didnt feel we had to...for her I mean...I didnt think that at this point of time..begging God, Lord Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary, Clement Mary, Apostle, Saints etc etc wud matter. Because the judgement is already done the moment she died. In fact..I personally dont think that half of these people can help us gain any mercy. Only person we should speak to is God. The Lord Jesus Christ died for us for our sins and gave us a direct route of communication to God so then, why are we talking to everybody else to get htem to talk to God? Thats like my mum asking me to ask my dad wat he wants for dinner and me having to call her back and tell her the reply. How would God feel that his own kids cant even talk to him?
Im not saying we should disregard Virgin Mary altogether. She is part of a miracle and so she is special...but I feel that...God wants us to believe in no other God but him. To pray to no other gods but him. By pray...it wud also mean idolize...like money..like career...like anything that you hold in esteem equal to or greater than God. Rite? If thats the case...are we idolizing Virgin Mary?
These are my personal thoughts and I know its a contreversial issue. Many catholics might dislike what I think...but this is what I think...If you have a diff view, go ahead and tell me.
love
Yesterday...I was in tears when I was talking to my sis about our auntie..how she's going Home for christmas...its true...for the 1st time in a long time, I felt like the smaller sister again...putting my head on her shoulder..Guess my sis is alays the reasonable one. She put it in a very gd way...that my auntie is celebrating christmas every day when she's in heaven...We talked and I agree when she said that if it was my grandma (dad's side) she wudnt be able to take it...neither would I. If it was my grandparents, my mum, my aunt...I wudnt be able to take it that easily...Maybe Id totally lose all the energy in my legs? I dont know and dont think I wanna imagine now. Truth is..when I was very young...Id cry..imagining that my grandma left us...
Anyway...today I'm skipping aikido...if my sensei does another push n pull on me..I might end up crying n not stopping...watever it is..I know that I have to go back for the wake. Wont even be going home tonight coz the service is tom, the cremation is tomorrow...I have to be there...
You know...As they did the service for her yesterday...how they are begging for mercy for her sins..etc...I didnt feel we had to...for her I mean...I didnt think that at this point of time..begging God, Lord Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary, Clement Mary, Apostle, Saints etc etc wud matter. Because the judgement is already done the moment she died. In fact..I personally dont think that half of these people can help us gain any mercy. Only person we should speak to is God. The Lord Jesus Christ died for us for our sins and gave us a direct route of communication to God so then, why are we talking to everybody else to get htem to talk to God? Thats like my mum asking me to ask my dad wat he wants for dinner and me having to call her back and tell her the reply. How would God feel that his own kids cant even talk to him?
Im not saying we should disregard Virgin Mary altogether. She is part of a miracle and so she is special...but I feel that...God wants us to believe in no other God but him. To pray to no other gods but him. By pray...it wud also mean idolize...like money..like career...like anything that you hold in esteem equal to or greater than God. Rite? If thats the case...are we idolizing Virgin Mary?
These are my personal thoughts and I know its a contreversial issue. Many catholics might dislike what I think...but this is what I think...If you have a diff view, go ahead and tell me.
love
Monday, December 05, 2005
The wake...
I eralize that my auntie wanted to sooo mucht o go home for Christmas but int he end, God brought her back to her real home for christmas..a christmas w angels...w the Lord, w God and everyone else who has died and entered heaven.
The major consolation is that she is in Heaven..how reassuring is that? Thats eh hasnt died and fallen intot he depths of hell...that she hadnt jumped from suferrring to sufferring...I find it...peaceful and in fact..a happy occasion. I shud be happy for my auntie who can look down on all of us w God and see that everyone loves her...My sis is rite...what is in teh coffin..is but a shell...a shell used to its utmost and then forsaken..for peaceful and blissful eternity in heaven...what does the soul need for a shell that can no longer function.
Thinking of all this...I fear for those I love who have not received God. Call me exangelical...but to imagine my other loved ones die without God..is a very scary thing...To imagine my loved oens die in hell...forever...my heart aches...People like my mum, dad, ex bf, sistas n bros...I love them sooo much....
Guys....you can tell me abt buddhism that there is reincarnation...but what if there isnt? Do you really know that there is? If there isnt...then what happens? How abt the Hindus?
All Im saying is that Im worried for you..I love you guys too much to want to lose you...
LOVE
The major consolation is that she is in Heaven..how reassuring is that? Thats eh hasnt died and fallen intot he depths of hell...that she hadnt jumped from suferrring to sufferring...I find it...peaceful and in fact..a happy occasion. I shud be happy for my auntie who can look down on all of us w God and see that everyone loves her...My sis is rite...what is in teh coffin..is but a shell...a shell used to its utmost and then forsaken..for peaceful and blissful eternity in heaven...what does the soul need for a shell that can no longer function.
Thinking of all this...I fear for those I love who have not received God. Call me exangelical...but to imagine my other loved ones die without God..is a very scary thing...To imagine my loved oens die in hell...forever...my heart aches...People like my mum, dad, ex bf, sistas n bros...I love them sooo much....
Guys....you can tell me abt buddhism that there is reincarnation...but what if there isnt? Do you really know that there is? If there isnt...then what happens? How abt the Hindus?
All Im saying is that Im worried for you..I love you guys too much to want to lose you...
LOVE
A star....put back in its original place
The lark has lost its song to sing
of happy tales and beautiful things
Coz just this morn , before the sun woke
God put his hand in and gently took
the missing star he lost many years ago
The shiniest star that ever did shone
Now back in its place, the happy star shines
Amongst other star shines, amongst angel kinds
All dressed in white robes with a lyres by their sides
The star shines its finest to those who look to the sky
But behold the lark's voice, losing its own shine
shall temporarily make songs and sing in her mind
And wait till the voice finds its way home
and then she'll sing to this dear star on the next rising moon
Thanks for the prayers everyone...after a long struggle...My auntie has finally gained peace and gone home to be with God...The reasurring thing is that she believes in God and so, she's gone to heaven to be w Him. All of us who still live, will miss her terribly and remember her till the day we go up to see God as well. Then shall we unite. Thanks for everything guys...
of happy tales and beautiful things
Coz just this morn , before the sun woke
God put his hand in and gently took
the missing star he lost many years ago
The shiniest star that ever did shone
Now back in its place, the happy star shines
Amongst other star shines, amongst angel kinds
All dressed in white robes with a lyres by their sides
The star shines its finest to those who look to the sky
But behold the lark's voice, losing its own shine
shall temporarily make songs and sing in her mind
And wait till the voice finds its way home
and then she'll sing to this dear star on the next rising moon
Thanks for the prayers everyone...after a long struggle...My auntie has finally gained peace and gone home to be with God...The reasurring thing is that she believes in God and so, she's gone to heaven to be w Him. All of us who still live, will miss her terribly and remember her till the day we go up to see God as well. Then shall we unite. Thanks for everything guys...
In loving memory of
Wong Mee Peng
Dearly loved and terribly missed
by her family members...
We love you Ngoh Yee...
love
Sunday, December 04, 2005
soooo
spent almost the whole day w indian music blasting. quite refreshing for the 1st 3 hours....or more..then after that..it all went down hill. But that happens to chinese music as well..sooo yeah...
Its sad to say but I think Ive run out of juice for israeli music too. :P But indian music is the 2nd from eng coz its just so easy to dance to hahaha..oh well...
K updates on my health...loads of coughing...exceedingly much that...its gonna be impossible to sing. Ive practically lost my voice! :( Thinking abt how my voice is the most precious instrument I have...its a BIG torture not to be able to sing as and when I like...but God is the one in control...he can take it away whenever he likes it... :(
Alot of phlegm plus teh cheering yesterday night...didnt help at all...
