hahahaha

Had a basketball morning. Soo disappointed with my basketball skills man! Out of 40...abt 3 got in? 3 3pointers i mean... Whiel playing, I listened to my fren's probs...haiz...why do Ihave problematic frens?

Had a short trip to Ikea and it was soo good hahahahSomethign abt the place that really makes me imagine how my future house would look like...married or single hahahaha...I guess its the mock bedrooms and stuff...honestly..ive more or less got mine mapped out hahaha but subject to changes obviously hahahah watever it is..my house will not lack an Lshaped sofa and glass cabinets! So gotta strta a piggy bank? Wahahaha

Now, the highlight of the day that got me laughing and crying desperately....hahahaha went out w a fren..my "bro" hahah he was sending me home and by doing so, we ended up missing the road to my house TWICE..and then going from west side of Spore, to the EAST... And all that sounded in my head was how he said, "Can not be! Im never wrong in reading maps!" YAH YAH YAH! Someone YA YA! From Ikea, bring me home, ended up taking PIE (Changi) towards ALJUNIED!!!!...We were so close!!!! Braddell was to my right and balestier to my left.......then a wrong turn there got us to PAYA LEBAR!!!! I could point out the MRT and guess wat!!! Victoria Sch has moved house!!! But NO I didnt need to tell you that! In fact, I DIDNT need to find out! Hahahahaha But we had gone sooo far as to there..that I found out ANYWAY! Hahahahaha HAIYOH! (Iwas crying by then...book in face) K fine! We did a huuugggeee and loooong U-turn via Adam Road and just as I Thought that Home was within reach...it WAS actually...JUST THAT WE WENT PASS IT! WAAAAaaahhhhhhhhh And my *fren*..my *BRO* can come and tell me, " NO! MAC RITCHIE IS UP AHEAD! TRUST ME! IM NEVER WRONG W THE MAP!" ...only one phrase to reply to this..ADA PAAVI!!!! But no..I didnt say it in the end..I gave him the "you are making a grave mistake" look and sat there thinking..."if it is meant to be that way...I'll have to accept it....sigh" All signs of confidence on his face UNTIL he shines an "okay..i think you're right..sorry" LOOK!!! Normally...I wud go, "you see your hand, you see your forehead? K now put them together REALLY HARD" BUT in this case...it was more like.." you see this hand? You see your head? Now LET ME put them together REEEAAALLLL HHAARRDDDD" (ala russell peters with gritted teeth)Wat was a 15min trip home..turned out to be..ohh lets see...at least..30mins long? yah yah YA YA! Haiz hahahahaha

BUT..wat can I say..Ig ot a ride home..having decided to take the train home..id spend more than 30mins...in this case, had comfort of air-con and music..soo...cant complain MUCH! but as for my bro's driving..i trust him...just dont really trust his sense of direction...Till now..I can hear this resounding phrase, "when you drive you must get a bird's eye view...of the road..needtog et your bearings right." Ehmmm dont know what happened to his bearings man...or his marbles..haiz hahahaha I must admit though that was prob one of the times when Ireally made loads of noise...a SERIOUS laughing and crying moment hahahha. TIP for drivers..just cause the map says you'll end up at Lornie Road when you get out of Adam Road, doesnt mean you'll get there...you also have to check which side of the road you're on..you might just be going the OTHER DIRECTION!

That my frens..wud be the classic joke of the day! I guess I sorta know the roads better now hahah thanks to my bro ah.

K aside from that..its quite decided that I'll gofor the Radio Workshop and Spore Idol as well...I dont want you guys to go w banners! (according to my sis who's got that idea in mind) I have a banner at home..soemthign I got when i did my 1st talent audition...that in itself is enough for me coz it was done by someone I still hold in very deep regard...that in itself would be the banner I need..in my heart :) In fact..the reason why ive decided to pluck up courage for this..is coz of that banner...*shrugs* silly me huh hahahaha The banner still has magic in it okay! :P

K talk next time! Love you guys loads! Will telly ou guys abt Nerdo soon :)

....

Been itching to call my ex and tell him that if he ever wants to throw the bk I gave him, that he'll give it back to me...long story but thinking abt this bk, pains me to think that all my hardwork will end up in the rubbish bin...yet...Id rather not face him again. caused him enough distress...he'll start pulling off his hair if I mention abt all this again...but to me...all that was time spent. Not only the book..but all the time we were together..its all valuable time spent..Its all time in my life..a piece of my life and Id love to have that bk back to account for it...Im paranoid of Amnesia or Alzheimer...

Today...Was close to getting pissed w my niece...she's from shanghai and really sweet...until you try to get your own time and she keeps getting in your face to ask you stupid questions...Today I was watching a movie and this silly girl keeps asking questions like..was this the same guy as just now? How come they're suddenly by a beach? Was this taken in Singapore? Are they dancing? NO! They've just got huge cockroaches that ran into their clothes and their trying to jiggle it out by stamping their feet and shaking to the music! No its not the same guy! Its a clone! haizzz.... My sister assures me that I wasnt like that when I was young...Hwweeewwww
I was soo happy that my other cousins came..so that she would stop asking me when they are coming!

Anyway..Im back home...ready to play some music and cozy in to the remainder half os Mansfield Park. Cant believe ive gotten so far really...next book id try to read would be Sense & Sensibility :P Or treasure island or 20 000 leagues under the sea. hahaha Im going back in time hahaha

k done for now! Love you all! TC

LOVE

manah manah du du dududu

At my auntie's place. a whole lot of visiting man but its all good.

Showed my grandpa his picture today..the same pic Ive decided to set as my hp wallpaper now...he was impresed hahah Ia sked him if the guy in the picture was gd looking...he gave me a thumbs up! Hahahaha

I saw forewarnings of an upcoming sick me....feel a almost undetectable discomfort in my tummy and an inner heat in me. Sooo Im hoping that I dont get sick tom coz If I do, i also means that I cant do my report...also emans wasted time... :( After watching SuperSize Me again today, Ive made a small decision to play basketball tomorrow even though I havnt recovered from my basketball session 2 days ago. In fact, my left leg is aching.I guess this means Im slipping or that I had a gd workout. Remember the 3 stages of pain? stage 1: Shiok Pain, Stage 2: Irritating Pain and Stage 3: Bui Tahan Pain. today is smack of stage 2 and 3. If I can do it again before I get to stage 3, my stage 3 will be cancelled out and Id go back to stage 1. According to Super Size Me, theres a 3 day hump. for smokers, theres a theory that if you can et past the 1st 3 days of not smoking, You'll be fine. Sooo....its quite like..the 3 stages..which coincidentally...takes 3 days to get to stage3. Of course...the 4th day might still be at stage 3..and the 5th and 6th hahaha untilt he next week hahaha but as i learnt in Aikido...byt he end oft he month...your body gets soo conditioned that you wont have to go through the stages anymore.

My hands are itching now...after watching Something's Gotta Give...I feel like writing a play! some comedic love story... was doing a this small short film that my ex and I were fantaciszing abt doing before we got together hahaha but it was all doen in pencil and will continue to be in pencil because Ive exhausted my ideas on it. In fact...best not to touch it anymroe..although I do have the whole story down :) As we had said it wud be hahaha Butthis time..I wanna do something on my own. :/ Chances are it wudnt be very interesting and funny like this short film...but I have this urge to ....write abt some other person's love story..I guess. some love story that Id hoped for hahaha dream ending? Fairy tale? Wel...You'd be surprised at how much emotoinal torture Id make the chracters go through in my kind of fairy tale hahahaha ohh abt 3-4climaxes? hahahaha watever! Some time when I have it...time I mean. But like the show (Somethings Gotta Give) the writer writes abt things that she's never felt before..in her life! But yet, can do it soo well....same for my songs man. And when she gets hurt, she pours them out onto paper...like grabbing hold of the pool ...or bag of emotions and squeezing out every drop of it...making use of every drop of it to write a fabulous play! Yet..trust me when I say that...experieince can sometimes...be sooooo hard to grab hold of and utilize...you sorta have to stop crying (if ur sad) and be the 3rd person and stretch ur hands out and grab it by the neck...so...takes training hahahaha...I dont quite know what Im saying hahahha let me rephrase....you have to be the 3rd person...to observe yourself and use what you see to be gain inspiration...instead of being taken over by your emotions..thus never being able to cathc every single detail of your experiences...yeah...cant explain any further...

okay time check...6pm..and IM sleepy...wanna sleep before dinner hehehehe tok to you guys later. :P

LOVE

manah manah du du dududu

At my auntie's place. a whole lot of visiting man but its all good.

Showed my grandpa his picture today..the same pic Ive decided to set as my hp wallpaper now...he was impresed hahah Ia sked him if the guy in the picture was gd looking...he gave me a thumbs up! Hahahaha

I saw forewarnings of an upcoming sick me....feel a almost undetectable discomfort in my tummy and an inner heat in me. Sooo Im hoping that I dont get sick tom coz If I do, i also means that I cant do my report...also emans wasted time... :( After watching SuperSize Me again today, Ive made a small decision to play basketball tomorrow even though I havnt recovered from my basketball session 2 days ago. In fact, my left leg is aching.I guess this means Im slipping or that I had a gd workout. Remember the 3 stages of pain? stage 1: Shiok Pain, Stage 2: Irritating Pain and Stage 3: Bui Tahan Pain. today is smack of stage 2 and 3. If I can do it again before I get to stage 3, my stage 3 will be cancelled out and Id go back to stage 1. According to Super Size Me, theres a 3 day hump. for smokers, theres a theory that if you can et past the 1st 3 days of not smoking, You'll be fine. Sooo....its quite like..the 3 stages..which coincidentally...takes 3 days to get to stage3. Of course...the 4th day might still be at stage 3..and the 5th and 6th hahaha untilt he next week hahaha but as i learnt in Aikido...byt he end oft he month...your body gets soo conditioned that you wont have to go through the stages anymore.

