Old year, New Year

Last post of the year and I almost feel the need to finish this post before the clock strikes 12. As if the clock would stop me from remembering all I need to say for this year...
Maybe one needs to stop thinking about last year totally to cherish the new year
Anyway while I have the time, this is what I have to say 2012...

The one thing I remember most about 2012 is that my sister got married. To her best friend. And I was there. As a present to her, I sang at her wedding dinner. :) That would be my most prized performance because it doesnt matter where I perform. More importantly it is who it is for.
The rest of the year has been a trial after trial. At times I really felt immobilised by fear and stress but I persisted and while I did not come out a champion of all champions, I came out a winner over my trials.
The times this year where I could feel myself sinking into depression, I reminded myself that I have gone down to my deepest and the Lord will never let me sink any lower.
I also found a church here. While it can never be the same as New Creation Church, it at times reminded me of GOd's love which filled me with hope and strength.
The people I worked with for my productions this year was an extreme from last year and I found friends in those I worked with this year. I dont think I have hated working with any one of them that I worked with this year.
Being away from SG for the longest time in my life, it made me cherish family and friends in SG alot more. Especially family. My relationship with my sister has grown immensely. Thanks to Watsapp and Skype. And our conversations arent just about trivial things but also our parents and each other. This year alone, I recognise just how similar we are at times. I guess my sister's words and actions did rub off on my a fair bit. it isnt just because of her that I think about our parents..but speaking to her made me confirm what I feel about my parents and what I should do. Truly I thank GOd for siblings.
As for my cousins and my niece and nephews, Luke was born this year. Jillian's 3rd child. I regret not seeing these 3 children grow up but Id rather be absent now than be absent later when they are more aware of their surroundings.
Other good news, Alan proposed to Ling, Bryan is in Uni now.
Sithu and Qihua have a son, Deborah gave birth to a son as well. Xiaoran & Alvin are due to have their son born soon.
There is truly many things to be thankful for this year. Alot of which I have no part to contribute in. All done with God's grace.

If there be any regrets this year, it would be that at times, I still let fear and stress get the better of me... it will be a continuous fight. Every fight I win, is another step forward...
Also even though this is isnt the first year, I still have not gained a bestest best bro back. it will be my absolute regret... I miss the chats we used to have. I always still believe that we can become close friends again. Nothing changes how I could always speak to him about everything...
Also, not furthering my ambition..or maybe not even knowing my ambitions...

Next year...(or shud I say this year...12:12am now) Happy New Year!
I want to keep establishing my confidence. I realize that the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me things that I often disregard as silly concerns. But time and time again last year Ive been proven wrong.
I have 11 more months to learn and experience before I return to SG.

I have many plans for the family when I get back..a new faith to improve things at home.
2013 should never go to waste. I will continue to make my relationship with family, friends and God stronger. I look forward to seeing the newborns and younger generations.

GoodBye 2012 and Hello 2013. Also, Happy Birthday Grandma..I miss you a lot...

God Bless

emo

in my dreams last night, I dreamt I was back in school and while walking to class, my bestest best bro walked by and all i could do was give him an akward smile... not because of the time rush. heck if i wanted to, id have walked over to him and spent a good amount of time with him! Its my dream!

But anyway, i woke up...feeling abit sad. somehow this bit of the dream stuck to me...

Maybe its te christmas season and Im having my first (as my friends would call it) Orphan Christmas. and as such, im reminded about what I dnt have in my life...my bestest best bro/friend.

Too long a story to tell...most of it doesnt hurt anymore. what does hurt is how from being best of friends..even siblings, Ive lost even the smallest possible contact...

to my bestest best bro

You know...what hurts more now isnt the possible love lost..its the friendship lost..

I feel like ive tried to redeem the friendship but maybe its something i did wrong that garnered no response. And the continuous no responses made me stop trying..for fear that ive overtired...for frustration..

The person I knew too well...I dont know anymore because I dont know what to do and not to do anymore...it is not familiar anymore..

While i know I have other brothers who will be there for me... the brother whom i could relate to the most, I lost....my brother, my best friend...

So yes I cry. Now while I am still sad about this loss, I have to hold my tongue...because it now feels like Im talking to a complete stranger...

God Bless

December

Its officially here. The Christmas month. The single most important month in a year for me.

Its beginning to look alot like Christmas in Sydney. Christmas trees, lights, christmas displays and songs on the radio etc.

Yet this Christmas is a sucky one. Im not with family. To make things worse, my sister visited for a week and I met up with them every evening. Had work EVERY DAY even on weekends. But I met them anyway. Every hour/minute with sister is precious. 

because she's left, Im once again reminded that I am without family at this moment and that sucks especially at Christmas, when family time is significant.

Despite the little time we had to hang out, every hour was filled with laughter. lots of updating and sisterly humour. these times Im reminded of how despite we are 8 years apart, we are pretty close.

Funny thing is Im not sure why. We used to quarrel alot when we were young and somehow everything fell into place when we grew up.

Yap. love her to bits. Her leaving sydney today was about the saddest thing Ive felt the entire year. And its heartwrenchingly sad. Everytime I think about it, I can actually tear. And its not even the time of the month.

I guess this brings to mind that lesson that one should always cherish their siblings. They are the only ones in the family who would be closer to your age and know what its like to grew up under the same household with the same parents.

Its a pity that in my immediate family, we never grew up learning how to say, "I love you" and I miss you" and give hugs etc. To me, that is my family's biggest loss.

Because its so hard to say and do all this, doing it actually feels like Im breaking a dam of emotions and I know that I might just cry...

My eyes are red now..

Cherish your siblings...

God Bless

Secondments and such

OKay so heres whats been happening during now and my last post.. if i can remember what I wrote in the last post...

1) Finished my last Year 2 NIDA production. Was the DSM and operated the sound cues. Loved the cast and team and loved the director.

2) Started Secondments and finished my first one a South Indian Festival at Parramatta. Was fun and I loved the people I worked with. Im definitely enjoying festivals

3) Started secondment on an Opera production. Still trying to cope but at least my stage manager is a wonderful person.

4) Most probably heading to Adelaide for another festival secondment. February 2013

5) Celebrated birthday with Milk Tea

6) Sister coming to Sydney this weekend but I might be stuck at work.

7) Went for suntaning and burnt myself very badly..

8) Rachel is staying here for 3 weeks.

9) Changed new housemate

10) Climate getting warmer

Pretty much it. Still missing abit of home. Still missing some people. Especially those I can talk to.. Internet at home is down for now..No TV even...

Ning

Saturday

Bodyaching from work but I went for dance class anyway. now its a double ache but hopefully they cancel out most of each other and I would be only have to deal with the remainder of it. Ning's theory.

Anyway, had a good day. Read the bible, Watched Cave Of The Golden Rose on Youtube and fell in love again with the lead actor. Just like how I did when I was young. LOL!

I guess Im a sucker for guys with long wavy hair and deep blue eyes. Shrugs
You know Id never really get that in reality so Im screwed hahahaha

In fact it reminded me about what the most attractive feature of a person is...to me that is..its the eyes. Well yes overall good looks help but the eyes are what would take my breathe away. :)

I might end up dreaming of the lead actor...quite ashamed to say so actually.

Silly me would even say that if Jesus were still living on earth as a mortal, he'd have a pair of eyes you'd look at and see the universe. And they would show so much compassion and love and dare I say a tinge of sadness? But loads of joy as well. It might be like Mona Lisa's eyes whom one can never tell what emotions she had because they are too vague?

Whatever it is...when I see Jesus I will know :)

Till then, have to suffer with small chinese slit eyes hahahahahaha

No dont start telling me that I can find an Ang Moh bf! Not possible! Lets stick to status quo k. Chinese christian can already.

God Bless

Hmm

Ever felt like that reason why people communicate with you is because they need to?
Feeling that way now. Somehow, today has been a difficult day because nobody seems to be answering to my smses..getting frustrating..

Or even in normal school days..nobody seems to be coming up to say hi and hows it going. Okay a few of them do.

But everyoneelse seems to be speaking to me when its needed or when I say hi.

Honestly..I wonder if its because I look serious, or am an introvert or in reality Im not a nice person to be friends with. Or are we all just colleagues to each other?

Times like these I wonder if its because Im not local? And its quite ridiculous to think that that would be the reason anymore because Ive been here for 2 years... Should have assimilated into the aussie culture by now.

Do I come across as someone who doesnt like making friends? Who doesnt like company? etc?Do I seem like a serious introvert? Because if so..I need to change that.

Point is, I dont know if its me or people or culture or something.

And what I also wonder..is whether any of my international students feel leftout by the locals...albeit there are more intl students in SP than my school but do they feel that way in their own classes? If so..I hope they are doing okay...

God Bless

human nature

So my housemate has just moved out. I cant help but feel abit sad. And knowing that this upsets my comfort zone, it sorta makes me feel alittle out of sorts. Albeit my new housemate is a very nice person..but I guess it still takes getting used to...
I just feel the lack of motivation today.

That and me feeling the nervousness of doing secondments.

Maybe its just the way I'm brought up in SG to be soo concerned with grades...

Because of this little imbalance in my comfort zone, I felt like i needed to get my life sorted out again..
Made me think that Im not using every second I have efficiently...even while Im lacking motivation.

Suddenly I feel like I miss my family and friends alot. I feel like I need to skype them to hear their voice and see their faces..

Knowing that I wont be going back to SG this year is getting to me. My sister wants to drop by in December but Im not even sure if I can spend that time with her, given Sydney Festival.
Im gonna be missing the main festivals/holidays family celebrations next year because I will be here.