Abt my grandma..the operation is over n I havnt really found out how she is...guilty...
My aunt is still the same...supposed to have an op soon to get rid of the cancer cells...but they have to wait till her phlegm is lesser and the water in her lungs are cleared. Sorta makes me wanna get rid of the phlegm too. :/ And get healthier...
went to the gym int he evening...ran ont he treadmill n did some weights..body is not entirely wasted...and the gd shower after that was great..but the fact that I did allt his while I had terrible phlegm...was making me cough like I had choked...but Im fine now. :)
So you guys dont worry abt me. Love you all to bits and if you have troubles and wanna call someone, my line is open. Of course, Id be stupid to give you my number here, so if you need it, call me and ask for it. And if you can do that, that wud mean u already have my number! Good for you! Hahahaha Once again...
LOVE
Its sad to say but I think Ive run out of juice for israeli music too. :P But indian music is the 2nd from eng coz its just so easy to dance to hahaha..oh well...
K updates on my health...loads of coughing...exceedingly much that...its gonna be impossible to sing. Ive practically lost my voice! :( Thinking abt how my voice is the most precious instrument I have...its a BIG torture not to be able to sing as and when I like...but God is the one in control...he can take it away whenever he likes it... :(
Alot of phlegm plus teh cheering yesterday night...didnt help at all...
Abt my grandma..the operation is over n I havnt really found out how she is...guilty...
My aunt is still the same...supposed to have an op soon to get rid of the cancer cells...but they have to wait till her phlegm is lesser and the water in her lungs are cleared. Sorta makes me wanna get rid of the phlegm too. :/ And get healthier...
went to the gym int he evening...ran ont he treadmill n did some weights..body is not entirely wasted...and the gd shower after that was great..but the fact that I did allt his while I had terrible phlegm...was making me cough like I had choked...but Im fine now. :)
So you guys dont worry abt me. Love you all to bits and if you have troubles and wanna call someone, my line is open. Of course, Id be stupid to give you my number here, so if you need it, call me and ask for it. And if you can do that, that wud mean u already have my number! Good for you! Hahahaha Once again...
LOVE
Friday, December 02, 2005
memories..all pure memories...
Just got back from my sec sch farewell dinner. Got to see all my ex teachers n my ex VP! It was soo fun just to look around and see who are the ex schmates that came!
I cant even describe the feeling coz..its just overwhelmingly special to me and to leave early..was a must..but it was very sad.
I went home and watched the vcd in the book thatt hey gave us and...I teared...coz I could see how the HOD teachers were soo affected by the fact that the sch was going to be torn down and the sch wud never be there anymore... I felt likewise....
But I really cried when...my godma was being filmed abt her feelings. I'll miss being able to see the teachers when I "pop" down to the sch...But i know that at least my godma and I will still keep in contact n through her..alot of others too...
Im right..it was a fabulous nite... :) I'm thankful I have all the past yearbooks and teen planners ...but I wudnt have the building...thats the sad part....Maybe one of these days, I'll pop down for the last time...w a camera...
Goodbye my dear westlake sec building...your memories are wielded in my heart.
LOVE ALWAYS
I cant even describe the feeling coz..its just overwhelmingly special to me and to leave early..was a must..but it was very sad.
I went home and watched the vcd in the book thatt hey gave us and...I teared...coz I could see how the HOD teachers were soo affected by the fact that the sch was going to be torn down and the sch wud never be there anymore... I felt likewise....
But I really cried when...my godma was being filmed abt her feelings. I'll miss being able to see the teachers when I "pop" down to the sch...But i know that at least my godma and I will still keep in contact n through her..alot of others too...
Im right..it was a fabulous nite... :) I'm thankful I have all the past yearbooks and teen planners ...but I wudnt have the building...thats the sad part....Maybe one of these days, I'll pop down for the last time...w a camera...
Goodbye my dear westlake sec building...your memories are wielded in my heart.
LOVE ALWAYS
:) Reallyyyy excited abt tonight hehehehe
Tonight is the night that I get to see all my old school mates from Westlake n some juniors from Braddell Westlake :P I dont know why but Im sooo connected to the school that its just such a pity that it had to combine e braddell then w guangyang n eventually..have its building stripped down... :( Its a real pity!
I rememebr how in pri sch, my sis n cousins n I wud go down there to play basketball...never realizing that id one day be studying there! And its there that alot of life-changing incidents happened and it changed how I looked at people...how I react w teachers..etc :) its there that I first learnt how its like to step on stage and host man! I still love it!
Anyway...Im hoping tonite willbe a great night and I gt to catch up and gain contact w pple whom Ive not seen in...technically...5-6 or more years! yeah! Hhahahaha
LOVE!
I rememebr how in pri sch, my sis n cousins n I wud go down there to play basketball...never realizing that id one day be studying there! And its there that alot of life-changing incidents happened and it changed how I looked at people...how I react w teachers..etc :) its there that I first learnt how its like to step on stage and host man! I still love it!
Anyway...Im hoping tonite willbe a great night and I gt to catch up and gain contact w pple whom Ive not seen in...technically...5-6 or more years! yeah! Hhahahaha
LOVE!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
God help me...Im gonna get aheart attack!
Just received news that my grandma is in the hospital...coz of eye infection...Pus and all...
Oh my heart is so gonna stop man...
One is in SGH n another is in NUH...considering how my phlegm has been getting worse..I might be th eone to go into some other H!...
Ive been coughing alot lately...worse part is that I cant breathe without coughing. Soo wish I cud get soemthing in me to suck out allt he phlegm before it goes into my lungs...Rate things are going..might not be singing anytime soon...
Haiz...wats this...
love
Oh my heart is so gonna stop man...
One is in SGH n another is in NUH...considering how my phlegm has been getting worse..I might be th eone to go into some other H!...
Ive been coughing alot lately...worse part is that I cant breathe without coughing. Soo wish I cud get soemthing in me to suck out allt he phlegm before it goes into my lungs...Rate things are going..might not be singing anytime soon...
Haiz...wats this...
love
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Newly joined member of the "Health Freak" Club!!
Yeah! Been reading this book abt low fat diet (stop laughing)
i admit that this book is highly interesting man! No kidding! K just to prove it to u, heres wat i learnt...
- Coffee n any caffinated drinks cause you to lose more water in your body by urination n etc
- Cold drinks (ie: any drink that is cold. Except soft drinks or caffinated drinks) causes your body to burn more fats just to heat up the drink. Thus..drinking cold drinks can help you burn more fat than hot or warm drinks.
- Calories are burnt to digest your meal thus ur metabolic rate increases while and after you eat. However, if you exercise within 30mins after ur meal, that metabolic rate increases even higher, thus burning more
- Never skip a meal coz when you do, the next meal you take, your body will go into fat storing mode instead of fat burning mode. Plus, you will be soo hungryt hat you'll tend to eat more than u should
- Alot of times when we feel like snacking, it isnt that we're hungry..but that we're thirsty. So try drinking a cup of water 1st...
- Eating complex carbos like vegs n fruits n wholemeal etc..causes the bosy to burn more fats to digest them. They also take longer time to digest thus you stay full longer..thus you eat less n burn more
Cool huh?!?!
Hahaha just a minor update...sneezed out a yellow reddish blob today..i think its phlegm :) So im okay w it..but breathing is abit less smooth..dun worry everything will get better...