My hands are itching now...after watching Something's Gotta Give...I feel like writing a play! some comedic love story... was doing a this small short film that my ex and I were fantaciszing abt doing before we got together hahaha but it was all doen in pencil and will continue to be in pencil because Ive exhausted my ideas on it. In fact...best not to touch it anymroe..although I do have the whole story down :) As we had said it wud be hahaha Butthis time..I wanna do something on my own. :/ Chances are it wudnt be very interesting and funny like this short film...but I have this urge to ....write abt some other person's love story..I guess. some love story that Id hoped for hahaha dream ending? Fairy tale? Wel...You'd be surprised at how much emotoinal torture Id make the chracters go through in my kind of fairy tale hahahaha ohh abt 3-4climaxes? hahahaha watever! Some time when I have it...time I mean. But like the show (Somethings Gotta Give) the writer writes abt things that she's never felt before..in her life! But yet, can do it soo well....same for my songs man. And when she gets hurt, she pours them out onto paper...like grabbing hold of the pool ...or bag of emotions and squeezing out every drop of it...making use of every drop of it to write a fabulous play! Yet..trust me when I say that...experieince can sometimes...be sooooo hard to grab hold of and utilize...you sorta have to stop crying (if ur sad) and be the 3rd person and stretch ur hands out and grab it by the neck...so...takes training hahahaha...I dont quite know what Im saying hahahha let me rephrase....you have to be the 3rd person...to observe yourself and use what you see to be gain inspiration...instead of being taken over by your emotions..thus never being able to cathc every single detail of your experiences...yeah...cant explain any further...

okay time check...6pm..and IM sleepy...wanna sleep before dinner hehehehe tok to you guys later. :P

LOVE

Wooohhhhhh

A new old discovery: Daddy Yankee. He's latin but calls himself a Yankee? The songs are bloody danceable..as in...RnB club danceable :) Beyonce style :) So Im loving him as well. Jus watched the American Music Awards and I can tell Ive missed sooo many good songs these 2 years. he basically raps in latin hahaha and I can imaginet hem playing this kind in Asoka..in fact..Im sorta certaint hey have a bhangra version of this somewhere hahaha :p Barrino Fino...Gasolina..Yummy!

K so back to the CNY, got to speak to my cousins in America and its quite amazing to hear their voices again! Brings back loads of memories hahaha alot of wrestling involved hahaha :) Makes me wanna earn more money to go and visit them hahah but I need to save up for other things :/ vocal lessons etc...Hey guys! Love you and miss you sooo much!

Heard abt this dispute in my fren's family..quite sad to hear something ilke that at such a celebration. Anyway...it seems ridiculous to me to have such disputes within a family...I guess it always comes up in a abig family...but...shudnt everyone put thigns aside because they're family? I know my sis and I do... but thats just 2 of us... emmm tight situation...
Speaking of family...I tok a pic of my grandpa today and he looks absolutely dashing! Hahaha He's the most cheerful grandpa I know and my heart just melts when i see hm and hug him! :) So is my grandma hahaha in fact both my grnamas...but i love my grandpa the most hehehe sorry ah...wish I cud show him to you :) One day perhaps. :) God keep him healthy...let him keep smiling and never let him cry again....

Hmm starting to think of wat to do after working at SSO...need a break and Im planning to go to the ZOO, sentosa or JB once...ay other ideas? Cant wait...

k gotta go read :)

LOVE

music...my source of emotions...my trip to peace

lets be poetic...jst got my collection of music back and its a lifesaver to have all my music back...
for a split second of listening to some of fav songs...I reminisced..and cud have gotten off the deep edge again if you know what i mean. givent he song, the day and all. But alls okay. I dreamt of something last night...somethign or someone i havnt dreamt of for a long time and i guess teh effect is equatable to seeing him. :) But all will be over in due time. Like I said, I'll give this question unto God.

Chinese New Year breakfast = Nian Gao, carrot cakes! Yummy!

By afternoon, Id be outof the house again and giong to paternal grandma's place..afterwhich, slightly after lunch, I'll mvoe to my mum's side. This year's celebrations is diff...after my auntie died..I guess things can never be the same...

anyway..time to makan. tok to you guys later...rest assured..ur all in my heart rite now. :)

LOVE

...

taknig break from ADHD for alittle chinese new year celebrations. Just came back and am writing a song...have had abit of inspiration but never got to writing anything...but while I started to go online...somethign made me think abt my sistas and how some of them are very happily attached. The good part abt this is that I wasnt sad thinking abt how they have somethign I dont...but more that...Iw as happy coz of the smiles on their faces...I can recall looking at them and going, "Thank you God for answering my prayers..thank you for making them happy." A prayer I made since breaking with my ex..when I felt as if true love doesnt come to those who deserve it...I prayed for the ones I loved and cared for...to find their true love and... :) God answered my prayers. :D

The recent gathering we had together...when everyone cud make it and everyone was having loads of fun, brother-in-laws included...I felt so warm inside..because I cud see all of them smiling and blessed...It brought out the kid in me and without much intiation, I was on an emotional high...I was like the sec 1 kid again...happy and crazy and kiddish...we bought sparklers and played in the field, under the pitch dark sky..my big sista and I running in circles and waving the sparklers around like two 5 yr old kids who have never tried it before.
my other 2 sistas had their partners to play with. We were all past the legal age but we played like kids. My heart swelled seeing how they've found partners who have brought out the kiddish girls in them..something that all of us wud have hidden inside us as we grew older...untilt he right one comes that lets us put our shields down and trust our hearts out...revealing the kids in us that were never lost...just hidden from danger.

I prayed to God today...I said, " God, only you know how I feel now...There are somethign I ask of and hope you grant but something tells me that you wont coz you know that its not good for me. Nevertheless, in my heart, I cant help but pray the same prayers...but God, as Jesus said, let not my will be done...but yours. If its not somethign you approve of God, let me not attain it. least I fall again...dont answer my persistant prayer if you know that it woudl only lead me to drift from you..." Coz eventually..when the time comes...only you can save me...

LOVE

BTW...

Sorry guys if my entries are left aligned..making it bloody messy..and if my typing is sooo haywired that some words are typed wrongly..my bad really..I'll try to adopt the justified, correct spelling way k. But you know me..I can be quite lazy..and when Im dead tired, I make more mistakes and I close one eye to it... But guess its time for me to practice meticulousness and perfectionism...yadayadayada..to prepare myself for work related writing...so I'll TRY!
Love yah all!

LOVE

STNR???

Feel liek ive lots to say but they've slipped my mind...

For loyalty's sake.I have a topic in my mind that Im sooo itching to write abt but I cant...So I'll have to forgo that...Just wished this fren of mine wud do the right thing...all the best.

Anyway...Been reading on some disorders and realized some very interesting facts...
Disorders like Dyslexia, Dysgraphia (check em urself) and ADD n ADHD (attention deficit disorder/hyperactivity disorder) have somethign in common...symptoms of immature STNR ( Symmetric Tonic Neck Reflex) Its an automatic action bewteen ur upper n lower body that controls all of us when we're babies or infants. When our upper body is straight, the lower body has to be bent..vise versa. Overtime..this control has to be weened off or suppressed..to allows allt he limbs and neck to function independently. The child should gain control of the body instead of the STNR. To accomplish this, babies have to go through exercise..ie: crawling.

Never knew crawling was so impt in a abbay's life but it helps the babay to exercise his control over his own body. The lack of such exercise will result in an immature STNR. Consequences are...that the person will feel uncomfortable sitting in a normal proper sitting position, their body will automatically want to straighten the lower body if the upper body is bent. Alot of discomfort when one is made to sit down properly for a long amnt of time. Even in sports..the mobile coordination is hindered and such, people with immature STNR, tend to dislike certain sports because their condition makes it harder for them to excel in it. Other things include the discomfort in class because of the long length of sittnig down, leading to fidgetting, lack of focus, longer time taken to finish work, seeming hyperactivity, improper posture (slouching, lying on table.

According to the book, its alot easier for these kids to concentrate and do things if they were standing up or lying on the floor..ie: horizontal on floor with head perched on palms of hands and supported by elbows.

The more I look at it, the more I feel like I cud relate. brings back alot of memories of me running around during dinner time, taking hours to finish my food (till now my uncle still rubs it in) refusing to stay in one spot for long during food or work. Eating food super fast if needed...lying on my tummy when watching tv...slouching on my chair during lectures or tutorials and even exams, always shifting my legs or shaking them in classes or NOW, horrible handwriting when I was young...always taking long time to finish my work...never passing up my "bring home" work on time...owing the teacher days of homework...not liking running, falling on my chin when I was young, having a weird walking style...sorta points to all that...lack of meticulousness in detail. I sorta think better on my feet. In fact I crap the most stuff when Im standing in front of someone even on stage...

Its sooo fascinating! if I do have immature STNR, then at least it explains why Im like that...why I get frustrated over the thigns pple can do so easily while I just have to fight to do...I get it! In fact,,,many fo these kids are labelled as unattnetive, heck-care students because they take so long to finish their work. they do, then rest awhile and do and rest awhile...when in actual fact, they just dont feel comfortable...to them, writing is hard labour. somethign even I agree...They try soo hard to keep up with writing regardless, that there is soo much muscle tnesion in their hands byt he time they're done that..they just have to put down the pencil and relax their hands...I had hand cramps when I was doing my A'level GP n geog exams..or even in O'levels...coz you have to write soo much...according tot he book, it takes an immature student 10 times the effort to do a writing assignment than a normal student. NOWONDER I hate written assignments! Id rather to a short answer quiz, mcq etc! whether its typed or written manually.

The analogy here is for eg..gettign a rubber band and stretching it. In a normal person,t he rubber band isnt even stretched coz allt he limbs and the neck can work independently..but in an immature STNR person's case..the body is like a rubber band that stretches if both part os the body is bent or straight. As a rubber band does, it tries to get rid of the tension by going back to its initial unstretched state...*pause* concentration broken by mum's request to brnig over stuff to neighbour's place. Grrrrr..sooooo like an immature STNR person, he will try ways and means to get comfortable and accomplish what they have to do att eh same time. frustration comes when they cant do both at the same time. Thats when kids throw tantrums over their written assignments etc I rememebr wanting to eat ont he bed, or do work on the bed, or study while lying on my tummy..etc...exactly wat i want to do now...lie on my tummy ont he bed and read the rest of the book...haiz...and my leg is shaking...which reminds me abt how when I was young, everytime i tried to keep my feet steady while sitting down, it wud statr to ache...progressive aching..until I cudnt stand it and had to move them...I thought I had rheumatism or arthritis..at a super young age!...damn!

Sooo heres where my attnetion span is stopping...because my mum has been asking me to do this and that that its frustrating to do and come back..noly to lose my train of thought..I bloody hate it!...when my concentration is here, I hate to be disturbed..I hope it hasnt been a boring entry..hope you learn somethign new...as I did...

To all who celebrate Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fa Cai or Gong Hai Fatt Choy!. For those who dont, enjoy the break! Its all the way till tuesday! WoHOOO!

PS: Will read more and get back with more interesting stuff... :)

zzzzzzz

once again..I am bloody tired. is it just me or do I think too much? Why ah? Why do I think so much? Im not paranoid...I dont start from a small paper cut, to gushing blood, to lack of control of arm etc..ala Happy Tree Friends.... I just think too much!

Been reading abit on ADHD or ADD and Im not too sure abt whether I am one to start with...