I know I will stop feeling this way soon. I believe so. Other than that, Im doing alright. :)

God Bless

this close!

This close to finishing Year2! Thhiiissss cllooossseeee!

Cant wait! But first..need to finish up paperwork and assignment..which is psychologically hard because I know Im almost done and Im zoo ready to just drop everything and head into the sunset saying "seeya next year NIDA!" But no...doesnt work that way.

Not gonna be going back to SG this year. Im half excited, half apprehensive...Don't know how sucky Christmas alone could be..Also..secondments are on so I dont know how Id go with that even! Will I survive and get good comments? :/

Ive unfortunately packed my schedule all the way through till february...whheewww

SIster wants to come over this year but I dont even know if I can accomodate her... :/ I can accomodate but I dont know how much time I can spend with her. very unfortunate if the only time I can spend with her is at night and on weekends.

And knowing me, having her here would be great but having her leave again would result in me having to go "cold turkey" again..just to get myself adjusted to being alone again...

This is however the last year that I will be in Sydney...I know I need to make the most use of it. Which is why Im working through november to february.

in fact I just realized that since July, Ive lost touch with my loved ones in SG. My sisters and brothers, Sonal, my family etc. Sad but honestly I've been starving for time...and when it comes, admittedly, some times I havnt been the wisest in using them...

Okay well..back to work. assignemtn due today. :/

God bless

Nice things

So have been abit stressed with production. Im not very good at it but Im learning.. I refuse to beat myself down! I love my cast and production people :)

Its 2 more weeks before I go into secondments and Im abit scared...I dont know how I am gonna survive it. I will be amongst the professionals...I dont wanna give a bad impression at all!

Anyway 2 nice things that happened, was that one of my seniors whom I am abit afraid of...gave me a compliment. I am still afraid of him by the way...

Another thing was that a sound project I did with 2 acting schoolmates on a page of The Little Prince, was listened to by little kids. One of my casts sent it to his dad who is a primary school principal and he let the kids listen to it. :) Im happy!

And it sorta makes me wanna do a proper audiobook... Hmm should I?

I guess maybe the happy excitement of doing it might mean that its a good idea.

This has been in my mind since he told me... I feel like I want to do it...hmmm

God Bless

Chance to breath

Thank God for public holidays!

Yesterday was the first day in the venue. Nerve wrecking but I think I survived. :)

Anyway my first chat with sister in months on Skype. Makes me miss her. Its still amazing how we can be similar when I always thought we were very different.

We chatted about family and how "screwed up" our family is. And family history. Amazingly we chatted about it with laughter.

Soo much I didnt know about the family...

I guess some of my guesses were correct...

The more we chat about these things, the more Im glad I have her.

Reminds me that we're all only human...

I guess absence does make the heart fonder..or to be more precise, absence forces people to open up.

Im also reminded that life is such a thin line that if some choices were made, neither of us would be alive. And life would be alot different of either of us wasnt alive.

Times like these, I also realize how fragile our family is...

Do I miss Singapore? I still do. Not necessarily because of SG..but because of my family and friends and because of the memories.

Im in my last month of my last sch term in yr2. I cant believe how quickly time has flown.. After this term, classes will be done with and I can concentrate on secondments. Concentrate on thinking about how to plan my time before going back to SG.

The entire episode about my apartment wasnt nice but it made me realize just how much having my own room/apartment meant to me..something to call my own. Not to say that Im not enjoying the times I spent with friends..but with such a stressful time now, I do need that "own time" with myself.

what a day! wat a day!

So, if my parents read this, they'd scold me and nag at me etc but honestly to be fair, it isnt that big a deal even though I like to complain about it...but dont we all like to exclaim once in awhile? Because we feel like we need the extra love and attention after whats happened to us.

So I locked myself out of the house. Since being in sydney Ive been very careful to not leave without my keys. this is my first time...

I stayed over at a friends place last night and went to my property agent today to get a spare set of keys. The office almost wouldnt give it to me because my name wasnt in the contract? As if i wasnt staying there. then they checked further and found my name on the cover page...apparently im meant to get my agent to do up the paperwork properly! Isnt it the office's business to get their employees to go up their paperwork? Also my agent wasnt there and when her colleague passed me the whole bunch of keys, i realized (upon trying it on my front door) that the new key wasnt included! the same key we had passed to them after we changed the lock!

So tonight I am once again at my friends place because the new key was'nt updated into the bunch of keys...

I quite fed up because of these issues. Its unfair!

Anyway..tomorrow, I go to my property agent again. this time, Im determined to find out what happened to the new key...I dont know what I will do if they dont have it... because if they dont have it, means they lost it. then they should pay for the change of lock..right?

anyway...i just want my place back...my clothes and everyhting is in it... today has been stressful and full of ridiculous personal shit...aarrgghhh

God Bless

OKay Im soooo pissed with myself!!!!! argh

I left my keys at home!!!! never in the 2 years here have I done that! OMG! I wanna kick myself sooo hard that I do a flip!!!! My housemate isnt in sydney and wont be back till weeks later!!! FFFFFFFFF

Im getting so irritated with my shit!!!! Sooo scatterbrained!!!! WTH!!!

back!

Its been a long time since Ive written! Wah!

Anyway, thigns have been good. :) This year has been a stressful but wonderful year so far. I wont want to relive it but I enjoy my time with my casts and company. :) No im not the one in charge of all of them.

Now, Im a DSM for a production. loving my cast, loving my director and assistant directors etc and my production team. :)

In a matter of weeks, I will be done with year 2 and will proceed straight into secondments.

I thought to myself that I wont be going back to SG this year. because this time is valuable for me to learn all I can from Sydney!

Im targetting the companies that cant be found in SG.

Other than that, interesting things like losing my mac, my housemate losing her house keys, me changing the house lock, our kitchen light going off etc

Yap!

ALso had a chance to spend quality time with Naz when she came over and we both went to Gold Coast :) Miss her. When she left for SG, I teared at the airport...

While at Gold Coast, I did a half a day trip to Brisbane to see Vanessa (cheerleaders) and Sharon (comperes). Its really good to have friends in unfamiliar places.

I realize Ive changed abit. My temperament, my level of patience, my ability to decipher people etc...

This place has truly changed me. I hope its for the good.

I guess you can also argue that it has brought out the real me? the me I have hidden from myself? Hmmm

Truly this year has been a whirlwind!

K meeting Bradley for a long walk now. More later.

God Bless

okay..come on...you can do this

Im slacking till 8pm and then get back to going my lighting design and sound design stuff. Much to do this weekend actually and Im quitely stressed...

Its abit hard to hold on to God when ur entire mind is on school work and stressed. I guess thats why God doesnt want us to worry. "let not your heart be troubled"

The room is cold  but I actually feel heat in my face ..alike when I blush...but I guess its really because of the stress...

1 more week before term 3 ends. Its been a really quick term but its been a very very hectic term. I know I wont die from it but the real challenge is to persist on and do as well as you can....without going insane or without getting depressed or feel condemned...

I know when I look back on this, I will be amazed at how much I have gone through...part of me will regret not putting in more more effort...but sometimes body trumps will.....

I need to make sure I dont regret....

Miss all my folks. Miss my family and friends...miss my students. almost wish they were here to cheer me on and motivate me to keep going.
That said, I appreciate them keeping in touch online.

God Bless

..........

No title for this one coz the subject isnt specific anyway. And i cant keep going "busy month" or "crazy week" etc

Anyway had a brief moment of wanting to relive my poly years. Missed allt ehf un I had as a compere and perofrmer etc and the friends I made there. All my sistas and bruddas there. Pravin, Adam, Chris, Timothy, Jasper, Wendy, Cal, Neetz, Carol etc. :)

To meet them again and still call them sistas and bruddas to me is endearing. :)

Obviously the list of sistas and bruddas have increased. Some have become closer to me than others. But the time we shared was epic :)

Anyway anther thing is that one of my close sistas is coming down to SYD at end of aug and I am going to bring them around and join them in gold coast as well! :D I cant wait to bring them around SYD and explore Gold coast myself! Woohoooo!

As for family in SG, didnt get to speak much to mum about how thigns are except that the aunties got together to visit my grandpa's urn. I miss my grandpa...the best man in my life. Love him to bits and will always love him.

Another things that happened this week was that my posters arrived! :D did abit of reshuffling of stuff on my room walls :D a huge red poster that says "keep calm and trust god" and another nice poster of a painting of Jesus christ as well as a union jack poster that says "keep calm and carry on"

Sorta wished I had more people I know who were visiting sydney. :) wanna show them around sydney...as if I knew alot about sydney like that...not really..just that its mroe fun bring them around than me walking around myself :P

I guess I also miss my only other sisters whom I knew in Sydney...Sonal and Sam. Sonal has left for india for good. Sam is around but we never really meet up :/ oh well.....

Lastly, also missing my own sister. Hope she's doing well. She's the most stable person I know and it isnt just because she's small hence a better centre of gravity lol! Its because she's just emotionally and psychologically stable. indirectly, she would be my rock as well :) Love her :)

my emotional state is stable for now. aside from the usual stress, I guess Im missing home but not as badly as the last time. I can honestly say that there are some people I used to miss quite badly which Ive gotten over. non-family or farmily. this is sorta good coz then I wouldnt keep thinking of them or wanting to msg them hahahhaha and Im happy to say that at this point that the 2 particular people whom i found so hard to let go off, I have. :) While I do still feel like speaking to them, I wont pin on it. hahahah sigh..life is tough...


God Bless

This week will be smooth! I claim it dangit!

Got essay due next monday and Im gonna give it my best shot dangit! Im also not gonna get stressed dangit!