Will tell you tom about this really scary dream I had 2 nights back... (consequently..the night that led to my sickly day)
LOVE
i admit that this book is highly interesting man! No kidding! K just to prove it to u, heres wat i learnt...
- Coffee n any caffinated drinks cause you to lose more water in your body by urination n etc
- Cold drinks (ie: any drink that is cold. Except soft drinks or caffinated drinks) causes your body to burn more fats just to heat up the drink. Thus..drinking cold drinks can help you burn more fat than hot or warm drinks.
- Calories are burnt to digest your meal thus ur metabolic rate increases while and after you eat. However, if you exercise within 30mins after ur meal, that metabolic rate increases even higher, thus burning more
- Never skip a meal coz when you do, the next meal you take, your body will go into fat storing mode instead of fat burning mode. Plus, you will be soo hungryt hat you'll tend to eat more than u should
- Alot of times when we feel like snacking, it isnt that we're hungry..but that we're thirsty. So try drinking a cup of water 1st...
- Eating complex carbos like vegs n fruits n wholemeal etc..causes the bosy to burn more fats to digest them. They also take longer time to digest thus you stay full longer..thus you eat less n burn more
Cool huh?!?!
Hahaha just a minor update...sneezed out a yellow reddish blob today..i think its phlegm :) So im okay w it..but breathing is abit less smooth..dun worry everything will get better...
Will tell you tom about this really scary dream I had 2 nights back... (consequently..the night that led to my sickly day)
LOVE
almost fainted man...
Me being the stubborn mule I am...went for aikido class yesterday...even with a 37.9'C fever.
For the 1st 1/2 hour I was fine...In fact, before class, id helped to lay the mats. I even did all the warmups. But when it got to the throwing n stuff, my whole head went haywire. I really appreciate the girl who did it w me coz she was very very patient. :)
Heres watt he world looked like:
Imagine that whatever you see now is pixelated...now..imagine all these small pixels dancing around. yeah. Imagine ur full colour tv become black n white. Thats not normal...
My sensei said I shud rest and waved his fingers inf ront of me, asking me how many fingers he was holding up. 5! No!I show u again... 5 wat! No! 4& 3/4! Hahaha one of his fingers was shorter because of an accident. Emm tricky! wat a nice sensei hahaha
Anyway...I spend the whoe aikido lesson watching my peers practice the moves (wazas). While they did, I did..sitting down but hands moving hahaha Felt bad just sitting there but I have to get rest before thigns get worse...
K well...Im much better now..abit of aches plus my back injury n abit of sore throat...but im back at work :)
LOVE
For the 1st 1/2 hour I was fine...In fact, before class, id helped to lay the mats. I even did all the warmups. But when it got to the throwing n stuff, my whole head went haywire. I really appreciate the girl who did it w me coz she was very very patient. :)
Heres watt he world looked like:
Imagine that whatever you see now is pixelated...now..imagine all these small pixels dancing around. yeah. Imagine ur full colour tv become black n white. Thats not normal...
My sensei said I shud rest and waved his fingers inf ront of me, asking me how many fingers he was holding up. 5! No!I show u again... 5 wat! No! 4& 3/4! Hahaha one of his fingers was shorter because of an accident. Emm tricky! wat a nice sensei hahaha
Anyway...I spend the whoe aikido lesson watching my peers practice the moves (wazas). While they did, I did..sitting down but hands moving hahaha Felt bad just sitting there but I have to get rest before thigns get worse...
K well...Im much better now..abit of aches plus my back injury n abit of sore throat...but im back at work :)
LOVE
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
death int he family...
Was sick today...had a terrible sore throat that eventually evolved into a fever...my whole body is weak n aching man.
anyway..my sis came into my rom and poked me on my shoulder. to wake up. I got soo irritated that I scolded her...partly coz I was in pain. My sister found that one of her turtles had died. Ah Boy... My sis being the scardy cat, wudnt touch the died turtle and throw him away. Thats why she needed to wake me up to do it..sigh... The poor turtle had probabaly suffocated in its tank because the conditon of the water int he tank was alike a thick greenish soup..algae etc... I really pity the poor fellow man...As i picked it up, the limbs and head were limp...out stretched n limp...
As for the oter turtle..it is happily living in the bathroom..constantly taken care off by my sis.
K im gonna stop here coz im feeling abit dizzy...and my body is still aching..not to mention my brain not working...thats why i cant even phrase my sentences properly...
love
anyway..my sis came into my rom and poked me on my shoulder. to wake up. I got soo irritated that I scolded her...partly coz I was in pain. My sister found that one of her turtles had died. Ah Boy... My sis being the scardy cat, wudnt touch the died turtle and throw him away. Thats why she needed to wake me up to do it..sigh... The poor turtle had probabaly suffocated in its tank because the conditon of the water int he tank was alike a thick greenish soup..algae etc... I really pity the poor fellow man...As i picked it up, the limbs and head were limp...out stretched n limp...
As for the oter turtle..it is happily living in the bathroom..constantly taken care off by my sis.
K im gonna stop here coz im feeling abit dizzy...and my body is still aching..not to mention my brain not working...thats why i cant even phrase my sentences properly...
love
Monday, November 28, 2005
wats this?!?!
Just checked my email n theres a tuition assignment...I got a shock when I read it coz the parent is looking for 2hrs,twice a week for eng, chinese, maths n science! All 4! Its crazy!
Not only is the tuition teacher gonna be sooo stressed out, but the kid is gonna be sooo tortured that he'll prob hate sch! How can u get tuition for all subjects!!! n not to menton for such a short time per week?!?!?! I truly pity the poor child...
Sorta leads me to wonder what the parents are doing. I believe that they wud be snart enuff to teacht hem themselves....at least for eng or chinese..unless they are uneducated. But...what i fear is that the parents are highly educated and yet....are too busy w their work to contriute time to teach their own kids. I know my mum taught me english n science when i was in pri sch. my aunt n tuition teacher taught me chinese n my other aunt taught my cousins n I maths.
Soo I guess you can sayt hat i did get tuition for every subject ..sigh...but it wasnt cramped into twice a week for 2hrs each. ABSURD!
love
Not only is the tuition teacher gonna be sooo stressed out, but the kid is gonna be sooo tortured that he'll prob hate sch! How can u get tuition for all subjects!!! n not to menton for such a short time per week?!?!?! I truly pity the poor child...
Sorta leads me to wonder what the parents are doing. I believe that they wud be snart enuff to teacht hem themselves....at least for eng or chinese..unless they are uneducated. But...what i fear is that the parents are highly educated and yet....are too busy w their work to contriute time to teach their own kids. I know my mum taught me english n science when i was in pri sch. my aunt n tuition teacher taught me chinese n my other aunt taught my cousins n I maths.
Soo I guess you can sayt hat i did get tuition for every subject ..sigh...but it wasnt cramped into twice a week for 2hrs each. ABSURD!
love
Sunday, November 27, 2005
SPGG
Tried out the gym at SPGG n its not too bad. given my lack of knowledge for equipment. I like it thatt ey provide towels n lockers but then..maybe thats a pre-requisite for a clubhouse? Anyway...also went to explore the shower room n stuff. Geez! They have a jacuzzi n a steam room!
I know this sounds all too honest but I freaked out when I saw that the shower doors were quite transparent..emmm abit hard to shwoer ah but I guess the logic is..you shower w somethign on? hahahahahah So I gave up showering heheheheh
They've got a lower room linked tot he jacuzzi n steam room n shower area n toilet..yep...very convenient to walk back n forth without risking a guy seeing you hahahahaha
Also realized that every shower cubicle has its own shampoo n shower gel dispenser! highly convenient for me but Im soo used to carrying my own shampoo n stuff for basketball.