Went back to sch and met up w a few of my lecturers..really nice people...I can really say that Im blessed to be able to have such friends...one of them is offering me financial support for my workshop and much as I dont need this money...she still insists! Ive never met a sweeter lecturer! Spoke to her abt my dilemma between the workshop n idol and I did hear her opinion on it...To put things short, everyone ive spoken to has their points. But one thing is clear..if they cud, they'd want me to do both. This lecturer of mine is even trying to get me a job! She's done too much for me and I owe her alot...If i cud repay everyone whom has helped me...I cud make a career out of it...coz thats all I can do int he given time... Thanks guys!

Everytime I enter the sch compound, Im overcome by immense nostalgia and I cant help but exclaim that I love sch! I love it so much only coz of how uch Ive done there. Its like Ive been to every corner of the sch! Hahaha

Speaking of which...the next few weeks willb e busy for me...got lots of thigns to finish and just thinking abt it males me break up in cold sweat. Its soo bad that much as Ive planned everything...the amnt of stuff is making me lose track of impt dates and so it sorta feels liek i never planned it to start with. ( I bet ur going, "Huh?!" right now...) yeah get what I mean?

Soo for those of you whom I meeting for the next efw weeks, please do me a favour and remind me and urself...coz theres no way I can remember them now. :) I still love you! hahaha

LOVE

Gong Xi Gong Xi...

Breakfast: Bah Kua n bread

In the office now...lots of spring cleaning to do coz new intern coming in. The tables are in a mess but im not worried coz I've seen worse...my room

In view of the whole chinese new year n Hari Raya Haji..etc...basically holidays n general...I realize that as one grows up, theses celebrations take on a new meaning. As kids, christmas was the season of receiving...so is chinese new year. As I am now, they become the seasons of giving n receiving and the season of getting together. As I grow older, have kids...it'll become the season of giving n no receiving hahaha and season for getting together. Hahaha kk no jokes...In short, celebrations for me have morphed from seasons of receiving, to seasons of getting together. I dont walk into someone's house now and eye the red packets in their pockets. In fact, I look at the house, talk to them and stuff..red packets dont cross my mind till they appear in my hand. And thats good! Coz life isnt all abt money! How childish I was when I was young... All I want now, is to go visitng my grandparents, give them a hug...pray for them...

I know Ive been very selfish for the past year...haiz...sorta makes me wish i cud be pushed into some difficult situation to elt me learn things the hard way...I guess thats the only way for me...

Gonna meet a fren for lunch, then go back to sch...for visiting :)

I know my entries are shorter now coz I seldom do it at home actually..its always during work when I need to rest for 5 mins... Which is good for some people coz my entries have become too long for my own good hahaha And not to mention that my entries have become rough papers of thoughts plucked out from here and there...quite messy I shud think. hahahha

To those whom I love...I still love you hahahha Loooads! Take care of yourselves and we'll meet soon!

LOVE

Voices...I love my sistas

I had loads of fun w my sistas..its been such a long while since all 4 of us are able to get together and have fun and be crazy and today was one of em special days...We acted like pure kids...and I loved it...I really loved being with them and acting silly yet having nothing to worry abt because they know me so well and dont judge me. My sista is leaving soon and Im gonna miss her like crazy...
few days back was the 1 year anniversary of me leaving sch for internship. Not them Im still there...but that its been a year since I stopped going to sch for studies...Missing my classmates alot haha even after 1 year...

I dont know if any of you ever sat down and listened to teh hindustani singing or the song they put for the Anna & The King show (Chow Yun Fatt) The trailer on channel 5 now. beginning part of it while the whole kingdom bows to him. That mountiany voice thingy...dont know what to call it but Im much in loev with it coz its pure display of emotions...its...lack of words yet burst of emotion...I just dont know how to describe it but its lead me to think that the most amazing type of singing is those that are set before song came with words...or sung by people from rural areas..hmm...nvm

anyway..i gonna stop here coz I know Im dying....lack of sleep...k tc

LOVE

Haaaaiiiiiiizzzzzzzz

No its not that Im sleepy....its not that Im tired....Its that Im stuck....Im stuck between option A & B...Registered my name for Radio workshop and Im excited about it...but according to my colleagues frens who have done it, its not as good as how its made out to be...At the same time, My boss is trying to persuade me to go for Spore Idol...an option I was open to but that clashed w my workshop...
My boss's explanation:
The radio Acadamy isnt how its made to be...you have very little chance of getting a dj job from that, the Idol contest could help you open doors to other things and besides...you sing better than you host...
Im stumped...wish i had one of those voting things to find out what you guys think actually...the thing thats stopping me from going is the amnt of publicity...the fact that id have to trim my eyebrows from now on and my dressing wud have to change. :( Not something i like to do really...But everyone who knows me...knows I LOVe singing! I love to sing and to make people sing and write songs! But I also love the way I am and thats impt to me cozz...If I cant be the way I am...how can I live my life?
My colleagues are right and yet I also know that Id love to do radio as well...so do I or do I not go for it?....haiz. I wish I had joined a vocal class somewhere that cud help me with my singing...

God, please show me the way...Im torn between both and I know the pros n cons for both...You know that I have soo many things I wanna do...maybe its the worldly me talking...thats why I want to know what is right in your eyes...Please show me the way in case I walk the wrong path and end up in a dead end (on both meanings)

LOVE

Sacrifice

Through much reading...i can say that my fav part of the bible is John...I used to think then Men in its entirety, was stupid and evil to let Jesus die on the cross. I thought that of all the people who saw His works and miracles and worshipped Him and were healed by Him...none of them turned up to defend Him when He was judged. Judas Iscariot was one big asshole to betray Jesus....But as I read recently...I realized that...God had a part to play in this. For 1 matter, If I was in the same situation...I know that I wudnt be brave enough to defend Him...much as I believe in Him...In fact..I wish I was born in those times coz then Id be able to see Jesus in person! To see Him heal a dead man..etc... for the 2nd matter, Im sure God had hardened Men's hearts..and made them cheer in unison to prosecute Jesus. To it really wasnt that Jesus was betrayed....but that he literally threw Himself in the fire. Jesus could have done many miracles to save Himself. He could have prevented the Himself from being caught...but He let himself be caught...He chose Judas to betray Him....He made sure the people's hearts were hardened so that He would die. He literally paved a pathway to the fire pit since He was born!
So that He could die for our sins...Maybe His 2 main purposes of being born...is to die for our sins...and showing people the works of God ( glorifying God)
Im sooo blessed...

Its thurs and Im gearing up for tom! Had my 1st taste of Bah Kua this year and its starting to feel like Chinese New Year. :)

K time to work...feel sluggish but I better perk myself up...

LOVE

0_0 !!!!!!

Did i mention that I have new injuries? They're not visible to the human eye..infact...its not that its painful...just that I had a few accidents during my aikido lessons...
1) folded my toe under my foot...
2)someone stepped on my fingers
3) Banged my head against someone's heel when I was falling
4) usual rolling stuff

but rest assured! I have no additinoal blueblacks! or...love bites as my colleague wud say...bitten by King Kong!

Just finished watching American Idol and its appalling how people can be so drowned in the fact that they are good! To all aspiring singers out there, dont believe a compliment util its given by someone who's worth his comments! Like Simon Cowell!! Not even randy or Paula is a good enough judge coz its programmed that way! If we had 3 judges who were true in their word, they'd be pissing alot of the contestants off! Then who wud wanna join it next time? Im sooo shocked by Rhonetta (im sure you can find smething abt her ont he net) Who thinks she's high and mighty and can top JLo or Whitney off. Well my dear, you can top JLo off anytime with that front chest and butt of yours! You'll be famous alright! For teh wrong Bloody reason!!! Why cant you get it! Stop getting mad with everybody who thinks you're bad at singing (which is true) Just take a look at the mirror and see how much you resemble a Wh^&*! Esp when you do a one-liner and expect people to be bowled over! Dont be a DIVA! You're not! And I have the biggest hunch that your psychic frens are either really good frens of yours that they dont wanna hurt you, or that they're tone deaf and blind...Either that..you paid them a helluva lot of money!
Quite honestly...I still like William Hung..not that he's a gd singer or anything...but that he's down to earth and realistic and ABOVE ALL humble!

Been thinking of joining Spore Idol and havnt really told anyone abt it coz I havnt decided whether to go. Thankfully God has a way of shifting things to let me make a decision...I have radio workshop till 12...which makes it abit ridiculous for me to travel to wherever the audition place is...doesnt make sense...So I stick to my radio..In fact..coz of the workshop, I pushed my hosting event away and this.

Been thinking abt my fren's business....Theres such a big mess involved that if I was my fren, id probably have to kill someone. I know its really hard to work w frens and stay frens and its really hard to have everyone be as "on your toes" as you. Makes me wish I was there with all of them man..make them air out their opinion..and throw the ball around...(though a ball wud be very dangerous to have right now) The business idea is fantastic but I somehow feel as if they are taking things abit too fast....ive learnt my lessons from my frens...I dont wanna say or state anything..dont wanna give opinions coz I only see one side of the coin...my fren's side...but I do wanna be there to see whatt he other side looks like...

Just borrowed some books on ADD n ADHD...Dyslexia n stuff. Not that I think Im all of em...but I wanna find out more...Hav always been curious abt all this actually...Thanks to Torey Hayden.
Hoping to get her new book but we'll wait and see for a cheaper version.

I know I have alot more thoguths in my head...but for now..ive clean run out of things to write..more like my focus isnt here. Im starting to doubt abt what I can do as a job...if my focus is sooo short...Wat job wud make me wake up int he morning, excited that its a brand new day ...and make me walk out of the house saying, "let's rock this joint!" w gleam in my eyes....maybe a cop? but Im not the fit type... My ex officer from SP emailed me and recommended a job to me..it says the requirement is to have an eye for detail...thats when I stopped reading. Coz I feel as if I cud never tune my eye and mind to scrutinize a page until allt he mistakes are squeezed out and as Ace Ventura says, "exercised the demon". I cant. Id cause myself horrendous stress at not ebign able to point out a single mistake...that I wud hate work....I would hate writing... So much as I am sooooo thankful of my officer's recommendations (she even offered her name as a referral) I cant..esp when her name is on the line. I do not want people to go complaining to her abt my conduct and have a silence between us because she knows she ahs to talk to me abt it but she also knows its a very sensitive topic for me. There you have an eg of how emotional I can be...

God, you know me the best...everything I say or dont say, you know and because of this..you are the one who knows me the best....you know how I work and know what job is best for me. God I can only pray that you will give me this insight as well...that I can see which job I cud work best in...Guide me God.. give me strength and patience and wisdom...help me to persist and keep my mind fixed on improving and getting oevr hurdles...but never..never let me lose sight of you.