RRAAWWRRR!

Yes I guess a few people are worried about me and my depressing moods int eh past 1.5years but dont worry. God is with me. When Im depressed, its because I havnt been speaking to Him using His blessings for me etc.

And besides, Ive had the lowest level of depression I could ever have and that is as low as I am willing to go so I wont ever let myself go down there again. :)

Other than that, I swear I have no life because my weekends are boring. Ive only just taken up dancing again. Not to mention wanting to sing again...but havnt got down to looking for a singing coach. That and its blooddyyy expensive can.

I admit I do miss Singapore and I miss everyone there but Im gonna keep chugging on to finish my NIDA years

I dont know if I could ever come to a point where I would wanna stay in Aus. Which is good for those who are depending on me to go back to SG, but honestly still seems like it isnt an issue.

Anyway was looking at photos today of those i love in SG and its reminding me of who I really am. Whot eh real Ning is. This will always serve as a reminder to me of what my potential is. I will do it!

Pfftt essay shmaasssay! I can do this shizz!  GGGRRRRRR!!!!

God Bless

Done & dusted

Triple J project done and dusted. Relieved and yes I did have fun at times.

The week days ended with a good bible study session. I guess the spiritual thirst I have suffered from for the past 1.5years made me feel the need to do bible study. Daniel.

Weirdly enough, I feel like I could feel comfortable amongst this group of singaporeans and malaysians etc. Maybe all in all, I still feel comfortable with singaporeans..maybe..or maybe God's is giving me the peace to speak and make friends. Or even that everyone seems to be very forthcoming :)

the main topic for this entry is more about todays sermon.
I guess admittedly, today's sermon was abit hard to digest but after speaking to Tracy(another church mate) I felt God's love and that simple revelation was enough to make me feel happy and slightly speechless. Even Tracy had no words to describe the simple happiness. coz theres nothing that needs to be said but "yup" and smile at each other.

Without that conversation between Tracy and I, the sermon would have been full of condemnation and it would change my impression of the church. Obviously Im still trying to get a feel of which way the church swings...

Hosea 4&5 was a chapter of God's wrath on the Children of Israel who abandoned God. It is scary to see God's wrath because it feels like GOd threw them out to destruction. But what wasn't mentioned and should have been mentioned during the sermon was how this wrath was in the old testament, before jesus came and saved the children of israel and took the wrath upon himself. voluntarily.

Only after that talk did it make sense of the entirety of the purpose of those 2 chapters. its not only to remind us of how God is righteous and hates sin, but also how much love Jesus has for us and God has for us that He sent His son to take on all that wrath.

It almost seems like me typing this out, doesn't justify the revelation. But when we first had the revelation and reminder, both of us smiled and couldn't utter anything else but "yeah" we sat there witht her revelation sinking into our hearts and for 2 seconds, it was quiet between us.

Anyway the next week is not gonna be as stressful as the past but I still have the essay to finish which I sort of fear. So as i do my research, I will cast my fears upon God and cast my thought process for this easy on God too. :)

God Bless

first day in a new church

So I went to church today..after a long while. felt drier not eh inside and knew i needed to renew my love for God or needed to be reminded of God's love. Without Him I know I can't survive emotionally

Its was interesting walking into a lecture theatre church witht eh entire congregation made up of really young singaporeans and malaysians.

Somehow "In Christ Alone" was picked as one of the worship songs and I almost felt in me that God was acknowledging that I was back and this song was perfect for me to declare my renewed love and confidence to Him.

The sermon was interesting and expounding on it made me recognise how much love He has for us.

Im gonna hold on to that renewed love in Him to face this week!

God Bless

Man up Ning

Yap! As the title says. MAN UP! Or as my classmate says, " Harden the F^&* UP!

In this industry, women cant be soft cookies. They need to be tough and get things done.

Likewise even though ive had 1.5years of this, I still need to keep telling myself to toughen up. Orelse this industry isnt for me.

Tomorrow is gonna be a really tough day but Im gonna keep telling myself that Ive had tougher days.

Sometimes, NOTHING goes our way. we just bite the bullet and do it... theres no space for "BUT"

absolutely no space...


Im gonna hang on to my ex PE teachers comment about me..that Im a fighter. I dont know if she really meant it..but sometimes will power is all one needs to get things done. And so if will powers all I have, then its what I will give.

I know God's got my back.

God Bless

Back on the road!!!

Back into Sydney life.
Getting my body back to the right timing...
The next 2 days will be hectic and hte next 1 week will be very eventful if not abit stressful. But then I find stress in everything these days.

Was walking down UNSW main pathway today adn got to know a singaporean girl who started to ask me if I wanted to join them at their church. I admit I was keen to have a look. Somehow I felt abit of peace and want to do so that should be interesting. :) Maybe this time I will find a church and a church group that will bring me close to God the way He wants me to.

I still miss Singapore.

I miss Ian & Stephen and the rest of the farmily. I miss hte students especially comperes. Because I share such a similar passion with them and I feel liek I have so much I wanna share with them. I also miss the ISCians because they are such a colourful group and have sooo much love.

I miss my family. In different intensities. I miss my cousins and my niece and nephews. I miss my sister. Older than me but sometimes just makes me wonder how old she actually is. She makes me laugh and Im so happy for her that she's married but its sad to not see her at home.
I do miss the elder generation but not as closely as with those ive played with since young.
I still have concerns about teh health of my family but not sure how to help it..sigh

Yap I shouldnt be thinking about Singapore if Im meant to concentrate on Sydney and all thats happening here. Need to focus! No i may not be enthusiastic about what Im currently doing but my concentration still needs to be here...

RRAAWWWRRRR!

Someone used to call me a fighter..like Xena. That was while I was in JC.
I choose to think that when I need it, I have the same fighting spirit as before. Just need the right frame of mind. Dont need to be muscle woman..just need to be focused and not let stress defeat me.

RRAAWWWRRR!

God is with me. And if He's with me, who can be against me?


God Bless!

Very much blessed

So i know I was upset about coming back to sydney because theres so much I felt I was missing. But having close friends in Sydney and having the internet does help.

While I can't say Im a good friend-maker in school, Im glad that I at least have 1 or 2 in school whom I love to bits and whom I do like spending time with.

The internet also helped me keep in touch with my brothers. we're literally on diff corners of the planet. Singapore, Aus and UK. We started a dropbox folder that will help us make music together :) Im excited!!!!

Anyway Im reminded today that Im very blessed. very very blessed to know the people I know. Love the people I love and who love me.

Things can be a lot worse from the start but God has kept me safe and blessed me with love that transcends time and geographical space.

Love my brothers to bits and pieces and love my sistas and sister to bits too.

GOd Bless

Okay so maybe sometimes Im not as strong as I think myself to be

Didn't cry when I left but I wasn't happy... also teared a few times. Gladly sister wasn't there coz that wouldn't have worked. Dont know why..maybe its the wedding and her new life that sorta makes me feel protective of her.Not that I dont trust Keith! Of all people in her life, I trust him the most to look after her.

Anyway I got into the departure hall, went through security and because I decided not to check in my luggage, my baby swiss army knife got confiscated... if I recall, my sis gave it to me..

Got on the plane and scoot is definitely very very minimalist. Food not provided and hence if u do want food, you gotta buy it off them etc. No in flight entertainment as well. At least I was tired so it wasn't that bad. Just sleep lor.

Maybe because I slept, the flight seemed shorter. Good!

Nw that Im back, Im a bit numb..miss family and all but not enough to feel upset..

Only sad bit is that theres no one in the house to say hi to... the rest are in Vic.

This 1.5 years Im gonna have to forget about Singapore and work hard in Sydney..

Go on Ning! You can do it!

God Bless

tonight I fly...

Not happy today.
Holding back tears...
Im not terribly upset..but Im not relieved to go back to SYD either.
Not that I hate what Im doing...just that I know I will miss loved ones.

I dont regret coming back though...being back allowed me to meet up w family and friends.
To celebrate my sister's wedding and in odd ways, to realise how strong or how weak some friendships are.

There are a lot of people I will miss when I leave. A selected few whom I will miss terribly. My sister, my bros and sistas, my kids, abang Wandi, Cal, Neetz and Naz.

All of them have one way or another affected who I am now. And sometimes not having them around makes me lose who I am as a person. as Ning.

I dont wanna go back to who I was in JC. The me who was terribly lost in depression and self condemnation and...just lost...

I dont want to be that and somehow holding on to these good friends and family has allowed me to stay sane. Makes me wonder how it would be if I didn't know them...

Another thing I know I will miss in Sydney is the malay and indian race. The language, the culture, the food, the colour etc.

While me being a singaporean should mean that I should have no qualms mixing with people who are not my race, it also means that anything less than the kind of colour I get in Singapore just seems very boring.

Hence yes I do love Singapore. Its got its weird and distasteful things but on the overall, I love Singapore.

PS: 13 July my grandma's death anniversary. I miss you Mama.

God Bless

Why does the next 1.5years seem like too long a time?

So I dont know why but Im feeling quite sad about tomorrow night's flight. I should be geared to go and find it normal because I've flown to Sydney countless times. Somehow just thinking about my flight is making me sad to the point of tears.

There is nothing that won't be here when I get back at the end of next year...

Yes things will change but time changes everything regardless of whether we are there or not...

Im glad that i managed to meet up with most of the people I love..

And as usual I miss my students and Im reminded of myself as a person through all those I know.