Last but not least...the bowling alley is quite cheap! Can be crowded lah but its airconed, the balls are probabaly lighter coz there are kids on weekends who come to play..etc..
K overall verdict: The place is nice n the facilities make being there a very pleasant experience...but its too bloody far from the mrt! I have to walk fromt eh mrt, through the sch...out byt eh sidegate n walk some mroe to SPGG. Not to mention that it takes n hour to reach from my place. :/...Yet...I wudnt mind travelling there during the weekends. if Id know how to swim..it wud be more useful to me huh hahahahaha
As for the clubhouse at my place...Emmm will go there during the weekdays Hehehehe gym obviously..or if not..just to lepak abit Hahaha ps: lepak means to relax or chill
Yep...today was a nice day...went to see my aunt again n she seems more pale today. Everybody started to follow my "wear bright coloured clothes to cheer up" theory so my aunt n my mum wore red hahahaha
OhHHH btw! Fr those of you who really know me, ud know I can be quite blur..but Ud never realize that Id be blur enough to go to gleneagles hospital instead of NUH rite. I happily got off at orchard..walked towards wisma. only to realize that Im so blur n Im walking the wrong direction..so I turn around n walk towards Borders....walk walk walk..until I reach Tanglin Mall...ONLY to realize that Im walking towards Gleneagles Hospital instead of NUH..Which is (for thsoe who dont know) at Buona Vista!!! Wat only!!! I cant even believe myself man! Hahahahaha
K end here. You all take care...love you to bits! Yes! Everyone of you!
LOVE
I know this sounds all too honest but I freaked out when I saw that the shower doors were quite transparent..emmm abit hard to shwoer ah but I guess the logic is..you shower w somethign on? hahahahahah So I gave up showering heheheheh
They've got a lower room linked tot he jacuzzi n steam room n shower area n toilet..yep...very convenient to walk back n forth without risking a guy seeing you hahahahaha
Also realized that every shower cubicle has its own shampoo n shower gel dispenser! highly convenient for me but Im soo used to carrying my own shampoo n stuff for basketball.
Last but not least...the bowling alley is quite cheap! Can be crowded lah but its airconed, the balls are probabaly lighter coz there are kids on weekends who come to play..etc..
K overall verdict: The place is nice n the facilities make being there a very pleasant experience...but its too bloody far from the mrt! I have to walk fromt eh mrt, through the sch...out byt eh sidegate n walk some mroe to SPGG. Not to mention that it takes n hour to reach from my place. :/...Yet...I wudnt mind travelling there during the weekends. if Id know how to swim..it wud be more useful to me huh hahahahaha
As for the clubhouse at my place...Emmm will go there during the weekdays Hehehehe gym obviously..or if not..just to lepak abit Hahaha ps: lepak means to relax or chill
Yep...today was a nice day...went to see my aunt again n she seems more pale today. Everybody started to follow my "wear bright coloured clothes to cheer up" theory so my aunt n my mum wore red hahahaha
OhHHH btw! Fr those of you who really know me, ud know I can be quite blur..but Ud never realize that Id be blur enough to go to gleneagles hospital instead of NUH rite. I happily got off at orchard..walked towards wisma. only to realize that Im so blur n Im walking the wrong direction..so I turn around n walk towards Borders....walk walk walk..until I reach Tanglin Mall...ONLY to realize that Im walking towards Gleneagles Hospital instead of NUH..Which is (for thsoe who dont know) at Buona Vista!!! Wat only!!! I cant even believe myself man! Hahahahaha
K end here. You all take care...love you to bits! Yes! Everyone of you!
LOVE
Saturday, November 26, 2005
cont from pervious entry...sorrie
K so heres the explanation to my injure..forgive me for being carried away w my godmas n pas...
I went to see my godma and as we were walking back to the mrt, I fell..slippery slippers (irony)..I fell on my right side n thus my right butt cheek is sore. (stop laughing)
Then we continued walking...but as I went downt he steps, I fell AGAIN! This time, My tail bone was almost injured n I cud have ended up paralysed...but I didnt...I lended okay but coz it was on the steps, when I leaned back as I fell, my spine hit the higher step..so I literally had the edge of the step...jammed into my spine...pretty cool huh (k bad joke) Soo yeah..thats why my back is painful now...theres no blue black but its just painful..I can feel a small swollen bit but its too small to feel like an obstruction if I sleep on my back tonight. As Sensei instructed and prewarned w a living example of his own( his toe) Ive got an ice pack on my back as I speak..emm i mean..type... The only reason why i feel it hurting now..is coz its blistered..the step had scrapped a small piece of my surface skin off... if not...it was my aikido pants n my rolling that did the trick... :) Other than which..I am fine n dandy... CHEERS! ..Aside fromt he small raw allergies I have between my fingers. *peace sign*
So heres a dandy day right here. rain or no rain...slippery slippers n all! Love you guys! Stay strong n I promise to meet up w u!
LOVE
I went to see my godma and as we were walking back to the mrt, I fell..slippery slippers (irony)..I fell on my right side n thus my right butt cheek is sore. (stop laughing)
Then we continued walking...but as I went downt he steps, I fell AGAIN! This time, My tail bone was almost injured n I cud have ended up paralysed...but I didnt...I lended okay but coz it was on the steps, when I leaned back as I fell, my spine hit the higher step..so I literally had the edge of the step...jammed into my spine...pretty cool huh (k bad joke) Soo yeah..thats why my back is painful now...theres no blue black but its just painful..I can feel a small swollen bit but its too small to feel like an obstruction if I sleep on my back tonight. As Sensei instructed and prewarned w a living example of his own( his toe) Ive got an ice pack on my back as I speak..emm i mean..type... The only reason why i feel it hurting now..is coz its blistered..the step had scrapped a small piece of my surface skin off... if not...it was my aikido pants n my rolling that did the trick... :) Other than which..I am fine n dandy... CHEERS! ..Aside fromt he small raw allergies I have between my fingers. *peace sign*
So heres a dandy day right here. rain or no rain...slippery slippers n all! Love you guys! Stay strong n I promise to meet up w u!
LOVE
A truly eventful day!...ouch!
K start w the latest stuff. Went to see my aunt n she's still alive..looks better n still doing her chemo but just thinking abt she..I get abit sad... She's gone quiet n depressed and I tried to crack some jokes n wear a bright yellow shirt to brighten things up. Hope I did....God please help her...
Went for aikido a an injured back n a sore right butt...(explanations later n pls..stop laughing) Cudnt doo alot of rolls coz of that. But I was in tears in class coz my fav sensei did a demo on me that was sooo bloody painful that I cudnt help but cry man! Not cry as in shout out...cry as in tears n a numb arm..btw..my hands cudnt stop shakking after that. It was soo numb that Iw udnt imagine what wud happen if he did it to a real asshole... emmm can break k. The sensei was so caring abt us that he asked if I liked high cholestrol food..coz I had the ole eye bags n it cud have resulted from high colestrol. It was sound advice n in a very fatherly way that I cant help but be touched n appreciative abt it actually. :) And..for the past few lessons, he's been saying to us that its a pity his son isnt here hahah His son is 28 if Im not wrong..westernized n stuff. And he keeps telling us abt him n saying that its a pity he wasnt here hahaha In fact, during my training yesterday, he and I were talking abt the little kid I was training w and decided to do abit of matchmaking for this 11yr old hahaha TThat is my mission..he reminded me abt it today hahah A very very nice man! His wife is a lucky woman :)
Talking abt fatherly stuff, got to catch up w a fwe frens n my godma today. :P had breakfast w some old frens I know during my sec sch years..and went to my godma's place for lunch (I guess) hahaha very very nice lady who took care of me n my clubmates in my poly years :P This very very nice lady..was soo nice thats he bought me a dress! A simple black dress! I cant help but be super astonished! Ive been soo touched byt eh pple around me!