LOVE

Wats wrong?

Bruise has gone down by 50%..still looks like someone pinched me very hard... Finshed aikido and still cant roll...
Basically..today was an "attention span= 0" I cud tell that those I was practicing with...just knew I was zoning out. And I honestly cudnt catch myself back...I just cudnt focus! I knew wat was happening in front of me..but my mind was too blank to react! Either that..or I felt like I was watching a movie and everything wasnt real! Wat the hell is wrong w me! Was it that I didnt have energy? But I did! Its as if I had too much energy that I cudnt focus at all! I just felt sooo useless!!!

Through the months of practicing aikido, Ive made a few new frens and its really fun to be practicing with them hahah call me a sadist! hahahaha I admit I usd to watch wrestling when I was young...I supported Hulk Hogan, 123 kid, Shawn Michael, Razor Ramon and Brad Hart. Owen Hart was an idiot! Oh! The Undertaker and Diesel! aka Big Daddy Cool! Hahaha yeah... But back to the topic...feels good to be doing all this hahaha

Im bloody tired now...not physically...mentally...my brain isnt working...its going on hyper that it just doesnt register anything..you know like how...you take a circle, paint it in different colours of the rainbow and spin it on a pencil real quick..you end up seeing only white? Exactly that concept! I know its not good and it isnt the 1st time Ive had such an experience...had it in poly and its sucked! The prob is im not too sure how or why I have this! Maybe it my being too emotinal that automatically switches me off from the world..to give my mind a rest from whats affecting my emotions...maybe its that Im just bored n not want to receive any info...maybe...maybe Im bogged by other things in my life....but...I just dont know which or if its a combo of all or none at all! WWAAAHHHH

All I know..is that its not my ex..its not my lack of energy...

Maybe I do have ADD..on of the symptoms being...lack of attention...only able to sustain attention to things they are REALLy interested in...cant focus..easily distracted..etc... Haiz...
I know this is a self analysis...I know it isnt necessarily true..and if I cud do a real test just to find out if its true..I wud...just makng sure that it doesnt require much payment... Speaking of which...still oew my sis money..my boss money...haiz...Im getting broke...

So now you understand why I get into a mini frenzy of asking you guys something more than once...or...fussing over a date to meet up and require serious confirmation...because I have too many things I need or want to do that my mind is blank! So I really hope u guys understand if I get frustrated over a supposed meeting and a last min cancellation...one of my pet peeves... Really cant take that...

K will stop here..my fav hobby now is to pig out ont he sofa and read a book...

LOVE

ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder

I had a sneaknig suspisciont hat I had ADD... here are the symptoms...

The ADD adult may have the same challenges as the ADD child with the main difference being that adults have more sophisticated coping mechanisms than children. Behaviors may include: difficulty staying organized, difficulty finishing a task, procrastination, trouble maintaining relationships or controlling their moods, very impulsive, poor financial management, etc. Once adult add is diagnosed, physicians often prescribe antidepressant medication, like Prozac, and if that is ineffective, stimulant drugs likely will be tried. It is very important to understand that the attention deficit disorder adults can successfully reduce or eliminate their symptoms naturally by incorporating diet, exercise and lifestyle modifications.

Sound like me? did a test and my scores are toppng the charts...the minimum no of questions that I rate as 3 or more...is 20. I had 53. wtf...

According to my own diagnosis from online tests..I seem to have ADD. But to better diagnose..I need a real doctor!

K im dead sleepy now...

LOVE

money...

K just paid my sis $42 that for phone bill (accumulation of 2 months) still owe her $30...This $42 that i had drawn less than an hour ago...I honestly feel my money draining away...shit...from 24..to 23 again...my wallet is empty...
not to mention having to pay for my radio workshop...$280. sadly..all this will be paid out of my own pocket...I feel the pressures of all these worldly posessions...Think I really need a way to earn more money. By the time I start working full-time...Id have to pay for all my insurances and its not gonna be a funny matter...a few hundred per month? How am I gonna be so much money? How am I gonna save money for my studies next time? Please dont tellm e to ask from my parents or aunties or uncles or sis. id rather not depend on their money...Im just nott hat kind of person...

Spoke to my boss...even she can tellt hat something's amiss for the past 2 months but much as I try..I just cant explain myself...All I know is that..Im so dissappointed in myself. There has got to be a better way for me to work so that I do a better job! BTW..it just dawned on me on whether Im sick or not...do I have ADD?/
anmother time then.

LOVE

Is there no space for frenship?

Ive been thinking of this ever since I can remember being frens w the opp sex. I ALWAYS thought that guys n gals can be best of platonic frens and I still believe so...Just that now I also believe that this business is as delicate as conducting a high-risk surgery...the line is as thin as the thinnest nerve...I guess wat really sparked this thoguth again is how I cant bring myself to be frens w my ex again...very delicate n nerve-wrecking procedure...40% success rate in this case.
Once crossed...can prove deadly to a frenship...it is instantly killed and takes years to regain it...like physiotherapy..requires pain and constant practice and training...

Hmm I still believe that guys n gals can be frens...just have to practice walking on a tightrope...take care guys..have a prob now..gotta handle it...

LOVE

Cars cars cars...

Nvr thought Id have to think so much abt cars..nvr thought id have to do research on it...but looks like I have to. Looks like I have to ask around and find out more abt COE, RainX..etc...I am excited abt doing all this...but Im not to sure how long my excitement will last. Nvrtheless, I'll continue w the research and work...no harm with knowing more rite? Unless it can kill...

Im soo packed these days that Im starting to wonder if Im missing out dates on my organiser...too many dates...too many places...too many things to do..errands to run...But you know what...I guess its the thrill...the thrill of rushing around, knowing you have an aim to accomplish...If im supposed to meet you, please let me know...maybe I forgot. :/ My newest sidekick...the one thing I can nvr leave the house without...my organiser. Aside from which are the standard necessities...

K its tme to get cracking..feel loads better just writing :)
Btw...new happening local band...Lunarin. Keep watch man! Bloody good vocalist!

LOVE

balance

How do you balance family, work n social life? How can I squeeze everything in a week and manage to go home for dinner? I know I shud go home more often...but...hwo do I do allt hat when I have sooo much I wanna do? I wanna go vocal lessons, aikido, be in a band, help w the car wash business...meet up w frens...how do I do all that? Its really not that I dont love my relatives...its just that going home to be..is like succumbing to four walls again..for me...going home means...Im not gonna come out for the rest of the day! How do you balance all this and still be a family oriented person? Cant I do all i want for the 1st few years then after experiencing all this, go back to living a normal life?...

My aunt had a talk w me yesterday abt relationships....I guess they all have the perceptiont hat Im anti-chinese guys and only have my eyes on indians...truth is...Im okay w both...I like indian guys coz they look better..they are more "in-shape" than chinese guys...to be frank..chinese guys are losing their style...My auntie actually suggested that i try whites too! As in eurasians..etc...to my surprise...All I can say is...let God lead the way...

Met w my frens...my sistas...and we went to SPGG...my big sista is going away in feb and Im planning to organise as many gatherings as I can for her...before she leaves. We were joking today abt how she hates me hha and she said that I really wanted her to leave fast. Just pure kiddish bickering w a smile on our faces but liek she said later, "I cudnt bear to let her go just like that..." Its true...Likewise for all my sistas...

Theres just soo much I wanna do1 I never had the chance to do when I was younger and now that I can do it..I want to! Or I'll never get to do it! Esp if I start working full-time....So does this eman..I will never be able to live life to the fullest? I had a lecturer who worked in all types of jobs, lives in spore alone, had a traumatic lifestyle, travels etc...he's gone throgh alot but..he's also lives life to the max...I nkow int eh spiritual sense its not the case...but...He's gone to almost every place int he world..including nepal, africa...will I ever be able to go to Japan? Korea? India? Will I ever be able to go to Sri Lanka, Cambodia, Africa...too see for myself..how the conditions are like there? Instead of watching National Geographic...What do I sacrifice..when my spirit of adventure is soo strong that I cud weep at night...for the sure idea that my life wud follow the track most followed...

Saw this gig at esplanade and the lead singer (female) is damn hot! And she has a very unique, irish, ala Cranberries..WOW! Ive found inspiration! I was sooo blown away by her voice that...I sounded like a pure lesbian! hahaha Ont eh way home..was talking to my bro and we started to talk abt his criteria for girls hahaha He's a very good guy and I hope he finds a girlt hat can treat him well. If she doesnt, she'll get shelling from me. His criteria is like any person's criteria but slightly more hahha but I guess after listening to all that...Im quite excited to see whot eh girl wud be hahaha and how she will treat him hahaha. She hasnt materialized n his ilfe yet...but when she does, Id be the happiest for my bro hahahaha Coz finally someone will be able to sayang this thambi of mine hahaha. Likewise for all my siblings. :) I hope they find gd partners...Im very happy that my closest sistas have their own prtners now and its really very enjoyable to see my big sistas bickering w her bf hahahaha wat a lovable couple! Hahaha Makes me proud! hahahaha Soo back to the topic...I hope my bro's future gf comes soon...knowing him as a person who doesnt get into a relationshp easily...this girl shud be the one..as he will think and I will be there to see if its true...

As for me...hahaha I dont have to name my criteria coz all my frens know hahah Im such an open book when it comes to all this relationshp stuff that...I dont have to state anything! hahaha If and when my sistas or bros see someone whom they think wud fit me...hahahah Im pretty sure they are rite hahah..if not...not too far from the mark hahaha In fact...if anyone reads my blog from beginning to end...they wud know me very well...they wud know my likes n dislikes and predict how I wud react to a situation? hahaha If Iw as boliao enough...id start asking my frens on what they think my criteria is hahahaah Anyone willing to guess? hahahaha

KK enough crapping...last thing on the blogging list..before my fingers malfunction and start typing gibberish...my fav indian songs now! hahahahah Just a list of songs that are indian and are bloody good to dance to! Quite! Take out that pen and paper and note it down. get a copy of em (how you get it isnt my prob) and you will know what I mean! Hahahaha
1) Thee Pidikka
2) Dhoom Dhoom
3) Dheere
4) Vaseegara
5) Ek Peridesi Mera Dil
6) Dus Bahane
7) Ghar Jayegi (more indian than the rest)

Do a search on each and I guarantee that you will be able to find em!

LOVE

God....you really know how to get me going...