Maybe admittedly Im easily homesick...hmmm


God Bless

holidays

my holiday in singapore has been really good. Managed to catch up with family and farmily. SIster's wedding is this thurs and its quite a surreal feeling. Im happy for her but it also means that I can't go into her room and find her there anymore...

met up with good friends and besties although there are a small bunch of them that I do wanna catch up with but have not had the time to..or our times just clash...

on or two of these good friends I miss a lot and to not meet would be disappointing but what to do...

Then there are friends whom i do want to meet but it seems like the other person doesn't feel the same motivation or enthusiasm... which is even more disappointing ...but one can't bend their backs for everyone. ITs just not possible. And hence I painfully learn how to let go...

Ive missed Singapore...

the next 1.5years Im trying not to come home. It will take will power not to do so actually coz I do love SG a lot. Because of the people I love in it. I love the colour in this country. But I do have things I dont like here. Im reminded of these things every day I wake up. its not big enough for me to hate the place but big enough for me to feel embarrassed for my own country...sigh

Anyway... my verdict still stands...No I won't be migrating to another country...not ever

God Bless

A memorable production

Just finished a production! Had the best company ever! We were a team as a whole! No serious quarrels.

Im very happy with the way the production has grown and taken shape.

We had such awesome time in and outside the venue!

I didn't feel as stressed as I felt in the last 2. And the play is sooo funny! The cast were a group of really really nice people :)

Im really blessed to be in this production. I know I could have done better because of what Ive learnt. But while thinking that I dont feel terribly condemned like that last production as an ASM.

At this point, Im happy to say that Ive found good friends in Australia. Designer, Props and costume people. I finally feel like Im fitting in! :)

While Im happy that the production is over, Im also starting to get post production blues because of the commaderie developed here.

Can I also say that I received really nice closing night presents :) Its not big stuff but it was very sweet. :)

1 more week before I head back to SG :)

God Bless!

trying to write songs again

there was a time that I felt that I could pen songs down. now I just feel like everything I write is cliche... that and maybe I dont have anything to write about anymore... its mostly about love lost and if I keep writing about it..every song will seem the same... And maybe Im just writing songs into reality...

I went to facebook for awhile and chanced upon my ex bf's photo... maybe I do still feel sadness..because we lost something that I feel is almost impossible to get back... And what hurts the most, is that Ive lost him as a best friend...and possibly lost him as a friend..a good friend..a confidante... and it breaks my heart...
Maybe I will never stop loving him...He will always have a special place in my heart... always...even if we can't be together. even if he doesn't love me anymore.... doesn't mean I will stop loving him. And my love will be there as a friend, as a sister, as a confidante.... just sucks that we started of as being siblings and now, we're not even close friends...

Yes abit emo...

Wonder what would happen if he read this... hmmm well....that would be embarrassing.... but I do hope he's doing well...I hope he's found someone to love...very sure its not hard for him to do so... he looks as good as he used to hahaha

me on the other hand, its gonna take a longer time. studying overseas is taxing but it means that without a partner, I can concentrate on myself....things that I want to do. not that I dont want to spend time w the person...it means that i won't have to worry about us.

Time to dance, time to sing, time to write songs etc...

times like these...I just wished I could get a glimpse of my future to know how it will unfold...

God Bless

Fav Song List

So after 29 years of my life, I reckon Ive got a few all-time favs. Obviously this list isnt exhaustive. Because billions of hits have been played and just cause one is my fav, doesnt mean I would listen to it 24/7 and not get bored of it for awhile.

PS: They are not necessarily the original singers of the song

- Rufus Wainwright - Hallelughia
- Sarah Mclachlan - Arms of An Angel
- Richard Marxx - Right Here Waiting
- Lighthouse Family - Aint No sunshine
- Bonnie Raitt - I Cant Make You Love Me
- Guns & Roses - Sweet Child Of Mine
- Porgy & Bess Musical - Summertime
- Somewhere Over The Rainbow
- No Doubt - Dont Speak
- Audioslave - Like a Stone


Special Mention
Soundtrack from The Piano by Michael Nyman

God Bless

Feeling like such a loser...

arrgghhhhh!!!! doing my lighting paperwork and I feel like such a loser for not having caught up with certain things! And worst fo all, I dont know if I was just stupid enough to miss out on all that or did people just not tell me!?!?! Aarrggghhh! I dont wanna copy from other people! I wanna do it with my own strength and yet!!! Its really dissappointing me! I hate it!

Im angry! But I dont know which is worse, angry at myself for not being a good head lx or angry with others...

Im angry enough to swear in my head..but mostly at myself for not having been on top of things..... I feel very very dissappointed with myself...

SIgh.....

I know that I need to get over all this and focus on getting things going till bump out...

God Bless

Condemnation...

So my Facebook status says:
Maybe one of the hardest things is not " forgiving others" or "getting others to forgive me" but forgiving myself...
While walking home, I had that thoughts stuck in my head. It wasn't a good night and I felt that I had let people down. I felt like I had fallen out of favour. Obviously Satan was speaking into my ears about it. While I walked home, I did tear a little.
I got pissed with myself for not making things go my way. Obviously Im not saying that things should go my way all the time! But where I felt it mattered, I let it slip and it was disappointing...I dont know if others truly felt that way...but I felt disappointed in myself too...
That and me constantly making stupid mistakes....I know Im not a lighting person..not yet..and hence I can't be certain that I will be correct all the time. mistakes will be made. But I really sorta wished that I didn't make such silly mistakes. it felt like my brain wasn't thinking the right way! And I couldn't get myself to think the right way! Its not rocket science! Its common sense!
Yes Im feeling incompetent...

How powerful is condemnation...

Its got me in an endless spiral of stupidity sometimes...and when it starts, it goes downhill...

Anyway Im gonna keep myself motivated and positive and finish up all my paperwork this weekend!

Im gonna keep reminding myself that its never by my own efforts..but by Jesus's work that I get favour.

God Bless

SP Graduation Ceremony

Once a year, I reminisce on how much the graduating students have matured through the 3 years. Its a pity though that I cant be there to say congrats to them etc. From the shy little girl to the confident mature graduate, from the quiet and obedient guy to the confident graduate beaming with pride and showing his parents around, introducing his friends etc. And especially when groups of them come over to say thanks and ask for a photo to be taken. :) No Im not especially happy because the students wanna take pics with me. Im just proud to have known them. Proud to have seen them grow.
I dont know if I have the right to be proud of them. Afterall, honestly I havn't been there for them all the time. I just happen some times.
But anyway, I am proud of the graduates Ive worked with. I honestly also feel that maybe some of them hold me in a higher esteem than I can dare to claim.
I still often wonder what specific factors have shaped them into specific people and am thankful that I have come to know them personally. Alot of them have shaped me, been my role models even and indirectly encouraged me to be a better person or keep at what Im doing now.
Congrats SP Graduates of 2012! :)
Go forth and show the world what you have.

God Bless

Good Saturday!!!

SO firstly, I woke up on my own time. (plus point!) then slacked around till 10ish and made my way to NIDA to catch a bus to the Railway Sq. Met Silma, we walked all the way to Sydney Fish Market. The distance justified the good meal! seafood galore with fresh sashimi!! Yay! Then we walked it off by making our way to Darling Harbour, down to the bottom of the city and caught a bus to Bourke Street Bakery which sells positively the best chocolate cake ever! Flourless chocolate cake!!!!! Worth all the walking!
To top this all off, we caught another bus to Bondi to catch The Avengers!

This is where I go into my thoughts from the movie. Why I don't say "about" is because Im never in a good position to comment once ht ethnical aspects of the movie except to say, I liked it but I wouldn't wanna watch the whole movie again. Only the fighting bits were as usual, humorous, uplifting and triumphant.

BUT I don't wanna watch the front bit because normal storytelling required the movie to shows the problem/crisis in the story before the triumphant bit..obviously to make the triumph seem larger. It worked. Except that I couldn't stand the Avengers quarrelling like teenage delinquents.
Especially Iron Man and his huge ass hard cased ego.

In fact, my tendencies against such childishness is always to smack the person in the head. Likewise, I felt the need to smack Iron man in his unarmoured head. As my script analysis tutor would normally ask after we've read our scripts, " who is the who has the biggest journey" Id say..either Loki (the enemy who thought he'd win but obviously had to admit defeat) or Iron Man (Who was close to losing his ego and his life)

Im inclined to rate my preference of the individual Avengers (1 being the most fav) excluding Nick Fury cause he wasn't fighting much
1) The Hulk
2) Captain America
3) The Hawk
4) Black Widow
5) Thor
6) Iron Man

The irony is that both geniuses are at both ends of the spectrum. The Hulk in his normal human form, is as much genius as Iron Man. But while everyone is scared of The Hulk's rage, The human version of The Hulk actually has the most control over his anger and behaviour than Iron Man..whom shits ego every time he opens his mouth. Yes those are my words.
Out of all the Avengers, the Hulk was the one who had the most control over his emotions which is really ironic because the enemy was counting on him to explode and cause havoc. Which he eventually did but with the help of every other Avenger quarrelling with each other! hahahahaha

Captain America is obviously the All-American, has the All American look and obviously in my opinion, looked the best out of all. After all, it was a not so subtle way of propagandising American power and good American image hahahaha Yes I caught all that. Whats also ironic is that Captain America (apparently being frozen for years and revived in the future) was also one of the most level headed ones and obviously was made the commanding voice by the time the real fights occurred. Like a big brother to the bunch of Avenging monkeys :/ Shrugs

The Hawk was good for his shots. Akin to Legolas. And Legolas is exactly what Iron Man calls him at a point of time. he had good looks too.

Black Widow is just good to look at when she fights. :) She also literally knocked the senses back into the Hawk.