From my godma, I got contact w an ex lecturer of mine :0 Mr Chin..absolutely nice man! Super father figure like sensei. I only know a handful of men whom I hold w soo much esteem! Im truly blessed!!!
In fact thinking abt it..I have alot of godmas n godpas n I know its time to show them my absoulte respect... Hmmmm I owe them tooo much!
Went for aikido a an injured back n a sore right butt...(explanations later n pls..stop laughing) Cudnt doo alot of rolls coz of that. But I was in tears in class coz my fav sensei did a demo on me that was sooo bloody painful that I cudnt help but cry man! Not cry as in shout out...cry as in tears n a numb arm..btw..my hands cudnt stop shakking after that. It was soo numb that Iw udnt imagine what wud happen if he did it to a real asshole... emmm can break k. The sensei was so caring abt us that he asked if I liked high cholestrol food..coz I had the ole eye bags n it cud have resulted from high colestrol. It was sound advice n in a very fatherly way that I cant help but be touched n appreciative abt it actually. :) And..for the past few lessons, he's been saying to us that its a pity his son isnt here hahah His son is 28 if Im not wrong..westernized n stuff. And he keeps telling us abt him n saying that its a pity he wasnt here hahaha In fact, during my training yesterday, he and I were talking abt the little kid I was training w and decided to do abit of matchmaking for this 11yr old hahaha TThat is my mission..he reminded me abt it today hahah A very very nice man! His wife is a lucky woman :)
Talking abt fatherly stuff, got to catch up w a fwe frens n my godma today. :P had breakfast w some old frens I know during my sec sch years..and went to my godma's place for lunch (I guess) hahaha very very nice lady who took care of me n my clubmates in my poly years :P This very very nice lady..was soo nice thats he bought me a dress! A simple black dress! I cant help but be super astonished! Ive been soo touched byt eh pple around me!
From my godma, I got contact w an ex lecturer of mine :0 Mr Chin..absolutely nice man! Super father figure like sensei. I only know a handful of men whom I hold w soo much esteem! Im truly blessed!!!
In fact thinking abt it..I have alot of godmas n godpas n I know its time to show them my absoulte respect... Hmmmm I owe them tooo much!
Friday, November 25, 2005
Aikido!
When times is short..u have to do what u have to do..like going to aikido alone.
I was the only white belt who was doing grading. So Iw as seperated from allt he other white belts (who happened to all be kids)..to train w a more experienced person...another kid. Who has a yellow belt (in kids terms...the level above white? Anyway..its better than white)
So yah...trained w an 11 year old kid who was l;ethal in his moves! I almost did a full back roll just by his throwing me back. Hahahha motivated.
My sensei is a freally funny guy man! He was watching us train n I commented to him abt how good this kid was. My sensei agreed totally and asked me if I have a younger sis to intro to him! Sadly, I have no younger sis but I have younger neighbours hahaha So my sensei n I were teasing him abt it hahha The sensei pat my shoulder n said its a pity that his son wasnt here hahah the son is 28? Hahahah he even commented that SDU is single, depserate n ugly! hahah Wat a clown!
I told him my dad wudnt allow haha coz he's loads older n I suggested my boss instead hahahaha Told him abt my dad n how he thinks and commented, "shud get you to meet my dad!" Hahahahah
So yah..the lesson was fun! Chatty n cheerful sensei!
Stayed w some of the other people..for a drink n we chatted. :)
Anyway..tom is another hectic day. Thinking of my aunt...I start to see her fear that tom might not be a day she has the privilge she can enjoy... how lightly..do we take the days we have...
Im gonne visit her tom... Was smsing my ex the other day n one of the things i said was..."I can imagine my grandpa's usually jolly face...cringe into total sadness...if he knew...
love
I was the only white belt who was doing grading. So Iw as seperated from allt he other white belts (who happened to all be kids)..to train w a more experienced person...another kid. Who has a yellow belt (in kids terms...the level above white? Anyway..its better than white)
So yah...trained w an 11 year old kid who was l;ethal in his moves! I almost did a full back roll just by his throwing me back. Hahahha motivated.
My sensei is a freally funny guy man! He was watching us train n I commented to him abt how good this kid was. My sensei agreed totally and asked me if I have a younger sis to intro to him! Sadly, I have no younger sis but I have younger neighbours hahaha So my sensei n I were teasing him abt it hahha The sensei pat my shoulder n said its a pity that his son wasnt here hahah the son is 28? Hahahah he even commented that SDU is single, depserate n ugly! hahah Wat a clown!
I told him my dad wudnt allow haha coz he's loads older n I suggested my boss instead hahahaha Told him abt my dad n how he thinks and commented, "shud get you to meet my dad!" Hahahahah
So yah..the lesson was fun! Chatty n cheerful sensei!
Stayed w some of the other people..for a drink n we chatted. :)
Anyway..tom is another hectic day. Thinking of my aunt...I start to see her fear that tom might not be a day she has the privilge she can enjoy... how lightly..do we take the days we have...
Im gonne visit her tom... Was smsing my ex the other day n one of the things i said was..."I can imagine my grandpa's usually jolly face...cringe into total sadness...if he knew...
love
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Aikido....ala peanut butter sandwiches! Im home!
I wish i cud transport myself w magic..to home in a sec...then I wudnt have to walk.
DEAD tired man! No kidding!!! Sooo tired that i cant even straighten my back n I cant even walk straight...
Anyway..thanks guys for the concern abt my aunt..I wish I cud pray till she recovers...I will pray. My ex smsed be abt her as well and asked if she was my auntie who lives at tiong bahru..No she's not..If she was..id be flipping out now...Id be in major tears..coz that auntie is so dear to me that she's like my own mum... There are certina pple n my family whom I adore...just imagining them sick...can put me in a fit of tears (I am not over emotional) pple like my grandpa, grandmas, tiong bharu auntie, mum, dad, SISTER, maid(auntie fely), relatives in america..etc...
My ex said..that it brings him to wonder again..why pple that we love have to die n leave us...Quite honestly..I dont wanna know...him saying this...I just didnt wanna ask God why.
My boss was w me..I told her who smsed n she asked whether he read it on my blog. I told her that...knowing him too well..he doesnt read blogs..even if he did, he wudnt read mine. Which is why I can be soo absolutely candid abt stuff...Coz I know he wont read it. watever the case..we ended w a take care of urself n will do, thanks for the concern.
I value him as a fren...I do...but soemtimes I still wonder abt why God made things like this. What are God's promptings?
love
DEAD tired man! No kidding!!! Sooo tired that i cant even straighten my back n I cant even walk straight...
Anyway..thanks guys for the concern abt my aunt..I wish I cud pray till she recovers...I will pray. My ex smsed be abt her as well and asked if she was my auntie who lives at tiong bahru..No she's not..If she was..id be flipping out now...Id be in major tears..coz that auntie is so dear to me that she's like my own mum... There are certina pple n my family whom I adore...just imagining them sick...can put me in a fit of tears (I am not over emotional) pple like my grandpa, grandmas, tiong bharu auntie, mum, dad, SISTER, maid(auntie fely), relatives in america..etc...