Todays event was great! We had loads of fun and tried to get the crowd going. My junior (poor boy whom I hope I didnt scare) Was good and I guess he and I just cooperated. :) Had a nice meet up w pearly n james we joked and stuff....But there was someone that I didnt expect to see...my ex.
I just bumped into him along the bridge to the CCA block and he was with one of my malay juniors. Well...I wish him well coz I know how close they are..and who knows! She might just like him! I wudnt be surprised! But I think you all wud know by now that the after math of meeting him..caused me quite abit of emotion. I didnt cry... dont worry...Its just that seeing him is like opening a bk that I tried to hide int eh cupboard..or behind my cupboard....Yes...I do love him loads....but I also know that...no matter how much I do...wats gone is gone...its a real pity...but its true...I'll have to swallow and grit and move on. But you know what the irony is? In the previous entry..I did talk abt my ex n my junior and how God is getting me slowly adapted to seeing him again. Lo n Behold, I did see him! God has a way of making things happen! I wasnt ready... I did strike up a conversation w him, I did talk to him abt his grandpa and asked if he was ok...but that was all. I left...I know alot of you wud be asking if I feel extra sad seing him and this girl Not that they were holding hands or wat...but to sayt he truth...I was sad...jealous...maybe...but yeah..wat can I do? wat shud I do? Let it go! Its not a new idea I thought of...its always been in my head...ust that my heart wudnt accept it.
You'd know by now...I use more heart than head to think..abt the same as how alof men use their hearts or Ehmms more than their heads. But after what happened between us...when it comes to relationships or etc..its the head that leads now...Anyway..God, thank you for bringing me this far..thank you for givng me the strength to try...
Btw, also got introed to my bro's malay fren (ie: the one who saw me before Asoka) answer? No.
You know..i rememebr my sista saying that she never liked getting into a relationship w frens because if something bad happens...its hard to be frens again. My boss has proven this theory wrong and tells me abt all the stories of ehr life and I cud just listen to her in awe! because givent eh same circumtances..i can only stay away from the idiots for life! Not that I want too..but coz Id feel too hurt to face them! Like my ex! What hurts me the MOST...is that after allt hat has happened...I have lost my bestest best bro as well! I cant face my bestest best bro anymore! Im ont he verge of losing on of my most valued frens! The me who thought I cud handle any relationship and walk out of it with the clear shrug of a shoulder and a clear utter of "F*(& it!"....is unable to get over this... and I seriously PRAY that none of those I love have to go through the same thing....but they do...

I wish I cud pick upt he phone right now and call my bestest best bro now and talk to him and tell him all I feel...I wish I cud do all that right now! ButI cant...I just cant...

So I can only proclaim that im a hypocrite (ur rite my fren) Im a bloody hypocrite...

God, I have no courage to tell him all this. I have no courage at all to face him alone in person...but i hope he knows that regardless of all....I still treat him as my bestest best bro...I still do!...I hope he knows...

You need to go through the pressing...to become something beautiful...you need to go through the heating to turn into a diamond...right now...Im going through all this..so that in years to come..I can be better...and maybe out there...someone...I'll let God decide...

LOVE

Wohoo!

Cant wait for tomorrow! I will not fumble! I will not fumble! Its so good to be meeting old frens again! :) Anyway..looks like I gotta be out of the house by 8... :( compere compere until 1... go down to SPGG to give in the invitation list...head home....need tog et work done...

Today was dead packed but very fun. I had a long chat w my boss and it was more of her consoling me...The way I look ta it now..I just feel as if I wud never succeed in the working world..due to my lack of detail and slow working mind...exactly wat talents do I have?...

I know that when my SSO thingy stops...I'll take a few days off to think myself through..just hope I know how...

Anyway..my back is okay guys..my arms is still bruised but its okay...

Till I figure out what to do...I dont think Id be writing anythign constructive...sorry for that...Im just one of those people who think they've got their world figured out..only to have something go wrong and they know its was their own fault. I wudnt feelt hat bad if I had only myself to suffer for it. The prob is that I making other people suffer and thats what I hate abt myself..making people suffer...tahst wat tips me off the balance...

Soo...gonna stop here... :/ Take care...

LOVE

Emmm...

A gd n bad day...I just did the biggest boo boo in my whole life and I cud dig a hole and hide my head for eternity...Im really apologetic and yet Im soo glad that of all places that I learnt this mistake...its in the company i work at now. Im glad my boss is an understnading n highly tolerant person...it honestly something that I cud forfeit my pay for...I forever indebted to my boss, my big big boss and the company n general... thanks..it is an excellent learning ground...sobs

I have to change my ways...I have to change....If I cud make a temporary tattoo that goes, "What you doing?!?!" and paste it on my arm...I might just do that...My boss says that I have the heart and alot of talents...but I just dont use it int he right places...quite honestly..I dont really know em...I dont know what Im good at..or whether Im really good at them..or is it just some bias opinion from a fren...

anyway..boss's orders...cheer up, change ur pessimistic ways, get your thoughts right...I'll try...II'll change... :/

Got a call from my fren...he's letting me host an event tom. Im not gonna get paid but Im gonna get a chance to host w one of my juniors. :) Gonna see Chanel, silver n kelly too so its quite cool for me hahaha Coincidentally, this junior is an exact replica of my ex so right out front now, ive got one thign to say, "SHIT!" Hahaha Pity he's too young for me hahaha But I know this is a test for me..from God. He wants to see how I fare in a situation where I meet up w my ex again and to prevent me from suffering too much, He decides to give me a smaller version of him hahahah If i can tahan my junior, Im on my way to tahan my ex. Hahahaha Yes my junior is quite cute hahaha but dont tell him I said that hahah He'll get scared of me!
Im just sooo bloody excited abt the event hahaha I wanna conquer the event man! Hahahaha God, I know you're watching :) Let me learn my lessons these 2 days. Help me to improve God..help me to learn what you want me to learn.

Today is a tough day...very tough day...it needs to be etched in my mind...

Ive got that feeling...

ever felt like you were literally sinking down, after hearing bad news? Not gonna say what bad news it is but lets say Im still sinking...sorta wish i cud turn time around...

Been thinking for a long while...whether Id really fit in the working world...and if not...why I became like that and how can i effectively change it? sigh... I think I need to come up w a list of my bad points and try to remember them...then change them....

identity?

K so I just finished watching American Idol...Extremely funny but wicked funny coz I am just too amused by those that cant sing but think they do1. Sigh..Im sad... The reason why Im not joining this contest is because I know God doesnt want me to stoop so low. Im supposed to use my Voice to glorify God..not get lost in fame n fortune and publicity....conscience basically. but I do love singing :) Reshmonu....slurp hehehehe

Went to Chinatown after work and I honestly feel abit uneasy man! hahahaha If I can feel so uneasy within my own race, wat more when I go to places liek Little India? Anyway, got some chinese new year good stuff for the stagehands coz they pamper me lah hahaha esp uncle Marican hahaha Im more impressed by the factt hat some indian or malay people are shopping there. I mean..it wud make sense coz theres loads of stuff to buy and probably abit cheaper? But..its quite scary man! I admire their courage. Im sure alot fo chinese think Im like Ang Moh pai chinese hahaha (westernized chinese)

few days or weeks back, I was travelling around the CBD area and was amazed by some of the olden day houses there and quite suddenly..I made a decision to take one day to walk around this area again..from dhoby ghaut to to tanjong pagar area :) Exercise plus fun! Well...my version of fun. Gonna do that for Chinatown too, and little india or bugis area. nothing but water, wallet, mps player and map hahahaha (in case) Any takers to join me?
Also planning to go to the zoo next month coz one of my bros hasnt had the chance to go in yet and he being a malaysian..was making a fuss when his best frens went to Night Safari without him hahahah He complained like a kid (in addition to the fact that he had just woken up from a nap that was 3 days overdue) Well...thats my (bro) thambi and so me being the sista (akka), will have to do something abt that. Also plan to go JB next month too :) With his valuable help. Seems abit ambitious for someone with a dwindling bank accnt hahaha (Im refering to me) Also! A plan to go to sentosa! Wohoo! To bask under the sun! To sit byt he beach and zone out n write songs n write diary entries and clear my dirty, congested and tired mind...k scratch dirty.

Im hoping you guys are all doing fine...bit worried abt one of my bros who's grandpa died beginning this month...I nkow this bro too well and he's a bloody emotional guy much as he doesnt show it...Praying for him and his family..He's suffered too much..too much. Take care bro...

My emotional well being? Easily "piss-off"able, easily irritated...but I know Im not right to be like that...my thing abt my ex..is slowly dwindling..now that i dont hear from him at all. if this carries on, I might graduate from being the love-lost and confused idiot..to someone who is victorious. :) God guide me. Everythign is running along like life...

K Ive enough to say abt life now. Take care to all whom I love...you know who you are!

LOVE

deep in thought

Ustad Sharafat Khan...highly accomplished sitar player..knows the flute, table, veena and sarod...dont ask me what these instruments are..they are not from a nromal orchestra thats for sure...but I wud love to learn hindustani vocals from him...just to see how it is to be able to sing like them...He resides in spore i heard and I hope to see him in one of the deepavali esplanade outdoor performances gigs..or even in a concert. Given enough money, i wudnt mind attending his concert...Im highly impressed. Btw, a sitar is like a guitar only...a hell of alot more strings man! Indian music is a mystery...a miracle..chinese music is as well! Hahaha I have no idea how people can play the Guzhen like that..like flicking a slender stick at strings! or is that...emm not sure the exact name..maybe thats another one that you pluck w ur fingers..both are tough...

Speaking of indian...my good fren, bro, is going back to India tom coz his bro is very sick and Im praying that he and his family are able to get past this time...pray for his family as well please...

K prob for now...to get hold of a laptop to work on...dont fancy being stuck at home to do my work so Im praying for a laptop that can drop out of the sky for me to use hehehe That way I can work wherever I am....all I need in it is a good media player, usb point, adaptor etc..basic stuff..dont even need the net man! Please God? Pretty please? Hahaha k just kidding...I wont plead with God on such a trivial things! But I sorta know that regardless of my lack of praying or pleading of it...I willge tthis prob solved coz God has heard my desires even before my mouth uttereth the words :) Soo...any ideas? Hehehehe

Im so happy with my plans to celebrate my sista's birthday n farewell...really gonna miss her and givent he time fo the month...I guess I wud be abit more emotional hahaha Anyone know a nice quiet spot...a nice DECENT quiet spot for a handfull of people? Let me know...planning my sista's birthday. :P I smsed her and asked her how she wanted to celebrate her birthday...she said she wanted a place of our own (a nice quiet decent place), games to bond and a video recording of all of us. A simple request that has not only got me stumbled...but got my heart melting... Really man! What would you want to bring abroad if you were to go away for a long while? Id stuff my sistas & bros into my suitcase, my stuff teddy (whitie who's not so white but still smells of me hahaha), all my pics, my music, my clothes and my family in my handcarry. If I cud only get hold of the shrinking machine in "Honey I Shrunk The Kids" But really...I wud get a video of those I loved..burn it into a DVD (note that its aa DVD) and all hard n soft copy of my pics...will tell you what I wanted to do when my maid left me. yes its maid..not mind!
But for now..lets do something interesting...you dont have to reply if you dont want to..can email me later or wat. my email doesnt change...K! Scenario: You're in an air balloon..you've got everything you want to bring abroad with you but its too heavy...out of the following..which are the 1st 3 things ud throw out of the air balloon 1st?
1) clothes
2) CDS
3) VCDS (personal /movies etc)
4) Books (diaries/ yearbks/storybooks/mags)
5) Photos
6) Money
7) Food
8) Others
Maybe you have a variation to it..like..throw all bks except bible n diaries..or throw away all my small change n leave the big notes..etc

Interestng thought...what i might view as precious..cud be rubbish to you. Wud you throw away your stamp collection? If you took ages to get them together? Hmmm Maybe a nerd wud rather part w his underwear than part with his encyclopedia. Funny thought huh...