Thor... is a demi-god! lots power but not necessarily a smart one though. like a stereotypical college football player. Nuff said

Iron Man...a child genius. And will stay that way unless he grows up. Nuff said.

And just to give u a glimpse on how "moved" i was with the characters, I smacked my forehead a few times. like how I would with my students when they do stupid/silly things

Anyway, was taking the lift down and there were a bunch of children in there who had pressed every single button on the lift so that it stopped at every level! Trust me, I had the urge to use my pan like Thor!
I handed the pan to my friend for safekeeping before anyone got hurt.

While walking home, I bumped ion  old man and his dog. Both of which Ive had the ill fate to meet before. This old man had previously shouted at me to go back to China. Of which I promptly (as i was moving further and further away) said, "okay" and proceeded on to listen to my indian music.
Anyway I bumped into him again and this time, I stayed out of his way but having he pan in my hand made me less scared and more confident in defending myself if shit hits the fan.
He apparently started circling away from me the moment we got closer to each other. I don't know if its meant to be an insult (i.e.: chinese are like dirty pests and disgusting to be a near to) or he realised what I had in my hands and how I could possibly use it to his disadvantage..but whatever it is, if he provoked me and got nearer, id have made him say hi to the base of my pan. And me being in a creative mood, imagined myself bringing the pan down on him like Thor with his hammer, then hurling the pan at him like Captain America with his shield and then retrieving it back like Thor with his hammer and magnetic hands.

Obviously all this humour would be better appreciated if you watch the movie.

Going back to the topic of Avengers, my favourite bits of it involve Hulk. Him Flipping Loki around like a fish, him throwing a 1 solid side punch at Thor when everyone least expected it (to make an obvious comedic point) and Hulk shouting in frustration at the seemingly dead Iron Man, only to wake him up like an alarm clock on steroids. Doesn't sound funny now but watch the movie and you'll get it.

Right! Im done with my lengthy post. Gonna sleep!

God Bless!

Wisdom

Was speaking to one of my brothers at 3am in the morning. Given my already slightly sleepy and multitasked brain, I decided that it was appropriate to listen to him because he wasn't feeling too good about life. Or to me more accurate. He felt confused but wasn't sure why.

Anyway certain things were spoken about which I will not mention but one of which was wisdom. I guess there were some things that I mentioned which made him comment that I had become wiser. 

while I would argue that I was quite wise to start with, a small part of me went, " really? I know people have said that to me before but...really?" And the next question the little voice said was " how?"

As I was walking down the street to school, this topic suddenly popped into my mind again. Where did my wisdom come from? Im inclined to say, from God. Because even I have no idea how I gathered certain wise thoughts..and even if I did conjure them up, what factors made me determine that they would be true? So I attribute it to God. 

Yet, while I might be seen as wise, there are many times where I feel like kicking myself in the butt for illy things that were done on impulse or emotions that the wiser me would not have allowed. Also bringing up the past relationship I had that wasn't a wise move on the overall. It would have saved me zoo much heartache if I had heeded my wise self. All these proves that no matter how wise someone is, there are times where its just hard to heed ones own advice. Because the emotions were stronger than the wise one. Call it the devil vs the angel. Its not that the wise little me wasn't speaking aloud or even shouting at me or nagging me. Its not that the rest of me didn't register the wisdom..its that at that point of time, wisdom wasn't followed upon.

Such is human nature. To follow ones wisdom all the time would require constant objectiveness, impartialness and copulous amounts of discipline. Not easy. Maybe the body has an innate intention to rebel from even oneself.

While enjoying my breakfast before going back to school, was looking at Facebook. This website has become my sole source of communication to the SG world. The best app that gave me a ready update on how my SG friends and family is doing without me having to ask " hey hows life" to individuals.

Anyway I came across someone's comment about her parents making her grow up but restricting her freedom. The common frustrations that both parents and growing teens have which other.

I admit that I would still be having this frustration if I was in SG now. Can even hear my mum nagging me about spending more time at home.

But my reply to my friend's comment (and i view this as my little wise self 's wisdom) Parents spend at least 1.5 decades learning how to protect us and care for us. From when our mums got pregnant. Its been a continuous learning process. And theres never a moment where either parents  fully know if what they are doing is right. There will always be doubt. But just when they feel like they may have gotten the hang of it, we grow too big of that protective shield and need to break out to find out who we are. The conflict starts because the parents now have to unlearn everything about how to protect you and learn how to become more of a mentor/friend.

Some parents fail/barely pass/score at this but all this is due to what they learnt from their own parents who are/were their only teachers. Also the way they teach is affected by their own learning process in life and their life experiences.

Thus is life... 

Looking back at my own parents, I know I have been too harsh with them at many points in time. my emotional side has often disregarded the wise me's words. Thats because they often treated me with the h same methods too. And maybe one instinctively reacts to others with the similar method to communicate with them in the same way. Alike how one would felt eh need to speak the same language as the one they are speaking to to relate better to them.

Angry comments beget angry comments, wise words beget wise words, smile begets smiles, etc

Hmm interesting :)

K going back to vectorworks now. :)

Burst of laughter and freedom and revelation!

Its so easy to be engulfed by your sorrows. And believe me no sorrow is too small to make someone feel down and out. Especially being alone in Sydney, sometimes it takes its toll.
Anyway today while surfing the net, I came across something that made me heaps happier!
Its like my confusion and sadness was immediately wiped away! I dont know if it will come back to me at this point Im happy to be happier! :)
It finally hit me in the face..well not a physical thing obviously. and amazingly enough..while it did sting, it also cleared my mind! And while im not sure if this small fact or hint I found was true, Im gonna deem it as true anyway because it keeps me in the right direction. :)
Yap I know whoever reads this now is confused but at this point I dont care hahahahaha
Im gonna keep this fact in my head and use it to stir myself off from sadness and keep working at bettering my life.
Thank you God for helping me find this. I guess this is what I lost sight of hahahah and now that Ive found it, I know what to do and what to feel :)
In fact, this is the 2nd time Im doing this...come to think of it...
Last time I did that, it took some time but it worked. This time it will work too in fact easier.

I dont know how to say it but Im relieved! Im happy! I feel a load off my back! I feel like I have a renewed energy to go on again! hahahahahha

Okay enough of ranting..back to essay!

Thanks God!

God Bless!

Last friday before freedom flies away

don't know where to begin actually... lets start with..I miss SG..or I miss home...

In the midst of washing my hair, a thought hit me..that much as I know its worth me being here in Sydney, I suddenly didn't know why and that the place that I actually wanted to be in was SG.

Don't get me wrong, there are people here whom I love and would miss...but the entire feel of the place...doesnt seem like it could be home. And while I do love my room and bed in Sydney, and even love my housemates, I could never term it as home either...and the funny thing is I don't know why.

What I do know however, is I miss the people I know in SG, I miss the me in SG, I miss the colour, culture, activities in SG. knowing fully well that yes there are boring days in SG City.

Yet still...I love SG more.

I knew from young that I would leave SG to stay in another country unless factors force me to...even now my stand is still there.

As I told my ex housemate/sister/penpal, Sonal, maybe its because Ive been in SG for 20+ years that its just a lot harder to fit into another countries mould. Maybe being a SGporean who grew up with so much difference in culture and religion and languages..makes certain countries pale in comparison...No offence..

Makes living here..abit bland...

I must also state now that Ive been very unfair to those i love whom I can't see all the time anymore. Its unfair for me to feel down and neglected just because u guys have your own lives to worry about and msges just take a backseat to that. Its unfair for me to feel like I deserve an immediate reply from you guys on watsapp or Kiks or Viber or any other form of communication. Im sorry. 

Also to a close friend of mine, is unfair for me to demand so much off you when there is nothing between us anyway. yet I find myself getting irritated over the a mere unreplied msg..or even find myself getting happy over the chance to communicate with you that I go overboard. I must seem like a needy, dependent and obsessive person. I hate being that. It may seem bait drastic but Ive taken to the measure of communicating to everybody else but you..leaving u as the last resort...because there isn't a point. And while I admit this is true, its especially true in your case, I call you my brother because you can only be so. And I'm convincing myself on that fact all the time. Im not gonna burden u with my nonsense because the more i burden you, the guiltier i feel and the more i feel distant from you. which is ironic...

anyway, Im sorry...

have been doing abit of recording these few days. I conclude that my voice sucks. Im out of tune..my voice isn't strong...I sound like a guy coz my voice is so low... listening to my own recording literally made me cry. unhappy tears k. not happy overjoyed tears

while I'm slowly getting the hang of it, Im not getting over the fact that its not good. I know people have told me that I have a good voice..yet it just seems that I can't trust them until i hear from an expert... I know Im my worst critic...but one can't argue with pitch...And seeing as my voice isn't up to standard...

All this just makes me question myself. and also doesn't make me a happy camper...

As my brothers would advise 1) relax in a corner, clear my head and it what i feel like Ive lost, will appear 2) write everything down, sentence by sentence and it will appear.

What will appear, something Ive lost...something I don't know about..yet I know Ive lost it..

God Bless

the beauty of languages and cultures

I miss being able to speak to my malay friends with fragments of malay words mixed in english. Miss having Sonal around me to train my Hindi hahaha or have hte burmese students around to wish them Happy Thingyan Festival. :)

Been training my berhasa melayu with one of my friends, Z. In fact, we got to know each other through another friend. was jamming with them while back in SG the last time. Fun! its been useful. Given allt eh standard boring things in life now, learning a new language seems like a new way to stimulate my brain in other ways. And besides, knowing as how i will be working in hand with audio people and theatre people in the long run, its a good idea to learn. :) While doing so, it allows me to appreciate the malay race more. Not that I never appreciated them before..but because I dont know them enough, I dont always dare to speak to them...