My ex said..that it brings him to wonder again..why pple that we love have to die n leave us...Quite honestly..I dont wanna know...him saying this...I just didnt wanna ask God why.
My boss was w me..I told her who smsed n she asked whether he read it on my blog. I told her that...knowing him too well..he doesnt read blogs..even if he did, he wudnt read mine. Which is why I can be soo absolutely candid abt stuff...Coz I know he wont read it. watever the case..we ended w a take care of urself n will do, thanks for the concern.
I value him as a fren...I do...but soemtimes I still wonder abt why God made things like this. What are God's promptings?
love
Emmm...MEN
Time n time again I hear stories of men who dont know how to keep themselves down...(put metaphorically or literally)
Heard of guys asking girls for one-night stands...heard of guys asking for sex partner...heard of guys two-timing intentoinally...etc etc...really man. I speak on behalf of the (sensible n smart) girls when I say this...we are not in a rush to see what u have...in fact..if you do show...you'd only succeed in getting a tight slap and (if I were there) a broken arm and no father's day. never felt so sure in my whole life. If you really need to, do it to urself. However you choose to do that is not of the women's concern.
As for my guy frens...trust me to be paranoid yah. Im worried that any of them wud be like that. By that i mean...flesh hungry, brainless creatures. Id prefer my frens as normal sensible men who know when to n when not to. Who respect women as they are...no violence involved until marriage. Call me narrow-minded yah but if ur not a woman, u wudnt know what how much that means. But then of course..if you were..you wudnt have to hear or read all this.
My bros are guys who know how to be gentlemen...who never force a girl to do what she doesnt want to do. Who not only have talents, but also a mass amnt of brains. My bros are funny n nice n fun to be with (call me biased). Only one thing to say...I love my bros like they were my own thumbis, abang cehchils n didis! or...a nehs, abangs and gorgors!
Any girls looking for partners? hahahahahaha nah my bros are capable of finding their own partners hahaha
Sooo in a nutshell..Men! Please try to change ur act. Women are not stupid. Women are alot smarter than you think... :)
LOVE
Heard of guys asking girls for one-night stands...heard of guys asking for sex partner...heard of guys two-timing intentoinally...etc etc...really man. I speak on behalf of the (sensible n smart) girls when I say this...we are not in a rush to see what u have...in fact..if you do show...you'd only succeed in getting a tight slap and (if I were there) a broken arm and no father's day. never felt so sure in my whole life. If you really need to, do it to urself. However you choose to do that is not of the women's concern.
As for my guy frens...trust me to be paranoid yah. Im worried that any of them wud be like that. By that i mean...flesh hungry, brainless creatures. Id prefer my frens as normal sensible men who know when to n when not to. Who respect women as they are...no violence involved until marriage. Call me narrow-minded yah but if ur not a woman, u wudnt know what how much that means. But then of course..if you were..you wudnt have to hear or read all this.
My bros are guys who know how to be gentlemen...who never force a girl to do what she doesnt want to do. Who not only have talents, but also a mass amnt of brains. My bros are funny n nice n fun to be with (call me biased). Only one thing to say...I love my bros like they were my own thumbis, abang cehchils n didis! or...a nehs, abangs and gorgors!
Any girls looking for partners? hahahahahaha nah my bros are capable of finding their own partners hahaha
Sooo in a nutshell..Men! Please try to change ur act. Women are not stupid. Women are alot smarter than you think... :)
LOVE
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Audition!
Went for audition int eh evening. Rushed to school n having butterflies in my tummy coz I wasnt sure what Id be made to do and I knew I wasnt going to be able to act n dance like some others.
Thank heavens I knew some fo the SAA memebrs who gave me their support hahaha They cheered me on! I know they're biased hahaha so I had to think abt my own condition..instead of listening to them hahah But they were crazy hahaha Even one of them said w confidence, "why are you here? Why do you even need to audition? Pass!!!"
I had a great time just being able to catch up w the officers and some of my juniors! :) I know I miss sch!
I went in to sing and I was sooo nervous that my voice trembled....It was a major disaster!!!! Then Jimmy Yeh told me to sing another song...I told himt hat Iw asnt sure of the words and he said that I could hum it. So I sang..summertime....I sang it as convincing as I could and I think it worked! I might not be the lead I guess...not sure...But Jimmy said, "good! Very good! Very Good!" and another lady said, "thanks for coming to audition!!" while I myself was thanking them! It was soo fun to sing to his piano coz he suited me and I suited him! I was literally having fun! The piano took getting used to coz he was playing it there n then w chords n when he made a mistake, you'd get distracted as well. But.. :) I had fun! :P
Soooo I do hope this isnt the last...also hope I dun get a silly role. Yes my pride is ont eh line I guess....
Went to makan dinner w James (a lecturer) He's a really nice guy and did many of my compere recordings n performances. I feel like I cud tok to him abt my family n frens n work life..and I did. He, Ms Pearly, Ms Angel..and some more... I guess I can be very transparent at times...I never left much out when I speak to them coz I regard them as frens. In fact, James invited me to his church. Think I'll go n try ...not permanent but maybe just to join them. I wud never have been able to do alot of things if not for him :) I had to consult him in sooo many ways when it came to projs...Really blessed to have these group of frens (regardless of age) :P I owe james alot man! no kidding! Sooo yeah...Will try to do him proud. :)
Sooo here is the day..aside from work...Today was a great experience :P
LOVE
Thank heavens I knew some fo the SAA memebrs who gave me their support hahaha They cheered me on! I know they're biased hahaha so I had to think abt my own condition..instead of listening to them hahah But they were crazy hahaha Even one of them said w confidence, "why are you here? Why do you even need to audition? Pass!!!"
I had a great time just being able to catch up w the officers and some of my juniors! :) I know I miss sch!
I went in to sing and I was sooo nervous that my voice trembled....It was a major disaster!!!! Then Jimmy Yeh told me to sing another song...I told himt hat Iw asnt sure of the words and he said that I could hum it. So I sang..summertime....I sang it as convincing as I could and I think it worked! I might not be the lead I guess...not sure...But Jimmy said, "good! Very good! Very Good!" and another lady said, "thanks for coming to audition!!" while I myself was thanking them! It was soo fun to sing to his piano coz he suited me and I suited him! I was literally having fun! The piano took getting used to coz he was playing it there n then w chords n when he made a mistake, you'd get distracted as well. But.. :) I had fun! :P
Soooo I do hope this isnt the last...also hope I dun get a silly role. Yes my pride is ont eh line I guess....
Went to makan dinner w James (a lecturer) He's a really nice guy and did many of my compere recordings n performances. I feel like I cud tok to him abt my family n frens n work life..and I did. He, Ms Pearly, Ms Angel..and some more... I guess I can be very transparent at times...I never left much out when I speak to them coz I regard them as frens. In fact, James invited me to his church. Think I'll go n try ...not permanent but maybe just to join them. I wud never have been able to do alot of things if not for him :) I had to consult him in sooo many ways when it came to projs...Really blessed to have these group of frens (regardless of age) :P I owe james alot man! no kidding! Sooo yeah...Will try to do him proud. :)
Sooo here is the day..aside from work...Today was a great experience :P
LOVE
My auntie is dying...
...my aunt was diagnosed w bone cancer since i was in pri sch. For years she's fought it, time after time it came back...but now..its back w a vengence...she's got stomach cancer as well...
This morning..my mum told me that she could die any day...when she said that, her eyes were red...