Me?

Id throw away my bks (except diaries, bible, address book and songwriting bk), my clothes (except 2 sets and a jacket), all movie VCDS. Allt he rest Id rather keep..including whitie. if I had to choose only one object..it wud be...the bible... If God so willing, Id have the ability to rememebr the looks and voice of my loved ones..and the songs...but without the bible..I wud lose God to hold on to. Hmmm God forbid that I get senile...but by then Id be so forgetful that I wud forget to feel sad or depressed! Sad huh...but heaven knows how many people out there go through this shit....esp those in war-stricken areas..constantly on the run to a safer place...

LOVE

morning blogging

Having the heaviset breakfast Ive had in a long time :) BUrger King! King of breakfasts! All Hail!!! beige fluffy bread tanned to perfection, with layers of bright yellow and juicy egg, a layer of melting cheese, fresh orangy layer of tomato slices and lettuce..YUMMY! Top it with a hot bag of round nicely done harsh browns and a small carton of milk! Wohooo Im satisfied!

One of the percussionist used the term bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on me hahaha ie: how energized I was int he morn...Am I? Im gonna fall asleep soon! In fact allt hats stopping me from going into lala land, is music! Ive established a routine..to read the bible every morning to work... :) I know its not enough...but its a start? hehehe

K time to go...cant wait for sat! :)

LOVE

...

The blue black has spread (technically supposed to be good news) But I now look like an abused girl..abused by dad or boyfriend. Like someone really didnt want me to go anywhere so grabbed my arm..or some King Kong tried to pinch me...yep...worse than Bala's bite hahahah sounds wildly funny hahah but it wudnt be if he finds out that I said this. :/

My abs are hurting and its probably coz of aikido as well but..also from the amount of laughing I did today. Long story short..I had fun.

Have loads of plans for the next few weeks coz need to get alot of stuff done. :/ Go auntie's place to get camera....get chinese new year good stuff for uncle Marican...meet up with sistas...pay for Radio workshop..seems like I have to go there personally :/ Thanks to me not having a credit card or debit card.

Got home and watched American Idol and everything just felt sooooo wrong! Can I do better? Cant guarante but Im soo hoping to hear Chanel sing this sat man! I like her as a person and Im damn glad that I get to meet up w her again...maybe shud get her signature huh hahahah Lotsa plans for this sat wohooo!

K my entries arew choppy today coz I dnt have a BIG topic to talk abt. No philosphies coz Ive temporarily run out of brain power..no brain power watsoever...eerything lost...lost inspiration...will to write songs...just feel like reading a book and sleeping...
I just feel soo congested with things I wanna do that I just cant do anythign now...its like how you try to cramp alot of stuff through a funnell...but you cant..has to go one by one...Im having mental constipation? hahahah like verbal diahorea...BLEUCH bleuch bleuch...

Time is running away from me...

LOVE

0_o again.....*sweat*

Okay breathe.......question....do I have a sign on me that goes, Im desperate for a darker skinned boyfriend? Does my forehead say, " I want an indian bf! Now!" The last i checked the mirror (a minute ago) I didnt see a sign on me anywhere!
It really seems that ive given people the wrong msgs!
My colleague, Uncle Marican (Very nice uncle who pampers me to the max, buys me food etc) spoke to me just now and told me that his wife's distant relative is coming to town. He asks if I want an intro to the guy! The guys a pakistani, working in a jap company in indonesia. Most prob, he's a muslim judging by uncle Marican and his wife's religion...

I truly appreciate Uncle Marican's offer and thoughtfulness hahahah but em...I dont think I wanna dive into that kind of stuff again. I personally like the looks of Pakistanis and indians and ceylonese..etc Fine! I like the looks of darker-skinned people...because htey have clearer features, big eyes etc...not all but most. BUT, Im not desperate for them...its pretty much like how I like to see my sister play certain games but not keen on trying it myself. Once bitten twice shy...I know what its like to love someone of a diff race and so its time to move on to more serious stuff (please dont mistake me for a casual lover or watever k...Im not...Im not some bitch) Hmmm Im quite surprised by the whole experience just now hahahaha

I guess...my theory still stands...the simpler people are the more beautiful ones. like mogolian, african or indian kids...or even israeli...all exotic and God given features. I admire and recognise this gift...And maybe because I wanna know how these people work...how thir lives are diff from mine..how their language is like..etc...just makes me more open to such stuff. :)
Im soo glad I have indian frens who tolerate me hahaha who love me hehehe Im glad I have frens abroad, vietnamese, japanese..etc...

Anyway...thanks Uncle Marican but Im not keen on it :) I'll let God decide on this matter. he knows best.

LOVE

Ommpphhhh!

As you may well have guessed...I am injured...my right side is pretty much sore..my back is pain...and my left arm has such a big bruise that has surpassed the size of any other blue black ive every gotten..including those that my anne (bro in tamil), Bala has caused me. IE: he bit me...
Sooo I am in pain...I figure..or rather..I KNOW that tomorrow will be a very bad day for me..coz allt he aches n pains will come back full force...likewise the day after. As for my rolling..It obvious that I have to practice it...on a softer ground..sorta wish I cud use those high jump landing mats to practice but I dont think I can get to any this time..Coz Ive already graduated from sch...
Its a pity really..coz I really like Aikido! I like to train! I just dont like to get hurt...

As for other thingys...I faxed my application for Radio WOrkshop (did I just mention this int he pervious entry?) Hahaha yeah...bye bye $280...But Im quite excited abt it :)

Bumped into my neighbour..the fella is still smoking...terribly dissappointing lah haiz told him the deal is off hahaha (If you dont get what I mean, refer to past entries) Im quite relieved!

K just finished watching russell peters act. He's a bloody good comedian man! I loev him loads! Anyone watching this has to watch with an open mind. If you're sensitive abt people maknig fun of ur race..You shud skip this guy hahah Esp if you're indian hahaha Im pretty sure he's got plenty of haters man! But seriously..He's so good at ridiculing his own race and others that you just have to laugh! But like Ive always said, the most impt thing is to be able to laugh at your own race! I laugh at mine! But i love the olden day Tang poetry, I love my dialect, cantonese and cantonese songs...I liek those stuff and Im even sad that I dont speak fluent chinese. I liek China, I like chinese tribal people because of their authentic hillsongs etc. Then again, I like all unique cultures... So Im a chinese lover too! But it doesnt mean that Id be like a Man U fan thats so anti-Liverpool that you disregard event he good things abt Liverpool..coz that just makes Man U fans arrogant. I know the bads of the singapore chinese youngsters these days...Im not one of them...doesnt mean Im very good...but Im not one of them. BTW..Man U fans please dont kill me...hahahah
Yet I can say Im pro-indian :) Too many of those I love are indian and Im liking it. :) Of course..I hate the Chi Ko Peh uncles..but they come in all shapes and colours...even maanjens.

K enough of this stuff. :) My back is breaking and Im sleepy...tok to you guys later.

God, thanks for a wonderful day. :) Thanks for allt eh blessings Ive gotten today. Help me keep my mind straight God. :)

LOVE

:)

Just filled in the application form for Radio Workshop and so I can literally feel $280 flying away hahaha but oh well..if its money well spent...

Plans to take a half day and make the payment and finish some stuff etc... But not too sure when. :/Anyway...feeling too lethargic today..absolutely no mood to do work but trying my best to do wat I have to do. Felt better reading the Bible...coz it sorta tells me that God is here to give me strength when I need it. He's here to support me...if only I keep Him in mind.

Got Aikido today...hope I dont break my back again...also gotta paay sch fees today...money...

Hope all of ou are doing okay... :)

LOVE

she show shnappy..shnappy shnappy shnappy...wat bull

K gotta make it snappy coz ive got work to do...yet blogging has now become a ritual to me...

Saw a true act of frenship last night...a true act of love yesterday afternoon...hmm its very rare to see such things now a days.

Was walking arnd during lunch and saw this couple holding hands and the guy was holding the bag. Nothing special at 1st description...but if you look at how old they are...they're at their 70s! And yet they were still close as new lovebirds! Strolling along the path. :) That kind of thing gets me smiling as much as when I see fathers carrying their kids or playing with their kids. :) Truly precious...

The act of frenship was when one of my bros had a proj he needed to finish by today 9am. (Hope its ok) he was lacking stuff to finisht he proj last night and we had to drive around spore to find materials. Note: it was 9pm..almost all shops are closed. His fren drove around the place even in his excessive state of tiredness, ;ack of proper sleep for weeks..etc. His fren drove him to any place he wanted to go, any place thatt hey thought would be open for them to get materials. His fren was supposed to be home earlier but byt he looks of it..he's prob at my bro's place...They must have worked thenight away again to help him w the proj. I dont know how to descrie such loyalty and frenship...only that...I feel ashamed...ashamed I wud hesitate to do such a thing givent he same situation. That I wud consider my ownself before thinking abt whether my fren needs help when obviously he does...utterly ashamed...yet mesmerized by the state of loyalty...I cud tellt hat me being there to try to help...wasnt helping at all. Sorry bro...

Ningology:
Procrastination is the prod of hesitance, is the prod of fear or dislike.
Right now...fear is what I need to overcome...

LOVE

monday again!

wooossaaaahhhhh.....(Bad Boys Movie)

Anyone know where to get a cheap laptop?
Due to the evil hands of technology...I can not do without a computer..or a good one. Can not do without my music too..sigh

gonna go join the radio workshop at 98FM coz its a chance for me to get to know how the radio business is like. Its a whopping $280 but Im pretty sure I cud get the money from somewhere *hint* hehehe Just did up my calender and Im gonna predict that the next 2-3 weeks will be the busiest and inflexible time for me. :/ No gym or trying to swim or cycling for now...back to the virtually unfit me again. In fact..dont know how often I can go for Aikido practice! I do know that I have to continue coz I owe it to myself to learn it well..and I owe it to my sensei and my frens to continue with them until I get a brown or black belt. Wish me luck. Alot of other things I wanna take up man! But i have to learn to be persistent!