I miss the intl students..miss their forthcoming nature. miss how they daringly come together to make friends with pple of different backgrounds and by 3 years, are filled with such a rich knowledge of cultures that they are never the same. because of htem, Im never the same too. :)

Today is Thingyan, for the past 2 days, there have been news of earthquakes around Aceh, today is SP Flag Day, so many things today! So mnay things that mean something to me today. My indon students and their families, my burmese students and their celebrations, my intl students and their ISFO tomorrow...my family and their safety...

All of that linked to my appreciation of knowing these pple. Its not a place tha makes me love it. Its the people and the culture they establish and maintain that I love. The memories that they give me that I love. :)

Started pasting alot of things on my room wall. 1 side has photos of my grandparents, jesus and my ex-maid (whos like a mum to me), 1 side has allt eh photos I bothered to print out..1 side has glow in the dark stars with postcards etc...by the time Im done with this 3 years, my walls will be full of memories...more precious than my facebook wall!

Thank God for the numerous languages and cultures around that make life so colourful!

K back to work... :/

God Bless

Again Im reminded that politics is a bitch...

Mum sent me an email reminding me not to be too open on my facebook. These days, even bosses can check on me. I agree to that but at the same time I dont agree..of course to different extents.

Im reminded how politics playing is a game I hate. Yet people who play politics intentionally, love stuff off facebook....whether I know it or not, Im sure that people would have said nasty things about me..how nasty, I dont know.

But Ive learnt that I shouldnt let all that get to me. Coz I have a God who looks after me.He keeps me in favour with people.

I wont take all that for granted. I will work hard... but I wont let it affect me more than it would need to be.

In fact now that Im studying, I learn really quickly how word travels in this particular industry...

Hmm well...this just serves to remind me to work harder as well...

Gambattee!

God Bless

Fairy Tale Shmary Tale...

Was watching Penelope half way and gave up. Typical story of a girl and a guy and how looks can be deceiving, and the sacrifice of the guy for hte happiness of a girl etc etc

Abit of my heart is warmed by it and abit of my braina nd imagination is relishing in the beauty of the fairy tale

But the sceptical and cynical me knows that fairy tales are fake and if they even exist in this world, its in story books and our imagination. And those who feel like they are living a fairy tale, things are most probabaly not what they seem..hence they are living in a deluded view of the world...

K all that was really mean and negative and cynical...

That said, after switching off the tv mid-movie, I had to ask God, "what about me?" The answer is " in due time. I have someone for you. But it will come in due time"

I think despite how I know real life is different from fairy tale, abit of me still hopes for one. And thats precisely why I stopped watching it...because it would never be fairy tale like.

I believe my God more than I believe storybooks. :)

Anyway..yes just venting.

I had a wonderful Easter church service. The worship and just being inte h room was something that filled my lungs and heart with something good and peaceful that is unexplainable. I felt at peace. :)

Im gonna keep fighting to stay in touch with God. I dont wanna lose the feeling of his peace and goodness again..like how I was last year,,,or maybe even the beginning of this year...

God Bless

Lighting

So lighting isnt my strength..its confusing to me..but given my role in Loot this term, Im gonna have to bite the bullet and make hte best out of it. In fact its soo easy to give up that its harmful...

I know for sure that Im happy figuring out sound/audio/music stuff that I obviously am more of a sound person...

After Soundtrack, I've missed the sound desk... digital or analogue

End of my favourite production so far...

So the past week has been a wonderful one.

Spent almost he entire week doing sound. Including putting put up the entire sound system that includes 3 mixers, Roland V-mixer, Yamaha LS9, Spirit M8 and a small Behringer for video recording. 17 live mics in the venue, loads of feedback and loads of sound effects aka Folly.

Loved the week! Loved the production. It was frustrating at times, especially when we get feedback... but I loved solving sound related questions..eg:
Qn:How is it the microphone picks up the sound of people stepping not he rostra when its not even pointed at it? And: The mic was stuck tot eh rostra with tap and hence any form of vibration from the rostra was directly sent to the mic.
Ans: How come the 2nd mic, couldn't pick up the same sound as the 1st mic when all levels are the same, the 1st mic had a wider scope of pick up as opposed to the shotgun mic...

etc...its not rocket science but having been able to realise the answer myself, was truly satisfying!

I wished Wandi, Ian and Stephen could be there for my event. although I don't know if I could perform to the best of the show...but it would have been wonderful for them to see what I have done.

But putting it there, I wasn't the only one who worked on it. Ron and Jed were there to guide Aaron and I. Im thankful they were there to guide us and it was wonderful asking them questions and learning tricks of the trade. Also not to mention Felix who showed me the enthusiasm in sound. The many 1 minute lessons I learnt from him was good. e.g.: DI boxes from laptop to mixer, grounding pin, cooling cables etc.. And explaining to me the terminologies etc

I really really hope that I will get to do more and more sound stuff... Time is limited!

God Bless

Sunday..last day of a packed but eventful week

Been struggling with Mutlimedia and my own internal battles. Paranoia, lack of self esteem, etc....its driving me down again if I dont get my act together. And by getting my act together, I need God's help.

Sound track has been good. stressful and demanding but good. Im thankful that I have been able to set upt he system, patch them I guess? and setup all the mics etc...but when ti doesnt work, it gets me down.... and it did...
And I felt like everyone was doubting my capabilities...even me... But where I felt like I had done something well, it didnt work as well as I wanted and that was painful..

But Im glad I have classmates and friends whom are there for me..who talk to me and love me...

End this week with sound crew work at Bondi Pavilion for the Jewish Music Festival. It was a good starter...had fun with the crew. Thanks God!

Next week will be tough but Im gonna hang in there!

God Bless!

What do i wanna do with my life?

A friend asked me this question today... dont know what to reply except for what I like to do...
1) sing
2) play with a sound system
3) songwrite??
4) dance (though I cant dance)
5) listen to music

Nothing in there is a lucrative fulltimejob hahahaha not that I know...

Anyway felt good about setting up the sound system today. Felt I could have done better... Sorry to my classmates...

Anyway..no comments on anythingelse. Life is a chore these few weeks... :(

God Bless

To my dear Soni...

Like I said, we are sooo similar in character that it amazes me every time.

You are truly like my twin from India. Because of you, India is a closer place in my heart.

As for what you are facing now, I can't say that I understand exactly how you feel but I can understand how nasty it is. How it makes you want to cry till your heart is emptied and your lungs are emptied..then inhale and want to empty your lung and tears all over again.

I understand how many days would be spent conjuring up courage and strength in the day...and then curling up in tears at night...

I understand how hearing a song could make your heart skip a beat and sink with sadness

I understand that going to places that you and him had memories could conjure up sad memories

I understand that the mere mention of his name could bring you down fr the rest of the day..

I understand that you miss him a lot especially when you need someone to talk to but the only one you wanna speak to is him...

I understand all that...and remember that that is normal for someone who has gotten out of such a strong relationship.

Remember that it takes time to heal. Sometimes it takes years... It doesn't mean you're weak. It means that the relationship meant a lot to you.

Remember that through your process of recovery, there will be days that you feel powerless and slip back to depression. Its normal. Its like a whirlpool where you fight and fight hour by hour to keep strong but just when you feel that you're safe and you can rest, you get pulled in again. BUT you will never be as deep in as the first time and your dips will always be easier to handle than the previous. Because every dip makes you stronger. In due time you will realise that he time for you to recover from a dip is lesser. from 2 days to 1 day to half a day to hours...

Remember that you are strong...regardless of how many dips you;ve had. That there are people out there who go through similar shit. Not many though..and this shit is uncommon...BUT those who do go through it..survive.

Remember that its easy to think that nobody would understand just how deep deep deep this love meant to you and no words can be expressed to even scratch the surface of how deep the love is....but there will be someone who understands. And even if he/she doesn't understand, having them by you to hear you vent or be with you when u cry...will help you. They don't have to talk because sometimes their talking doesn't help either. But them physically being there to listen and be with you wil help.

Remember to keep your heart open to all the other forms of love because tears can blind you from realising that people do care about you and love you and want to be there for you.

Remember who you are as an individual. Challenge yourself and learn new things because that way, you will rediscover who you are as an individual. That you don't need him to survive. That without him, you can still build your life.

Rememebr you are a fighter. You have a strong, mature, level headed personality. You have people around the world who love you. You have travelled the world and experienced things that not many people have done. You have succeeded in doing many things that others might not have a chance int eh lifetime or even guts to do. e.g.: bungee jumping!

Remember what things make you happy. Indulging in them once in awhile will make you happier.

I love you loads Sista! You have been my best friend in Sydney and I thank God that we had each other in Sydney because I couldn't imagine having any other person as a housemate, friend and sister. This is what lifelong friends are made of. :) HUGS

Anytime u feel you wanna vent, email me. no matter how long it is. no matter how many tears are shred while typing it, no matter if its addressed to me or him..no matter how much its filled with missings or hate etc etc. I won't mind because Ive had my fair share of such things too. And if it helps, it helps. :)

God Bless!

Back to the quiet self...back to the introverted insecure idiot that I might be..

So much has happened since melbourne...sooo much has affected my class as well...

Im not particularly happy about it but not very sad about it. Or maybe Im sad but I dont know why. Like the times that I just feel in a daze...I dont know what to feel, how to feel and why.