The 1st thought was..okay...(amazingly enuff...i felt so desensitized? or distant) like it was nothing to tear or cry abt. but now...my legs are weak n my shoulders are slumped and my smile is gone...Im gonnabe losing an auntie...
I remember last last year...during a new year celebration at my auntie's place...my dad's side auntie (the one im most close w) was sooo drunk that she started to cry..all her built up inner frustration n thought of suicide were made known n she was cryingn crying n crying...everyone was comforting her but...it just wasnt working. My auntie kept on crying...I sat by her bed...and I started to cry...I cried coz Id never seen my auntie like that (she's normally the strongest n most level headed) To se her talk abt wanting to die.....broke my heart. I had to do something...so I left the room....I went tot he other room and called the one person whom I could cry to...my ex... sadly..I dont have that privilage anymore...
But this is how I feel...no energy watsoever...
Those of you who are reading this...please pray for my auntie...let her recover from the cancer. seems impossible..but nothing is impossible for God...Please pray for her...
love
This morning..my mum told me that she could die any day...when she said that, her eyes were red...
The 1st thought was..okay...(amazingly enuff...i felt so desensitized? or distant) like it was nothing to tear or cry abt. but now...my legs are weak n my shoulders are slumped and my smile is gone...Im gonnabe losing an auntie...
I remember last last year...during a new year celebration at my auntie's place...my dad's side auntie (the one im most close w) was sooo drunk that she started to cry..all her built up inner frustration n thought of suicide were made known n she was cryingn crying n crying...everyone was comforting her but...it just wasnt working. My auntie kept on crying...I sat by her bed...and I started to cry...I cried coz Id never seen my auntie like that (she's normally the strongest n most level headed) To se her talk abt wanting to die.....broke my heart. I had to do something...so I left the room....I went tot he other room and called the one person whom I could cry to...my ex... sadly..I dont have that privilage anymore...
But this is how I feel...no energy watsoever...
Those of you who are reading this...please pray for my auntie...let her recover from the cancer. seems impossible..but nothing is impossible for God...Please pray for her...
love
Monday, November 21, 2005
Okay back to the weekend.
This is gonna be a bloody long entry coz my weekend was very long and action packed..so if ur gonna rush for class in 5mins..you might wanna wait till later to read k. If ur working...maybe ud wanna stop ehre for now.
Anyway, here goes. took a half day to do an event. Its a Deeparaya event and me knowing nothing abt Hari Raya n Deepavali, did abit of research before doing he event. God had it in his mind to make it rain n so there were lesser pple who attended. Maybe coz of this, my energy level n mood went down as well... he event wasnt as good as expected. I felt soo bad that I cudnt give my all to this event coz I wasnt as bilingual as other hosts. I cud manage a english, a fwe words of malay n a few words of tamil..i just felt soo bad. i walked home thinking to myself that I really had to do something abt my chinese. And also...to increase my knowledge of other languages like malay n tamil. mus learn if i wanna be a host...
The next day, I had round 2 of the event. But this time, i came even more prepared...I had prepared for each small break, a piece of something to say or do. If anything happened, id use those kill-timers. My fren (who was running the prog) was working sooo closely w me that things were quite smooth! No major cock up that made dead silence..so yeah
Anyway..byt he end of that day, I was happy n dancing like crazy, while trying to pull audience to dance as well. some were sporting enuff to try n I salute them man! The dancers, on my cue, tried to pull pple out as well. :) All was in good fun! hahaha
All in all, I enjoyed my saturday event better than fri. I had more energy. I even rapped for the audience after seeing the previous group rap. I wrote it...seconds before their performance ended n literally rapped a request for the audience to clap for them once again. We also had another performance by an african, mediteranian band and they were fantastic! The drums n all were fantastic! I once againt ried to pull pple in hahaha. when we were welcoming them back from the break, I got everyone to cheer w me, "vibe tribe! vibe tribe!" It worked and the performers were impressed! One of them, B, told me that this was the 1st time that people have ever chanted for them.
I know my performance today was alot better than fri..but like my fren said, the 1st one was stillt he best! hahahah
Now, I know alot of pple will recognize me...:/ a good n bad thing hahaha coz I might be rememebred for the wrong things hahah for dancing crazily? Hahaha for being the one who preaches abt racial harmony etc..the one who was bad in chinese and dropped in a few broken words of tamil n malay hahahaha
Byt he time I was over w these 2 days, I was super tired! Hands all sakit from the clapping and aching all over from the dancing. Thankfully, God preserved my voice. :)
Sunday came fast n I missed church. Went to my frens church for a cahnge and heard a msgt hat made me think abt the past..so I teared. Not cry or sob...mind you. Just teared. The pastor was talking abt how God lives in our hearts...not outside of our hearts...we dont need to look at signs from heaven to decide which stall to eat from etc. Veerything is from within. He said...follow the holy spirit's prompting. He described how someone consulted him abt whether to marry this guy who loves her but she doesnt love him. He said, "if you dont have the same feeling ,then dont do it!" If the person says, "God told me that you are the one for me" tell the person, "But God tell me...No leh!" it was soo funny that I was tearing hahah but when he said...follow God's promptings...I suddenly rememebred how I used to wonder what God'spromptings were....for my ex n I. Was hetelling us that we cant be together? or that we were supposed to be together but maybe not now..or not forever...Thats when I felt that long hidden n long suppressed pain.
Countless times, I rememebred thinking to myself abt how wrong my ex n I were together. we were of diff religions...our parents were anti-chinese n anti-indian..respectively (if you know wat i mean) and God has this verse int eh bible that stuck to me like glue ..that we shudnt marry pple who are non-christians (somewhere along those lines) Sooo..was thatt he sign that God wanted me to hear so depserately that It haunted me? Or was it the fact that my ex and I eflt soo right w each otehr that our parents disagreements were earth shattering? Emmm yeah..which was it that was God's sign? Hmmm Then it struck me...how do we know wat is God's sign nw ats Satan's sign? alot of things can be really vague. Thats the whole reason why we have debates! Coz alot fo things are int eh grey area zone. Jesus Christ never distanced himself from the ungodly..infact, he loved them! He died for them!...When the priests asid that it was wrong for Jesus Christ to be with ungodly, Jesus Christ disagreed! In fact, Jesus was there to change the ungodly...to godly. So wat was my role w my ex (i used to wonder) Was I the one who would change him to be someone who wud eventually turn to God n die n be allowed in heaven? Or was my being w him, going to cost me an everlasting life w God?
In these rare times..as everyone was tearing fromt he pastor's jokes, I was tearing from my own memories...my own frustration that I didnt know..n dont know what God has in mind for me. Why my ex n I had a relationship that was stronger than superman...yet...ended int he worst of ways. for those few seconds...i felt like my heart had opened a door...the small door that Id been struggling to lean against to stop watever was inside..from coming out. Thought Id succeeded really...I felt like..inside..I was opening my heart..that dark room to welcome God in to sit with me..and explain to me why. Why he made thigns like that and hear his comforting words that I wud soon end this sadness with a new stage of my life..etc...
The last time I felt like that, Iw as in my toilet...no I was not doing my big business...and yes everything came out smooth...in fact.. I was there purely coz I was feeling very down n I wanted to cry to God. I cried n slowly calmed down...as I stepped out of the toilet...I received an sms that my clubmate was unable to host the next day's event. She was asking if I cud do it. I told her to ask her co-host if I cud host w her. Not that her co-host was a big shot...just that the co-host was my ex. Int he toilet, I pleaded for a sign...a sign..any sign..of whether God wud ever let me get back w my ex...and there it was...my clubmate miraculously called me..at midnite....or even later. So tell me God..which was the sign? Or had you put me tot eh test all along...like how u let Satan test Job. Or how you brought the Jews into concentration camps and let them suffer...testing their faith or building their faiths. God's people will always be tested...