No life stories today actually...just gibberish...no valueable advice. So turn back now before you get bored stiff of my nonsense!

BTW, fellow frens, gonna be at SP's Courses & Career Fair to hopefully host for them hehehe Gonna be back tot he good times! Gonna get a chance to interact w the juniors again! Cool Shit! Admission is free so if you guys wanna come n see some performances instead of staring at the TV screen at home, slouching on ur sofa..or staring at e PC screen...or stuck in the toilet w a book..ehmm...then make ur way to Dover and walk in! I'll be at the Auditorium. Cant wait! My hands have miissed the feeling of black plastic and my ears have missed the sound of my own voice Wahahahah (ego ego ego) and my feet have missed the feeling of walking on a wooden stage and hearing the footsteps..etc...my eys have missed the glare of the spotlights...my nose..ehmmm k thats enough...im sure you get what I mean. :D

so will stop here..back to work!

LOVE

Sick...

I think stomach flu can be passed rite? Yep...
Feel abit not rite now...didnt puke n stuff so thank God for my health :)

Had a wonderful sermon by pastor today..abot blessings and so Im counting mine now. God has given me too many and its time I picked them up hahaha

K gotta settle my stomach now...ciaos and stay healthy

LOVE

ningadingaling...

Hmm..well thinking back on the last few days..i realized one thing...that..God has given me too many signs...to show that want I might want...wud not be given...for the simple reason...that He doesnt think it's good for me and its not something Ive only just known actually...but something that I never registered in my head...theres a diff...one wud be to know what the reason is and to accept it and act according to it...another is to know the reason yet be unable to act upon it coz the fact just cant sink into you. mine wud be 2nd one...Much as my sister has shared her wonderful testimony on how God literally showed her the way to where she was to work...God has showed me the way on where it is I am not allowed to step in...the past. So here I can noly say that...God, I know what you mean...I only pray that you help me through it...In fact...God has! it is with his help that I have managed to take my mind off certain matters...as they say...what is unseen is more easily forgotten. (K well i think I made it up. But you get what I mean) God has saved me fromt eh agony of seeing and remembering and much as it still hurts...He has given me enough will power to carry it through so far...In fact Iw ud assume that God has thrown in some chi ko peh uncles and malay guy for some spice haha But much as I joke, I can only smile to the sky and say, "God! Are you playing again?"

There has to be a reason why David was so close to God that He could sit in front of Him and talk to Him. And its somethignt o be admired...coz to have such a close relationship with God and beable to talk frankly like a loved one...that is the real talk! I personally dont see what chanting would do coz its not personal..after awhile, it justs becomes a chant. its not somethign you think of there and then and tell Him. I wanna have that! So far..God has been very tolerable to my nonsense!

Been writing more songs lately..trying my absolute best to steer away from sappy heartbroken songs coz Im not a weak, heartbroken, wanna kill myself person. Im a why die for someoneelse who wont die for you person. Sooo been writing more fo that. Sad to say but..my auntie's death and my bro's grandpa's death has given me inspiration...Sooo yah Will show soon...just not in public..coz...copyright.

Soo..time check...2.14am. Got home an hour ago coz helped my sis at ehr office. Its been a bloody tiring day (and Im still here typing) but its been fun. Plans plans plans for tom? Gym in morn...church in afternoon...river raft race in afternoon? Emm dunno..esplanade? Emmwatever it is..work has to be done!

Just raided Raaga.com for Hindi and Tamil music (yes Im a chinese) and got some really good songs to dance to. I figure Imt he onyl one who dances in the train? Okay..maybe not dance per say..but sway tot eh beat? Id be the only head bobbing amongst a train of pple hahaha and I mean..why sulk on a train? I know you're tired..just sleep then...or read a book...I dont know...

K im beat..Im yawning n typing at the same time....mum is raiding the cupboard for stuff she wants to give away (at this unearthly hour) hahahaha wat a weird family!

Last recommendation of the day..emm maybe teh 1st of teh day hahaha
Russell Peters!!! Bloody Good comedian! Meant for people who can take racist jokes with a laugh...K no! More like..for people who can take jokes on other and more imptly..their own race..Its really good! Enjoy!

LOVE

Wohoo! Thank you God!

I received excellent news *punk rock hand sign n scrunged up face*
Had a surprise lunch invite by one of my sistas and it seems she's working nearby. But that itsnt the only good news! She's got a job at her bf's company! How? God gave her the opening.
She didnt wanna take upt he offer at 1st and I can understand why but everything just seemed to lead her there. The other job offered to her, decided at the last minute to take back their offer and the boss at her bf's company was prophetic and regardless of how candid n transparent she was at the interview, God told him to hire her. The working env is good, she's getting on well w her colleagues n etc. :) What can I say! It is really a decision made by God! Which leaves me happy for my sista and happy that God is soo in work w those i love and in my life. It really shows that God can provide you with the right route even when you're not sure where to go. As she described all this to me...I cud imagine a hall way w doors of opportunities and how each door closes as you walk along the corridor...seems bleak isnt it?...but if you look closely...its not that God is closing all your options...He's just closing the doors that He knows will lead you to something less than what you deserve! There is a door at the far distance...the only door that is open...the door He wants you to go through... :) Thanks God.

sorta seems the same way I felt when I 1st got into poly..how God wud close the door on me to go into the U. Only to open a door for me in poly, to open the door (or back door) for me in comperes..and eventually..bring me to where I am today! So while I feel lost now...Im not. coz Im just walking along that corridor...I havnt reached the open door. Or you could say that I have doors open to me right now..I just need to walk through it. :) I am blessed!...WE are blessed! :) *gleaming*

God...let me always keep my eyes open to allt he good things you 've given us. let me not be blinded by superficial things and not see that eveyrhting we have..everything that happens is through your blessing. :) good or bad..it is through your blessing. Even this testimonial of my fren's. It is your way of saying that...though I feel lost...I am not lost...coz You are there. :) I now know what you mean. :)

Lotsa,
LOVE

thoughts thoughts thoughts

1st theory that was thought provoking...was a result of obvious eavesdropping...my colleagues were talking abt religion and this theory put across is..hmmm interesting...
He said that christianity n other denominations are a splinter of teh roman catholics and roman catholics have evidently done some bad things in the past...all of which were done not because of the beliefs...but because of the evilness of the people who run it. But even still..if thst the case..then by default..wudnt christianity n the other denominations be wrong as well?
Hmmm views anyone? I guess id have to say that maybe not all denominations are blindly following int he roman catholic ways. If so, why wud htye have the need to call themselves protestants or methodists or seven day adventists? Why not just call themselves catholics again and join in the fun? maybe some of them realized that roman catholics are not doing it the right way or something..so they were forced to seperate and do thigns the way they believe is good in God's eyes.

Been busy in my mind...anyway back to work.

LOVE

back to work...

1st blooper of the day: Ran out of the house, wrestled my shoes on, wrestled my mp3 player arnd my neck all while in the lift...by the time I got to the ground floor, realized that I was holding the house lock in my hands...DAMN! Went up, locked the house grills and came down again.

Still cant believe what my bro said to me last night but no matter if God suggests we meet, we'll meet again and my bro will intro. In watever case..I still think its a no-hope.

Still have abit of stuff on my head aside from hair n rain...plans for february...emm its like having a jigsaw puzzle with 1000 pieces and not knowing which piece to start with! Of course...solving jigsaw puzzles is easier...start w picking out the pieces that make upt eh side..then divide the rest into the diff colours or textures. Then start piecing the sides together tog et a rough idea of the pic....yeah

anyway..enough gibberish...life must go on...work...

LOVE

Ning Trippin!!!

Ever seen Ning go gaga over something or someone......no? Well wat you're about to see could be disturbing...esp since you probbaly only know the cool side of Ning...
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.Ready? BTW..not for the faint hearted yah
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Oh S%^T!!! He's HOT! Wah Lao! Look at that body man! Wheewww!!!! Damn! Oh Goodness I LOVE THOSE EYES! If he didnt smile so much he'd be even cooler but BLOODY HELL AS IF HE"S NOT COOL ENOUGH!!! K Now he's stuck in my head! WWAAAHHHHH Id give up a trip around the world just to be able to work with him and shake his hand and say hi and BLOODY HELL hear his VOICE! He's SOOOO GD LOOKING! WWAAHHHHH IF I were one of those girls in his MTV, Id faint when he comes over! WWAAHHHHH He's a GENIUS! I dont mind just being his micrphone!!! Or..his STEERWHEEL! DAMN!
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Yes..that was truly disturbing...but not funny....Just so you all know that Ning is a calm, level-headed adult...whatever you just read or imagined is soemtihng that happens to her ONCE IN A LIFETIME. She DOES NOT go gaga over every single good-looking, smooth crooning Malaysian indian boy...in fact..she doesnt go gaga over any other singer besides him, Reshmonu.
This leaves Ning to formally announce and admit that.....when it comes to music...Malaysia is really better than Singapore and thus (as much as this really pains her to say it...stop gloating malaysians)...Malaysia Boleh....YES you heard me! MALAYSIA BOLEH...sigh...It really mpays to be born in malaysia when the music is definitely fused together...while in Singapore..the music is either towards american or british artists....or the chinese, taiwanese and hong kong singers. There is no surviving of the local artists in Singapore...sigh...Malaysia is truly better........I WANNA MEET RESHMONU!!!! WAAHHHHHHH*sobs*

LOVE

0_o....HUH!

Oookkaaayyy it is starting to get scary emmm...

Rememebr the Chi Ko Peh uncles at Asoka? Well told some of my frens that and they suggested that I told them that I only accept young ones hahahaha. Watcha expect me to do? Put up a sign?!?! Hahaha "Old men not applicable!! Go Away!!" My boss even suggested that I cud get a sugar daddy!!! WAHHHHH *sobs* I stopped eating for the split seconds that that thought registered in my head. Sigh That commment was after she exclaimed and laughed hahaha

Anyway..here's the scary part... before Asoka, I went for a dance competition (No I wasnt the one dancing) and after which, my frens and I packed into our frens van (To go to Asoka) While walking over to the van, My bro bumped into his poly frens..in other words...my poly juniors.
Nothing abt those guys stayed in my memory except for the fact that they're from SP, they are my bro's frens, and they won the dance competition ( as always! SMIRK)
But it seems that I was rememebred...one of my bro's frens or his fren's frens is interested in me...a malay boy btw...I got a shock...coz Im chinese, I have a thing for indian guys...but nvr in my life wud I imagine that a malay guy wud be asking my bro abt me! My bro asked me abt what I wanna say to teh guy...I only replied.." wtf!" Am I honored? I guess...but am I game? No not really...Once bitten twice shy...Im not gonna step a nother foot nearer into forbidden religious territory. I honestly dun mind making frens though..really! 0_o"
Anyway..from my bro's sms..seems like this guy wants to "try me out" ....all I can think of at this point is how this guy can make me sound like a cuisine that he hasnt tried and is game to try now. If so, Id say he's entering the wrong restaurant and if he doesnt turn back now..Id kick him out. Im no cuisine...