Throughout this entire thing..I feel like if I were to say anything...it would all be very personal and not objective. I feel that speaking at this point would open up a can or worms. Despite how I know it is a can or worms and am fully aware of the expiry date...And I know where I could go wrong. Speaking would be giving my heart the Freedom of Speech...while my brain takes a holiday....not good....

Dont want that to happen. I dont want to let what happened before..happen again...

I dont like regret my words...

God, gonna need you to guide me...

God Bless

Melbourne

Some many thoughts in my head when Im in melbourne. Assignments, wisdom, youth, Kony...

Since being in Melbourne, Ive been sharing a room with 3 of my classmates who are crazy.... Sadly I couldn't bring myself to reciprocate the madness with enthusiasm. Thereby concluding that I am too old for all that game.

It was really refreshing to meet up with people I know in Melbourne... :) Eric, Jas, Siru, Poh Ling, Timothy etc...

Had a really good time chatting with them, knowing that they could relate to me. Albeit they might not agree, but they would have been able to relate my point of view.....

Anyway this tour has been good except that it was too short... It would be sad if I can't meet with Laura and Foong and the rest of the family tomorrow...

God Bless

Slowly gaining momentum

Nobody is perfect and Im am the least.

Slowly gaining momentum again. Slowly gaining motivation again. Some people determination made of steel and fibre optics and what have you in the world of advance technology. I...have none of that hahaha copper wires, 56K modem etc in the "prehistoric times"

But where all this is lacking..its good to bring my heart back to God and depend on him. Not meaning I sit back and relax...more like..not let my heart worry.. Just do what I have to do...and know that it isnt as painful as I thought it would be hahaha

As my Singlish self would say: " aiyah just do lor! Whats the worse that could happen? At most at the end of the day, you feel damn sian and curl up in bed and sleep lor! Hahahah"

Once this month is over, Im going to enjoy my weekend!

Till then, everything including my singing, my dancing, my songwriting (whatever level thats in) is all on hold...thats right! My life is on hold!

A sister asked me why I have such sad eyes... It took me by slight surprise hahha a coz I never could tell hahaha But what she also said, was that I keep alot to myself. Maybe I was brought up in a household where speaking my mind didnt seem important... And maybe my definitoin for something worth speaking up about is different...maybe my threshhold is different. Maybe thats why I seem alot more "heck care" because to me it isnt an issue worth getting worked up over...hmmm

Oh Well... Note to self: need to get a new diary....

God Bless

Tired...not physically....more emotionally...just for today

Didnt feel myself today. even though tomorrow is saturday..dnt feel myself...

Dnt know why....or maybe dnt want to know why...or dont wanna say why. Arent we all contradicting beings!

Maybe I know but I dont dare to admit it...

Hmmm Just had an ex student who asked if anynone has ever felt an unexplainable sadness and emotional and physical fatigue and lack of motivation...I replied to her "yes" and when she asked what I did about it, it took me an entire 2 paragraphs to explain...

Humans....

Im gonna look to God to explain it to me or at least comfort me...

God Bless

stressing out!

Got a little being in me screaming: what teh hell are you doing? Why are you even wasting your time?
Another part of me was playing reverse psychology with the little being. Hmmm

Anyway been going back to diary writing..like how I used to... and just yesterday, finished up my diary that I started when I graduated from SP...say..7 years ago? Obviously it isnt a very concise diary. dribs and drabs of stuff... But as the last entry of the book, I was abit more reflective about whats happened in the past 7 years...

People that have come and gone, incidents that have affected me... grandparents passing away, niece and nephews born, people whom I've come to love...and incorporated into my family.

So glad that Ive had chances to meet special and talented people who have helped me in so many ways in my life. Im truly blessed!

God Bless

Can not let time slip away..

I need to get my discipline back!

Within the next 4 weeks, everything will converge into a mass and or mess of deadlines and Im afraid! Very very very afraid! I know I need ot get stuff done really quickly but why doesnt my brain wanna help!?!?!?

Aarrgghhh!

I cant let the little invisible being (who contantly mutters," relax!") to convince me to do otherwise. I also cant let my guard down and do meaningless stuff while the deadlines loom!!! OMG! I will cry!!

- Melbourne Tour
- Multimedia
- Soundtrack
- H/LX assignment
- Perf History Assignment
- etc

AARRGGHH

I need to find peace again!

God Bless

Wish my voice was a higher register indeed

Im supposed to be concentrating on calling and other stuff...but I had to destress...

Aside from allt eh school work, Im also trying to get my voice around Bintang Di Surga and Tiada Lagi...
Both requiring me to sing the higher register. I know I can reach them..I just cant reach them with my real voice...I also cant wait for my singing class to start because I want to make my voice better...

I know alot of people would say, "just keep singing lah! in due time it will get sronger" but I cant because I find it odd to sing in public as opposed to in a karaoke room or stage or studio..I feel like Im disturbing people. esp when I try to hit the highnotes and go out of tune.

I guess I still have to thank Wandi and his band for this...it is my reason to pushing myself...

its about time...I know Jimmy would be happy to see me hit the register...

God Bless

Quack quack, cluck cluck, mooo, neigh, oink

Communication is a very important thing. Something I feel takes a lifetime to master yet along hte way of learning, I find myself getting irritated. Iam the culprit too and can kick myself in the ass....oink oink oink...

But Im wondering if its me or its the asian culture that makes me realize that its a bigger problem in Aussie. And the main reason is because people in Australia are more vocal. So listening is made to take the backseat at times.

And in Asia, everyone is politely taking turns to voice out or never voices out because they are too reserved. I guess there are pros and cons to this..

What this all means is that if I do feel like I have to make a point, I have to go out and make my point, with the risk of feeling like Im too opinionated...which really isnt true. Its just me trying to speak over the roaring winds...

God Bless

Getting back to speed!

So Ive been hanging around for abit...hanging around hte house..instead of being productive..very bad me!

Updates are that recently, ive decided to go full out on learning about audio. And I am gonna finally take singing classes! And keep at dance class!

Its alot to do actually...

To add on, I msged Wandi one day and went,"how cool would it be if we did a cover of Bintang Di Surga?" And before you know it, Im doing a cover of it and another song, Tiada Lagi. It will be recorded during my april holidays in NIDA recording studio...*cross fingers*

And Wandi will mix it in to the rest of hte recordings and hopefully, hey presto! We got a good mix! Thent hat would be major awesomeness! I am very very excited! I know its not an english song hence some might ask "whats the point!" But the plus point is that it is not an english song! :) That makes it more interesting! I wanna do this and I do wanna do other songs that are non-english because music isnt just about the language!

I also signed up as a vounteer for Shir Madness Festival and one of the geuest perofrmers is Mosh Ben Ari! One of the Israeli music big names!

Im gonna have to up my boosters then...Aarrghhh! This year will be hectic!

God Bless!

Australia...

Spoke to 2 of my housemates last night adn we had such an interesting long chat about Australia and its perception of chinese or Asians...

Apparently Asians are viewed as
- rude
- intruding on personal space/ disrespecting personal space
- sometimes dirty (blowing nose or spitting in public)

Sad to say alot fo the older generation chinese do that. Then again..saying Chinese is a general statement because chinese from different backgrounds behave differently. The younger generation does not do that.

Yet I suspect that the locals dont know what to do with asians, especially by the impression that their elders have given them about asians...

My housemates and I had such a wonderful and honest chat! Even though they are australian, they are truly honest about  how australia is and it made me clear my impressions on Australians. Im not saying Im correct, in fact, it cleared alot of my questions on why they behave in a certain way to people like me and people of hteir own kind.

It only forces me to conclude that as foreigner, I HAVE to show THEM what the world out of Australia is like. :)
I had a friend who asked me, "does mandarin have dictionaries?" a simple and seemingly "Duh" question but I am honestly pleased to hear such a question! Or that Singapore has soo many languages etc...

It means that no matter how tired I am, that I should still try to make myself known and be approachable. Because they wont always be the ones to say "hi" first.

God Bless

Valentines Day...

So its Valentines Day. Nothing different I guess hahaha Its just another day. :)
Pity that I dnt have Sonal or Sam to spend V day with because it would be an awesome nights out.
V-Day doesnt have to be only for lovers. friends hangout as well. :) it is afterall about love. Love in all forms. And hte one love that is forgotten or disregarded..is God's love for us and our love for Him. Something I intend to spend some time to think about today. :)

Speaking of love,

We are all made to show our fav song on our next sound class I really have no idea which is my favourite...Hmmm

Loved alot of them but dnt know why...

Might be a non-english song hahahaha Maybe Idan Raichel, Maybe Reshmonu, maybe Peter Pan, maybe a real good indian song....ore piya? DONT KNOW!!! SHOOT!

Anyway Ive been delving into sound or audio stuff thie term and its getting me excited :) Also spoke to Felix and Ron and it would be sooo awesome to get a chance to do work experience in the audio aspect :) It seems like everything is working out...and all I needed was the heart? Hmmm

I thank God for all this by the way. every one can say that I probabaly worked really hard tog et all this..or I got lucky...but lucky doesnt come as often and as plentiful as what I get. And I definitely dnt work as hard as it may seem. I am blessed. :)

Im gonna work hard but depend on God for everythingelse :) Thats my renewed promise with God :)

K well gonna end here. :) Im gonna be productive this week! Im not gonna be complacent... :) Im gonna push on ans not be lazy! The process of being disciplined!!! I need to get my shit together!!!

And most of all, need to keep my head straight and focus on studies and bettering myself! As opposed to wasting time and regretting it when my time in Sydney runs out.

God Bless

Getting through the weekends...