Soo while I promised myself that I wudnt tear for that service..I did...
LOVE
Anyway, here goes. took a half day to do an event. Its a Deeparaya event and me knowing nothing abt Hari Raya n Deepavali, did abit of research before doing he event. God had it in his mind to make it rain n so there were lesser pple who attended. Maybe coz of this, my energy level n mood went down as well... he event wasnt as good as expected. I felt soo bad that I cudnt give my all to this event coz I wasnt as bilingual as other hosts. I cud manage a english, a fwe words of malay n a few words of tamil..i just felt soo bad. i walked home thinking to myself that I really had to do something abt my chinese. And also...to increase my knowledge of other languages like malay n tamil. mus learn if i wanna be a host...
The next day, I had round 2 of the event. But this time, i came even more prepared...I had prepared for each small break, a piece of something to say or do. If anything happened, id use those kill-timers. My fren (who was running the prog) was working sooo closely w me that things were quite smooth! No major cock up that made dead silence..so yeah
Anyway..byt he end of that day, I was happy n dancing like crazy, while trying to pull audience to dance as well. some were sporting enuff to try n I salute them man! The dancers, on my cue, tried to pull pple out as well. :) All was in good fun! hahaha
All in all, I enjoyed my saturday event better than fri. I had more energy. I even rapped for the audience after seeing the previous group rap. I wrote it...seconds before their performance ended n literally rapped a request for the audience to clap for them once again. We also had another performance by an african, mediteranian band and they were fantastic! The drums n all were fantastic! I once againt ried to pull pple in hahaha. when we were welcoming them back from the break, I got everyone to cheer w me, "vibe tribe! vibe tribe!" It worked and the performers were impressed! One of them, B, told me that this was the 1st time that people have ever chanted for them.
I know my performance today was alot better than fri..but like my fren said, the 1st one was stillt he best! hahahah
Now, I know alot of pple will recognize me...:/ a good n bad thing hahaha coz I might be rememebred for the wrong things hahah for dancing crazily? Hahaha for being the one who preaches abt racial harmony etc..the one who was bad in chinese and dropped in a few broken words of tamil n malay hahahaha
Byt he time I was over w these 2 days, I was super tired! Hands all sakit from the clapping and aching all over from the dancing. Thankfully, God preserved my voice. :)
Sunday came fast n I missed church. Went to my frens church for a cahnge and heard a msgt hat made me think abt the past..so I teared. Not cry or sob...mind you. Just teared. The pastor was talking abt how God lives in our hearts...not outside of our hearts...we dont need to look at signs from heaven to decide which stall to eat from etc. Veerything is from within. He said...follow the holy spirit's prompting. He described how someone consulted him abt whether to marry this guy who loves her but she doesnt love him. He said, "if you dont have the same feeling ,then dont do it!" If the person says, "God told me that you are the one for me" tell the person, "But God tell me...No leh!" it was soo funny that I was tearing hahah but when he said...follow God's promptings...I suddenly rememebred how I used to wonder what God'spromptings were....for my ex n I. Was hetelling us that we cant be together? or that we were supposed to be together but maybe not now..or not forever...Thats when I felt that long hidden n long suppressed pain.
Countless times, I rememebred thinking to myself abt how wrong my ex n I were together. we were of diff religions...our parents were anti-chinese n anti-indian..respectively (if you know wat i mean) and God has this verse int eh bible that stuck to me like glue ..that we shudnt marry pple who are non-christians (somewhere along those lines) Sooo..was thatt he sign that God wanted me to hear so depserately that It haunted me? Or was it the fact that my ex and I eflt soo right w each otehr that our parents disagreements were earth shattering? Emmm yeah..which was it that was God's sign? Hmmm Then it struck me...how do we know wat is God's sign nw ats Satan's sign? alot of things can be really vague. Thats the whole reason why we have debates! Coz alot fo things are int eh grey area zone. Jesus Christ never distanced himself from the ungodly..infact, he loved them! He died for them!...When the priests asid that it was wrong for Jesus Christ to be with ungodly, Jesus Christ disagreed! In fact, Jesus was there to change the ungodly...to godly. So wat was my role w my ex (i used to wonder) Was I the one who would change him to be someone who wud eventually turn to God n die n be allowed in heaven? Or was my being w him, going to cost me an everlasting life w God?
In these rare times..as everyone was tearing fromt he pastor's jokes, I was tearing from my own memories...my own frustration that I didnt know..n dont know what God has in mind for me. Why my ex n I had a relationship that was stronger than superman...yet...ended int he worst of ways. for those few seconds...i felt like my heart had opened a door...the small door that Id been struggling to lean against to stop watever was inside..from coming out. Thought Id succeeded really...I felt like..inside..I was opening my heart..that dark room to welcome God in to sit with me..and explain to me why. Why he made thigns like that and hear his comforting words that I wud soon end this sadness with a new stage of my life..etc...
The last time I felt like that, Iw as in my toilet...no I was not doing my big business...and yes everything came out smooth...in fact.. I was there purely coz I was feeling very down n I wanted to cry to God. I cried n slowly calmed down...as I stepped out of the toilet...I received an sms that my clubmate was unable to host the next day's event. She was asking if I cud do it. I told her to ask her co-host if I cud host w her. Not that her co-host was a big shot...just that the co-host was my ex. Int he toilet, I pleaded for a sign...a sign..any sign..of whether God wud ever let me get back w my ex...and there it was...my clubmate miraculously called me..at midnite....or even later. So tell me God..which was the sign? Or had you put me tot eh test all along...like how u let Satan test Job. Or how you brought the Jews into concentration camps and let them suffer...testing their faith or building their faiths. God's people will always be tested...
Soo while I promised myself that I wudnt tear for that service..I did...
LOVE
God...if I cud hear you speak now...If I cud sit you down with me to talk.
Inspired by Orange Street and by Creed, I decided to check the lyrics of my fav Creed song...My Sacrifice. Here it is...
Hello my friend we meet again
It’s been a while where should we begin…feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
I remember
When you are with meI’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
We’ve seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let’s find peace there
When you are with me
I’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
I just want to say hello again
...If there is one thing i cud ask the band...it wud be...what is the inspiration of that song...
I heard a story today that left me clinching my fist and gritting my teeth. if I were here, Id be sooo utterly sarcastic to the guy man!
As for another news...theres a happening int he family that saddens me...Sometimes it slips my mind because it just seems sooo unreal! But..it is real and...I can only pray...Maybe this wud be God's way of bringing me back to his side...in submission...that nothing can be controlled by men...only by God.
Will talk more abt the church service that got me tearing...past memories.
love
Hello my friend we meet again
It’s been a while where should we begin…feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
I remember
When you are with meI’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
We’ve seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let’s find peace there
When you are with me
I’m free…I’m careless…I believe
Above all the others we’ll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
I just want to say hello again
...If there is one thing i cud ask the band...it wud be...what is the inspiration of that song...
I heard a story today that left me clinching my fist and gritting my teeth. if I were here, Id be sooo utterly sarcastic to the guy man!
As for another news...theres a happening int he family that saddens me...Sometimes it slips my mind because it just seems sooo unreal! But..it is real and...I can only pray...Maybe this wud be God's way of bringing me back to his side...in submission...that nothing can be controlled by men...only by God.
Will talk more abt the church service that got me tearing...past memories.
love
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