Anyway...both things happened on the same day and so that sorta makes me go...0_o" alot more... Haiyooo hahahahaha Oddly...its funny! Hahaha Im now interested in finding out exactly who this guy is and how he looks like hahaha but as I said..I'll stick w being frens.

LOVE

clutter clutter clutter2

woke up to a valley of Ning's things. As you may have predicted work is not over. Im at home coz Im quite sick today and looking at all thats around me..is making me sicker. :(

As Ive learnt from my packing...I am a sucker for many things...stationary, postcards, notebooks, books in general...sigh...

my room wil continue to stay in a mess until I die sia..sigh..coz that when everyone will raid my belongings and statr exclaiming why i still keep an age old poster of the backstreet boys hahaha PS: I threw out alot of those posters already k!

K time to rest again.

LOVE

clutter clutter clutter!

My room looks like a refugee camp. Well..my part of the room that is. If you go into it, you can see th einvisible line that my mum has on tha floor..it devides her things from my things. Simply put, she has no things at all while I have alot..sorta seems as if everything has migrated to one side fo the roomto get out of the sun hahaha

Got home late and started to clear my stuff. Loads of junk, past papers..past memories. Threw away alot of my old lecture notes n tutorial notes (hurrah for me!) Anyway..came across a few letters that people wrote to me..cards, wedding cards hahaha :) Yes Im keeping them! Hahaha Emm also found some letters that I wrote when I was at my wits end or nerves end and wanted to send them to my ex..but I never got to putting it in an envelope and sending it. So reminence of the feelinsg I had when I 1st broke up...Im glad Ive gotten this far. :) Why am I keeping em...coz its a memory that is deep. I'll chuck it in my memory trunk with all my other yearbooks, cards, letters (from others etc) postcards etc...:) And my diaries :P

found alot of soft toys that I never knew I had hahaha Some given by someone I cud hardly rememebr whom. I looked at my mum as she watched me pack and said, "next time if I have my own kids..Im not gonna let the relatives get her any soft toys hahaha" Too much of somethign is bad. Lo and behold I rememebr how I cried my eyes red when my dad ordered me to throw my sof toys (6 years old? or older?) I felt like I was putting my soft toys tot he excution line! Like I had to kill them! Then my dad took pity on me and made me choose the few I loved most....I rememebr saying Id like to save all hahahahahaha LIke some Saviour hahaha As usual now, I still hesitate to throw some of them. Coz some of them weer given to me by my loved ones...some had special meanings to it hahahah Especially Whitie! Hahaha If I had a camera, Id show what whitie looks like but unfortunately not. I just found him int eh cupboard today and He's gonna stay out! :D

Soooo more packing to do after this... :( I need a bigger house... I also believe tat if I ever get married, Id demand my own room hahaha Not that I wudnt love my husband hahaha but I believe in sparing the agony of seeing my posessions hahahah I wud never let him throw Whitie away. Also wanna get a display cupboard for all my stuff. My stuff toys will be there on the top shelf and my dear children will be spanked for touching them hahaha especially Whitie. Id get a wall and hang up all my pics or stuff that I hold dear...like the signage my ex did for me that says, "Sweetest Sweet Sister" Hahaha and " What The %*&%(" Which is why my kids will only get to enter that room when they've reached a certain age hahahaha As for my husband..he can decorate his room any way he wants..just as long as he doesnt frame the FHM mag covers or posters and he doesnt have some kinky swim wear calender hahahahaha or Play boy! Wahahaha

My mum wud be soo glad to get me out of the house w my rubbish hahaha The room will be hers and she can have a tv and player n display cupboard fr her own precious figurines. She's a sucker for them hahahaha

K my legs are aching from the standing n squating Ive been doing for the past few hours and due to low blood pressure..I can feel the faint the falling sensation everytime I stand up. But no worries! Ive not fallen yet and sure as hell wont! :)

kk back to work! If i dont egt this done by tongiht..Id be sleeping in a ton of my own junk n dust...Yewk! ...Ciao!

LOVE

....

JUst finished watching Super Size Me. Really seems like everybody is pointing the finger at everybody nd not themselves. Theres no one enemy and it tkaes more than one hand to clap so all of htem shud be sued.

Im still in love with reshmonu but am trying to dab into house n lounge haha soooo unlike me man! But life is like music. You have to try to know if you like something. :)

Speaking of life n music..heres a theory that I believe in! Life is a soundtrack. read it somewhere and instantly agreed to it :) Heres my soundtrack and I believe that alot of people have a soundtrack similar to this :P
PS: The number does not signify how old I am yah
1) Mozart- Eine Kleine Nacht Musik
2) Sesame Street
3) Muppets Opening number
4) Transformers song
5) Teenage mutant ninja turtles song
6) Beauty & the Beast song
7) Little Mermaid song
8) Casper OST - Rememebr me this way by Jordan Hill
9) Pochahontas OST - Colours of The Wind by Vanessa Williams
10) Batman OST - Kiss From A Rose - Seal
11) Escape? by Janet Jackson
12) Run Around - KIX
13) Other 80's songs (too many to list)
14) Promise Me - Beverly Craven
15) Backstreet Boys songs
16) Michael Learns to Rock songs
17) Take That songs
18) Oasis, Blur, british Pop
18) Boys 2 Men
19) Whitney Houston

Byt this time...my taste was so diverse that Ive lost track of which songs were my fav. :P
Interesting huh hahaha Theres alot more that I like but because it didnt pop into my mind..doesnt mean its not something I love.

Another thing I believe is that..in one way of another...everybody I know and love..has contributed to this soundtrack of mine. :) Just to name a few from each stage...

1) Pri Sch
- Ailing - Rememebr Me This Way
- Bus Driver - Run Around - KIX

2) Sec Sch
- Ching - Exercising song by ? (You know what im refering to sista! We sing it till today haha)
- Yan - Songs by Zhang Zhen Yue
- Ling - Jackie Cheung songs

3) JC
- Ei Ei - Linkin Park
- Marcus - Cant rememebr hahaha

4) Poly (The easiest to list)
- Cal - Vaseegara
- Neetz - Love Me - Colin Ray
- My Ex - Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
- Julian - SCLub7
- Adam - Wu Bai songs
- Chris - Vertical Horizon?
- Val- Wonderwall - Ryan Adams n When You're Gone - Cranberries
- Nuurul - Cheeky Girls
- Rad - Peter Pan songs
- Edwin - Reshmonu songs!
- Carol - Liang Jing Ru
- Saad - Matrix OST
and the list goes on hahaha

5) MTV
Shan - Get right Jennifer Lopez
Vyoma - Like a stone - Audioslave
Abigail - Britney spears

6) SSO
Jenny - Candy Shop
Amy - Sam Hui songs
Sher - Tao Tao Aoi Lai (canto song) or David Tao songs

And the list will go on and on till I die hahaha. DOnt ask me abt why they remind me of these songs. I guess for me these are the songs or artists that appear in my mind when I think of them hahahah for many diverse reasons man! Some affected me more..some less but all had an impact :) Which is why Im listening to Jogoya now and Shanghai Lounge. :) In the middle of this mess of music, I realized that the most original music..the most exotic is sung from people who are not boothered by technology..who adapt to the env..people who fuse everything they know into one song..Nithin Sawhney, Reshmonu, Idan Raichel, One Giant Leap, Ar rahman...If a song that is sung by a tongue I dont even understand or doesnt have lyrics at all..can appeal to me..it's a good song..coz it touches the heart...it doesnt need words to get my attention..its like using ur heart to sing? I dont know how to put it man...

Music is the medicine for the heart..it either cools you down..or gets ur heart racing...its the language of the heart and its desires...it has no boundaries...

K enuff of theories n philosophies..I m gonna lie back n relax as I play Jogoya n Shanghai Lounge. :P Cheers!

LOVE

deep discussion

1) Narnia
2) Cycle or Chain reaction

Saw an article on Narnia. About how its related to the bible and I guess there were some areas that I left out but are pretty much related to the bible. which sorta makes me wanna watch the movie again. :) in fact..knowing that CS Lewis is such a strong christian...would lead me to believe that every detail in the movie is related tot he bible in a way. Soo yeah..wanna go see it again. Too much of Gattaca and Beautiful Mind.

another thing that was discussed...was abt life. Is it a cycle or a chain reaction? Given thhese 2 options...which would you choose? I personal came up w a reply: A chain reaction can make up a cycle but a cycle is not a chain reaction. In the overall picture...life is a cycle made up of many many chain reactions. Think about it! I'll explain if you ask me to but not here coz its just too complex to explain in words.

BTW, as of now..my wed n thur evenings are a NO NO for meeting up. Coz my dad has complained for my lack of going home for dinner. So in view of my dad's comment and to show that Im not running away from home...I have to go home earlier on wed n thur. Because of this, Ive also decided to use those 2 days for GYM! :D....which wud be after 9pm. :D U can join if you want but forewarning...dad cud be there. Hahahaha

LOVE

zzzzzzzzzzz...time check...9.39am

It feels more like 4.39am...still feel sleepy..regardless of how I slept at 6pm yesterday...

at the office now and trynig to write abit to getl myself int he mood..before heading to the work...

Still thinking of yesterday and the night before that....really lots of fn but i think...if u ask me to go again soon...id decline...coz i now know how it feels like to fall sick after a long night out. Nope, no alcohol or smoking...but i still feel sick. :/I like the idea of staying out late...but I dont like the idea of doing it solely to go clubbing. id rather have a sleepover...a camp...live music...something less smokey hahahah So the novelty of clubbing is over for me :) I'll just wait for the next special occassion to go to MOS :)

What im actually thinking of from that day...was my fren's gig. Like I said I cant quite put my finger on his band and how they are...still analyzing...still considering... somehow I feel that i cant fit into their band because my voice isnt strong enough. I will kill my voice if I sing in a live band...AND they want me to sing in tamil...which is a challenge id think...hahaha a very fun one but a very scary one hahaha

K i need to start work...today will be a super long day man! take care...

LOVE