Im patting myself on the back for being so "disciplined" Been staying at home and doing homework...but to honest...maybe its because I have no other place to go..or dont feel like going anywhere. With Sonal back in India, Ive sorta lost company to do "hang out" Not that I dnt have local friends..just that..I dont know...hmmm

Anyway in the midst of doing Lighting assignment and blasting soundtrack for The Last Samurai, Im blogging.

Part of me really wants to put everything down and take a breather and try to write a song...but I cant bring myself to...maybe coz Im not in a glorious mood to write happy songs?

Its also raining! Dang! Laundry isnt drying quickly!

So Ive decided to do something about my singing while Im here. Im gonna go for some singing classes. Just to see how things go. And get my voice analysed... Im gonna stick to dance as well. And in the middle of all that madness, keep reading up on audio engineering.

I consulted Felix during lunch last week and had a good chat with him. Yes I want to get involved and volunteer for audio related stuff...knowing fairwell that it could hurt my knees...or back. I want to because its the only way into the world of audio..in my opinion...not that I had the luxury of learning audio engineering unlike those around me whom I know. So many of them...Felix, Wandi, Rush, Stephen, Ian, Peiyan, Vera, Wendy etc etc etc....

And part of me is wondering how a mere female can succeed in this industry... But maybe just maybe it will work out! Maybe...

I really hope so...

God Bless

Bad dream again...

Dreamt of something was impossible. Yet it was so good and despite it being a dream, if it was possible in real life, Id be very happy. While dreaming, my heart was hopeful while I dreamt.
But waking up and knowing its not possible... made me abit dissappointed...

Oh Well...

Some things just cant work, no matter how I might want it to. Its always a case of the heart vs the mind. Ive let my heart take the wheel tooo many times that my mind sometimes automatically takes the back seat.

Anyway this wont get me down. Im more determined to make things work for myself.

Many goals to achieve and Im worried I might lose sight of them slowly but Im gonna keep trying not to let myself get distracted! :) My deadline is 2 years....

God Bless

2nd week in Sydney as a Yr2...

This year is seemingly very scary but Im gonna hold on to God. He will give me strength and encouragement, peace and favour.

Got my Mac Book Pro today. :) Not sure how I will take to it but I know that for me to get used to programs, I have to adapt.

Been putting a hold on dance classes so far. will continue next week. :) But another part of me feels like doing singign classes too...very expensive man! But after much thinking...this is the best time to do so because I dont have family and friends to answer to or meet. This is the only MY time that I can play with.

That said, I miss communicating with people that I love....

I know that by the time I get back to SG, I will need to have become trained in alot of things... So that I can hop straight into things with skill and experience.

Also...Im gonna need to learn how to cycle in SG...

Hence I now realize how much I need to learn..or want to learn! :/ But God will bring me true. :)

God Bless!

dreams and goals...

Ive been catching up w one of my brothers and chatting to him about dreams and goals etc. After speaking to him about his, Ive sorta started thinking about mine too. In fact, being in SG and getting a chance to do things that I love..ie: singing, hosting, etc...I felt like it was possible for me to get closer to my goal..although time always choses to remind me that its catching up w me...

Being back in SYD, while I know my orientation is different, I do know that some way or another I can still achieve certain dreams..just havnt gotten my head around it...

I know what I love to do or want to know how to do..
- dance
- sing
- songwrite
- host

Dont know whether being in Sydney will help me with any of these... maybe a new env for me to write songs? Maybe a place to sing? maybe an event to host? All i know is I can go learn dance...thats one thing..

Need to give this mroe thought..hmmm

God Bless

Only because I know you wont know who Im refering to...

Sucks to be missing you. Because I know it will never be possible. I dont even know its just me liking you or whether there is anything mutual going on. And while part of me hopes that there is mutual attraction....it would hurt even more knowing I cant and I wont let it go any further.
Whatever happens, you have a place in my heart. I dont know why and I cant understand it either...but you do. Maybe u just mananged to break down the walls that I put up since long ago...
Whatever it is, Im grateful for this friendship or bond that we have. I call you a brother and u call me a sister and that is good by me. :) Coz that is as much I would ever let happen. Trust me on this.
No matter what happens, whether u end up finding the girl of your dreams and you reach your dreams, I will be there to be happy for you. :)

I guess I can say all this now...but no one really knows what they will feel in months and years to come. Maybe these feelings will wear off in months to come and I will more peace of mind... Maybe I will find someone in due time who will end all the feelings of every other person Ive loved and liked.
I hope so...

Till then, I will write my songs...I will write my songs of emotions, depressions and hopefully after emptying out those emotions, I can finally move on to happier tunes...

God Bless

sleepy and bitten

Sonal and I finished watching Dil Bole Hadippa by 12 midnight and went to sleep. Sadly, the mosquito had to plague me. Was bitten at least 3 times! So itchy!
So in conclusion, I didnt sleep much last night. Woke up for school at 4am SG time...aarrgghhhh
Sooooo sleepppyyy!

Feeling really bad that I cant spend as much time w Sonal...because of Welcome event...

Im still missing home...I miss the people..miss farmily..miss my other sisters and brothers...

Cant wait for sat and sunday to get more rest... :/

God Bless

things i really would want to say...

To someone:
Miss you. Really miss you. Its bad that I feel like I want to msg u every day. Because I know nothing will work out between us. I know because given the circumstances, I wont let it happen. But nothing stops me from having feelings for you. So unfortunatly while I do wish I could express my feelings, I cant. But I will be there for you. At least I will try to. U are such a talented person that Im in awe at times..but at hte same time, slightly jealous...grr And the bit that i like most abt u, ur such a kid...and u make me laugh. All i can say then is... oh well... still love you.

To 2 of you:
I dont know how u guys got together. whatever it is, both of you need to work it out. for my sake. let me just say that its time u guys thought of your own welfare.

To someone:
Im sorry in advance. What you saw is not really who I am. In fact I will feel bad in dissappointing you. I am the introverted girl next door who would trade heels for flip flops any day. Or letting my hair down and putting my glasses on as opposed to putting on makeup and crinkling my hair...
I am super lame...Im not prim and proper. I dont watch my words and I dont watch my ettiquette.
If ur expecting to get to know a gorgeous girl whom u can call yours and show off. Not meaning to make u sound bad... then Im not the one... And Im sorry..

To someone:
U didnt even come to say hi! U didnt even ask to meet up. Or was I being unreasonable by expecting you to contact me? No matter how long, I still do care for you. Which sucks because it hurts. I will always treat u as a brother, a friend. Evven though its hard for us to talk to each other now...hopefully some day, we would be able to sit down and talk like old best friends again. I will always love you. Thank you for making me who I am...

God Bless

Back...

Maybe because I had so much fun in SG, I miss home alot more. Thank God for my friend Sonal who kept me company through to the first day of school.
Both of us are so similar that its crazy!. Will miss her when she leaves on wed. :(

Still suffering from time zone diff :( Sooo sleepy...shit..

Still missing a bunch of people whom I have to undergo withdrawal from... sucks that i miss em so much.

God Bless

Ning

before i fly...

counting down less than 10hrs to lift off...

Im sad.

Just when ive gotten myself updated with all the happenings, I have to leave again.

But there are a few things Im happy for because of this trip...
1) be a part of Cal's wedding
2) get to practice what I learnt
3) get to host in Esplanade again
4) get to show my song and have it appreciated and recorded
5) get to catch up w students
6) get to meet my sec sch teachers
7) get to meet my family!!! esp my niece and nephews
8) get to eat bah kwa and carrot cake and kway chap etc
9) get to jam with Wan and gang
10) get to observe wicked
11) get to meet up w farmily

This trip was so fruitful that Im quite reluctant to leave... in fact I really appreciate all thats happened while Im back. Dont know if i will cry tomorrow..or rather..later today... Hope not...

Sydney is a nice place..but it doesnt feel like home to me..not yet. I do miss sonal. And I do wanna meet up with her and tell her everything...

Honestly, this trip has given me much to think about. it was at times an emotional roller coaster....

At times, it has brought out my emo side..at times, it just made me act like an excited school girl. At times it makes me feel like i could do everything/anything...at times it makes me feel useless...

Im thankful that i had time to strengthen friendships with people whom matter alot to me...pple like Janice, Wandi, Calista, Neetz, Naz etc.

K anyway I need to stop babbling :/ time to rest...

Goodnight SG. later today, i will leave you for SYD again. But as the song goes...This Is Where Id Rather Be....

God Bless

reflections for these 2 months

My holiday is coming to an end in 9 days. At Esplanade now for an event.

The past 2 months have been awesome :) I had to go back to work but it was good too because that means that I can see my student. Its an awesome feeling when they realize that Im back and come over to say hi. hugs even. Miss that feeling.

Miss my clubs too :) This time I can take a step back and be the "friend" as opposed to "officer"

While 2 months seems like a long time, it really felt like a short time. so many people I needed to meet and alot of htem I wanted to meet more than once. Like my clubs, my family, Wandi, my Farmily etc.

Also had the chance to help out in Open House, String Ensemble Concert, Capoeira Performance etc. All of which I constantly learn to improve. Thanks to people like Wandi who constantly reminds me to not be slacked... Last person I wanna piss off and upset is Wandi because I respect him too much :)

Also glad that I could meet with Farmily. Despite how Ian isnt around. It feels soo much like home to be with at least one of the brothers :) Love them to bits. And also really happy that he is happily with his gf. Love them to bits.

I glad I got this chance to meet my cousins and my nephews and nieces. Its awesome to see hte growth of hte next generation. :)

I dont know if my 1st few days back in sydney will be sad...withdrawal syndrome.. :(

Okay anyway, theres sooo much more I want to say but im at esplanade, preparing for show tonight.